Real Raw And Uncut Wtf Is Going On Here?!?

Growing up we weren't scared. Weren't scared to meet new people, learn something new, shit we skipped stairs dangerously for fun! Getting older we start to learn and understand things more a d more at a time. In for instance, some of us got chores, some of us got actual jobs, we start to understand the more independent roles in life. For most average kids they typically get those responsibility around 8-13. Followed by puberty, bullies/haters, school sports, plays, prom and homecoming. Then the walk. The walk you get to take when you have spent the last quarter of a decade slaving over education and thoughts of the future. After that some go straight to a reputable college via scholarship or grant. See where I'm going with this. This is the life of a "Typical" "Decently functioning" DRIVEN student/child. How do they get through it all? They have a strong support system. Weather it's a whole family or just one single person. That student would not have made it all the way without SOMEONE to cheer them on. We didnt get that blue collar front yard BBQ, white picket fence growing up. The moment we was born we struggled fighting. Age 2 I fought getting my 4 front teeth surgically removed due to my mother taking opiates when she was pregnant or it was part of the genetic disease that would later ruin my beautiful smile. Or like when I was 14 in a court room wondering why not one person not one parent showed up. The Judge demanding answers from a rebellious, parentless 14 year old teen. Or what about when I sat in jail for almost 4 days because my best friend of 12 years said your name while he was dying spitting up his own blood. You ever battled in your head for years wondering could I have done it? Over the years I've allowed these negative people, negative thoughts and negative emotions to control my life. I gave pieces of me away way before they were ever ment to be given. I've allowed myself to be naive, faithful to the wrong people but most of all I believed the only way to cure your pain is to drink more. 13 to 23 alcoholic just like my father. Drunk passed out by fucking 2pm trashed. Trashy. I allowed alot of people to talk, do and treat me ways that will make you quiver. Throwing up for almost a month thinking I was doing bad dope but had a fucking mirical growing inside me already becoming an addict because I wanted to forget every single day. My life still continued to be me (with a newborn) bending backwards to make sure everyone else was good. No matter my feelings, thoughts nor were my efforts appreciated for doing ALL I can to make our little family function. Over the course of 10 years I allowed my mother to not obligate her duties as a mother, allowed pervs to get away with molesting me, kept my mouth shut so nobody would be hurt or trouble, accused of attempt in manslaughter on my life longest friend (and his whole family +more), I got married to a psycho maniac that turned into a tranny and forced me into ungodly things, to the very very worst..allowing a kid younger than me completely convince me I'm someone I'm not. 4 years of physical and mental abuse. Me just allowing it over and over and over again because I was raised without my dad and I KNEW if I didnt hold on and fight for him....he would be like dust in the wind just as he did with his first. Looking back on all these things is what makes me THE BITCH I am today. Seeing the person I allowed myself to be. Powerless, abused, accused, robbed, walked on and pushed over. I've given every single person I loved ALL of me and changed to what or whoever they abused me to be. Mental games that's been played over and over. Being through all these things in such a short period of time weakens the soul, brittles the heart but mostly it changes who you are and how you think AS A HUMAN, CHANGES YOU. Uncontrollably, unconsciously, without you even realizing it. This is why I HAD to wake up. Every single day life gives you another chance to change your path. I sp