Solving A Marriage Crisis with Howard Dayton

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” - Proverbs 15:1

That verse reminds us to keep a cool head when we experience conflict or crisis in a relationship—and maybe even more…when that crisis involves the marriage relationship. Howard Dayton joins us today to talk about surviving a marriage crisis.

Howard Dayton is the founder of Compass Financial Ministry and the former host of this program. He is also the author of several books on Christian Finance and Stewardship, including Money and Marriage God's Way.

Recognizing the Warning Signs of a Marital Crisis

Marriage challenges can emerge when stress or unresolved conflicts grow too intense for a couple to manage. Financial struggles, in particular, often go beyond “dollars and cents” and can breed emotions like anger, resentment, and frustration. This strain can lead to poor communication or even emotional withdrawal. A financial crisis in marriage becomes incredibly complex when both partners contribute to it, eroding trust in the relationship.

People handle crises differently; some respond with intense emotions, while others may withdraw and become more introspective. Howard emphasizes the importance of allowing each spouse to process the situation in their own way while offering mutual support. In times of difficulty, a marriage can either strengthen or weaken. Interestingly, the pain of a crisis can also spark positive change, prompting impulsive spenders to become more mindful or encouraging couples to deepen their relationship with Christ.

Practical Steps to Work Through Marital Conflict

To support couples facing a financial crisis, here are a few practical steps to guide healing:

1. Pray Together for Wisdom—Begin by asking for God’s guidance and wisdom.
2. Set Ground Rules for Communication—Agree on respectful ways to handle conflicts, including the option for a “time-out” to cool down and pray together if emotions escalate.
3. Use Kind Words—Avoid hurtful language, as it can cause lasting damage.
4. Write Letters to Each Other—Sometimes, writing down feelings can help clarify issues. Afterward, meet to discuss these letters, pray, and address the issues raised.
5. Identify and Repent of Any Sins—Acknowledge any harmful behaviors, such as addiction, and take steps toward repentance and recovery.
6. Seek the Source of the Hurt—Ask God to reveal the underlying sources of pain and disconnect.
7. Work to Rebuild the Marriage—Each spouse should find someone to hold them accountable as they make better choices.

Seeking Outside Help When Needed

If these steps don’t resolve the crisis, it may be time to seek outside help. A qualified, mature Christian counselor can offer valuable guidance when a couple is unable to work through challenges on their own. Of course, there are situations where divorce may occur due to abuse, adultery, or addiction; however, many marital issues can be overcome with commitment from both partners.

The goal of financial unity in marriage is to make decisions together, listen to each other, and view finances as a shared resource. This oneness fosters trust, transparency, and partnership in every area of life.

For more on this topic, check out Howard Dayton’s book, Money and Marriage God’s Way, which delves deeper into building a unified financial and marital life.

On Today’s Program, Rob Answers Listener Questions:

• I have cancer and will likely pass away soon. My husband and I have separate finances due