“There’s a psychological block going on here because the death word is hanging around our head. And that deranges us and shuts our rationality off and opens up our emotions. So we think we’re thinking, but we’re not, we’re just feeling.” Joshua Slocum Executive Director, Funeral Consumers Alliance I’m excited for you to meet Joshua Slocum, the Executive Director of the Funeral Consumers Alliance (FCA), a nonprofit dedicated to education and advocacy surrounding funeral consumer rights. The Funeral Consumers Alliance exists to help people make good decisions about funerals and the tools on their website are there for you when you need them. This episode highlights some of my conversation with Josh. Below is a transcript of the conversation with even more great information about how to buy a funeral. Thanks as always to Pat Cupples and Hotels & Highways for the use of your original music. Photo: from the movie “The Big Lebowski” Free Course: "How to Host a Virtual Funeral" FULL TRANSCRIPT (Recorded on 2/22/22) Joshua Slocum, Funeral Consumers Alliance Brian Hayden, Redesigning the End Joshua: I’m Josh Slocum, I’m executive director of Funeral Consumers Alliance. We’re a nonprofit – think of us like we were the consumer reports of funerals. So we try to help people understand what their options are, what their legal rights. And how to plan a funeral. And I use that term expansively means anything that can be done with the dead body. So it could mean cremation only. It could mean body donation. When I use the term funeral, help people plan and arrangement a funeral that meets their emotional needs, but also meet their budget. Because money is one of the biggest factors that causes people dissatisfaction and funerals. And I got into the work because I used to be a newspaper reporter. And I did some research on the funeral industry a couple of decades ago for a feature story. And, and what I uncovered was so disturbing to me in terms of how consumers were mistreated and how much collusion there was between state regulators and industry lobbying bodies that. you know, I got in contact with this organization, funeral consumers Alliance, and that turned into a job. So that’s how I got here. Brian: Great. Why does the Funeral Consumers Alliance exists? What’s the role that your organization plays and, and who do you serve? Joshua: We serve the general public. Anyone who wants information, needs information on how to plan a funeral affordably. That’s what we’re here for. We try to act as a voice for consumers in public policy discussions might be legislation might be regulations that affect the well-being of grieving people in the funeral, transaction, buying cemetery, property buying funeral. Because consumers need a voice in that arena as well. And there are already industry trade associations that speak for funeral directors. So we try to speak for consumers. So an example of big picture stuff that we do, our organization was heavily involved, many decades ago in helping get passed. What’s called the funeral rule, which is a set of regulations that federal trade commission that give consumers specific rights when arranging a funeral. And today we are pressuring the Federal Trade Commission to strengthen the rule, to bring it into the 21st century. So for example, the funeral rule requires funeral homes to hand people, paper priceless so that they can see what they’re buying. First. We want the FTC to require those price lists to be published online, to meet shoppers, where they shop and the way they shop in 2022. Brian: So how should I shop for a funeral? Joshua: Well, let me take it two ways. Let me, let me give you two scenarios here. I’m going to give you the, the, my recommended best case scenario. For how, how to make it as smooth as possible. And then I’ll walk through the acute scenario where you’ve done no planning at all, or what do you do in that situation? So, what I’m about to describe is the best case scenario. Most people do not do this, they should, but they don’t. We have a hard time with arranging funerals because, on a very basic level, many Americans don’t believe they’re going to die, or if they believe it, they want to live in denial about it. and people find that a little funny. Well, we know everyone’s going to die. Yeah. I know you say that, you know that, but your actions betrayed that you don’t. I understand that psychology of people planning, funerals, and I know what lies we tell ourselves, and we tell ourselves a lot of lies. the first lie that you need to get over is the death is an optional lifestyle choice that might not be right for your family. the undertaker is going to knock on your door. The best way to do this is to have a family conversation and by family, I mean that expansively, whoever your circle is, whether it is by kin by blood or by choice. talk about what is important and meaningful to you as a group, when someone dies in terms of ritual, in terms of body disposition, whether it’s cremation, burial, anatomical donation, something different. Talk about that. At the beginning, I suggest set a reasonable budget. What here, here’s the entire trick to what I do. Everything I can tell you, you already know how to do. I’m not going to give you any new information that you don’t already know. You just don’t think you know it. So for example, people call up and say, well, I can’t afford the $8,000 that Johnson funeral home said this was going to cost, but I don’t know what. No one says, I don’t know what to do when they can’t afford the car at heritage Toyota, they don’t say, I don’t know what to do. They say I’m going to call the next car dealer and see if he has a model that fits my needs. That is within my budget. That’s, this is it’s really basic. You just got to hook up the things that you already know. There’s a psychological block going on here because the death word is hanging around our head. And that derange is us at shuts our rationality off and opens up our emotions. So we think we’re thinking, but we’re not, we’re just feeling right. Set a reasonable budget, just like you would set a budget for the amount that you can spend on a house, just like you would set a budget for the top amount. You are willing to spend on a car or on a new set of kitchen appliances or whatever, set that budget, make that budget realistic to what you can afford. Then you know what your options are going to be. If you don’t set that budget, the undertaker will set it for you and you may find yourself. Feeling guilty, feeling guilted into signing a contract that is beyond your means. we don’t want to see that happen. when you have that family conversation, I used to tell people, tell your kids what you want. I don’t say that. because I no longer believe in dictates from beyond the grave. I find it far more helpful to ask your survivors what will be meaningful and practically doable for them, because remember they will be alive, and if you want them to do things, you need to take their needs into account too. Because as much as it’s your funeral, guess what has nothing to do with you because you’re dead. You don’t know what’s going on. Other people are doing all these. And they’re experiencing grief while you are not because you’re dead. So what will be meaningful to them? Will they want to religious ceremony? Will they not want one? Will they want to viewing of the body? Will they not? How are the family’s finances set up, have that conversation when you can come to a consensus? Start your shopping around and start by knowing what your options are. We have a lot of free information@funerals.org. Under the consumer tab, it’s organized by things, categories like caskets, cremation, burials, cemetery purchases, legal rights, learn your legal rights, real basic ones. Just to remember, number one, you have the right as the customer to buy only what you want at the funeral home. There’s no such thing as a required all-inclusive package. You can buy a package, but you don’t have to, you can say yes or no to every individual item. Yes or no to embalming. Yes or no to viewing of the body. Yes or no, to a, a grave site, middle ceremony all the way through number two, all funeral homes by law. I must give you price quotes by phone. that’s a second best option. I’m going to use it in the emergency scenario, but I’m going to move away from it here because it’s not your first. Your first and best option first, see if there’s a funeral consumers Alliance, local group near you look on our website. If there is look at their website, because almost all of them have done a cost comparison survey of funeral homes in your area. So you can see who’s charging how much for simple cremation, how much is a full service traditional funeral. That can give you a real good headstart, but many of you will not be in an area where there is such a price survey. So that means you’re going to be doing this on your own. And again, it’s not magic. You’ve done it for every other major purchase. You simply start canvasing prices and services at other funeral homes, I suggest picking at least four or five within a 30 mile radius of where your. give them a call, send them an email. right now the manure only the minority of funeral homes will actually post their complete prices online. So check their site first, but don’t expect that you’re going to be able to do your, all your shot. That’s why we’re pressuring the federal government to make them do it. If you don’t find that, give him a call or send him an email, tell them that your family is, is doing funeral planning and you would like a copy of their complet
