The Adults Aren't Alright Ashley White

First of all, thank you so much for listening to (at least some) of season 1! Launching this podcast has been a huge labor of love + dream of mine for years now. I appreciate each and every one of you who tuned in, shared, liked, commented, and subscribed! Truly, it means the world.
Today's episode: leaving your job is a very scary thing- but so is resigning yourself to staying stuck, stunted, and miserable in a job that isn’t treating you the way you should be treated or no longer aligns with who you are.
I recently left my job of nearly 15 years and it was terrifying. There are several reasons I stayed for as long as I did, but a few of the reasons I stayed too long were because I didn't think I was good/smart/capable enough to get a better job anywhere else (imposter! syndrome!) and I was also dealing with this lingering gratitude for an organization who gave me a real job out of college during a recession. 
I unpack that and measure it against the perfection paralysis theory, aka the feeling that keeps you stuck wherever you are because you aren't yet perfect at the thing you want to try. Whether it's leaving a job, running a marathon, or starting your own business, the fear of "oh, I could never do that" and "But I'm not good at x or y" keeps us playing small.
In this episode:

Imposter syndrome as it relates to staying at a job too long because you're terrified no one else will hire you
The constant feeling of "being discovered" that you're not smart/good/capable enough re: career
Perfection paralysis and how it keeps us from doing things/making moves 
Stepping through the perfection paralysis and finding yourself in a career you enjoy at an organization that values you
How perfection paralysis can negatively impact not only our own personal happiness but our abilities to be good friends, allies, etc.

Follow The Adults Podcast + Ashley:
IG: @theadultspodcast | @ashrockchalk
Twitter: @ashley_white
theadultspodcast.com | lestylorouge.com

It’s time to give up, fellow 30-somethings. But not in the way you think. This episode is all about letting go of what we can’t control and facing that fear of being left behind in the pop culture zeitgeist head-on.

In this episode:


Seeing things from our adolescence (low-rise jeans!) come back in fashion and feeling vaguely attacked
The vibe shift article from The Cut and how it’s predicting an impending pop culture pivot
How there’s no real need to fight Gen Z over denim styles; fashion is and always will be cyclical
The younger generation is supposed to do this; it’s the natural order of things
Revisiting cheugy
Exploring why Millennials err on the sensitive side
Leaning into being more self-assured and wise (yes! Even though we don’t feel like it!) than our younger counterparts

Show notes + links:


A Vibe Shift Is Coming: Will any of us survive it?

Follow The Adults Podcast + Ashley:

IG: @theadultspodcast | @ashrockchalk
Twitter: @ashley_white
theadultspodcast.com | lestylorouge.com

There has always been immense pressure for moms to "do it all," but that means something different now with the fishbowl lens social media brings. 

Today I’m sitting down with my best friend of 20+ years, Lauren Alquist, as she shares her story and experience of becoming a mother, balancing her life and identity, why she chooses to work— and how it makes her a better mom.

In this episode:


The pressures moms of all styles (stay-at-home, working) face today
How to integrate becoming a mom and giving your kids your all— while maintaining your own identity
Parenting children with completely different personalities, finding tidbits of your own personality in your kids and the full-circle moment that brings, and how being a good mom to your kids doesn't = being their friend
How putting yourself first in terms of health not only helps you (which is actually most! important!), it also serves the needs of your family

Timestamps:


10:45 Parenting two children with completely different personalities: one regimented and one completely free-spirited
16:30 Our relationships with our siblings and how we totally (lovingly) hazed my sister as a freshman in high school
24:09 The rise of Facebook in college and how every time we went out it was a 30-photo FB album event
27:30 How Lauren found her own style of being a mom and how she integrated that with having a job she loves; not sacrificing her entire identity in being a mother when society expects it
50:08 How different it is today in having children and knowing the sex vs. knowing the gender; navigating "boy mom" and "girl mom" readiness while experiencing the fear and joy of impending motherhood- it's not one or the other. 
57:00 The "life-altering love" people say happens at birth; it doesn't actually for everyone and it's not a bad thing if it doesn't happen for you
1:06:00 The pressure to bounce back to "pre-baby weight" and the lack of respect we have for women’s bodies always, but especially during and after pregnancy, all stemming from the very narrow acceptable range of what a woman’s body can look like at any given time
1:17:30 The mommy influencer scene and how inauthentic it can feel
1:23:52 How Lauren navigated not feeling good in her body and taking steps to feel better while still presenting a healthy body image to her girls

Follow Lauren:


@laurenalquist 

Follow The Adults Podcast + Ashley:

IG: @theadultspodcast | @ashrockchalk

Twitter: @ashley_white 

theadultspodcast.com | lestylorouge.com

*This episode was recorded in 2021

More and more Millennial women are opting to either delay becoming mothers or choosing not to have children altogether. Why? Sabrina Osborn is back and we dig into just that in this episode. 

We also confront the deeply-rooted societal belief that a woman “isn’t successful” or “doesn’t know real love” until she’s a mom- a trash take that we take where it belongs: to the dumpster.

In this episode:


Choosing to be childless today
The things we have heard (or people have said!) to us re: the choice not to have children
Why more and more women (and couples in general) are choosing to remain childless
The gender pay gap and how it relates to women having children
Note for the moms out there: we support you! Your decision to have children in whatever form that takes and how you feel about your role as a mom is valid and important.

Timestamps:


4:00 Societal idea that you are not successful or complete unless you become a mother and where that comes from
9:35 Completely inappropriate/misguided things people have said to us when they learn we don’t want to be moms
24:55 The argument that it's actually selfish to have kids you don’t really want than it is to choose to remain childless
27:55 Statistics time: why women are delaying having kids, the enormous cost of raising a child, and the link between children and a woman's earning power in the workplace
36:42 Subscribing to the accepted life plan of having kids and then discovering I actually didn't want them
40:05 Brina briefly catching baby fever
49:15 If motherhood is the "best" thing a woman can do, why aren’t we unconditionally supportive of ALL single moms? Especially single moms of color and women in lower socioeconomic classes?
55:00 The media + entertainment we consume is a huge part of our (and society's) programming
1:00:05 Holding space for women who want to become mothers and cannot (infertility, etc) and are judged as “selfish”

Follow Sabrina:


IG: @sabrinaO0318
Twitter: @SabrinaO0318

Show notes + links:


Older millennials have lived through 2 economic crises—and it’s affecting their decisions around having kids
Millennials Were Already Putting Off Having Children. Then the Pandemic Hit.
How To Respond To People Who Shame You For Not Wanting Kids

Follow The Adults Podcast + Ashley:

IG: @theadultspodcast | @ashrockchalk
Twitter: @ashley_white
theadultspodcast.com | lestylorouge.com

*This episode was recorded in 2021

Sitting down on the pod today with Caitlin Fore, my longtime friend and artist, stylist, mom, and influencer (one of the good ones). We reflect on her journey balancing her happiness with her career aspirations, disappointments, and pivots- all while trying to have a life and a family of her own.

We then jump into what’s wrong with the influencer industry today (hint: a lot), what we learned in all the unrest of 2020, and how it forced us into a new way of using our platforms.

In this episode:


Losing your dream job- only to end up happier, better off, and open to your REAL calling
Balancing a family while sorting out your career
Irresponsible/fake influencer behavior, especially during COVID and BLM
Why I don’t identify as an influencer anymore and the future of the influencer industry (will Instagram survive?)
Addressing our unconscious biases and how we have tried to fold that work into our platforms

Timestamps:


4:48 How we met (start here if you want to skip the astrology bits)
19:39 Getting her dream job… then losing it and rectifying the aftermath
34:00 Checking all the success and happiness boxes but coming up empty, now what?
36:00 Manifestation and self-worth
42:30 Not wanting to be a stay-at-home + the pressures society puts on women to make motherhood their whole identity
50:40 Influencer culture (rampant consumerism, irresponsible behavior, loop giveaways, fake people, and fake followings)
1:02:03 Bullshit influencers exposed during 2020 amidst Black Lives Matter, COVID, the election, etc., and one’s responsibility as an influencer
1:17:56 Inclusivity, body image issues, finding body positivity, and recognizing the societal programming of what bodies are “acceptable"
1:32:50 Retiring as an influencer but not from blogging

Follow Cait:


Cait on IG: @caitfore | blog: sophistiCAITed.com | Etsy shop

Show notes + links:


Topstick toupee tape
Cassie on IG: @cassietaylorband
Chelsea on IG: @womens.intuitive.health
Jasmine on IG: @thejasminediane
About that horrible carnival game (trigger warning: racist images and language)
About the history of the policing system
Book: So You Wanna Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo

Follow The Adults Podcast + Ashley:

IG: @theadultspodcast | @ashrockchalk
Twitter: @ashley_white
theadultspodcast.com | lestylorouge.com

*This episode was recorded in 2021

What do you do when you land the fairytale life and then it doesn’t work out? We've been sold on the romantic ideals of our parents: you find the love of your life and you marry them. And yet the divorce rate in the US hovers between 40-50%. So what if that fairytale’s not forever? What happens then? 

I hash all this out with my good friend, Jared Dunn. We're both members of the Formerly Married Club, but with two completely different divorce experiences. We compare and contrast those experiences here. 

This episode is all about maneuvering through massive life change (divorce, career pivots) and finding yourself on the other side.

In this episode:


Jumping off metaphorical cliffs to find happiness in work
Navigating a relationship that no longer serves either party (and working to stay friends throughout)
The other side of divorce and how it feels to put yourself back out there (spoiler: terrifying)

Timestamps in case you want to hop around:


7:50 Look at us, just not feeling our age AT ALL
12:40 Pivoting careers (and industries!) when you're not happy
29:40 We were sold a version of success as kids that didn't exist by the time we came of age
39:35 Social media and peeling back the curtain of vulnerability 
49:56 Gross influencer behavior + NSale rant
1:00:33 Let's all get divorced (Ain't No Wifey!)
1:03:54 Our different experiences in getting divorced (and boy, are they DIFFERENT)
1:20:15 Dating after divorce
1:29:00 To have kids or not to have kids?
1:45:45 Guess what, no one actually has it figured out

Follow Jared:


@jead10

Follow The Adults Podcast + Ashley:

IG: @theadultspodcast | @ashrockchalk
Twitter: @ashley_white
theadultspodcast.com | lestylorouge.com