17 episodes
The Thing About That: A Modern Woman's Guide to Getting Married The Thing About That: A Modern Woman's Guide to Getting Married Wedding Planning
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- Society & Culture
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5.0 • 3 Ratings
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Modern life for women is better than ever! But isn't it time to unpack the stumbling blocks that remain unspoken? From marriage to the workplace and beyond. Let us be your tribe!
In Series 1, our recently engaged hosts discuss the beautifully complicated journey of getting married. If you've ever interrogated tradition, juggled in-laws or struggled to navigate your own personal aesthetic (it's a lace-fringed mine-field) this is the podcast for you.
Hosts Rebecca, Hettie and Lucy are here to cover all the topics that made them go “why did nobody ever tell me it would be like this!"
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11. WEDDINGS - It's a tricky thing...
Weddings are thorny right? From trying to juggle bridesmaids to trying to juggle feminism; from in-law relationships to marquee costs to eco-guilt.
Of course, weddings are also incredible but sometimes the lead-up and the day itself can be unforgettable in all the worst ways. Well we've tackled every aspect of pre-wedding stress over the last 10 episodes and 6 guest specials of The Thing About That and now it's time to close the door on this particular topic. We've discussed: Why would a modern woman even choose to get married? In heterosexual couples, should a woman still be taking a man's surname? How can the Wedding Dress industry shake off the ugly shackles of diet culture? We've heard from elopement photographers, female proposers, Hindu-Punjabi divorcees and gay grooms. It's been fascinating and joyful. But in this episode, Becca, Hettie and Lucy break down the lessons learnt over the past series, from understanding the value of involving your parents and in-laws to learning about how to be more sustainable in your event-planning choices.
Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss upcoming series from The Thing About That.
Follow us on twitter: @TTAT_Podcast
Follow us on Instagram: @TTAT_Podcast
Follow us on facebook: @TheThingAboutThatPodcast
Series 1, Episode 11 length: 52 mins 19 seconds
What have we learnt? (01:35)
Balancing your own feelings and the feelings of others in the wedding context
What is the social function of getting married if not to involve your family and people you love
Shobna Gulati, Amy Anaiz and Freddie Hutchins - the importance of family and community in a wedding.
Lesson 1: You can’t please all people all the time
How does our image of marriage still need to change? (11:22)
Books, films, TV need to show relationships that do not end in marriage
Social responsibility to avoid clichéd questions when talking to engaged people
In what way has our thinking changed because of this podcast (14:14)
Becoming more analytical in one's thinking, which does not actually lead to an easier life.
The division of labour when it comes to planning a wedding has still got a long way to go: It should not just be on the woman to deconstruct old traditions.
“Feminists alike, if they’re worth their salt, will want you just to feel like you have the option.”
Bringing awareness back to the sustainability of the day. How do our everyday values just fall off a cliff when we start planning a wedding?
Know where the individuals desires of a wedding come from (27:43)
Does one person in the couple want the big wedding day more than another? That’s ok. Know who that is and what the drive for the day is. Accept that.
Wedding-planning as great marriage-training (31:28)
Learn what you can from the hard conversations and the tricky decisions involved in planning a wedding day.
Teaches you what is important to both of you.
Analysing the experience of making a podcast (36:11)
Podcasting as a creative outlet to balance out the professional side of your life
Bonding with strangers around the world
Learning about one’s own strengths and weaknesses
Favourite episode from the series (42:30)
Becca’s choice: Elopements with Maddie-Mae from Adventure Instead.
Lucy’s choice: Proposals
Hettie’s choice: Surnames and The Dress
Thank you for listening! -
Hindu Weddings: TTAT x Shobna Gulati
It's time to get a bit of wisdom and perspective from actress and author Shobna Gulati!
In this special episode of The Thing About That, we hear from Shobna Gulati, star of Coronation Street, Dinnerladies and Everybody's Talking About Jamie. She opens up about the expectations of marriage within her Hindu Punjabi family, what her favourite bits of a Hindu wedding are and what happens when your marriage doesn't actually last forever...
Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss any of our other episodes.
Email us on thethingaboutthatpodcast@gmail.com or comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation.
Follow us on twitter & instagram: @TTAT_Podcast
Follow us on facebook: @TheThingAboutThatPodcast
Guest Special length: 34 mins 36 seconds
Marriage expectations within a North Indian family (02:24)
Cultural pressures added to patriarchal pressures.
Match-making and rishta. What makes a good match?
When losing a father pushes you into the arms of a husband too quickly.
Gender specific pressures (09:32)
Why hasn't the world caught up with the idea that you can be an unmarried woman and secure.
Expectation to join the Indian Society at university and meet a husband there.
Shobna's favourite hallmarks of a Hindu wedding (12:01)
Promises around the fire.
Enormous guest lists of people you don't necessarily know.
Mehndi ceremonies and beautifying the bride and groom.
What happens after divorce? (19:51)
Is your identity tied up in your relationship with your husband?
Sense of injustice and guilt when the marriage didn't work out.
The idea of a marriageable age.
Kamala Harris: "I'm speaking now."
The finances of a Hindu wedding (28:20)
Bollywood productions.
Dowries.
Punjabi wedding traditions (29:30)
Girls stealing the man's shoes, like bridesmaid gifts.
Bringing the family in and joining 2 families together.
And you can find Shobna's book Remember Me? here: https://blackwells.co.uk/bookshop/product/Remember-Me-by-Shobna-Gulati-author/9781788402477
Thank you for listening! -
Guest Special: TTAT x Future Husbands
Shall we let the boys have a say...?
In today's episode of The Thing About That you'll finally hear from the fiancés/husband elects/star partners of our 3 hosts, Becca, Hettie and Lucy. For a whole series we've spoken on their behalf and laid bare our own souls, sometimes at their expense! But now we're giving them the floor. How did Ben respond when Becca caught him picking an engagement ring? When did Jacob decide to take Hettie's surname? What incentivised Tris to propose within 8 months and was Lucy's reaction distressing? How can you actively combat toxic masculinity in your romantic choices? Why might you still choose to ask a father's permission to marry his daughter in this day and age? We force the men to talk about and contemplate weddings just as much as we women find ourselves forced to contemplate the subject on a daily basis.
Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! And if you've missed our earlier episodes, Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss any forthcoming episodes.
Comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:
Follow us on twitter & Instagram: @TTAT_Podcast
Follow us on facebook: @TheThingAboutThatPodcast
Guest Special 5 length: 56 mins 38 seconds
Hettie talks to the future Mr Becca (00:40)
Picking the engagement ring.
How to surprise a partner who loves to be in control.
Lucy talks to the future Mr Hettie (05:22)
Love at first sight.
Difficult conversations with family members over certain wedding choices.
Combatting toxic masculinity: How it feels to be a man taking his wife's surname.
Becca talks to the future Mr Lucy (38:37)
The ease of marriage for a heterosexual male.
Proposing within a year of meeting.
First-hand experience of asking a father's permission.
Recommendations mentioned in the episode:
Untamed by Glennon Doyle.
Thank you for listening! -
10. WEDDINGS - The Costs
In this revolutionary new episode, we're ripping off the bandaid and talking wedding finance!
In Series 1, Episode 10, Lucy, Becca and Hettie Allen open up their spreadsheets and their bank statements in a gesture never yet heard of on a wedding-planning podcast. Or any podcast for that matter. In an effort to make sure that men and women who are going through the wedding circus are enlightened and empowered, we're going to be super honest and candid about the numbers we're spending on all the big hitters of a wedding. From food and drink, to music and marquees, as well as all those hidden smaller costs of a wedding that you never predict.
Take a listen and drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also please subscribe and stay with us on this crazy journey!
You can comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:
Follow us on twitter & Instagram: @TTAT_Podcast
Follow us on facebook: @TheThingAboutThatPodcast
Series 1, Episode 10 length: 53 mins 47 seconds
13:00 - Catering
19:12 - Venue & marquees
27:03 - Flowers
31:06 - Alcohol
33:00 - Bridesmaid Outfits / Hair and Make-up / Funding accommodation for others
39:53 - Wedding Dress
43:44 - Photographer
46:46 - Band / Entertainment
50:03 - Admin fees
Thank you for listening! -
9. WEDDINGS - Sustainability
We've got all the top tips on how to make your wedding eco-friendly, and not 1 of them is about plastic straws...
The reality is that to truly go green on your big day, you really ought to not have a wedding at all! But if throwing an enormous event to celebrate your love is a non-negotiable, there are all sorts of things to consider if you want to make the day as kind to the planet as possible. And we at The Thing About That can help! When it comes to reducing your carbon footprint, there's loads to consider from plants vs. flowers to vegan menu choices to rental wedding dresses. With a little help from Stylist journalist Alessia Armenise, in Season 1 Episode 9 we lay down the law for you and give you a brilliant sustainable check-list to adhere to.
Take a listen and drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also please subscribe and stay with us on this crazy journey!
You can comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:
Follow us on twitter & Instagram: @TTAT_Podcast
Follow us on facebook: @TheThingAboutThatPodcast
Series 1, Episode 9 length: 47 mins 51 seconds
05:50 - Summary of tips
Reduce your guest list
Pick your location wisely
Avoid imported flowers
Source local food
Second-hand bridal gowns
10:00 - The problem with the industry
The wedding industry is all about newness and uniqueness, so we need to force them to change.
14:13 - Alternatives for wedding presents
Your presence is our presents
Donations to charities
"Something old, nothing new, something borrowed, something renewed"
16:56 - Sharing/re-using
Rent your bridal gown, but also encourage your guests to rent their outfits
Can you share decorations/crockery with bride friends?
23:05 - Interview with Alessia Armenise
International weddings are difficult
Can guests travel to your wedding by train rather than plane
Limit the stationary
25:06 - Lesson 1: HAVE FEWER PEOPLE
Gathering large numbers of people in one place and entertaining them is an unsustainable activity.
Request no gifts, or experiential gifts rather than material products.
28:58 - Lesson 2: PICK A BEAUTIFUL LOCATION THAT NEEDS NO EMBELLISHMENT
Look at the location in a naked way and imagine how it would be with not that many things in it.
29:44 - Lesson 3: HOLD BACK ON THE FLOWERS!
They are compostable, so throwing them away is not the issue so much as their location of origin.
Big carbon footprint
Use potted: lavender pots, lemon trees, olive trees.
32.09 - Lesson 4: SECOND-HAND OR RENTAL BRIDAL GOWNS
One-wear fashion is the worst!
Re-use by changing the hem or dying a different colour
Vintage dresses or second-hand bridal boutiques in Hackney, East London
35:16 - Time for sustainable wedding planners
The challenge of keeping all the activity spikes of a wedding without being unsustainable
Don’t have a wedding that needs a Plan B.
42:06 - Lesson 5: BUY LOCAL
To vegan or not to vegan: vegetarian and vegan wedding menus are not always as sustainable as meat from a more local region.
Vegan can be a bold choice to make without getting your guests’ back up.
42:40 - Don’t let perfect be the enemy of the good.
Find Alessia Armenise here:
www.prettyslow.life
@alessiaarmenise
Thank you for listening! -
Gay Weddings: TTAT x Freddie Hutchins
Same-sex weddings are leading the charge in tradition-breaking days!
In this special episode of The Thing About That, we chat to theatre actor and bezzie mate of Lucy Eaton: Freddie Hutchins. He talks candidly about all the ups and downs of planning his beautiful autumnal wedding in Kew Gardens, London, as a gay man. As well as getting some crazy helpful tips on how to delegate roles amongst your bridal party and what is best to spend your money on (btw it's a photographer), we analyse why LGBTQ+ weddings are some of the most liberating experiences. There's no antiquated blueprint to follow, no specific bride and groom so the pressures are less. Why can't we all just start from a similarly open-minded base line? How different would weddings look if we could?
Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss our upcoming guest episodes.
Email us on thethingaboutthatpodcast@gmail.com or comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation.
Follow us on twitter & instagram: @TTAT_Podcast
Follow us on facebook: @TheThingAboutThatPodcast
Guest Special 3 length: 41 mins 52 seconds
Meet Freddie and Oli (01:15)
That "fearing a proposal" feeling (03:02)
"I did live in terror of him getting down on one knee!"
Why do we always panic in a romantic setting that a proposal is coming?
As a same-sex couple, was it always clear which of you would take the initiative on proposing? (04:04)
Why marriage? (04:40)
When you're distrustful of the idea of marriage, feeling ok with it for the other person is the final test.
"I don't want to do this because it is the right thing to do."
No engagement rings
How involved were family and friends? (07:51)
Lucky to have family "who fully love and support us as gay men."
Generational differences, such as parents asking "which of you is the bride?"
Same-sex marriages leading to a more open-minded, instinctive planning experience (13:00)
2 men getting married immediately means there is less of a blueprint.
Pressure to follow old traditions is slightly gone.
When is tradition helpful? (17:40)
Having a blue-print of a ceremony can be helpful in manipulating emotion and structuring a service.
When you remove hymns from a service, how do you get everybody to sing together?
Alternative songs for group singing: Five Gold Rings, Yellow Submarine.
How to guide your registrar or vicar to get your tone in the ceremony.
What was restrictive in the process as a homosexual groom (21:28)
Very little: "We were able to escape the wedding mania that is piled onto straight people getting married."
Know what to fight for / what is important with your venue and team
Multiple brief speeches (26:30)
5-minute maximum speeches from various family and friends.
How to give your VIP guests roles. Know when to delegate roles.
What if you're a bride or groom who hates being the centre of attention? (30:50)
Bring all your friends into the creation and planning, so the day is about them as much as you.
Reading, singing, witnessing, recording, cake making etc.
But ALWAYS HIRE A PROFESSIONAL PHOTOGRAPHER!
You can find Freddie's recommendation Bride Book here: www.bridebook.co.uk
Thank you for listening!
Customer Reviews
The Thing Is....
I feel like I’ve been invited into a conversation with friends I’ve known for a long time, and it is obvious that these ladies care for and respect each other. I am older than our hosts, but count myself among their same generation- one of women actively breaking the cycle of society’s teachings that we should not ask for what we want nor should we take up space. Those changes start at the individual level by honoring what is right for us regardless of how it may misalign with someone else.
Ladies, I wish you everything that makes you happy, and I hope you’ll keeping taking us along for the ride!
Listener
This podcast has brought moments of joy into my life. I have listened to and loved all the episodes! One of my faves was the surname one bc even though I am nowhere near marriage, I love imagining that decision and what it means on a personal, political and beaurocraric level. Additionally, I hope that the hosts will consider acknowledging more that they are simply three cis white, millennial, financially secure women in the UK and there are a lot of radical ways to be modern in the world. This is said with love from a young feminist who shares most of those identities but who is surrounded by people who don’t and don’t have the privileges that come with them. And the depth of meaningfulness by having ppl with a platform (no matter the size) even recognize their privilege means a lot to me and shows real intention. So I hope that they even incorporate it even more into the podcast in the future or even consider having guests who are intersectional feminists, queer folx, immigrants, BIPOC or differently abled to also weight in on these wonderful topics. I hope that the hosts genuinely hear these comments as loving suggestions and not criticism. Love the show! Can’t wait for the next ep!
-a 19 year old, sincere, femenist witch
Listen to this podcast!
Insightful conversations about the roles proposals, engagements, weddings and marriage have to play in modern society, from a trio of hilariously self-deprecating and charming ladies. Absolutely loved it!