Unseeing Parent Ep 5.35

We are on the final episode of this eight-episode stretch, examining the difference between showing up in trusting ways and showing up in non-trusting ways through the aspects of feeling safe, feeling seen, feeling secure, and feeling soothed.

We've been exploring these foundational steps to building a healthy relationship. When discussing attachment and attachment qualities, we're talking about the dance between rupture and repair in a strong relationship—making a mistake and working to repair it, messing up and fixing it, experiencing stress, and then finding soothing. It's this constant ebb and flow of life that influences the quality of attachment.

Attachment theory focuses on the quality of that attachment bond, which affects your child's development mentally, physically, intellectually, emotionally, and socially. The strength of that relationship is the main predictor of how well your child will do both in school and in life. How they learn to find security within themselves and their primary caregiver, often you, will extend to how they handle stresses in other areas of their lives—friendships, school, and future romantic relationships. This primary connection to you, their caregiver, is crucial.

The child looks to you as a safe base, and their sense of safety is determined by the quality of attachment to their primary caregiver. This means how safe they feel to leave you and come back to you, repeatedly.

The bonding perspective of the child is different from your perspective as a parent. You see things through the adult, caretaker's perspective, while your child sees things from their own viewpoint. In this eight-episode series and in my work, I invite caregivers to see things from the child's perspective. We look at what safety, being seen, feeling soothed, and having a sense of security means from the child's point of view.

 I always emphasize that a good foundation of this understanding is worth the investment.

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