The Sinkhole Effect | What to do when good people have you feeling bad

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Is there someone in your life who, as much as you care about them, often leaves you feeling not so good?

Whether it’s a friend, a family member, a coworker, or anyone for that matter, the energy exchange you get from your encounters leaves you feeling drained. 

It’s like every time you meet, you descend a little bit deeper into an emotional sinkhole. And you have to spend the time between pulling yourself out of it before the inevitable next encounter.  

The tricky part is that you know they aren’t bad people. They’re just in their own world right now, focused on their own things, unable to see how their actions affect you or your organization.

These situations can feel exhausting and be challenging to navigate. But they aren’t impossible. 

This week, Karlee explains how the “sinkhole effect” works and how it affects our relationships with others. Toughing it out through these sticky situations isn’t good for anyone, and it’s a drain on your precious energy reserves.  

In this episode, you’ll learn what it feels like to be in a sinkhole situation through real-life examples of people who have successfully navigated their way through one - without making things worse in the process. You’ll learn a simple exercise that will help you understand the emotional cost-benefit of keeping things the way they are versus instigating change, and where to start if change needs to happen.

If you’re ready to give yourself some grace and stop doing the energetic heavy lifting, then this episode is for you.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• The hitchhiker and the sinkhole (0:50)
• Compassion for others versus compassion for self  (11:13)
• Managing energy rather than managing time (12:26)
• An exercise in emotional cost-benefit analysis (14:02)
• Where to start now if something needs to change (20:16)

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

Book: The Power of Full Engagement: Managing Energy, Not Time, Is the Key to High Performance and Personal Renewal by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz 

Book: The Joy of Leadership: How Positive Psychology Can Maximize Your Impact (and Make You Happier) in a Challenging World by Angus Ridgway and  Tal Ben-Shahar

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Messy and Magnificent is produced by the folx at Ginni Media.