S3 Episode 14 - Self Portrait

Sue is 69 and was diagnosed autistic less than a year ago at the age of 68. Ironically, her working life was spent with autistic children and young adults; coincidence?

Probably not. 

Born in 1955, an only child to parents who had been wounded and traumatised by their experiences in WW2.

Sue was loved, but she was not the child they imagined or hoped for, with her anger, meltdowns and over-sensitivities, her school anxieties and loneliness, but autism wasn’t even a thing then.  

In 2018, when Sue’s own children were in their mid and late twenties, they suggested to her that she might be autistic - after both realising that they were autistic.

Before they could explore this further together, lockdown came and in 2020 Sue’s beautiful, talented son died of an accidental overdose.

She has no doubt his use of drugs were very much a coping strategy which went very very wrong, and wonders how many undiagnosed autistic people don’t show up on the statistics for early deaths or other misadventures. 

Sue finds herself now coming to terms with her own diagnosis, against a background of guilt and shame and grief at not having recognised it before - particularly in her own children; particularly for her son.

Looking forward, Sue is concerned for her future as she knows that recognition of autism in women of her age is still very low, and that there must be so many undiagnosed and unrecognised autistic people already in care homes and hospitals.

Hopefully well before she needs it, Sue is going to write a Self Portrait, explaining those things which will make all the difference to her own well-being. 

Sue's relationship with the natural world has been a constant and deeply regulating relationship throughout her entire life. 

And she knows she will not thrive without time in the natural world. She will not thrive if she’s forced to sit in a communal lounge with daytime tv blaring.

Sue will need there to be quiet spaces and low lighting and books and ´my’ food and no labels in her clothing and so much more. 

Sue thinks we could all be writing our own self portraits, now,  before we need them, otherwise we’re at the mercy of others to decide what would be ´good’ for us - just as we were at school.

Sue has been deeply moved, reassured and inspired by the stories on the podcast and having the opportunity to speak and share her story - our 50th episode! - with what feels like her own authentic voice, for the first time in her life, she says has been an ‘extraordinary’ experience.

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