Questions with John Hastings Dark Horse Digital

john
Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you are listening to the show in the traditional position. You're in an Adirondack chair, you're naked, and a lover has placed a napkin over your genitals so they don't get sunburned, and you're having a nice cool drink, perhaps a Sierra Mist, or if you're in Canada, an Orange Crush splash of soda water to cut. The sugary soda of the Orange Crush. That, by the way, quality fucking camping drink. Just a splash, Orange Crush, in your soda water. Woo-woo!
No one talks about using soda in the way that you would use liquor with a different mixer. In fact, that's the only time that that's good. Any of the other drinks I was just imagining, I threw, oh, let's put some Pepsi in this f*****g lemon Sierra Miss. That's a really bad red wine mixed 50 with Coca Cola, which I was shown by some Russian guys in the basement of a hostel in London in 2011 while watching the Super Bowl.
That's top notch stuff, holy shit. Like it's rot gut, like be prepared to your, like internal organs are angry at you. You didn't know that your kidneys could have emotions. I'll tell you who else has emotions. Our producer Paul, who's upset that no one has asked him to give me a question, but now we're gonna do it. All right, Paul. Hi.
Producer Paul
Oh John, what's the weirdest thing you've ever overheard in a conversation?


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john
Once again, we ride in the ether in between the stardust having espressas. Quick note, the Space Jam movie with LeBron James came out like a year or two ago. Bugs Bunny is fine. Let's see if I can forget other important moments in culture by answering our next question. Paul? Paul.
Producer Paul
John, what's the worst joke you've ever heard and can you share it with us?


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john (00:10.51)
Once again, you're sipping on a glass of port or maybe a different type of aperitif. You've finished a fine meal of suckling ham, side of chicken, still proud to say keto. I, of course, am John Hastings. We're gonna answer a question. A question will be read out by producer Paul. Producer Paul will read out that question now, I think.
Producer Paul (00:36.085)
John, if you could be a cartoon character for a day, who would you be and what mischief would you get into?


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john
I mean, but what are you trying to find out? Hi everyone, welcome to Questions with John Hastings. I'm of course, questions, just kidding, John Hastings. What is our question for today, Paul?
Producer Paul
Well John, our question for today is, if you could have any animal as a pet, mythical or not, what would you choose and why?


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john
I keep wondering what question that guy is trying to have answered by screaming, we'll never know. Ladies and gentlemen, I've got a Gatorade, you've got questions, it must be questions with John Hastings, I'm of course on Hastings! We come at you once again. I'm doing the Ember Fringe Festival right now, please buy tickets to that. And let's fire up the old question mark, the Riddler machine, the Frank Gorshin. Frank Gorshin by the way, is the original Riddler, he played Riddler in the 1967 Batman.
and was very thin and later I was told by a dishwasher in London, Ontario, smoked crack. But that guy then proceeded to tell me like eight different people smoked crack. So I'm starting to believe that I think that guy smoked crack.

on a real Gatorade tip. All right, Paul, let's get today's questiones. Questiones? Hi, Paul.
Producer Paul
Hi John. What's the silliest thing you believed as a child?


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john
Why are you trying to find out, guy who yells will never know. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome once again to Questions with John Hastings, the podcast version of that weird television program that was on at 11 o'clock on Saturday evenings that you would watch as a teenager because occasionally it showed French films, which of course had breasts in them. We of course answer a question. A question is asked.
by our producer, Paul. What's our question today? Oh.
Producer Paul
Hello John, our question today is, if you were a professional wrestler, what would your stage name be and what would be your signature move?


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