92 episodes
The Art of We Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer
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- Society & Culture
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5.0 • 24 Ratings
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As a leader who deeply cares about your contribution and impact on the world, what if you were told that achieving the next level of success with your team, business and family won't be found through signing up for yet another training, expensive mastermind, or who's-who networking event. What if the key to your potential sits across from you at your breakfast table every morning?
Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer are husband and wife, business partners, and hosts of The Art of We, a podcast that explores how committed partnerships can be potent vehicles for fully delivering our gifts to the world.
As seasoned leaders, educators, and entrepreneurs, they know that the key to their greatest success out in the world lies inside the health, security, and depth of their relationship. The more skilled and secure their partnership, the greater capacity each has to step into their fullest authenticity and potential.
On this show, they will share lessons from their marriage and professional careers that help them thrive. They’ll share where they get stuck, how they overcome challenges, and they’ll dialogue with thought leaders to broaden the conversation. You’ll leave each episode with practices, tools, inspiration, and conversation topics for the dinner table or your team’s next offsite.
If you’re a leader, founder, or overachiever, and you want to better understand how to leverage your relationships for personal and collective growth, then we invite you to subscribe to The Art of We.
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91. Great Relationship But No Chemistry? Try This
Do you have a great relationship but it’s lacking chemistry? In this episode we suggest five unique areas to explore if your partnership is lacking the sparkle it used to have. We also share our relationship agreement that’s the secret to keeping our relationship chemistry and intimacy in tip top shape!
(00:00) - Introduction to navigating relationships that are healthy but lack chemistry
(01:49) - Our personal relationship agreement that generates chemistry in our partnership
(02:33) - Importance of Generativity / Our Brain’s Tendency to Automate Our Partners
(04:43) - The Need For Effort and Intentionality in Long-term Relationships
(07:30) - Common Patterns in Long-Term Relationships Leading To Lack of Chemistry
(08:37) - Importance of Prioritizing Intimacy
(10:34) - Investigating Interpersonal Issues Causing Lack of Relationship Chemistry
(13:02) - Importance of Showing Up For Your “We” Regardless of Chemistry Feelings
(15:03) - Exploring Root Causes Affecting Desire and Chemistry
(17:32) - Impact of Pornography
(18:13) - Physical Attraction Challenges
(19:47) - Hormonal Factors
(21:48) - How To Have Conversations About Attraction and Intimacy
(24:25) - Seeking Couples Support When Needed
Feel free to reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform.
Resources Mentioned:
Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Al-Anon: Resource for partners
Get in Touch:
The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training
Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts:
If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. -
90. Relationship Ultimatum: When & How To Give One
Giving ultimatums in relationships is a serious, but sometimes necessary, decision. In this episode we explore the circumstances under which an ultimatum might be the right move, how to thoughtfully prepare for delivering one, and the importance of being clear and committed when standing up for your needs. Dr. Will shares his personal experience of giving an ultimatum in his first marriage and the transformative journey that followed. The discussion highlights the balance between supporting a partner's success and ensuring your own needs are met.
00:00 - Introduction to ultimatums in relationships
02:32 - Identifying when to consider an ultimatum
04:25 - Examples of when an ultimatum might be necessary
05:34 - Being for each other's success
07:30 - Dr. Will's personal story of giving an ultimatum
13:53 - Steps to prepare for giving an ultimatum
18:56 - The importance of being willing to follow through
19:39 - Planning the best scenario for delivering the ultimatum
20:18 - Getting clear about what the ultimatum specifically entails
23:48 - Setting a timeframe for the ultimatum
26:11 - Approaching the conversation with your partner
29:32 - Final thoughts and encouragement
Feel free to reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform.
Resources Mentioned:
Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Al-Anon: Resource for partners
Get in Touch:
The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training
Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts:
If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. -
89. Our Agreement To Not “Threaten” Our Relationship
Impulsively threatening the relationship when we get triggered, angry, or unable to work through repeating relationship conflicts is an ineffective way of attempting to get our partner to change. It creates insecurity, dysregulation and fear, rather than creating the feelings of safety and security that’s needed to work through difficult relationship challenges together.
Today we discuss the importance of taking more skilled self responsibility in relationships, particularly when it comes to making threats or issuing ultimatums, including effective communication, mutual understanding, and adult behavior in addressing conflicts. In this episode we offer healthier and more constructive alternatives to addressing conflict and ideas on how to deal with a partner who keeps impulsively threatening the relationship.
(00:00) Introduction and definition of threatening the partnership
(02:16) Impact of threats on conversations and relationships
(04:28) Importance of creating safety rather than triggering threat responses
(06:39) Personal example of threatening language and its impact
(15:00) Importance of showing up as an adult during conflicts
(17:19) Advice for those who frequently threaten relationships
(19:35) Taking responsibility and protecting each other in relationships
(22:22) Closing thoughts on working through connection issues together
Feel free to reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform.
Resources Mentioned:
Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Stan Tatkin - The PACT Institute
Get in Touch:
The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training
Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts:
If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. -
88. Masculinity, Vulnerability & Attachment
How can you bring your vulnerability in a way that brings your partner closer to you? What is "masculine vulnerability"? In episode 88 of The Art of We podcast we dive into this topic, bringing smart relationship advice and best relationship practices for couples who want a successful partnership. We share our definition of masculine vulnerability and effective strategies for bringing more vulnerability for the purposes of building a lasting and extraordinary partnership together.
(00:00) The intersection of masculinity and vulnerability and definition of terms.
(04:21) Cultural & historical perspectives on masculinity
(06:38) Example of hosts bringing “agentic” vulnerability to one another
(08:28) Highlighting the progress in recognizing and addressing internal signals of vulnerability
(09:59) Practicing self-responsible vulnerability and checking interpretations
(11:02) Navigating relationship challenges from vulnerable conversations
(13:58) The difference between vulnerability and disguising hidden agendas
(16:01) Encouraging authentic and responsible communication in expressing vulnerability
(19:15) Navigating triggers and activations when partners share vulnerably
(21:43) Recognizing and addressing learned behaviors from past experiences
(24:01) Invitation for listeners to have open conversations with partners
Feel free to reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform.
Resources Mentioned:
Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements The Collaborative Way and Lloyd Fickett
Get in Touch:
The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training
Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts:
If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. -
87. Addressing The Impact Of Tech Or Work Addiction
As mission-based people, it’s culturally acceptable to constantly be tethered to our phones, but what happens when being at the beck and call of our business gets in the way of authentic and deep connection? In this episode, we explore the impact that technology overuse has on our relationship and work on crafting a new agreement about using our phones after working hours.
Since starting the Integrative Psychiatry Institute in 2018, we’ve largely been in startup mode. Now that the team is built out and there’s more operational support, it’s not solely on Will to put out fires anymore. But, shifting out of the habit of picking up the phone for every ping and ding hasn’t come naturally.
In our conversation, we unpack the effects of unconscious phone usage and how it touches on our childhood wounding. We workshop ways that we can come to an understanding, rather than operate from a place of fear or insecurity. We also look at ways that having boundaries around technology can create more sovereignty over our attention and energy.
Our invitation this week is to work with your partner to understand why there’s something interfering with your connection, technology or otherwise, and discuss the impact it has on your relationship. With that foundation, it’s easier to collaborate on a win-win solution.
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform.
Topics Covered:
Becoming more conscious of what we spend our time on, particularly outside the office Learning how to express the need for contact and attention Experimenting with an agreement about how we use technology in the evening Ways that social media might be covering up a lack of authentic connection How we can experience more freedom by practicing constraint
Resources Mentioned:
The Art Of We Weekly Newsletter
Get in Touch:
The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy Training
Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts:
If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. -
86. Krista’s Secret Dating Strategy (That Led To Meeting Will)
Krista Van Derveer shares her journey of being single and looking for a partnership before she met Will. You’ll hear her unique approach on finding love after loss, preparing for a new relationship, navigating the dating world, and her secret relationship practices that helped her weed out incompatible partners to find a partner (Will!) that had similar relationship goals and also stood for an extraordinary kind of long-term relationship.
If you’re single and looking for a relationship or you want to elevate your current relationship, this episode is for you!
00:00 - Unique approaches to calling in a partner
01:40 - Discussion on the concept of calling in "the one"
04:23 - Krista’s relationship journey before meeting Will
06:33 - Reclaiming desire after loss
08:30 - Talking a stand for the type of relationship we really want
10:02 - Does it really help to list qualities desired in a partner?
12:18 - Secret practices and orientations for finding the right partner
14:10 - Dating advice for those currently vetting potential partners
16:32 - Importance of authenticity and speaking straight
20:23 - Early dating experiences and assessing potential partners
27:12 - Growth and discomfort in long-term partnerships
31:17 - Overcoming superficial judgments in choosing a partner
32:24 - The importance of honest feedback in relationships
Feel free to reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform.
Resources Mentioned:
Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements The Collaborative Way and Lloyd Fickett
Get in Touch:
The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training
Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts:
If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.
Customer Reviews
A Treasure
I learned about your podcast because of your YWCA sponsorship. What y’all are doing is something that my wife and I had thought about doing based on our individual spiritual commitments. Our theory is that we’ve made it this long (18 years) because, even when we get triggered and go away from each other, our spiritual work basically commands us to return to one another. Our hope has been to translate that for other folks. But, when I learned about your podcast, I kind of thought, “Well who needs us when these folks are out there?” 😉 But, I hadn’t listened yet. Now, after I listened, I still think that. 😅. That’s my first compliment. But, in addition, I want to say that I really appreciate your honesty. I’m about 7 episodes in. And so far, I relate so much to what you all share. Even though, I come from a very different background in almost every way than you two, I appreciate some of the universal themes. I agree that these kinds of relationships have the potential to offer ourselves and the world tremendous gifts. So, I’m glad you’re out there doing your thing. I wish you all continued success.
Fantastic relationship goals
What a great show by a great couple. It’s fantastic to hear two actual grown ups talk about relationships from a first person perspective. Can’t recommend highly enough.
Refreshing Perspective on Relationships and Personal Growth
Krista and Dr. Will challenge conventional notions of success and personal development by highlighting the transformative power of strong partnerships. They have a genuine and relatable approach to not only discussing their own journey, but also the research supporting the concepts and strategies they discuss. If you’re looking for fresh insights and practical guidance on how to unlock your potential through partnership, The Art of We is the show for you!
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