Jennifer Finlayson-Fife: Virtue, Passion, and Owning Your Desire

In this episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife sits down with me to talk about how a patriarchal view of sex can be really damaging to your relationship (and what it is in the first place), why it's important to take ownership of our own desires and our own sexuality, helpful tips for experiencing orgasm, and how awesome sex takes lots and lots of practice. Here are some of my favorite quotes: “Women have more sexual capacity then men do.” ______ Are you prepared to be married to an equal? (for men) Are you prepared to start taking responsibility and function like an equal? (for the women) Your sexual desires and interested need to be on par with a man. Many women are in a marriage thinking, “I’m here to follow. I’m here to yield. That’s how I express my goodness.” _______ "You’re upset that he doesn’t take your sexual desires seriously, but you don’t take your sexual desires seriously." _______ “When we won’t take care of ourselves, the fantasy is that somehow we’re being selfless and that this is blessing other people’s lives. But in reality, if you won’t manage yourself, you pressure everyone else to manage you… if you don’t take a hold of yourself and live a life you respect, you’ll suck the life out of everybody around you, which is very very selfish in the name of selflessness.” _______ In sex you’re always communicating who you are. _______ “The challenge of being human is that we’re so good at self deception. We’re so good at narrating our lives in the way that makes us comfortable. We’re good, they’re bad. I did everything I could, they didn’t do anything. And in reality we’re quite clueless about who we really are. People see us more clearly than we see ourselves. We’re much more readable to people than we want to believe.” One of the reasons Marriage is a divine institution is that you have someone institutionally there to give us feedback about our blindspots. _______ The truth will set you free… but first it really sucks.