You Already Know with James Creviston James D Creviston

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.

A giant shark has made waves on TikTok after it was filmed swimming near a ship. After over 37 million views TikTok concluded they’re going to need a bigger server.

Spanish police are investigating the death of a 39-year-old man whose body was found inside a dinosaur statue. It turns out that all the dinosaurs were man-eaters.

New research has suggested that humans could live to 150, which is twice the current average life expectancy. Upon hearing the announcement Congress raised the eligible age to get Social Security to 125.

An Australian man went viral after opening a safe he had found five years ago only to discover that within it, was a single XXX condom... As in a branded condom, from the 2002 movie starring Vin Diesel! Just like the film the condom was considered a waste of a safe space.

Waste heat from data centers and sewage works are set to keep many people warm in Britain. The creator of the technology has used a similar technology to warm his own bed, via farts.

A 2-year-old girl from Los Angeles has become the youngest American member of Mensa. She has already started her own TikTok to capitalize on her new fame.

HBO Max has announced they finally finished filming the FRIENDS reunion show. It runs out that it was the reunion even the friends didn’t want.

These are the jokes for May 31, 2021. I’m James Creviston you can find me on YouTube and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.

Dunkin Donuts has released a direct-to-consumer paint brand in their iconic colors. Your home can not only look like a Dunkin Donuts but it can smell like a Dunkin Donuts as well with smells like morning breath, B.O. and homeless urine.

Airlines are considering weighing passengers before flights as U.S. obesity rates climb. Airlines said they would change based on weight, emotional baggage will be charged separately.

Kellogg's has announced they are making Cereal Boxes smaller to reduce cardboard use. However the amount of air in the bag will stay the same.

Alabama beachgoers found 31 kilograms of cocaine across a beach in Gulf Shores, worth over $1 million dollars. Beachgoers knew it was cocaine as soon as spring breakers and Wall Street traders descended on the beach.

An alligator reportedly chased several people through a Wendy’s parking lot in Florida. The gator told police it would have stopped had they given his Jr. bacon Cheeseburger back.

Superstar singer and actress Cher turned 75. Sadly she still hasn’t figured out how to “turn back time”.

These are the jokes for May 24, 2021. I’m James Creviston you can find me on YouTube and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.

Space Force Lieutenant Colonel Matthew Lohmeier was fired after he made comments on a conservative podcast. The comments included praise of Space X, verifying aliens exist, and that Space Force is just a bad show on Netflix.

North Carolina Police solved a rash of crimes after the Thief got a flat tire causing him to be hit by 18-wheeler. Police were happy they only had to semi-solve the crime.

A recent study asked people what animals they thought they could beat in a fight with many overestimating they could take a goose. The results also showed that men thought they could take down gorillas, bears, and their mother in laws. In other news UFC President Dana White has announced his newest fighting league titled the Animal Fighting Championship.

A woman was left dismayed after her neighbor accused her of forcing her son to eat “ethnic food”. When asked what ethnic food her son could have, the woman stated, None, he only eats Pizza Hut, Panda Express, or Taco Bell.

A diver in Australia spotted a fish wearing a gold wedding ring. The diver was excited that he had finally seen a goldfish in the wild.

A new species of dinosaur identified by Mexican paleontologists is believed to have been "very communicative" and used low-frequency sounds like elephants to talk to each other. The dinosaurs were not known to have lived long as they talked so much their social life became extinct.

These are the jokes for May 17, 2021. I’m James Creviston you can find me on YouTube and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo implied that unvaccinated people could ‘Wind Up Killing Your Grandmother’. Officials are taking the claim seriously since Cuomo has killed more Grandmothers than anyone.

A Missouri woman clearing overgrowth from her backyard found a “live” World War II-era Japanese bomb. Finding the bomb really blew up her weekend plans.

A Florida teen that allegedly rigged the election for homecoming queen is being charged as an adult. While awaiting trial she has been hired as the head of election security at Dominion.

A Philippine collector has amassed a super-sized collection of over 20,000 fast-food toys. In addition to the toys he has also amassed a supersized case of diabetes.

A farmer in Belgium has inadvertently redrawn the country's border with France by moving a stone marking the boundary between the two countries. And just like any other incident the French have been involved in they apologized and accepted the loss.

A new report has found that lumber costs have added $36,000 to the average price of a new home. This was not news for men with ED as they already knew it was expensive to get wood.

A Florida woman found a cigarette inside her Taco Bell meal. Not to be outdone Waffle House has started adding Hashish to their hash browns.

These are the jokes for May 10, 2021. I’m James Creviston you can find me on YouTube and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.

A beachgoer stumbled upon 65 pounds of cocaine that had washed ashore in Tampa, Florida. The man only realized it was cocaine after he got a rush from snorting what he thought was white sand.

The Biden administration is expected to announce a ban on menthol cigarettes, in order to protect African American communities. The administration has said it wants to expand the ban to include fried chicken, watermelon, and grape soda.

In an effort to bring back diners, Hooters is opening a new, fast-casual restaurant chain spinoff. The spinoff will be a quicker service kiosk with the same food and will be called Itty Bittys.

Ohio Republicans introduced a bill to rename a State park after Donald Trump. The park was picked because it is already a great place to get groped against your will.

A woman was charged with a felony for not returning a VHS tape 21 years late. The woman was so mad at the charges she didn’t even rewind.

A Nigerian teen was offered 19 scholarships worth more than $5 million from the US and Canadian schools. All of it will of course go to help her cousin, a wronged Nigerian Prince.

Country Music legend Willie Nelson celebrated his 88th birthday. Instead of cake he had brownies and he doesn’t remember it’s his birthday.

These are the jokes for May 3, 2021. I’m James Creviston you can find me on YouTube and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.

Amazon has announced it is bringing palm-reading payment tech to Whole Foods stores. So you can get your palms read in the Vegan aisle and at the register.

New research has revealed that traces of radioactive fallout from nuclear tests in the 1950s and 1960s can still be found in American honey. So move over Incredible Hulk here comes The Incredible Drone.

President Joe Biden pledged to cut U.S. greenhouse gas pollution in half by 2030. He has started by cutting his own bean intake and banning Taco Tuesdays.

According to a new tell all Prince Philip had ‘only one complaint’ about Queen Elizabeth during their 73-year marriage. It turns out that he couldn’t stand her Dutch ovening him in bed.

Polish Animal Control officers detained what was reported to be an animal stuck in a tree, but instead turned out to be a croissant. Authorities detained the croissant and disposed of it during lunch.

A Ukrainian airline is commemorating the 35th anniversary of the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant disaster by offering an aerial tour of the site. The flight includes a tour, snacks, and an extreme form of cancer.

A fight over the name of Josh drew a crowd of hundreds from around the country to a Nebraska park on April 24th for a heated pool-noodle brawl. Following the battle there was no longer any Americans named Josh.

These are the jokes for April 26, 2021. I’m James Creviston you can find me on YouTube and this is You Already Know.