Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

Melanie Curtin
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Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

Advice for smart men on how to succeed with women in sex, dating, relationships, and marriages. Beautiful women give you a peek behind the curtain into what the feminine really craves from the masculine ... and how to give it to us. Personal growth is sexy, haven't you heard? Get in touch at dearmenpodcast@gmail.com. Take our free training for men at https://evolutionary.men/dearmen

  1. 5 DAYS AGO

    354: What’s it like treating Borderline Personality Disorder? (Pt. 1) Ft. Setareh Vatan

    If you've ever been with an emotionally volatile partner or perhaps suspected that you yourself might be emotionally volatile, you hopefully already know about Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). (And if you haven't, we have lots of episodes on the subject!) Here, we talk to a therapist whose clientele is largely comprised of those contending with BPD. What's it like to be a therapist who works with clients with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? What are some of the big challenges and greatest rewards? "Can BPD be treated?" "Is it possible to recover from BPD?" "How does therapy work when it comes to BPD?" are a few common questions -- all of which we address. --- Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it. To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/) --- Memorable quotes from this episode:"Then I will see the ‘flip’ take place.""There can be this, ‘How dare you?’ response — or, ‘Are you saying I’m bad?’""Ideally I’m asking people to talk about it instead of acting it out.""The treatment takes place in the relational field between us (client and practitioner).""I’m inviting people to communicate instead of act out their hurt or distress.""The core feature is the fear of abandonment … being left or rejected.""There can be chronic feelings of emptiness that people describe (which can be related to a lack of sense of self).""Partners will often talk about the intense anger outbursts.""The hallmark defense mechanism is splitting, which is seeing people or situations as all good or all bad.""No one is there for me and no one will ever be there for me. Everyone lets me down. I desperately want to be taken care of, but I can’t trust anyone to take care of me.""Over and over again, there is going to be rupture and repair, which is the experience that this person did not have early on."--- Mentioned on this episode:Setareh Vatan's Psychology Today profileRBeyond Borderline: True Stories of Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder Paperback – edited by Gunderson & HoffmanGet Me Out of Here: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder – by Rachel Reiland

    1h 40m

  2. 21 MAR

    353: GirlTalk: An exquisite quality of the masculine that we quite enjoy [replay]

    Ever wanted to be a fly on the wall while women talked about their dating stories? Ever wondered what the men who have women feel both safe and turned on have in common? Here, four of us women discuss a specific skill that men have shown that has us feel taken care of and turned on. It boosts polarity like crazy, and it's relevant whether or not you're dating casually or you're in a committed, long-term relationship. What's extra intriguing is that while this is a relatively easy skill to master, it's not one that a lot of men know about. (We can guarantee that because it's pretty rare in the dating world!) If you want to be able to lead women in such a way that has them feel special, lit up, and excited to see you ... listen on. Bonus? When a woman feels safe and turned on, she's far more likely to fall in love. --- Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it. To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

    59 min

  3. 14 MAR

    352: Do you ever feel collapsed or hopeless? (Like nothing’s working) (ft. Jason Lange)

    Does a part of you ever feel like just giving up? It's too much, it's too heavy, it's too complicated, it's too hard. Or has it ever felt like, "What's the point?" The truth is, we all have points in our lives when we feel overwhelmed. This can also show up in the, "Here I am again… I’m in the SAME SPOT. I always circle back to this.'" If you're single, perhaps it's: "Nothing's working in dating." If you're partnered, it could be: "I'm trying and trying, but nothing’s working to get us reconnected." Or as Jason says, "In my relationship, it would be anytime that I would get activated into feeling like I’m not enough." Here we go into what's happening on a physiological level when this part is showing up for you -- the two poles. These are dorsal shutdown — disassociation/sleepy/collapsed/yawning; and sympathetic overdrive — hyper/activated/manic/wired/anger. We talk about how to recognize these states, and what to do it when you do. Hint: "Connection and movement are two of the most important things. And sometimes to shift our mindset, we have to shift our body first." --- Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/) --- Memorable quotes from this episode:"Our whole system just shuts down, and we’re frozen or disassociated."“What’s the point of trying? What’s the point of getting angry? What’s the point of connecting with someone online? It’s not going to change.”"It’s a deep place of suffering when we don’t feel like we have agency over our own life.""Rumination — our mind is racing but our body isn’t moving.""The optimal place is in the middle: We’re engaged, and we’re relaxed.""One of the ways we get back to that relaxed state is through social connection.""One breath, one step."“If we can be with it, we can be free from it.”--- Mentioned on this episode:Dear Men 196: Were you a child of emotional neglect?

    56 min

  4. 7 MAR

    351: Men love to be nurtured, too (pt. 2) (ft. Scott Kaltenbaugh)

    Ever feel like you need to be tough in order to be seen as "masculine" enough? Ever feel like you wish you could just let your guard down and be taken care of? The truth is, it is a deep human need to be nurtured in relationship. It's neither masculine nor feminine, and we need to expand our awareness of and perception of love, relationship, and what it means to be taken care of, whether we're dating or in a committed long-term relationship. Men need to feel safe, desired, and received just as much as women do. The shape that takes might differ, but the underlying need remains the same. Here we delve into the wonderful world of feeling nurtured. I share personal stories from men in our community of moments when they've felt deeply nurtured by their women partners, as well as what nurturing means to them. In love and even in sex, some of the most memorable moments are not those in which we feel red-hot desire, but when we feel the sweetness of connection. This is part two of a two-part series on nurturing. For those who want to listen to both, the first is episode 343. --- Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've go tit. To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/) --- Memorable quotes from this episode:"I feel nurtured when I am told I am fully seen, trusted, and loved for all that I am as I am.""The bravery to feel worthy.""We relate to men through roughness, and women through sex.""You can’t meet me where I’m at if you don’t see me.""The patriarchy says: 'I’ve got to do it by myself and without complaining and tough it out no matter what.'""We have to take the mask off for somebody."

    1h 16m

  5. 28 FEB

    350: Weed, Porn, and Masturbation: The Trifecta! (ft. Jason Lange & Luke Adler)

    "Porn was the #1 relationship I had in terms of intimacy." So says Jason on his experience of sex, love, and closeness in his 20s. (Fortunately, after engaging in personal growth, including men's work, he's now married to a radiant goddess!) If you've ever struggled with your relationship to porn -- and if that has also impacted your relationship to sex and sexuality, you're far from alone. Countless clients of ours start out with a challenging dynamic with porn, and here's the truth: Porn use isn't really about porn. Weed use isn't really about weed, either. When it comes to using weed, porn & masturbation, and other substances like alcohol, as Luke puts it, "It’s almost always covering up deeper material that men do not know how to handle." The good news? There are lots of ways to handle that material, safe spaces within which to process it, and a TON of energy, vitality, and joy on the other side. Remember: Personal growth works, so work it. --- Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/) --- Memorable quotes from this episode:“When I watch porn, I have the freedom to experience pleasure and the freedom to not experience rejection.”“Gimme the weed again because I don’t want to feel the Shame Guy!”“We all do things to avoid feeling the thing that we don’t want to feel.”“Emotion starts as sensation in the body.”“Most of what ails you can be significantly soothed by connection.”

    1h 3m

  6. 21 FEB

    349: Interested in plant medicine but don’t want to do “drugs”? Try this. (ft. Luke Adler)

    Most of us, on our growth journeys, become aware that we need to heal from some kind of trauma. We also often discover that we need more than talk therapy. Altered states have been used since time immemorial to help us on our healing paths, and can be particularly helpful in trauma healing. And while plant medicine (ayahuasca, psilocybin (magic mushrooms), MDMA, psychedelics like wachuma/peyote) can be a strong ally, it also has certain drawbacks and limitations. Fortunately there's another way to get into altered states that requires no substances: Breathwork. Here we outline the differences between plant medicine and breathwork. We also discuss how breathwork can help folks heal from attachment wounding (anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, or disorganized attachment, which is a mix of both). And we talk about the bodymind's inherent knowledge of how to heal. Breathwork can help us unlock our own deeper wisdom. --- Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/) --- Memorable quotes from this episode:"The next stage of evolution is self-inquiry.""Consciousness expands in such a way that says, ‘I need help.'""I have this deep desire to expand.""Beneath that knot of unworthiness is ultimate consciousness.""The core intention is to open the heart, and to heal."--- Mentioned on this episode:Book: Conscious Breathing: How Shamanic Breathwork Can Transform Your Life by Joy MannéBreathwork Breakthrough (advanced course led by me and Luke, starting mid-March. Email dearmenpodcast@gmail.com for more info)

    58 min

  7. 14 FEB

    348: ‘I wish we had sex more.’ (ft. Violet Lange)

    A common pattern in a lot of love relationships sounds like one partner (often a man, in a man/woman dynamic) saying things like: "I wish you weren’t so busy with the kids.""You never dress up for me anymore.""I wish you'd flirt with me more.""You hide yourself from me; I never really see your body anymore.""I wish we had more sex."--- What's driving this, and how does a couple navigate it skillfully? A lot of men yearn for more sexual connection with their partner -- but it's not just about the sex. And the way a lot of men go about talking about this with their woman partner ends up being triggering for the woman. Here we discuss what we've witnessed in terms of men's deep desire for not just sex, but their partner's enthusiastic participation. And we dive right into what's even underneath that: The ache to feel her feminine essence. This is about more than just incorporating sex toys or trying out a new position. This is about the depth and power and range of the open feminine. Get ready for a hell of a ride! Memorable quotes from this episode“I wasn’t open and didn’t know how to open.”“To the men, it’s like a vitamin.”“It’s the sense of aliveness as it changes moment to moment.”“A lot of times what women are hearing is, ‘I’m not enough.’”“I want to feel lust for life! I want to feel playful and lighthearted and irreverent.”“The essence of the feminine is desire and emotion.”“When women are in their full range, the relationship accelerates.”“I want you to enjoy it; I want you feel your pleasure and your desire, and I know that’s in you.”--- Mentioned on this episode:Please Her In Bed: A Course for Men, Designed by Women (www.pleaseherinbed.com)ROSE Code by Violet Lange: www.violetlange.com/rosecode

    59 min

  8. 7 FEB

    347: Men’s work isn’t enough. You’ve also got to have this. (ft. Luke Adler)

    Have you ever felt unworthy, less than, or "deeply ugly and stupid," as my guest this week put it? The fact is, we need all the support we can get. We need it from our fellow humans, and we need it from something greater. The word "God" can be very triggering -- for those who experienced religious trauma growing up (which, let's face it, is literally billions of people), it can be a dirty word. Yet the concept of Life -- aka Divine Intelligence, the Field, Spirit, etc. -- can be extraordinarily transformative when it comes to our everyday lives, and how we experience love itself. What is your relationship to Life, nature, the interconnected web? Do you feel held by something greater? How does this relate to your experience with sex, dating, and relationships? And what's really behind our patterns and how to we grow beyond them? --- Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/) --- Memorable quotes from this episode:"I thought I was deeply ugly, and stupid.""In the opening, something is allowed to arise through.""Something more important than my pain took centerstage.""You don’t have to ‘do’ the miracle; you just have to be open to the miracle.""Let nature move in between the relationship.""Make way for the mystery."--- Mentioned on this episode:Book: Outrageous Openness by Tosha SilverDear Men 305: GuyTalk: Overcoming Religious Trauma

    58 min
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    Ratings & Reviews

    4.8
    out of 5
    8 Ratings

    About

    Advice for smart men on how to succeed with women in sex, dating, relationships, and marriages. Beautiful women give you a peek behind the curtain into what the feminine really craves from the masculine ... and how to give it to us. Personal growth is sexy, haven't you heard? Get in touch at dearmenpodcast@gmail.com. Take our free training for men at https://evolutionary.men/dearmen

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