215 episodes

In The Refined Collective podcast, host and author of Sexless in the City, Kat Harris creates a safe space to have honest conversations around faith, sexuality, relationships, politics, identity, Christian culture, deconstruction, and more. *What does the Bible really say about sex? *How does our faith impact our politics? *Is Christianity at odds with science? *Is the Bible still relevant? From purity culture, to deconstruction, dating apps, and LGTBQ+ issues—there’s no topic that’s off the table. In this podcast Kat doesn’t pretend to be an expert, or to have all the answers about faith or Christianity. And though it’d be more convenient to have easy black-and-white answers, she invites you to discover God in the grey and unexpected spaces. Her hope is to look doubt in the face, be curious, seek God, and ask meaningful questions to address any ‘elephant in the room’ with openness, nuance and grace.
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The Refined Collective Podcast Kat Harris

    • Religion & Spirituality
    • 4.9 • 1.1K Ratings

In The Refined Collective podcast, host and author of Sexless in the City, Kat Harris creates a safe space to have honest conversations around faith, sexuality, relationships, politics, identity, Christian culture, deconstruction, and more. *What does the Bible really say about sex? *How does our faith impact our politics? *Is Christianity at odds with science? *Is the Bible still relevant? From purity culture, to deconstruction, dating apps, and LGTBQ+ issues—there’s no topic that’s off the table. In this podcast Kat doesn’t pretend to be an expert, or to have all the answers about faith or Christianity. And though it’d be more convenient to have easy black-and-white answers, she invites you to discover God in the grey and unexpected spaces. Her hope is to look doubt in the face, be curious, seek God, and ask meaningful questions to address any ‘elephant in the room’ with openness, nuance and grace.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Sorry For Ghosting You

    Sorry For Ghosting You

    Clarity is kind
    It’s been months since I’ve shared a podcast episode with you.
    I had to get clear with myself on how I wanted to move forward before I could communicate it clearly to you.
    Post-sabbatical, I still felt drained and like I had so little to give.
    I’ve spent a lot of time feeling discouraged by the results of my podcast. But it finally hit me that even if I make $8k on the podcast, I spent $7k on the podcast.
    As I told you in January, my vision for this year is “less is more” and “simplify.” In an effort to follow that vision and promise, this will be my final podcast episode (potentially ever).
     
    Here’s what staying in touch looks like moving forward…
    Patreon
    patreon.com/therefinedcollective
    You can join for $5/mo (or $5/mo if you want access to the book club)
    We have four events each month:
    Exclusive video (this month I’m talking about the Barbie movie)
    Coaching Q+A video (you ask questions, I answer them)
    Connection call (this month, we’re chatting about embodiment)
    Book club (this month, we’re reading Shameless by Nadia Bolz-Weber)
    Coaching
    I still offer coaching in my shop! You can purchase individual or bundles of coaching calls therefinedwoman.com/coaching.
     

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    • 21 min
    5 Things I’m Currently Loving

    5 Things I’m Currently Loving

    I feel like I start every episode with “this week’s episode, I’m doing things a little differently,” and that’s because I’m really just playing around with what feels good! Since before my sabbatical, I’ve felt lost as to what to share on the podcast. So this week, I decided to do something I thought would be fun (and maybe you’ll think it’s fun too)... an episode where I talk about five things I’m LOVING right now. Are you ready?
    Resources
    Join Patreon here and sign up for book club! This month is Falling Upward by Richard Rohr.
    Go to link.primallypure.com/therefinedwoman and use code TRW10 for 10% off. P.S. if you want 25% off, follow me on IG and keep an eye out for a code on May 11th. The code will only be valid on May 11th!

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    • 22 min
    What Kind of Trauma Do You Have? with Kobe Campbell

    What Kind of Trauma Do You Have? with Kobe Campbell

    This week, we’re doing something a little different and very exciting: Kobe Campbell is guest hosting an episode of The Refined Collective with her husband Kyle (the hosts of The Healing Circle Podcast). In this episode, Kobe will be breaking down the different types of traumas, the nuances of each, and what they can look like in your life.
     
    Trauma Myth
    We can sometimes have this perspective of “Trauma” and “trauma” where we have an idea that one is worse than the other. But that is NOT the case!
    There are boulders (acute trauma) and pebbles (chronic trauma), and even though pebbles are smaller, they become a large mass as the number of pebbles grow.
    “Our body processes emotional pain almost identically to the way it processes physical pain.” - Kobe Campbell
     
    Acute Trauma
    A single traumatic incident. 
    This is what most people think of when they think of trauma. This includes major traumatic events like getting hit by a car, being sexually assaulted, or your house catching on fire.
    Even going through the pandemic can be considered an acute trauma.
     
    Chronic Trauma
    Prolonged and ongoing abuse or pain.
    This might be the fact that your feelings were always dismissed by your parents growing up.
    “If your internal voice is mimicking the external invalidation you’ve heard your entire life, you’ve experienced chronic emotional trauma.” - Kobe Campbell
     
    Complex Trauma
    A combination of acute and chronic trauma and/or several acute traumas or several chronic traumas.
    “Trauma freezes you in time… There are a lot of 9-year-olds trapped in 50-year-old bodies.” - Kobe Campbell
    Kobe’s husband, Kyle, shares his own story of complex trauma.
     
    Resources
    Join Patreon here and listen to another Kobe episode!
    Order Kobe’s book Why Am I Like This?
    Work with Kobe Campbell.
    Join Kobe’s inner circle.
    Listen to The Healing Circle Podcast.
    Listen to Kobe on TRC ep 174 “Is It The Holy Spirit Or My Trauma?”
    Listen to Kobe on TRC ep 150 “When Is It Time To Go To Therapy?”
     

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    • 47 min
    Does God Want Me To Be Gay? with Mike Maeshiro

    Does God Want Me To Be Gay? with Mike Maeshiro

    Mike Maeshiro is the founder of Numa, an organization that supports people in deconstruction, spirituality, and faith. Mike is gay, an advocate for the LGBTQ+ community, and a queer theology enthusiast. He is a life coach, speaker and thought leader. In this episode, Mike shares his story of coming out, the beliefs that kept him in the closet for so long, and why he still believes in God as a gay person.

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    • 1 hr 20 min
    Doing Mushrooms May Have Saved My Faith

    Doing Mushrooms May Have Saved My Faith

    Language disclaimer: this episode includes explicit language so maybe listen with headphones if you’re around children.
     
    As you all know, I took a sabbatical last fall. I needed that time to focus on my own growth and healing without having a microphone in my hand. One thing I knew I wanted to experience during my time away from The Refined Collective was a psilocybin journey (aka mushroom journey). I know there are a lot of immediate reactions that come to mind when someone hears something like that. And I know there are a million questions that you want answered. This episode is a deep dive into the 2-day guided mushroom journey, including why I felt at peace with the decision.
     
    It is important to note that I am not a doctor and this experience is not for everybody. But I wanted to share with you what my experience was like.
     
    My Background
    I come from a family with addiction in it, and so I have always been careful about all substances. On top of that growing up Christian—I assumed anything drug related would be an open doorway for the demonic. For these reasons and so many more, I never thought a mushroom journey would be something I’d do.
    A few years ago I started hearing rumblings of people I knew micro-dosing mushrooms to support things like PTSD, anxiety, and depression.  Out of curiosity, I started doing some research of my own.
    Three years into my research, I was presented with an opportunity to take part in a guided journey and I felt ready to do it.
     
    The Basics
    I checked in with my therapist, my doctor, and my family. Everyone knew I was taking part in this experience.
    The experience cost $500 and was led by three facilitators and there was a doctor on the premises as well. It felt incredibly safe.
    The mushrooms themselves were put into a sort of hot chocolate.
     
    The Breakthroughs
    I felt so held by God during this experience. I knew God was there with me and that I was safe even in the unknown of what this experience would feel like.
    There was a particular moment from childhood that came up and brought up some heavy and powerful physical reactions.
     
    Resources
    Join Patreon here!
    Fantastic Fungi documentary on Netflix 
    How to Change Your Mind by Michael Pollan 
    The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk 
    Old episodes of TRC about anxiety 

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    • 57 min
    Dear Diary: Why is the Bar Set So Low? with Tutti del Monte

    Dear Diary: Why is the Bar Set So Low? with Tutti del Monte

    Language disclaimer: this episode includes explicit language so maybe listen with headphones if you’re around children.
     
    You know how when you say something to your best friend it's not as scary as saying it to an audience of thousands of people so you feel free to be completely honest and vulnerable? Well my best friend and I recorded an episode that we didn't think we'd ever share, but here it is! We really just let ‘er rip in this convo. We talk about:
     
    What if we gave ourselves the permission to feel anger?
    Navigating disappointment in dating
    Why is the bar set so low for men in dating right now?
    Are our dating expectations too high?
    Are we expecting our partner to meet needs for us they were never meant to need?
    How do we process our disappointment in dating without turning into a bitter + cynical single woman (you know “that girl”...we’ve all met her!)
    Why is voicing our needs in a romantic relationship so hard?
    How owning my voice in dating has been as vulnerable as it has been liberating!

    Feeling Frustrated
    We share recent stories of being ghosted and stood up and how we felt about those situations and how we responded to them.
    “It feels really vulnerable to put on a podcast because I get afraid that if I’m really honest about how disappointed I am with my experience with men, being a 37 year old woman, I become the ‘bitter single woman.’”
     
    What We’re Working On
    Tutti talks a lot about voicing her needs being something she wants to prioritize moving forward.
    I share a breakthrough moment where I sent a text to a guy who stood me up— a text I wouldn’t have ever sent before.
    What is something you are working on?
     
    Moving Forward
    Where do you think the disconnect is in these situations? 
    How did we get here? 
    How do you think we need to move forward?

    Resources
    Join Patreon here!
    Listen to Dear Diary: Am I A Good Kisser?
    Listen to Dear Diary: Excerpts from my Middle School Journal
    Keep up with Tutti on Instagram at @tuttidelmonte
    If you need a boudoir photographer, check out budoirbytutti.com
     

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    • 58 min

Customer Reviews

4.9 out of 5
1.1K Ratings

1.1K Ratings

Aebaker4004 ,

Wildly prophetic, beautifully said

For anyone searching high & low for a podcast about life and navigating it through the lens of faith… may this podcast find you with open arms.

I genuinely can’t get enough of Kat and how she articulates the nuances of each season and step of life.
Listen to one episode and I can confidently say you’ll begin to think of Kat as more of a friend and less of a stranger talking at you.

Long diary story short:
I discovered the podcast episode with Mia Fieldes (HIGHLY recommend giving it a listen) and was hooked.
In search of another episode (I tend to listen to podcasts out of order), I quite blindly stumbled upon the episode with Cheryl Struggs and was immediately moved not just by the discussion, but how it spoke so parallel to me personally.

Anyways-
This podcast is incredible.
Stay a while, you might find an episode that God speaks miraculously through to you. ❤️

Me sirrr ,

Refreshing, honest, interesting

I always look forward to Kat’s podcast. I love how it evolves with her, it never feels stale or contrived, it’s always fresh material and thoughts. I appreciate the raw honesty in it, and the fearlessness of broaching topics that can easily draw visceral criticism from both religious and non-religious groups. Thank you Kat for offering yourself up in order for people to feel seen and supported and emboldened.
I’m going to join Patreon to hear more.

gkfjpucvnlgscv ,

Vulnerable, real… Amazing!

I can’t tell you how much I have enjoyed this podcast. Kat is real, open and vulnerable, which I know how scary it is to do it with closed ones, let alone a bunch of strangers. I can resonate with so many of the topics you bring up and I am so thankful that Kat is courageous enough to bring up and discuss.

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