The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast

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The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast

12-step recovery for those of us who love alcoholics or addicts. We share our experience, strength, and hope as we use the principles of the Al-Anon program in our lives. We talk openly and honestly about the problems and challenges as we face alcoholism and addiction in our friends and relatives. We share the tools and solutions we have found that let us live a life that is serene, happy, and free, even when the alcoholic or addict is still drinking or using.

  1. MAR 4

    Grief and Relief – 429

    Grief is an inevitable and multifaceted part of life that can touch us in many ways, far beyond the loss of a loved one. In this episode, we explore how the principles and tools of recovery can help us find relief from grief by accepting change, embracing emotional growth, and connecting deeply with others. Understanding Grief and Relief At the heart of grief we experience a wide array of emotions—one of which can be relief. The initial experience of grief often involves denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, often occurring not in a linear progression but rather in complex, overlapping waves. We recognize that grief doesn't solely follow death; it can also emerge from other profound losses, such as the loss of dreams, relationships, or childhood events. Personal Reflections on Grief and Recovery Eric and Spencer share personal stories and insights that reflect on the diverse nature of grief. Eric discusses the painful experience of having to enforce boundaries with a deeply troubled loved one, while also experiencing an unexpected relief akin to serenity. Spencer reflects on the grief associated with his parents’ dementia, finding kinship in relief when suffering ends. Sharing from the Community Community stories illustrate the breadth of experiences with grief and recovery. Pam shares her journey of losing her sister to alcoholism, finding solace in program tools and ongoing work on transforming losses. Similarly, Molly likens grief to a wave, emphasizes the importance of awareness, acceptance, and the ability to allow and breathe into it. Bruce reflected on the paradoxical experience of finding serenity while grieving a loss. Pete and Roberta both lost family and friends, and are diving into their recovery process to help deal with their grief and anger. Program Tools for Coping with Grief Recovery offers tools and slogans—like “One day at a time”, “Let go and let God”, and embracing detachment—that can help guide us through grief. We are reminded to focus on the present, accept what we can't control, and seek comfort in community. Through sharing, connections, and presence, we truly understand the sentiment that the best support lies not in words but in being there. Wisdom from the Literature The Al-Anon book Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses underscores the recurring nature of grief. It teaches us that as we grow and change, we inevitably experience loss—not only of loved ones but also of old selves and belief systems. Through this letting go, we create room for new dreams and find unexpected growth. Conclusion Ultimately, as we travel through grief—whether from the passing of loved ones or the letting go of dreams—the support of a recovery program provides invaluable guidance and companionship. By focusing on ourselves, embracing change, and accepting our emotions, we discover profound resilience and serenity even in the midst of sorrow. As we adjust to what is, we build new dreams and find hope for the future, always remembering that we are not alone on this journey. Readings and Links We read from Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses, pp. 50-51 and 98-99. Learn more about the 211 help resource that is available throughout the USA at https://www.211.org/. Upcoming topics We are working our way through discussions of the 12 Steps. The next one up will be Step 8. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email a href="mailto:feedback@therecoveryshow.

    57 min

  2. FEB 24

    Separating from Dysfunction – 428

    Heather relates her experience growing up in dysfunction, and her journey to recovery through therapy, Al-Anon and ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families). Understanding Family Dysfunction Many of us have grown up in environments marked by dysfunction, often without realizing the full extent until adulthood. Heather’s story reveals the toxic atmosphere she was raised in, characterized by a volatile parent and an emotionally passive one. This led to multiple roles being assumed within the family structure, such as the fighter of injustice and scapegoat. These roles significantly impact our adult lives, and understanding them is crucial to beginning the healing journey. The Role of Al-Anon and ACA The relief and support found in Al-Anon, a program focused on those affected by alcoholism, can play a pivotal role in unraveling the patterns of dysfunction. For many, like Heather, it provides a newfound sense of community and understanding. Attending meetings and engaging with a sponsor creates a space for compassionate self-reflection and acceptance. Heather also turned to ACA, which offers a focus on re-parenting the inner child and establishing a deeper relationship with oneself and a higher power. The program encourages separating from the destructive gravitational pull of dysfunctional family dynamics and promoting a healthy sense of self. Managing Familial Relationships One key lesson Heather shares is that of achieving serenity, regardless of the state of family relationships. This involves setting boundaries and removing oneself from abusive situations, challenging familial lies and roles. However, it is essential to recognize that healing is a personal journey, and separation with love—not abandonment—might be necessary. Heather's Thanksgiving experience exemplifies the challenges of maintaining emotional sobriety in stressful family situations. Despite slipping into old behaviors, the incident reinforced the importance of addressing her own actions and seeking forgiveness and amends for personal growth. Re-Parenting and Inner Work Re-parenting involves nurturing the inner child and managing emotions that arise from past trauma. Programs like Al-Anon and ACA emphasize the significance of recognizing reactionary behaviors and implementing healthy coping strategies. This might involve practicing self-love, engaging in therapeutic activities, or seeking support from understanding communities. Heather has found that her worth is not defined by others; that she can develop a loving and compassionate relationship with herself, addressing the critical voices from her past. Concluding Thoughts The recovery journey is ongoing, and no single blueprint exists for navigating familial relationships shaped by dysfunction. The key is to live in the present, guided by grace and self-awareness, continually seeking understanding and healing. While the family disease of dysfunction is not easily eradicated, supporting one another and sharing experiences strengthens the community and offers a lifeline for those on similar paths. As Heather eloquently states, “The only thing we need to do today is maintain our intentions and walk in grace, knowing that life might present us with challenges, but we can manage our thoughts and behaviors.” Through this shared journey, we are reminded that healing is possible, and the cycle of generational trauma can be interrupted, one step at a time. Readings and Links Heather read from a href="https://therecoveryshow....

    1h 16m

  3. FEB 17

    When the Behavior is Too Much for Most of Us – 427

    Spencer and Misti, with listener contributions, explore a challenging topic for those who have loved ones grappling with addiction: cutting or limiting contact. We hare personal stories and insights about creating and respecting boundaries to protect our emotional well-being. Whether it's temporary, permanent, or situational, the act of establishing boundaries with friends or family members struggling with addiction can be one of the most difficult decisions we make. Understanding the Need for Boundaries Many of us who have relationships with individuals affected by alcoholism find ourselves struggling with how much contact is beneficial for everyone involved. In this process, awareness of our own needs is important. For some, this means setting boundaries to protect themselves from the emotional chaos. Others find that initially cutting contact allows them the space needed to heal and reevaluate the possibility of future interactions. Personal Experiences of Creating Boundaries Misti B shared her experience with family members whose alcoholism made it impossible for her to remain in contact without severe emotional distress. She talked about her journey from trying to “love them into loving me” to finally understanding the need for healthy boundaries that allowed her personal healing. For her, the decision to limit contact with her mother and niece, although painful, was crucial for her own recovery. Spencer reflects that boundaries are not rigid ‘walls' but flexible guidelines that can change with circumstances. This flexibility allows us to reassess our capacity to engage with a loved one who might be in a troubled state, ensuring we do not overextend ourselves or jeopardize our serenity. Listeners shared their stories and insights about how setting boundaries impacted their lives: * Ben needed to set boundaries with his stepmother to protect his own family’s well-being. This led to her distancing herself from him. He said, “So this is, sadly, for the best.” * Mary explained her unspoken boundary with her father, choosing not to engage with him during times he may be intoxicated. This decision has allowed her to maintain a limited, more peaceful connection on terms she finds acceptable. * David described the emotional complexity of having his child cut contact with him. Although pained by this, he found some relief from the constant anxiety and conflict their interactions used to cause. * Ashley shared how she temporarily cut contact with her father as a symbolic stand during a tumultuous time. She later reconciled, and through program teachings, learned to assess her own readiness before engaging with him, thereby protecting her serenity. Redefining Relationships The episode captures the essence of why and how we must establish personal limits in relationships affected by addiction. By turning inward and gauging our emotional readiness and capacity, we can determine the extent of our interactions. It is about prioritizing our mental health while extending kindness and understanding when possible. The boundaries we set vary greatly with our circumstances, but the underlying principle remains consistent: boundaries are vital for self-preservation and recovery. Readings and Links We read from Courage to Change, p. 22 (January 22). Upcoming topics We are continuing our series on the 12 Steps. Upcoming are Steps 8 – 12. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email a href...

    1h 6m

  4. JAN 31

    Reflections on 2024 – 426

    At the beginning of a new year, I like to take some time to reflect on the past year, and to set some intentions for the new year. (Please note: intentions are not resolutions!) This year, I took these questions from another email group I'm a member of, and asked you to reflect on them. In this episode, we hear from Deborah, Ashley, and Spencer. * What worked? * What didn't work? * What did I learn? * How did I change? * What is left unresolved or incomplete and how does that feel? I didn't explicitly ask, but we also considered what recovery tools or principles we used or followed. Upcoming topics We continue to explore the 12 Steps, with Steps 8–12 upcoming. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

    24 min

  5. JAN 17

    Shortcomings and Self-Acceptance: Step 7 – 425

    In our ongoing journey through the 12 Steps of Al Anon, we arrive at Step 7, which encourages us to humbly ask our Higher Power to remove our shortcomings. While succinct in its wording, this step is profound in its demands and implications. It challenges us to embrace humility, not as humiliation, but as self-acceptance and the acknowledgment of our limitations. Spencer and Mary explore our understanding and experience with this Step. Understanding Humility Humility is often misunderstood as humiliation, which is far from its true meaning within the context of spiritual growth. Step 7 nudges us towards self-acceptance, understanding that while we recognize our limitations, our transformation is not solely in our hands. Accepting that a Higher Power can do for us what we cannot do for ourselves fosters the humility necessary for change. In Step 7, we explore the deeper aspects of relying on a Higher Power. True humility is about relinquishing self-will and placing our trust and futures in the hands of a Higher Power. This step is not about handing over a wishlist of changes, but about letting go of control and trusting that the right changes will emerge in due course. Taking Action While asking for help is crucial, Step 7 also involves action on our part. It's not merely about making a request but actively working to change our behaviors. As we ask for our shortcomings to be removed, we must be willing to practice new responses and habits, recognizing that our Higher Power provides us with opportunities to change. We share stories of overcoming fear and perfectionism, discovering that our need for control or our desire for perfection can both hinder and help us. It's about finding balance, realizing that some traits are both assets and shortcomings. Continuous Practice As with all the steps, Step 7 is not a one-time action but a continual process. Each meeting, connection with others, and daily challenge presents an opportunity to humbly seek guidance and change. The journey with our Higher Power is ongoing, and the transformation it leads to is gradual but deeply rewarding. Step 7 is an invitation to develop true humility and to embrace the continuous practice of seeking our Higher Power's guidance. By letting go of self-will and practicing faith and patience, we slowly shed our excess baggage, stepping further along our path of recovery and self-discovery. Through Step 7, we learn the vital lesson that by asking for help, and being open to change, we unlock the doors to personal growth. Readings and Links We read from How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 8 “The Twelve Steps”, section “Step 7”. Additional readings were taken from Paths to Recovery, pp 73-74 (Step 7). Upcoming topics We will be continuing our journey through the 12 Steps with Steps 8 – 12. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

    1h 1m

  6. 12/27/2024

    Addiction’s Little Sister – 424

    In the whirlwind of life's trials, how can we turn tragedy into comedy? This question is at the heart of Liz C's journey as she navigates her role as “Addiction's Little Sister.” Her story, a tapestry woven with laughter, resilience, and hope, offers a unique perspective on finding light amidst darkness. Liz's story begins in her childhood, witnessing her brother's struggle with chronic health issues that later spiraled into addiction. As the younger sibling, Liz coped by striving for perfection, adopting the nickname “Lizzy Sunshine,” given by her mom. Her role was clear: to be the beacon of positivity in her family's challenging times, especially as her brother's condition dominated their lives. Through these experiences, Liz developed unique skills. She became resilient, brave, and, most notably, incredibly positive. The chaos and unpredictability of her brother's addiction molded her into a master improviser, enabling her to find laughter and silver linings in the darkest of circumstances. Turning Pain into Art As Liz ventured into adulthood, her comedic talents took center stage. Her experiences as a sibling of an addict served as both challenge and inspiration, pushing her towards a career in comedy and performance. She channeled her life's narrative into her one-woman show, “Lizzy Sunshine,” a Vaudevillian journey where Liz plays both the clown and the hero, often stepping in for her “co-star”—her brother's addiction. The show is not merely a personal catharsis but a testament to the transformative power of art. Through humor and storytelling, Liz invites audiences into her world, revealing the hidden resilience of those supporting loved ones with addiction—a world where the show “never ends,” yet hope continually shines through. The Power of Hope Liz's journey is not just about surviving another day in the face of addiction but living with an undying hope. Her narrative is filled with moments of turning despair into laughter, whether performing improv in Chicago or connecting with others through her show. This spirit of positivity was ingrained in her by her parents, who always emphasized finding gratitude amid tribulations. Through her storytelling, Liz reminds us that the hardships faced by families affected by addiction do not diminish the good times nor the moments of joy. Instead, they can serve as a profound wellspring of resilience and creativity. A Beacon for Others In sharing her story, Liz becomes a beacon for others facing similar battles, showing that there is a way forward filled with laughter and light. Her show, “Lizzy Sunshine,” culminates with the audience singing “The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow,” symbolizing collective hope and the power of community support. Liz's story is one of embracing life's messiness while boldly shining a spotlight on the often-overlooked struggles of families affected by addiction. Her laughter, deeply intertwined with hope, becomes a universal anthem for resilience. Through her journey, we are reminded that even in the show that never ends, we have the power—and the choice—to find and create joy, to laugh amidst the tears, and to turn tragedy into a source of strength and inspiration. Readings and Links Liz read “The Twenty Four Hour Program” from the Nar-Anon Blue Booklet, p. 1. This is a version of a Sanskrit poem, Look to this Day.

    1h 16m

  7. 12/17/2024

    Transformation Begins in Step Six – 423

    In the journey of recovery, reaching Step Sixmarks a pivotal moment of transformation. This step, as we examine in our recent conversation between Spencer and Ufasaha Y, asks us to become “entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” It holds a promise of change through surrender and faith, allowing us to let go of what no longer serves us. The Essence of Step Six Step Six does not demand immediate action from us to change ourselves but rather asks us to become willing to let go of our defects of character. We are reminded that we are in a partnership with a power greater than ourselves, and our role is to accept our flaws and let go of all that stands in the way of our health and growth. Insights from ‘Drop the Rock' Ufasaha brought insights from the book Drop the Rock, emphasizing the importance of willingness to let go. The central metaphor is of a person holding onto a rock while trying to swim to safety—the rock symbolizes our defects, and the willingness to let go is crucial for survival. This underscores the essence of Step Six: to be ready to drop these burdens. The Challenge of Powerlessness Powerlessness can be a challenging concept for many, implying a lack of self-determination. However, embracing it can be freeing. We learn to relax and have faith, trusting that our higher power holds these burdens, allowing us to feel a sense of relief and freedom. From Assets to Miracles While Step Six encourages us to address our defects, it also invites us to acknowledge our assets. Recovery isn't only about overcoming our flaws but also recognizing and nurturing our strengths. Miracles can happen when we least expect them—transformations that were once deemed impossible become achievable through faith and patience. Surrender, Not Submission Surrender is not the same as submission. Surrendering means we stop fighting reality and start cooperating with it, trusting that a higher power guides us. We let go of control, recognizing that we don't have to do everything alone. Embracing our limitations opens us to infinite possibilities. By letting go and letting God, we allow for transformation and experience moments of serenity. Conclusion As we journey through Step Six, we come to realize that transformation involves embracing who we are and our partnership with a higher power. It is a continuous process of growth and letting go, inviting miracles and serenity into our lives. Through this step, we learn to accept ourselves fully, welcoming change with open arms. Readings and Links We read from Drop the Rock, pp 1-2, and Courage to Change, p. 283 (Oct 9). Our discussion followed the description of Step 6 in chapter 8 of How Al-Anon Works. Upcoming topics We are continuing our study of the 12 Steps. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

    50 min

  8. 12/11/2024

    Embracing Self-Love: A Recovery Journey – 422

    Today, Shannon and Spencer dig deep into the question, how do we learn and grow to love ourselves? In the pursuit of learning to love ourselves, we may have faced emotional challenges and societal pressures that obscure our self-worth. We might begin by reflecting on childhood experiences that shaped our perceptions and beliefs about ourselves. Shannon recalled a memory from her childhood when a family member sang a birthday song with words meant in jest but felt as though they were aimed at her self-esteem. Such incidents, impressionable in our formative years, can anchor us into feelings of inadequacy. One of the fundamental lessons in recovery is differentiating between self-care and self-love. Self-care is often trivialized by social media trends that emphasize superficial activities rather than deeper self-respect and acceptance. Sometimes, achieving self-love feels like an impossible task, one that is too intimate and personal to tackle. We learn that self-love is not a natural consequence of self-care methods and that confidence in oneself does not always equate to positive self-dialogue. We realized that loving ourselves often contradicts our past behaviors of prioritizing others’ needs over our own. We have been conditioned to fix, to manage, and to nurture everyone around us, neglecting our own needs in the process. Transformative moments can come from simple realizations, like deciding to enjoy activities alone and finding contentment in moments without societal validation. This was a mind-blowing insight: we can embrace personal joys independent of others’ preferences, discovering joy in solitude. In recovery, embracing spirituality can also be an alien concept. The challenge is in handing over worries to a higher power—one that may not be tangible or understandable. Nevertheless, a breakthrough can come from surprising places, such as a yoga session where Shannon saw herself literally reaching out to herself. In that moment, she realized she could trust herself as a source of strength and guidance. Self-reflection is crucial in moments of doubt or negative self-talk. With support from understanding friends, family, or fellow program members, we can replace unkind thoughts with encouraging affirmations. This requires a conscious effort to listen to positivity and to absorb love and kindness directed toward us. It helps to recognize that anticipated catastrophes never manifested, showing us that fears are often unjustified. Through meditation and focusing on gratitude, we are guided to appreciate our circumstances. Shifting focus from potential problems to tangible comforts serves as an effective strategy to combat anxious spirals, especially during sleepless nights. Newcomers to recovery might find themselves overwhelmed by the structure and vocabulary of program meetings. It's important for us to remember that universally shared experiences and expressions, although initially intimidating, are part of the collective healing journey. Adopting the recovery program as a template for life underscores self-love as its heart. By maintaining commitments to meetings, readings, and step work, we gradually reveal the power of these teachings. Declaring and truly believing that we are worth it—worthy of love, forgiveness, and kindness—is perhaps the most revolutionary step toward self-acceptance. Ultimately, coming into a recovery program like Al-Anon introduces us to an invaluable community of understanding and compassion. The path to self-love is intricate, interwoven with our experiences, but its realization is deeply therapeutic, teaching us that this love is our inherent right. Readings and Links

    59 min
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About

12-step recovery for those of us who love alcoholics or addicts. We share our experience, strength, and hope as we use the principles of the Al-Anon program in our lives. We talk openly and honestly about the problems and challenges as we face alcoholism and addiction in our friends and relatives. We share the tools and solutions we have found that let us live a life that is serene, happy, and free, even when the alcoholic or addict is still drinking or using.

Information

  • Creator
    The Recovery Show
  • Years Active
    2013 - 2025
  • Episodes
    437
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    Copyright © The Recovery Show 2013

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