The Al Morton Takeout

almorton
  • 0.0 (0)
  • COMEDY
  • UPDATED MONTHLY
The Al Morton Takeout

The Takeout is a series of funny sketches focused on news and politics from a British migrant in Spain. There will be anecdotes from my time as a professional guitarist and sound engineer and I also explore our cultural differences as well as the twin plagues of COVID and BREXIT.

  1. 08/11/2024

    Jazz Catastrophes, Royal Gongs & Sangría

    Episode 22. In this late-election special, we dive into the murky waters of Clacton to find out if something dangerous is lurking. We explore the history of England’s favourite patron saint, St George. Can you even write dragon-slayer on your visa application? There are more ludicrous royal honours and a potential knighthood for Johnson’s dog, Dylan. I end up in hot water for playing jazz in a blues bar as experts on the GB News website warn about the perils of holidaying in Spain. Spoiler: it doesn’t involve sunburn or sangría. And finally, more antics from X, the platform formerly known as Twitter. WARNING! This podcast may contain nudity, foul language, and some truly dreadful guitar playing. Honestly, you'd probably be better off listening to something else.

    29 min

  2. 10/07/2023

    The Piranhas of Benidorm

    Episode 21. This special edition celebrates the spirit of HS2 cancel-culture as we salute the British green-washed, Prime Minister Rishi Sunak. I suggest alternative uses for the Bibby Stockholm ‘stop-the-boats’ prison barge. Baroness Barbie tells us about her first day in the House of Lords and I come face-to-face with the perils of The Telegraph dating App. We ask why piranha-like fish are attacking tourists around Benidorm's beaches. We also discuss a few posts on X, the pointlessly renamed Twitter. Finally, why not stick around ‘until the end and take my 15-point challenge to find out if you have been infected by the woke mind virus. WARNING! Despite its superficial nature, this podcast may include some adult themes. Listener discretion is advised.

    34 min

  3. 05/25/2023

    The Rise Of The Machines

    Episode 20. In this edition, we dive deeper into the world of artificial intelligence and those who seek to flood social media with AI-generated content for ad revenue and ebook sales. We find out what happens when your virtual girlfriend decides to dump you. We use a pirate treasure map to locate a Brexit benefit and drop in at the Tory Party election Death Star for a dose of anger-management therapy. In addition, we meet GB News’ democracy expert, Lady V - who wants all protesters locked up. Oooh hold my beer! And finally, get ready for a showdown with a banking app as we learn why the 2001 Space Odyssey 'pod bay doors' wouldn't open. WARNING! This podcast deals with adult themes, so hide your kids and wives!

    29 min

  4. 03/20/2023

    Springtime for Turnips

    Episode 19. In this uproarious edition, we salute the humble root vegetable at the heart of the Tory British Empire. There are Chinese spy balloons popping up all over the place, and we ask if the presenters of GB News are suffering from Long Johnson. There is a shaggy-dog story as we drop in on another guitar lesson from Venus. We also dive into all the naughty bits from Prince Harry’s book, Spare, with a little help from Mike Britton. And last but not least, remembering the legendary Acker Bilk.

    38 min

  5. 12/17/2022

    A Christmas Knee

    In Episode 18: We discuss why it could be a bad idea to ask Melania Trump to decorate your tree and ask - should football be banned at Christmas? Also, why does tofu taste so nasty when ‘Lefty Guardian readers’ are supposed to love it? And what does ‘woke’ actually mean?  We feature the new Die Hard Christmas movie, Winter of Discontent, starring Sushi Fishsnack as a hard-bitten UK prime minister. Can he prevail over the nurses, train drivers, and post-office strikers who want to blow up the economy or is it all an ERG / Putin plot? Finally, Mike Britton on protecting your home from pesky carol singers. All this, plus Suela Braverman’s tips for refugees who want to keep warm this winter: move to Rwanda. WARNING: The Takeout podcast is the ‘woke mind-virus’ of satirical comedy and does contain some adult content.

    32 min

  6. 08/28/2022

    Fifty Shades of Stupid

    In Episode 17, it’s time to load up those cost-of-living pitchforks and light the ‘angry mob’ torches as we head down to Westminster to demand more money for MPs and tax cuts for the rich. We discuss what was found in the FBI raid on Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate, and ask if Liz Truss really is Lady Penelope's marionette puppet from Thunderbirds. Will she even be capable of replacing our magnificent sex-god prime minister? Pamela from Eltham thinks not! We return to the Tory Party Death Star to learn how a proper Evil Empire would deal with pesky refugees. There will be Mumsnet ice cream recipes for cats, guitar lessons from Venus, and we meet some of the girl bots of Twitter. Finally, remembering Ronnie Scott.

    33 min

  7. 05/08/2022

    Running With Trolls and Scoffing Crisps

    In Episode 16, I feature a clash between Jack Monroe, author of Cooking on a Bootstrap, and a right-wing troll. I explore the attention deficit caused by swiping video shorts on TikTok, Instagram and YouTube. It turns into a bit of a rant (sorry). There is an update on the story about the bear that broke into an Italian bakery. This time he’s causing mayhem on a train. We try to interview the porn actor fired for watching politics on his phone whilst on the job and ask the question: Which tractors are the sexiest, and can you be arrested for interfering with them? There will be more beer and curry-fuelled shenanigans from the podcast that is the Fukushima fried fish of satirical comedy.

    31 min

  8. 04/06/2022

    Specs, Drugs, and Sausage Rolls

    In Episode 15 we meet the captain of the Brexit & Orient Pirate Ship, Spirit of Britain (now registered in Cypress). We visit an Italian bakery as Carrito, a rare wild bear, goes full ‘tonto’ and scoffs all the biscuits. We also try to save a big dog called Boris after it eats a pair of the British prime minister’s socks in an Italian castle. Finally, Mike Britton, jazz-guitar twanger to the stars, explains why he had to give his award back and shares a few tips on keeping warm during the fuel crisis. I hope you can find the time to join me in this face-slapping, Kinder-Egg Surprise of a Takeout.

    30 min
See All (20)

Trailer

About

The Takeout is a series of funny sketches focused on news and politics from a British migrant in Spain. There will be anecdotes from my time as a professional guitarist and sound engineer and I also explore our cultural differences as well as the twin plagues of COVID and BREXIT.

Information

  • Creator
    almorton
  • Years Active
    2020 - 2024
  • Episodes
    20
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2020 - 2021 All rights reserved - www.almorton.com/takeout/
  • Show Website
    The Al Morton Takeout

To listen to explicit episodes, sign in.

Stay up to date with this show

Sign in or sign up to follow shows, save episodes, and get the latest updates.
Select a country or region

Africa, Middle East, and India

Asia Pacific

Europe

Latin America and the Caribbean

The United States and Canada