The Telling 1

For years, I’ve nursed this unending desire to always be heard and seen. A desire that has cost me my fair share of denial to the vacuum that has stood in front of me. Taking an oath to always be in the light can be crude especially when you’re unsure if it would always reflect the things that you’d like to be seen. Like everyone else, my twenties came with my bit of the pack up and just leave moments but with very bleak courage, I stood in this light for the ones I love. In the past months, while I prayed for you and stood with you through the deep dark tunnels of your lives, I wrestled with mine. Those cold nights when you called for comfort, the only reason I could pick up was that I was up trying to deal with mine. I tried to pack up and leave, I thought of what would be an easy way out. I imagined that death would maybe give me the solitude I craved. That was the only thing I was sure of, that would be seated with Christ where I truly belonged. I wouldn’t have to be such a disappointment to you when you hear that I'm probably as clueless as you were in the moments you sort me......