Why I Believe Work Life Balance is a Myth

Let go of work-life balance and embrace the unforced rhythms of a fully integrated life. I used to think that work-life balance was achievable. Now I believe it is a myth. No matter how hard I tried, I could never achieve this perfect moment of everything in my life working in perfect Zen harmony and balance.

I felt so exhausted trying to stay in balance

The way forward isn’t exhaustion. It isn’t juggling, stretching, or herculean gymnastic efforts to come through for others while ignoring yourself. The way forward is an integrated, wholehearted life.

The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor, and his leisure, his mind and his body, his information and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence in whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To him, he’s always doing both.”

-James Michener Here’s why I wasn’t able to achieve balance

After the death of our daughter Hadley in 2011, I found myself desperately trying to hold my life together. My marriage was suffering. My kids needed their dad. And my already intense corporate career as an executive was only getting more complicated as responsibilities and promotions kept coming my way.

Our sweet daughter Hadley crossing over to eternity

I was burning out but didn’t admit it.

Anybody else could see the signs a mile away. I was so focused on what was right in front of me that when it finally hit-I was utterly blindsided. And the solution was nothing short of a complete do-over—a “reboot,” as we called it. We sold our house and everything, down to the last fork. We spent the summer serving at a Young Life camp, finding a new normal.

Ringing in the Opening Day Trading bell at the London Stock Exchange, but wondering what’s it all for?

It wasn’t easy. It took brutal months of inner work, therapy programs, tears, and facing the old stories that no longer served us. Stories like “I have to do it all” and “I can’t trust anybody else to get it done.” But out of that, we emerged with a new vision for our life—a new story-A life filled with excitement, ambition, love, rest, forgiveness, and hope.

As we began this journey creating a new life

I realized my software executive career no longer aligned with the person I had become. For so long, I had tried to find the fabled work-life balance.

The problem was I didn’t want my life to be compartmentalized anymore, with each area staying separate from the other. I wanted it all integrated into one wild, beautiful mess.

Once I stopped trying to achieve work-life balance, I discovered a third-way rhythm, “a repeated pattern of movement” where work, life, play, relationships, rest, finances, friendships, and adventure could co-exist within my experience of each day.

I began to experience my life as a complete whole where every valuable aspect was connected and worked together. I discovered more of God’s presence and meaning in ways I had never noticed. It radically transformed my life for the better-my mission now is to share that discovery with as many people as possible (like you).

Aligning the work I do, with who I’d become

Ultimately I left my corporate executive career behind. After eight months of living off of savings, pursuing work that fit the person I had become, and taking our checking account down to $1500, I discovered a new career doing work that I truly loved. That fit within this new integrated life we were architecting. (Fun fact, my first client meeting in my new career as an executive leadership coach happened less than 1 mile from where I resigned from my old gig just months before. Talk about coming full circle.)

Taking an inventory of the assets of my life. Dashboard lights from Green (going great), Ye