Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay

During this episode with author, licensed therapist and coach, Eva Mendes, we talk about how our neurodiverse relationships can serve as a mirror to opportunities for self-discovery and personal growth. We also discuss many other important topics including:


Understanding and working on your own issues.
Nature, nurture, family of origin and personality traits.
Aligned values and life goals.
Keeping score isn't healthy. Let things go so they don't build up.
Monitor negative talk about yourself and your partner.
Remembering why you chose your partner and the importance of reconnecting.
Do positive self-talk and create a gratitude list about your partner.
Work on understanding recurring patterns so you can change them.
Have "micro-dialogues".
Understanding each other's "conversation battery".
Things to consider before you start dating or get serious.
Be the type of partner you want to attract.
Increase your self-esteem.
The importance of mutual respect, conflict resolution skills, and meeting their friends and learning about their community.
Being open and willing to get help when needed.
Being flexible and fluid.
Is it emotionally safe to talk about the things that are important to each of you.
Be true to yourself. Be willing to grow. Value yourself.

If you would like to contact Eva you can reach her at: https://www.eva-mendes.com/



Eva's books are:


Marriage and Lasting Relationships with Asperger's (Autism Spectrum Disorder). Successful Strategies for Couples or Counselors.
Gender Identity, Sexuality and Autism. Voices from Across the Spectrum
Armchair Conversations on Love and Autism: Secrets of Happy Neurodiverse Couples (will be published in Spring, 2024)



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If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", or you want to subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com


Beginning on 1/23/24, Mona Kay and Sarah Swenson are offering a 4 week interactive workshop for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners titled "I Love My Partner and Still Struggle to Imagine a Healthy Future Together". The cost is ONLY $297 and there are limited spaces available. If you are interested in joining us, please click here.


Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!


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Mona and Olga are back to talk about how challenging it can be to be our authentic selves in any relationship. They also share some of the challenges they have experienced with past and current relationships. Some of the other topics discussed include:

Not understanding ourselves, our partners, or their lived experiences.
Our perception can change our reality.
Apologizing can be so hard.
The value of asking "how can I help or support you?"
Being respectful, kind and compassionate.
Concrete, black and white thinking.
The importance of listening to "understand" your partner and if you don't understand be curious and ask questions.
Be open to changing your perspective and your mind.
How definitive decisions can result in no path back.
Maybe it's not personal.
Coming from a place of fear, because of past trauma.
How can you trust each other?
How addictions can be used to help when you don't feel like you fit in.
Alcohol may be used to be more present and serve as a social lubricant.
Focus more on fun.


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To listen to more episodes of the podcast with Mona and Olga check out Season 1 of the Neurodiverse Love podcast. If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", would like to subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!


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Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/message

During this episode Dr. Claire Bates and Dr. Monique Huysamen share some of what they learned from autistic adults about their needs and desires regarding love, sex and intimate relationships.

Some of the topics discussed include:

Information about the project participants and the study purpose.
Understanding consent.
Lack of support regarding information on physical and sexual intimacy.
Awareness of sensory needs and sensitivities.
Sensory joy.
You don't have to share a bed or a house with your intimate partner.
The challenges of neuronormative ways of flirting and dating.
Indirect and ambiguous ways of connecting.
Having frank conversations about needs and desires.
Dating services for neurodivergent adults (www.SafeSoulmates.org in the UK)
Understanding boundaries.
Having a safe space that is autistic led and informed to talk about these issues.
Having time to prepare to discuss sex and physical intimacy with mental health and healthcare providers.
The impact of alexythymia.
May need more time to discuss needs and boundaries.
Toolkits available on physical and sexual intimacy.
Policy work being done in the UK on these topics.


If you would like to learn more about the "Supporting Autistic Adults Intimate Lives" project and the resources that Monique talked about you can go to: www.autlives.com

If you would like to contact Claire her e-mail is: claire.bates@choicesupport.org.uk or you can learn more about her work at: www.supportedloving.com.uk
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If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", or you want to subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

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Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/message

Lida Far is a Gottman Sex Therapist who is licensed in 7 states and does coaching throughout the world. During this episode, Lida talks about the pre-marital counseling and coaching she does to help partners thrive in their relationships. Each partner completes the online Gottman Relationship Assessment and then Lida serves as a guide to help each partner increase self-awareness and learn more about how their relationship with the person they love can be healthy and supportive.

While some of this episode is focused on the issues couples can address prior to getting married, many of the topics discussed can apply to couples who are dating, living together or even those who have been together for many years. There is lots of important information discussed on many critical topics including:

The Gottman Relationship Assessment addresses many areas of an intimate relationship including: communication, intimacy, conflict resolution, friendship and trust.
Self awareness and understanding your wants and needs is critical.
Understanding communication patterns, social battery and when hobbies may be taking up too much time.
We all have unique strengths and value that can be celebrated.
Create an emotional safe space that is judgment free.
The importance of having "uncomfortable conversations".
Track your thoughts and feelings in writing.
Learn how to be your authentic self.
Dysregulation can lead to feeling dismissed.
Understanding our roles and what we "don't" want.
Expressing thoughts, feelings and needs.
Recognize and validate each other.
Realizing your part of the same team.
Social battery and sensory differences can impact the wedding and other family events.
What is each partner's limits?
Plan for intentional breaks.
Have "cues" to communicate needs.
Understand food preferences.
May need to do things in a non-traditional way.
Have empathy and flexibility with each other.
Understand and respect processing and thinking differences.
When we change the narrative regarding what is "actually" going on.
Hook-up culture.
Boundaries and consent.
Physical and sexual intimacy and the impact of sensory sensitivities or differences.
Desire discrepancy.
Be attuned to what makes you comfortable.

If you would like to work with Lida you can call her at 571-315-6471 or check out her website at: www.crystalcounselingandcoaching.com/
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If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com


Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!


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Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/message

In this episode with coach and trauma informed therapist Maya, we talk about how plant medicine helped heal some of Maya's past trauma and how she has used it to help neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals better understand themselves and other's in their life. In addition, she shares how plants can help heal our wounds in a way that other healing modalities may not have been able to and talks about how her plant medicine journey helped her be a better partner in her relationship with an autistic man.



PLEASE NOTE: This episode is for educational purposes only and the information shared during this episode is one person's personal and professional experience. Plant Medicine is not legal in many countries, so this information is provided as an educational resource only.



Maya also addresses some other topics including:


Plant medicine focuses on energy.
Our issues are in our tissues.
Empathogens pluck out the weeds from the roots and plant new seeds.
Plants can take us deep into our feelings without re-traumatizing us.
We can see things from a different perspective.
The importance of addressing unmet needs and core wounds.
Relationships give us an opportunity to see our "growing edges".
To be the best partner we need to face and heal our past relationship traumas.
We can learn to uncouple unmet needs from anger.
Understanding "taking space" as sacred can be helpful.
Self acceptance.
Learning how to love deeply and unconditionally.
The importance of asking ourselves "Have I lived fully, loved fully and learned to let go?"
Life is the ceremony and the plants test us.
We know an experience is complete when we can say "yes" and "thank you".
When a relationships ends we have an opportunity to look at how it has served us.
As we change a lot of things can fall away.


If you would like to contact Maya you can e-mail her at: maya@inrightrelationship.com






If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!


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Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/message

During this episode, Chris Forrest shares how her and her husband have successfully navigated through various challenges in their relationship and marriage as two neurodivergent partners (ADHD and Autism). Chris shares some of the lessons they have learned together and some of the strategies they use that have helped their relationship thrive. The topics discussed include:

Structure your life so it works with your brain.
The power of curiosity when communicating with your partner.
Being more direct.
Learning how to understand each others needs.
Understanding that you each think differently and being very open can help with keeping calm.
Be more solution focused.
Taking a pause to see what else can be considered when their are misunderstandings.
See your partner as your teammate.
Black and white thinking and communication.
Importance of clear and concise communication.
Discussing how some behaviors may be negatively impacting your relationship and working on the best way to to make changes or modifications.
The importance of practicing patience.
Understanding how lots of change may impact your partner.
Creating structure to meet each other's needs. May also want to structure conversations with an agenda so both partners understand the boundaries regarding the conversation.
Scheduling the things that are most important including household chores and time for intimacy.
Everything doesn't have to be spontaneous.
Discussing expectations and assumptions that may not be helpful or accurate.
You can choose connection or conflict.
The value of using a joint calendar.
Setting multiple alarms as reminders can be very helpful.
Sometimes sleeping in separate bedrooms may be helpful.
Work on positive connection.
How Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) may be impacting you or your partner.
Have each other's best intentions at heart.
The value and importance of making each other laugh and being playful.
Work on understanding each other and practice gratefulness and show appreciation for your partner


You can reach Chris at: info@plannerexe.com.



If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!




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Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/message