Part 1: Stop Blaming Yourself with Tamara Cooper

Dr. Rob and Tamara Cooper explore the isolating and painful blaming and shaming that betrayed partners often experience while their partners are surrounded by support. Betrayed partners often torture themselves by asking what they could have done differently to prevent their partner from acting out, and Tamara has an answer for that. Her passion for supporting betrayed partners is obvious and genuine, and she offers a glimpse into the hope and healing that can be yours if you allow it. 

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:20] A little bit about Tamara and her work with betrayal trauma.

[5:10] Normalizing betrayal is a central focus of Tamara’s work. 

[8:34] ‘I should have’... Betrayed partners have to stop wondering what they could have done differently. 

[12:05] Why can’t I stop blaming myself for my partner’s betrayal? 

[14:20] The choices that your partner makes has nothing to do with you. 

[16:51] Anger, control, and self-doubt are a dangerous combination in recovery. 

[20:40] Unhealthy and extreme behaviors in the betrayed are an attempt to make sense of something that doesn’t make sense. 

[23:31] Isolation is a painful and common side effect of betrayal. 

[27:52] An overview of Tamara’s interactions with the betrayed partners that she supports. 

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101 

Seeking Integrity

Dr. Geoff Goodman

Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment

Partner Sexuality Survey

Tamara Cooper

QUOTES:

• “After betrayal, but it’s normal to feel like you’re losing your mind.” 
• “I am carefully and slowly speaking logic into where the core belief system has been derailed.” 
• “Betrayal is a disease that doesn’t make any sense, and it’s maddening.” 
• “We are born wanting to connect with someone else, and when you are out there by yourself, if someone pulls alongside you and sticks their arm out, you hold on for dear life.”