Most addiction advice is built for rock bottom. Tara Hurster says that misses the vast majority of people - the high-functioning drinkers, gamblers, and users who still have jobs, houses, and families, but know something is off. If you’ve ever wondered where “just a bit too much” becomes a real problem, this conversation gives you a clearer answer than shame ever could. Paul speaks with Tara Hurster, psychologist and founder of The TARA Clinic, about the low-to-high risk continuum of addiction, the 12 DSM criteria, and why “stopping” is not the same as changing. . Her approach is practical, non-judgmental, and built around helping people make real choices with real tools - not just white-knuckle their way through. Tara breaks down how tolerance, repeated failed attempts to cut down, negative consequences, and defensiveness can all signal a deeper issue, even when life still looks functional from the outside. You’ll discover: Why addiction can be invisible in high performers and professionals How the stages of change model explains denial, preparation, action, and maintenance The “stop you swap” trap and why focusing only on abstinence creates a void Why relapse is better understood as recycling, and relapse as a lesson How identity, values, and stress management drive the behaviours people keep repeating Time Stamps 01:15 - Risk continuum and the question of where addiction begins02:12 - The clearest signs: tolerance, failed attempts, and consequences03:28 - Why questioning a behavior is already a signal worth taking seriously04:23 - Stages of change and why defensiveness matters05:34 - Why stopping is not the same as changing06:32 - “If you stop, you swap” and finding the driver behind the behavior08:34 - The myth that addiction only looks like rock bottom09:49 - Only two DSM criteria are needed over 12 months10:54 - Tara reads the DSM style addiction criteria in plain English13:25 - Why The Tara Clinic uses the criteria as education, not self diagnosis14:07 - Why Tara does not align with the 12 step model15:29 - Tara’s personal story: bullying, tallness, and smoking in year six17:02 - Why stopping smoking can coincide with a change stage, not just willpower18:02 - Recovery as a long term redefinition of stress and distress19:19 - How addiction looks from the outside versus the inside20:56 - Minimizing the problem and the brain’s self protection mechanisms21:27 - The brain’s threat response and why stress drives habitual behavior24:41 - Being the expert in your own life and using lifestyle as a mirror25:33 - Hello Sunday Morning and the power of noticing hangover regret26:25 - Tara’s non prescriptive approach: helping clients see their own choices27:06 - Why smart people often struggle more with change28:22 - How education works in pre-contemplation without shame29:25 - Why shame and guilt can push people backwards30:21 - The survival wiring behind addictive behavior31:50 - Early stage support and why community matters32:35 - Preparation stage and why The Tara Clinic starts there33:22 - The danger of stopping before change has actually happened34:16 - Dry drunk thinking and the limits of willpower35:47 - Real change means new routines, people, and environments36:11 - Why lapse and relapse are reframed as lesson and recycling37:35 - Can moderation work after addiction? Tara’s non absolute answer38:14 - Choice, agency, and not becoming another external force39:23 - Different substances and how the method of use changes the effect42:22 - Why ice is the hardest substance to manage socially43:26 - Ice detox, brain recovery, and the physical versus neurological timeline45:23 - The recurring “wobbles” in recovery from ice use47:32 - Why early recovery for ice effectively starts after a much longer practice period48:43 - Common drivers: pressure, stress, identity, and relief50:16 - Why Tara avoids labels and focuses on language, thought, and identity53:57 - Values work and why goals and values are not the same thing55:25 - Tara’s core values: justice, nonconformity, and safety56:26 - Why value incongruence creates major stress in work and life57:52 - Questions to ask yourself: have I questioned this, and what happens if I pause it?59:37 - Reality pants, judgment pants, and honest behavior tracking60:04 - How to track patterns in drinking and spot triggers61:37 - Using patterns to find gaps in knowledge, skills, and awareness62:32 - Where to go next: The Tara Clinic, Smart Recovery, and the ADIS phone line Resources Website - https://www.thetaraclinic.com/ LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/tarahurster/ Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/thetaraclinic/ Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/thetaraclinic SMART Recovery – https://smartrecoveryaustralia.com.au/ ADIS phone line: 1800 250 015 available 24/7 The National Alcohol & Other Drug Hotline is a free and confidential phone service that provides counselling, advice, and information for those struggling with addiction. 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