572 episodes

Parent-teen researcher Andy Earle talks with various experts about the art and science of parenting teenagers. Find more at www.talkingtoteens.com

Talking To Teens: Expert Tips for Parenting Teenagers The Members-Only Podcast

    • Kids & Family
    • 4.4 • 171 Ratings

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Parent-teen researcher Andy Earle talks with various experts about the art and science of parenting teenagers. Find more at www.talkingtoteens.com

Listen on Apple Podcasts
Requires subscription and macOS 11.4 or higher

    Ep 290: How to Be an Ally to Your LGBTQ Child

    Ep 290: How to Be an Ally to Your LGBTQ Child

    Heather Hester, author of Parenting with Pride, joins us to discuss the essential do's and don'ts for parents when their teenager comes out as LGBTQ, offering practical advice on supportive communication, unlearning biases, and addressing mental health and substance use concerns.

    If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! 
    Full Show Notes
    Every parent wishes to be a source of unwavering support and love for their children. However, when a teenager comes out as LGBTQ, many parents find themselves unprepared and anxious about how to respond appropriately. Initial reactions can be critical, as negative responses may have lasting repercussions on the teen's mental health and self-esteem.
    Introducing Heather Hester
    Our guest today is Heather Hester, founder of Chrysalis Mama and the host of the podcast Just Breathe. Heather is also the author of the newly released book, Parenting with Pride: Unlearn Bias and Embrace, Empower, and Love Your LGBTQ+ Teen.
    With years of experience providing guidance and education to parents and allies of LGBTQ young adults, Heather is here to help us understand how to navigate this sensitive yet profoundly important process of supporting our LGBTQ teens.
    Why Initial Reactions Matter
    Coming out is usually the culmination of a long and often painful period of internal conflict for teens. Heather explains that parents must recognize this journey and approach their teen's coming out with an emphatic and supportive response. Contrary to instinctive reactions like "Are you sure?", which can undermine a teen's confidence, parents should focus on affirmations such as "I love you," "Thank you for telling me," and "I've got you."
    Heather shares that parents often inadvertently project their own fears and biases into the conversation, which can be damaging. Instead, she advises parents to work through their own uncertainties separately and to avoid placing these burdens on their child.
    Understanding the Process and Stages of Coming Out
    It's a common misconception that coming out is a single event. Heather clarifies that it’s a process composed of several stages, ranging from internal acknowledgment to public declaration and ongoing self-acceptance. By the time teens come out to their parents, they have typically already gone through significant internal struggles and are well past the initial phases of questioning and doubt.
    Recognizing this can help parents offer more meaningful support and understand the continued journey that lies ahead for their teen. This perspective also highlights the importance of ongoing support, as coming out is a recurring event each time a teen enters a new environment, such as changing schools or starting a new job.
    Different Identities and Orientations
    Heather also emphasizes the importance of understanding the diverse range of identities within the LGBTQ spectrum. These include not just lesbian, gay, and bisexual orientations, but also gender identities like transgender and non-binary, as well as terms like intersex and asexual. She encourages parents to ask open-ended questions like, "What does that mean to you?" to foster a supportive and educational conversation.
    Addressing Mental Health and Substance Use
    Statistics show that LGBTQ teens are at a higher risk for mental health issues and substance use due to societal pressures, bullying, and a lack of affirmation. Heather explains the importance of proactive dialogue about these issues and remaining vigilant for changes in behavior. It's essential for parents to provide a safe and accepting home environment while also being prepared to seek professional help if needed.
    Emphasizing Present Acceptance
    One of the most impactful ways parents can support their LGBTQ teen is by expressing unconditional love and acceptance for who they are right now. Often, in an attempt to be encouraging, parents may focus on their child's future potential, inadvertentl

    • 21 min
    Ep 290 [EXTENDED CUT]: How to Be an Ally to Your LGBTQ Child

    Ep 290 [EXTENDED CUT]: How to Be an Ally to Your LGBTQ Child

    Heather Hester, author of Parenting with Pride, joins us to discuss the essential do's and don'ts for parents when their teenager comes out as LGBTQ, offering practical advice on supportive communication, unlearning biases, and addressing mental health and substance use concerns.

    Every parent wishes to be a source of unwavering support and love for their children. However, when a teenager comes out as LGBTQ, many parents find themselves unprepared and anxious about how to respond appropriately. Initial reactions can be critical, as negative responses may have lasting repercussions on the teen's mental health and self-esteem.

    Introducing Heather Hester

    Our guest today is Heather Hester, founder of Chrysalis Mama and the host of the podcast Just Breathe. Heather is also the author of the newly released book, Parenting with Pride: Unlearn Bias and Embrace, Empower, and Love Your LGBTQ+ Teen.

    With years of experience providing guidance and education to parents and allies of LGBTQ young adults, Heather is here to help us understand how to navigate this sensitive yet profoundly important process of supporting our LGBTQ teens.

    Why Initial Reactions Matter

    Coming out is usually the culmination of a long and often painful period of internal conflict for teens. Heather explains that parents must recognize this journey and approach their teen's coming out with an emphatic and supportive response. Contrary to instinctive reactions like "Are you sure?", which can undermine a teen's confidence, parents should focus on affirmations such as "I love you," "Thank you for telling me," and "I've got you."

    Heather shares that parents often inadvertently project their own fears and biases into the conversation, which can be damaging. Instead, she advises parents to work through their own uncertainties separately and to avoid placing these burdens on their child.

    Understanding the Process and Stages of Coming Out

    It's a common misconception that coming out is a single event. Heather clarifies that it’s a process composed of several stages, ranging from internal acknowledgment to public declaration and ongoing self-acceptance. By the time teens come out to their parents, they have typically already gone through significant internal struggles and are well past the initial phases of questioning and doubt.

    Recognizing this can help parents offer more meaningful support and understand the continued journey that lies ahead for their teen. This perspective also highlights the importance of ongoing support, as coming out is a recurring event each time a teen enters a new environment, such as changing schools or starting a new job.

    Different Identities and Orientations

    Heather also emphasizes the importance of understanding the diverse range of identities within the LGBTQ spectrum. These include not just lesbian, gay, and bisexual orientations, but also gender identities like transgender and non-binary, as well as terms like intersex and asexual. She encourages parents to ask open-ended questions like, "What does that mean to you?" to foster a supportive and educational conversation.

    Addressing Mental Health and Substance Use

    Statistics show that LGBTQ teens are at a higher risk for mental health issues and substance use due to societal pressures, bullying, and a lack of affirmation. Heather explains the importance of proactive dialogue about these issues and remaining vigilant for changes in behavior. It's essential for parents to provide a safe and accepting home environment while also being prepared to seek professional help if needed.

    Emphasizing Present Acceptance

    One of the most impactful ways parents can support their LGBTQ teen is by expressing unconditional love and acceptance for who they are right now. Often, in an attempt to be encouraging, parents may focus on their child's future potential, inadvertently sending the message that who they are currently is not enough. Heather advises celebrating the teen's current strengths a

    Ep 289: The Art of Detecting Teen B.S.

    Ep 289: The Art of Detecting Teen B.S.

    John Petrocelli, author of The Life Changing Science of Detecting Bullshit, explains how parents can identify when their teens are bullshitting and how to raise teens who critically evaluate the information they encounter.

    If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! 
    Full Show Notes
    As teenagers grow and seek more independence, they can sometimes wield sophisticated tactics to avoid responsibility or twist the truth to their advantage. This behavior, often dubbed “bullshitting,” can make the challenging task of parenting even more complex. But how can parents distinguish between harmless exaggerations, outright lies, and simple b******t?
    In today’s fast-paced and information-saturated world, parents must not only navigate their teen's emerging independence but also teach them to identify and resist b******t from other sources. Teens today are bombarded with information from social media, peers, and other influences, making it crucial for them to develop robust critical thinking skills. But how can we ensure that they are equipped to navigate this complex landscape effectively?
    Enter John Petrocelli, author of The Life Changing Science of Detecting Bullshit. John is not just a researcher but an expert who has delved deeply into the concept of b******t, differentiating it from lying and studying its impacts on individuals and society. With over a decade of empirical research under his belt, John’s work provides invaluable insights into how parents can better detect bullshit and teach their teens to be critical thinkers.
    Understanding B******t
    John introduces us to the nuances that differentiate bullshitting from lying. While both bullshitting and lying involve deception, the bullshitter often doesn't care about the truth—they aim to sound knowledgeable or impressive irrespective of the facts. This indifference towards the truth can have severe implications, influencing our beliefs, memories, and critical decisions.
    John shares fascinating findings from his research, including how people are more prone to b******t when they believe their audience lacks expertise or won’t scrutinize their claims. This is where parents can start: by fostering an environment where claims are questioned and critical thinking is actively encouraged.
    Why Bullshit Matters
    Many parents might underestimate the significance of their teen’s bullshit, thinking it’s benign or non-malicious. However, John highlights how unchecked b******t can cloud judgment, lead to poor decision-making, and have lasting negative impacts. It’s essential for parents to stay vigilant and model skepticism, not to erode trust, but to nurture an atmosphere where truth and logical evaluation are paramount.
    Teaching Critical Thinking
    In the episode, John shares actionable tips for parents to encourage their teens to become critical thinkers: 
    Ask Questions: Encourage teens to think through claims by asking them, “Is that true?” or “Why might that be incorrect?” Model Skepticism: Show by example how to question information and sources without being cynical. Create a Safe Space: Allow your teen to discuss their ideas and beliefs openly, ensuring they understand it’s okay to be wrong as long as they’re committed to finding the truth. John also emphasizes the importance of teaching teens to recognize their own susceptibilities to b******t, which can come from a desire to fit in, sound knowledgeable, or alleviate awkwardness. By making critical thinking a fun and engaging activity, parents can help teens sharpen their bullshit detection skills without feeling attacked or dismissed.
    Tackling External B******t 
    Teens today are also vulnerable to external bullshit from influencers, social media, and even certain educational resources. John encourages parents to: 
    Discuss Case Studies: Go through dubious claims seen on social media together and break down why they might be misl

    • 21 min
    Ep 289 [EXTENDED CUT]: The Art of Detecting Teen B.S.

    Ep 289 [EXTENDED CUT]: The Art of Detecting Teen B.S.

    John Petrocelli, author of The Life Changing Science of Detecting Bullshit, explains how parents can identify when their teens are bullshitting and how to raise teens who critically evaluate the information they encounter.

    As teenagers grow and seek more independence, they can sometimes wield sophisticated tactics to avoid responsibility or twist the truth to their advantage. This behavior, often dubbed “bullshitting,” can make the challenging task of parenting even more complex. But how can parents distinguish between harmless exaggerations, outright lies, and simple bullshit?

    In today’s fast-paced and information-saturated world, parents must not only navigate their teen's emerging independence but also teach them to identify and resist b******t from other sources. Teens today are bombarded with information from social media, peers, and other influences, making it crucial for them to develop robust critical thinking skills. But how can we ensure that they are equipped to navigate this complex landscape effectively?

    Enter John Petrocelli, author of The Life Changing Science of Detecting B******t. John is not just a researcher but an expert who has delved deeply into the concept of bullshit, differentiating it from lying and studying its impacts on individuals and society. With over a decade of empirical research under his belt, John’s work provides invaluable insights into how parents can better detect b******t and teach their teens to be critical thinkers.

    Understanding B******t

    John introduces us to the nuances that differentiate bullshitting from lying. While both bullshitting and lying involve deception, the bullshitter often doesn't care about the truth—they aim to sound knowledgeable or impressive irrespective of the facts. This indifference towards the truth can have severe implications, influencing our beliefs, memories, and critical decisions.

    John shares fascinating findings from his research, including how people are more prone to b******t when they believe their audience lacks expertise or won’t scrutinize their claims. This is where parents can start: by fostering an environment where claims are questioned and critical thinking is actively encouraged.

    Why B******t Matters

    Many parents might underestimate the significance of their teen’s bullshit, thinking it’s benign or non-malicious. However, John highlights how unchecked b******t can cloud judgment, lead to poor decision-making, and have lasting negative impacts. It’s essential for parents to stay vigilant and model skepticism, not to erode trust, but to nurture an atmosphere where truth and logical evaluation are paramount.

    Teaching Critical Thinking

    In the episode, John shares actionable tips for parents to encourage their teens to become critical thinkers:
    * Ask Questions: Encourage teens to think through claims by asking them, “Is that true?” or “Why might that be incorrect?”
    * Model Skepticism: Show by example how to question information and sources without being cynical.
    * Create a Safe Space: Allow your teen to discuss their ideas and beliefs openly, ensuring they understand it’s okay to be wrong as long as they’re committed to finding the truth.

    John also emphasizes the importance of teaching teens to recognize their own susceptibilities to b******t, which can come from a desire to fit in, sound knowledgeable, or alleviate awkwardness. By making critical thinking a fun and engaging activity, parents can help teens sharpen their bullshit detection skills without feeling attacked or dismissed.

    Tackling External Bullshit

    Teens today are also vulnerable to external b******t from influencers, social media, and even certain educational resources. John encourages parents to:
    * Discuss Case Studies: Go through dubious claims seen on social media together and break down why they might be misleading or false.
    * Encourage Fact-Checking: Teach teens how to verify facts, check sources, and look for credible evidence befo

    Ep 288: The Balance of Power in Parent-Teen Relationships

    Ep 288: The Balance of Power in Parent-Teen Relationships

    Tiziana Casciaro, author of Power For All, joins us to explore the intricate power dynamics between parents and their teenage children, shedding light on effective strategies for sharing power, preventing power abuse, and empowering teens to make constructive choices in their lives and communities.

    If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! 
    Full Show Notes
    Raising teenagers presents a unique challenge in the realm of power dynamics. As children enter their teenage years, the once clear-cut power balance between parent and child begins to shift. Teens seek more independence, making decisions that parents may not always agree with, and sometimes even rebelling against parental authority. This shift can lead to frustration, misunderstandings, and power struggles within the family.
    This week on Talking to Teens, we dive deep into the world of power dynamics between parents and teenagers with Tiziana Casciaro, a professor of organizational behavior at the University of Toronto and co-author of the insightful book *Power For All*. Her extensive research and work provide a profound understanding of how power functions and can be used positively within relationships, making her the perfect guide for parents navigating these turbulent waters.
    The Essence of Power in Parent-Teen Relationships
    Tiziana breaks down power as simply the ability to influence others' behavior and explains how this concept applies universally—from the teen wishing to gain more freedom to the parent hoping to guide their child towards certain behaviors. Power dynamics within the family evolve as teens grow, seeking validation and influence beyond their parents, which can dilute the parents' direct influence over them.
    Empowering Versus Controlling
    One key to maintaining a healthy relationship with your teenager is understanding the difference between exercising power over them and empowering them to make their own decisions. Tiziana discusses how sharing power and responsibility with teens can lead to mutual respect and better decision-making. By recognizing and validating their growing need for independence and control over their own lives, parents can foster a relationship based on trust and shared goals rather than on authority and rebellion.
    The Impact of Power on Relationships and Identity
    Tiziana illuminates how power can change people, often leading to overconfidence or inattentiveness to others' needs and desires. This phenomenon applies to both parents and teens as they navigate their changing relationship. Parents must balance their authoritative role with their child's growing need for autonomy, while teens must manage their newfound power without completely rejecting parental guidance.
    Educating Teens on the Use and Abuse of Power
    An essential part of parenting is teaching teens about the implications of power in wider societal contexts, including the importance of democracy, collective action, and moral responsibility. Encouraging teens to critically evaluate the leaders and influencers they choose to follow can empower them to contribute positively to society.
    Strategies for Positive Power Dynamics
    The episode concludes with practical advice for parents on fostering positive and productive power dynamics within their family. By understanding what their teens value and strive for, parents can position themselves as allies in their teenagers' pursuit of happiness, security, and self-esteem.
    Additional Topics Covered:
    - Identifying and supplying what teenagers value as a strategy for shared power.- The role of democracy and collective action in teaching teens about power.- The dangers of unchecked power and the importance of accountability.- Encouraging teens to voice their opinions constructively, even in disagreement.- Real-life examples of power dynamics reshaping family relationships for the better.
    Listening to this episode will provide parents, educators, and an

    • 25 min
    Ep 288 [EXTENDED CUT]: The Balance of Power in Parent-Teen Relationships

    Ep 288 [EXTENDED CUT]: The Balance of Power in Parent-Teen Relationships

    Tiziana Casciaro, author of Power For All, joins us to explore the intricate power dynamics between parents and their teenage children, shedding light on effective strategies for sharing power, preventing power abuse, and empowering teens to make constructive choices in their lives and communities.

    Raising teenagers presents a unique challenge in the realm of power dynamics. As children enter their teenage years, the once clear-cut power balance between parent and child begins to shift. Teens seek more independence, making decisions that parents may not always agree with, and sometimes even rebelling against parental authority. This shift can lead to frustration, misunderstandings, and power struggles within the family.

    This week on Talking to Teens, we dive deep into the world of power dynamics between parents and teenagers with Tiziana Casciaro, a professor of organizational behavior at the University of Toronto and co-author of the insightful book *Power For All*. Her extensive research and work provide a profound understanding of how power functions and can be used positively within relationships, making her the perfect guide for parents navigating these turbulent waters.

    The Essence of Power in Parent-Teen Relationships

    Tiziana breaks down power as simply the ability to influence others' behavior and explains how this concept applies universally—from the teen wishing to gain more freedom to the parent hoping to guide their child towards certain behaviors. Power dynamics within the family evolve as teens grow, seeking validation and influence beyond their parents, which can dilute the parents' direct influence over them.

    Empowering Versus Controlling

    One key to maintaining a healthy relationship with your teenager is understanding the difference between exercising power over them and empowering them to make their own decisions. Tiziana discusses how sharing power and responsibility with teens can lead to mutual respect and better decision-making. By recognizing and validating their growing need for independence and control over their own lives, parents can foster a relationship based on trust and shared goals rather than on authority and rebellion.

    The Impact of Power on Relationships and Identity

    Tiziana illuminates how power can change people, often leading to overconfidence or inattentiveness to others' needs and desires. This phenomenon applies to both parents and teens as they navigate their changing relationship. Parents must balance their authoritative role with their child's growing need for autonomy, while teens must manage their newfound power without completely rejecting parental guidance.

    Educating Teens on the Use and Abuse of Power

    An essential part of parenting is teaching teens about the implications of power in wider societal contexts, including the importance of democracy, collective action, and moral responsibility. Encouraging teens to critically evaluate the leaders and influencers they choose to follow can empower them to contribute positively to society.

    Strategies for Positive Power Dynamics

    The episode concludes with practical advice for parents on fostering positive and productive power dynamics within their family. By understanding what their teens value and strive for, parents can position themselves as allies in their teenagers' pursuit of happiness, security, and self-esteem.

    Additional Topics Covered:

    - Identifying and supplying what teenagers value as a strategy for shared power.
    - The role of democracy and collective action in teaching teens about power.
    - The dangers of unchecked power and the importance of accountability.
    - Encouraging teens to voice their opinions constructively, even in disagreement.
    - Real-life examples of power dynamics reshaping family relationships for the better.

    Listening to this episode will provide parents, educators, and anyone involved in a teenager's life with a deeper understanding of how to navigate and negotiate power dynamics for...

Customer Reviews

4.4 out of 5
171 Ratings

171 Ratings

S9Gwolf ,

Great stuff but….

Love the podcast and you tackle great issues. From a place of gratitude and constructive feedback, I find all your “ahs” and “mmm’s” as the guest is speaking to be quite distracting. Some of your comments are valuable and Of course elucidating followup questions are super valuable. But the noise for noise’s sake makes it hard to stay focused on what the speaker is saying.

eliz4004mom ,

So helpful

Thank you so much for putting so much thought into this show. It has helped my family so much. We’ve replayed so many episodes that explained exactly what we were going through at the time with regards to raising our teen. I highly recommend this podcast to parents of teens. Even if you don’t have challenges at this moment, this podcast will surprise you with how many experts and resources there are available. It’s given us a lot of hope and also help us feel like we’re not the only ones going through this :) Thank you again!!

Michelle B Chang ,

Exactly what I need heading into the teen years

Every speaker is top notch and totally relatable. The pace of the conversation is just right for me, it allows me to think between statements and reflect on my own experience. I really appreciate this podcast. Thank you!

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