Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

Melanie Curtin
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  • SEXUALITY
  • UPDATED WEEKLY
Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

Advice for smart men on how to succeed with women in sex, dating, relationships, and marriages. Beautiful women give you a peek behind the curtain into what the feminine really craves from the masculine ... and how to give it to us. Personal growth is sexy, haven't you heard? Get in touch at dearmenpodcast@gmail.com. Take our free training for men at https://evolutionary.men/dearmen

  1. 1 DAY AGO

    349: Interested in plant medicine but don’t want to do “drugs”? Try this. (ft. Luke Adler)

    Most of us, on our growth journeys, become aware that we need to heal from some kind of trauma. We also often discover that we need more than talk therapy. Altered states have been used since time immemorial to help us on our healing paths, and can be particularly helpful in trauma healing. And while plant medicine (ayahuasca, psilocybin (magic mushrooms), MDMA, psychedelics like wachuma/peyote) can be a strong ally, it also has certain drawbacks and limitations. Fortunately there's another way to get into altered states that requires no substances: Breathwork. Here we outline the differences between plant medicine and breathwork. We also discuss how breathwork can help folks heal from attachment wounding (anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, or disorganized attachment, which is a mix of both). And we talk about the bodymind's inherent knowledge of how to heal. Breathwork can help us unlock our own deeper wisdom. --- Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/) --- Memorable quotes from this episode:"The next stage of evolution is self-inquiry.""Consciousness expands in such a way that says, ‘I need help.'""I have this deep desire to expand.""Beneath that knot of unworthiness is ultimate consciousness.""The core intention is to open the heart, and to heal."--- Mentioned on this episode:Book: Conscious Breathing: How Shamanic Breathwork Can Transform Your Life by Joy MannéBreathwork Breakthrough (advanced course led by me and Luke, starting mid-March. Email dearmenpodcast@gmail.com for more info)

    58 min

  2. 14 FEB

    348: ‘I wish we had sex more.’ (ft. Violet Lange)

    A common pattern in a lot of love relationships sounds like one partner (often a man, in a man/woman dynamic) saying things like: "I wish you weren’t so busy with the kids.""You never dress up for me anymore.""I wish you'd flirt with me more.""You hide yourself from me; I never really see your body anymore.""I wish we had more sex."--- What's driving this, and how does a couple navigate it skillfully? A lot of men yearn for more sexual connection with their partner -- but it's not just about the sex. And the way a lot of men go about talking about this with their woman partner ends up being triggering for the woman. Here we discuss what we've witnessed in terms of men's deep desire for not just sex, but their partner's enthusiastic participation. And we dive right into what's even underneath that: The ache to feel her feminine essence. This is about more than just incorporating sex toys or trying out a new position. This is about the depth and power and range of the open feminine. Get ready for a hell of a ride! Memorable quotes from this episode“I wasn’t open and didn’t know how to open.”“To the men, it’s like a vitamin.”“It’s the sense of aliveness as it changes moment to moment.”“A lot of times what women are hearing is, ‘I’m not enough.’”“I want to feel lust for life! I want to feel playful and lighthearted and irreverent.”“The essence of the feminine is desire and emotion.”“When women are in their full range, the relationship accelerates.”“I want you to enjoy it; I want you feel your pleasure and your desire, and I know that’s in you.”--- Mentioned on this episode:Please Her In Bed: A Course for Men, Designed by Women (www.pleaseherinbed.com)ROSE Code by Violet Lange: www.violetlange.com/rosecode

    59 min

  3. 7 FEB

    347: Men’s work isn’t enough. You’ve also got to have this. (ft. Luke Adler)

    Have you ever felt unworthy, less than, or "deeply ugly and stupid," as my guest this week put it? The fact is, we need all the support we can get. We need it from our fellow humans, and we need it from something greater. The word "God" can be very triggering -- for those who experienced religious trauma growing up (which, let's face it, is literally billions of people), it can be a dirty word. Yet the concept of Life -- aka Divine Intelligence, the Field, Spirit, etc. -- can be extraordinarily transformative when it comes to our everyday lives, and how we experience love itself. What is your relationship to Life, nature, the interconnected web? Do you feel held by something greater? How does this relate to your experience with sex, dating, and relationships? And what's really behind our patterns and how to we grow beyond them? --- Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/) --- Memorable quotes from this episode:"I thought I was deeply ugly, and stupid.""In the opening, something is allowed to arise through.""Something more important than my pain took centerstage.""You don’t have to ‘do’ the miracle; you just have to be open to the miracle.""Let nature move in between the relationship.""Make way for the mystery."--- Mentioned on this episode:Book: Outrageous Openness by Tosha SilverDear Men 305: GuyTalk: Overcoming Religious Trauma

    58 min

  4. 31 JAN

    346: When whining is so magical that it generates polarity! (ft. Jason & Violet Lange) [replay]

    Is it painful for you when you feel that your woman is closed? Do you long for more ways to help her open up fully? (Not just sexually, but that is included!) Most dating and relationship advice doesn't include the concept of polarity and the three stages of relationship, but it can be nothing less than magical when worked with properly. According to polarity work (originated primarily by David Deida), there are two primary forces in dating, relationships and sex: alpha energy (what we sometimes refer to as masculine) and omega energy (aka feminine energy). The vast majority of omega partners have a deep longing to surrender to a trustable partner. They want to be able to be fully expressed and be met. Yet in many cases, they feel like they're too much. Their emotions are too much; they're too fiery; they feel like they'll never be able to fully express themselves with a partner. The lesser-known part of polarity work involves the three stages. As we grow in relationships, we have the capacity to graduate from stage 1 (rigid roles, often dictated by society), to stage 2 (we rely on talking to resolve tension), to stage three — which brings us to this episode.  In polarized stage three relationships we bring in creativity, embodiment, and edgy play. We use breath, sound, and movement to move through tension or discomfort between us. Stage three is exciting, risky, and powerful. And as Jason puts it, "it tends to *wake us up* as men." If you want to lead your woman into depths of safety, red-hot sex, and surrender in ways neither of you has perhaps ever experienced ways — if you want to help her feel even more of her heart, her spirit, and her sex, listen on. Note: Credit to David Deida’s work on the stages of relationship and polarity.  Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/) --- Memorable quotes from this episode:"Through your direction, you can invite expression.""In stage two we just want it to end. In stage three it’s like, 'Bring it all. Let’s ride this wave.'""You don’t have to do nearly as much as you think.""Tell me that again, but like a hippo."

    59 min

  5. 24 JAN

    345: The 4 male "types" who partner with Borderline women (Borderline Personality Disorder) (ft. Violet Lange)

    Ever been with a woman partner who was emotionally volatile? Ever felt like you were walking on eggshells, or that no matter what you did it wasn't enough and she was always disappointed in you? If so, she may have had Borderline Personality Disorder ... or at least traits of it. More people are diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) than schizophrenia and bipolar combined, yet few are familiar with it. Some mental health professionals estimate that a whopping 10% of the population contends with BPD, which psychologists are working to get renamed Emotional Regulation Disorder. Here, we break down the 4 archetypes of Borderline women, and their male counterparts. Much of this is gleaned from Christine Lawson's book Understanding the Borderline Mother. We also go over the ways each of the male archetypes can heal from the intense and unstable, exhausting, and often depleting relationship dynamics involved. Remember: growth and healing are always possible, and nothing is set in stone. Personal growth works, so work it. --- Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/) --- Mentioned on this episode:Dear Men episode 128: Feel like you’re walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality DisorderDear Men episode 313: GuyTalk: Life after being with a BPD partner (Borderline Personality Disorder)Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder (book)Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship (book)Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents (book)Subreddit for BPD Loved Ones --- Want to support wildfire survivors in the LA area? Go here. They list the families in the most dire need at the top. The long URL is: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1pK5omSsD4KGhjEHCVgcVw-rd4FZP9haoijEx1mSAm5c/htmlview --- Memorable quotes from this episode:"'Children are the first to recognize and the last to admit that something is wrong with their mother.'" (from Understanding the Borderline Mother)"My wife is the fortress and I’m here to protect that.""There’s a theme of icing people out.""I’m willing to leave the relationship if you/we don’t get help.""You CAN change your patterns of attraction."

    1h 41m

  6. 17 JAN

    344: 3 dating myths to let go of immediately (ft. Jason Lange)

    Are you gettin' out onto the dating scene in 2025? Whether you're newly single, a refugee from the world of pickup, recently divorced, or you've been dating for a while now, there are a few myths we see as obsolete that we wanted to bust. Sex, dating, and relationships can be confusing territory, and there are a lot of dos and don'ts when it comes to dating in the modern world. This is especially true in a post-#MeToo culture, where a lot of men have deep-seated concerns around coming off as creepy. If you've ever wondered whether it's "right" to text her right away (will you come off as thirsty if you text too soon?), whether you need to hide your nervousness (hint: you don't), or how to ask her out respectfully, listen on. If you're looking for pickup artist nonsense, you won't get it here. But if you're seeking attuned, loving dating advice for men from people who deeply care about men, women, and all human beings -- and staying openhearted -- then you're in the right spot. --- Mentioned on this episode:Dear Men 138: GirlTalk: When to text her vs. call her!Dear Men 274: How do you make sure you're not coming across as creepy?Dear Men 296: What does it actually mean to step into your power?Dear Men 332: Ever gone into freeze? Here’s what’s actually going on--- Memorable quotes from this episode:"I don’t want to ever make anyone else feel uncomfortable, so I want them to initiate and drive.""There’s a belief that I need to hide my attraction or first establish a friendly relationship.""It’s another type of pressure men carry about a certain way they have to be in order to be seen as worthy.""Seven years into your marriage you’re still going to have to share something that’s scary."

    48 min

  7. 10 JAN

    343: A quality women yearn for in relationship (but rarely talk about) (ft. Scott Kaltenbaugh)

    There's a certain quality in men that a lot of women long for -- and I mean long for it from the depths of their beings -- but often don't talk about. Why don't they? Because a lot of women (myself included) hold a certain amount of shame around wanting it in the first place. And what is the quality? It's an aspect of healthy masculinity that we don't often discuss, but we're putting front and center here. I've also noticed that in every chick lit novel I've ever read (a version of romance), men exhibit this quality, and the women melt for it. When I myself read the books and these parts come up, my whole body relaxes. This is a quality that builds immense emotional safety in a relationship, whether you're still in the dating phase or you're married. If you want to be her hero and have her feel truly safe with you, listen on! --- Memorable quotes from this episode:"The women I was first attracted to were those I perceived as needing help, support, a savior.""The excess of the caregiver archetype is the martyr.""It’s about making the other person’s life just a little bit easier.""We don’t ask for it because we feel like we’re too much.""True nurturing is laying the groundwork around you — letting you grow in the fullness of yourself."--- Mentioned on this episode: One of our favorite songs: Banks by NEEDTOBREATHEScott's organization, The Inspiring Men ProjectDear Men episode 128: Feel like you're walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder

    1h 40m

  8. 3 JAN

    342: Are you scared of her big feelings? This may help. (ft. Jason Lange) [replay]

    Ever felt intimidated when your woman was upset (about something that involved you)? Ever gotten defensive, stonewalled, or made her wrong -- "that's not what I meant, so you shouldn't feel that way"? You're not alone! And there's a high cost; this can be exhausting for you. Whether you're just dating or married, if you're at the mercy of her feelings, you likely feel out of control. You're only OK if she's OK. And you're not OK if she's not OK. The truth is, holding space for a woman’s upset or hurt is one of the most profound ways you can love her. It also builds safety in a relationship in a way nothing else can. Learn to do this skillfully, and you will experience true freedom in relationship. Bonus? You knowing how to hold her full range of expression will als leads to very hot sex. ;) When she feels deeply accepted and held, even in her "big" feelings, she will often open to you like a gorgeous, radiant flower.

    53 min
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Ratings & Reviews

4.8
out of 5
8 Ratings

About

Advice for smart men on how to succeed with women in sex, dating, relationships, and marriages. Beautiful women give you a peek behind the curtain into what the feminine really craves from the masculine ... and how to give it to us. Personal growth is sexy, haven't you heard? Get in touch at dearmenpodcast@gmail.com. Take our free training for men at https://evolutionary.men/dearmen

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