The Hate Napkin

The Hate Napkin
  • 5.0 (3)
  • COMEDY
  • UPDATED WEEKLY
The Hate Napkin

“THE HATE NAPKIN” is a humorous, weekly podcast featuring former congressional candidate and author ARIK BJORN, and pop culture guru GARRETT KELLERHALS. Also, the crew is joined from time to time by veteran radio and social media personality CARLA FROM BURNT CORN, ALABAMA. Years ago, author Arik was sitting at the kitchen table, when he totally lost it. He started shouting all the things he hated. His roommate, Garrett, was in stitches. He recognized an opportunity to catch rage in a bottle: “Just grab a pen and start writing it all down!” So he did.

  1. 12/30/2023

    Season 1, Episode 88: You Have Reached The Heel Of The Hate Napkin

    Welcome to the Twilight Zone, but not an interesting one. A listener shares their hate for a pet that wakes them up in the middle of the night. Arik understands, as his cat likes to act like Chevy Chase with the Christmas Tree. Arik doesn't like hairballs or the sound of choking on the carpet. Carol is experiencing hot flashes, thanks to Mother Nature. It's easier than ever to identify dumb people, and it isn't based on their educational qualifications. Arik enjoys the end pieces of bread; it feels like he's pushing a bit, and Carol wonders if he's tossing salad. Paul starts to ¨submit to the bits¨ and Carol brings out her ¨cat¨. You'll be happy when you reach the butt of this episode. Perhaps it's flea season, and Arik is pushing to be the worst podcast in the history of podcasts. Paulie realizes this is just a part-time job and goes on a rant about a company that might be an educational center in Asia. Happy Labor Day, folks, and welcome to the gig economy. Part-time jobs that feel like full-time jobs are definitely put on the top of The Hate Napkin. It looks like the end of this loaf is tainted. Let's hope there's a Season Two, folks. Happy New Year 2024!

    23 min

  2. 12/27/2023

    Season 1, Episode 87: The Glory Hole Episode

    This episode starts with a proper promotion for our sponsor. Carol feels bad about the massive attention Burt Korn, Alabama has gotten from this podcast. Arik begins with bad driver's test questions. If you are getting a learner's permit, do you have to know the maximum weight of a vehicle for a commercial driver's license? The answer: who gives a Flying J? Additionally, if Lindsey Graham shows up in a crosswalk, do you speed up? Arik doesn't realize that he isn't the only one using a one exit shortcut. He uses it four times a day and doesn't understand why it is busy. We aren't sure if it's just the traffic being slow. This pause in rational thinking is brought to you by Come-And-Go. Glory Holes take over most of the rest of this episode. Arik helps his contractor understand why there are holes in the bathroom stalls. Beads as entryways to bathrooms have been added to The Hate Napkin. Arik hasn't thought enough about Glory Holes, and he believes Hollywood is avoiding the topic. Just when you think this episode couldn't get any dirtier, somehow sex with socks ends up on The Hate Napkin. Also, the college multipurpose go-to sock, and any sock not being used for its proper purpose, goes on the list. Send your ridiculous hate to info@thehatenapkin.com

    29 min

  3. 12/23/2023

    Season 1, Episode 86: Fixing The Bills And House Flippers

    Arik is all out of hate. Arik plans to lean on Carol and Paulie, who provide real estate management companies and house flippers. Carol starts with a hate letter to a doctor's office that doesn't respect their patients' time. The clinic tries to charge the patient for one missed visit. Paybacks are an itch in this punny episode of The Hate Napkin. Arik thinks people should incorporate themselves, and Carol considers incorporating her vagina since the government doesn't know how to regulate businesses. Paulie tells a similar story of how to handle an unwarranted bill. Folks, if you are in court, don't accidentally discuss your court strategy next to the plaintiff. Arik studied archeology and is tired of people referring to dinosaur stories. Arik dug hard for that one, but it will land in a few hundred years when they find a USB of this podcast under some bones near an abandoned truck stop in the year 2057. Carol goes off on trendy house flippers. They put lipstick on a pig and then call a contractor back about work the previous seller wouldn't let them do in the first place. Arik wraps it all up with people who identify themselves with one niche thing, "Hey, my name is Bill, and I have six toes. Did you know the incidence of polydactyly is 2.3 per 1000 in white males, 13.5 per 1000 in black males, and 0.6 per 1000 in white females and 11.1 per 1000 in black females?" "That's great, Bill. Now, why do you want to replace Carla's position at the Burt Korn Dairy Queen?" Send things you hate to info@thehatenapkin.com

    33 min

  4. 12/19/2023

    Season 1, Episode 85: Getting To Know Arik, A Greek Stealing Sexton

    Carol speaking and fielding questions from the THN crew was so much fun. Arik broke out the hot sauce and let us give it to him. Arik shared the birth of The Hate Napkin, his first girlfriend experience, and his propensity to steal from the self-checkout. He told us how he gets wood, and no one seems to want to look at it or scan it. He never stole as a child and the hot sauce defense is a new one that we may see again in a future presidential administration. Arik also shared the time he lost an arm wrestling match or "let the man win" and claims it was because he was going to shit himself. As a young student, he admitted to cheating once on his self-graded homework, but his teachers didn't believe him. Carol did her older brother's homework and, of course, was the one who got in trouble. It appears cheating has become more formalized in education, and there is no need to learn civics when cheating is ingrained. Arik then shared his experience as a sexton, being the caretaker of the church, and what an awkward walk of shame it was. He welcomes everyone into his holy places with open arms as long as the lights are on. Golden Corral and chain buffets could have their own special, but Paulie doesn't know when to let Arik end the show. Riots at Golden Corral show that people in America are way too on edge. Relax, folks, and get your angst out with things you hate at info@thehatenapkin.com.

    36 min

  5. 12/16/2023

    Season 1, Episode 84: Human Resources Should Be Human Remains (In Memory of Aunt Gene)

    Carol from Kansas City shares some priceless family stories, including her superhero origin story. It involves her mom sitting on a convertible in a poodle shirt and saddle shoes, smoking a cigarette, and her dearly departed Aunt Gene immediately becoming the favorite daughter-in-law. Paulie goes first and talks about his dislike for inexperienced workers in charge of gatekeeping and hiring in Human Resources. He questions how someone with no life experience or work experience can determine whether or not you get to meet the hiring manager. Carol agrees that those who are unqualified for work often end up in HR. Arik has an American African friend and needed to let everyone know. Also, he can be a white savior to help her get past the completely racist state of South Carolina. And, he is probably right. It is one f****d up state. Paulie adds that teaching experience seems to be seen as a liability in any HR department worldwide. Carol then wonders why some customers don't understand why contractors can't work in the rain. She explains that if the roof comes off, you'll get wet. This leads Arik to discuss property management companies and their lack of knowledge in differentiating between squirrel holes, raccoon holes, and glory holes. He mentions a certain inspector named Billy Bob who may be related to either the animals or the property management company. Ultimately, no one should give a rats ass about the topics discussed on The Hate Napkin podcast.

    34 min

  6. 12/12/2023

    Season 1, Episode 83: This Show Is Past Its Expiration Date

    Carol from Kansas City is renovating her home to make life easier for the THN home office, but the sliding glass door won't stop the host from jumping in. Paulie rants about expiration dates, from cigarettes to condoms, and the entire THN crew has something personal to add. Arik's OCD mom doesn't know that Arik has been using sharpies to change expiration dates on everything from ranch dressing to black olives, or else his mom will throw the food out. Medical cabinets are sacred, but it doesn't stop all of us from looking in them. Carol's mom had Alzheimer's, so the expired blue cheese dressing may contain nails. Arik beats around the bush about an incident at the gym involving a sword fight. He tries to be more inclusive in his hate and suggests that no one engage in public sex. In the spirit of equality, Paulie invites the entire BLT community to use mixed gym locker.

    21 min

  7. 12/08/2023

    Season 1, Episode 82: Someone Painted My House, National Anthems, and Don't Open My Fridge

    We are back from a little break, and Paulie forgot to put the show in gallery view, so a lack of visual cues brings Arik and Paul's interruptions to the top of their game. Carla starts us off with an incredible letter about a neighbor who had a problem with their yellow house. In this neighbor's absence, the house was painted gray while they were away, and now they will all end up in court. It is a whole lot of crazy. Christmas is coming, but if you have a weird neighbor, the lights have been up since July. Carla has nothing but good neighbors, but her boss is always raiding her fridge. Arik has a rant against all national anthems and wonders why we start every sporting event with a terrible song. What does the whole country have to do with a 7th-grade wrestling match? Why don't we also start festivals or every concert with such nonsense? The Toronto Gay Men's Choir gets us all into the penalty box. Culture wars should have already been on the napkin, and this is why we don't do religion or politics. Carla almost put Arik and Paul on the napkin, but 'tis the season to end it nice with a red Corvette for the boss.

    22 min

  8. 12/04/2023

    Season 1, Episode 81: Carla Speaks, Comes Clean, And Billie Eilish Releases Her Fragrance

    This episode focuses on Carla from Burt Korn, who reveals that she is not who she appears to be. While it was intended to be an episode about Carla being Carol, Arik and Paul mistakenly think they are on an 80s episode of the Stern Show. Carol handles the situation gracefully, mentioning her past success on a podcast. She comes clean and shares her favorite curse words, color, and preferred drug from her younger days. Somehow, this segues into a discussion about tampons or pads, and Carol demonstrates the power of silence. We also learn more about our co-host, Arik, who carries Andy's Mint wrappers in case of an unexpected shart. Carla has wisdom to share, she has been in a committed relationship with the same farmer for 24 years, as they have separate homes and lives. Amidst the attention-seeking antics of two middle-aged men, Carla finally gets a chance to speak. There isn't much to hate this episode, other than individuals who are loud and wrong, and maybe cabinet door corners and sandals with socks.

    30 min
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About

“THE HATE NAPKIN” is a humorous, weekly podcast featuring former congressional candidate and author ARIK BJORN, and pop culture guru GARRETT KELLERHALS. Also, the crew is joined from time to time by veteran radio and social media personality CARLA FROM BURNT CORN, ALABAMA. Years ago, author Arik was sitting at the kitchen table, when he totally lost it. He started shouting all the things he hated. His roommate, Garrett, was in stitches. He recognized an opportunity to catch rage in a bottle: “Just grab a pen and start writing it all down!” So he did.

Information

  • Creator
    The Hate Napkin
  • Years Active
    2021 - 2023
  • Episodes
    88
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © The Hate Napkin
  • Show Website
    The Hate Napkin

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