116 episodes

"Waking Up to Narcissism" is a podcast hosted by Tony Overbay, LMFT, host of the award-winning Virtual Couch podcast, dedicated to helping individuals recognize and navigate narcissistic traits and tendencies in their relationships and within themselves. With a focus on emotional immaturity versus narcissism, Tony provides tools and guidance for personal growth and managing relationships with narcissistic or emotionally immature individuals, even if that individual is you!

Waking Up to Narcissism The Virtual Couch Network

    • Health & Fitness
    • 5.0 • 6 Ratings

"Waking Up to Narcissism" is a podcast hosted by Tony Overbay, LMFT, host of the award-winning Virtual Couch podcast, dedicated to helping individuals recognize and navigate narcissistic traits and tendencies in their relationships and within themselves. With a focus on emotional immaturity versus narcissism, Tony provides tools and guidance for personal growth and managing relationships with narcissistic or emotionally immature individuals, even if that individual is you!

    Explaining the “False Self,” aka Why Good People Get Trapped In Bad Relationships

    Explaining the “False Self,” aka Why Good People Get Trapped In Bad Relationships

    Have you ever found yourself trapped in a toxic relationship, unable to break free despite knowing it's unhealthy? You're not alone. In this gripping episode, Tony Overbay, LMFT, unravels the psychological maze of destructive love.Journey with Tony as he introduces the concept of the "false self" - the masks we wear to fit in. But what happens when someone never develops their own mask, instead shape-shifting to meet others' expectations? Through the captivating story of Farrah and Gil, Tony illuminates why smart, capable people get stuck in cycles of toxic love.Dive deep into the world of emotional immaturity, narcissistic personality disorder, and the powerful grip of intermittent reinforcement and trauma bonds. Uncover the mysteries of whole object relations, object constancy, and identity diffusion - concepts that explain baffling relationship behaviors.Whether trying to understand your relationship patterns or supporting a loved one, this episode is a must-listen. Tony offers profound insights and practical tools to break free from the clutches of toxic love and pave the way for healthier connections.Prepare to be enlightened, challenged, and empowered. Your journey to relationship wisdom starts here!00:00 Introduction: A True Story of Heartbreak00:16 Farrah's Emotional Turmoil00:33 Gil's New Relationship and Farrah's Struggle01:18 The Urge to Reach Out01:52 Seeking Closure and Self-Blame02:24 A Desperate Call to Gil03:03 Understanding Toxic Relationships04:43 The Concept of the False Self12:03 Emotional Immaturity and Its Impact19:28 Narcissistic Personality Disorder vs. Emotional Immaturity29:11 Intermittent Reinforcement: The Psychology Behind Toxic Bonds30:03 The Obsession of Random Rewards30:40 Intermittent Reinforcement in Abusive Relationships31:08 The Power of Intermittent Reinforcement32:50 Recognizing Trauma Bonds35:34 Emotional Whiplash and Inconsistent Affection40:26 Identity Diffusion and Emotional Immaturity50:23 Whole Object Relations and Object Constancy53:04 Wrapping Up: Understanding Emotional Immaturity

    • 56 min
    Healing Childhood Neglect: The Roots of People Pleasing and Narcissism

    Healing Childhood Neglect: The Roots of People Pleasing and Narcissism

    Tony delves into the origins of people pleasers, empaths, highly sensitive individuals, and the emotionally immature, highlighting the similarities that arise from childhood abandonment...

    • 49 min
    DARVO, Differentiation and Detangling Difficult Dynamics

    DARVO, Differentiation and Detangling Difficult Dynamics

    Tony delves deep into the DARVO technique—Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender—a common manipulation strategy often used by narcissistic or emotionally immature individuals to avoid accountability and shift blame. Tony explores the origins of DARVO, shares various examples, and introduces concepts like differentiation and David Schnarch's Four Points of Balance to navigate and manage emotionally abusive relationships. Learn how to identify and counter DARVO tactics and discover ways to improve emotional maturity and self-awareness in your relationships.00:00 Welcome and Introduction00:18 Understanding Acronyms02:24 Introduction to DARVO03:35 Breaking Down DARVO05:52 Recognizing and Responding to DARVO06:15 Introducing Pat and Chris09:45 Differentiation and Four Points of Balance25:48 Managing Stress and Anxiety26:11 Changing Your Relationship with Thoughts27:14 Calming Your Heart and Managing Emotions28:09 Physical Reactions to Emotions30:45 Grounded Responding in Relationships31:12 Overreacting vs. Underreacting33:08 Handling Criticism and Feedback39:43 Meaningful Endurance and Personal Growth47:02 Applying the Four Points of Balance50:50 Conclusion and Final ThoughtsAvailable NOW Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course (https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course)Find all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchSubscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

    • 51 min
    When Life Just “Lifes” All Over You: A Tale of Resilience and Growth Through Narcissistic Relationships

    When Life Just “Lifes” All Over You: A Tale of Resilience and Growth Through Narcissistic Relationships

    Is it possible to grow while navigating a relationship with a narcissistic or emotionally immature person? Tony returns after a brief hiatus and answers this question as he dives into the themes of handling discomfort, setting boundaries, and personal growth. Tony discusses how life's unpredictable nature can disrupt plans, emphasizing the importance of acceptance and resilience. Tony explores the dynamics within relationships where one partner may suppress their feelings to appease the other, leading to a loss of self-identity. This episode highlights the difference between boundaries and ultimatums, underscores the importance of self-care, and encourages listeners to lean into discomfort to foster change and growth. It's a call to prioritize one’s well-being and establish healthier relationship dynamics.00:00 Welcome Back & The Importance of Consistency00:36 The Journey of Returning to Podcasting01:01 The Therapeutic Value of Sharing Real-Life Experiences01:23 Navigating Life's Unexpected Turns01:55 Embracing Acceptance and Moving Forward02:15 Understanding and Managing Big Feelings05:18 The Challenge of Communicating Our True Feelings10:16 The Impact of Family Dynamics on Emotional Development15:24 Navigating Relationships with Emotionally Immature Partners28:21 Setting Boundaries vs. Issuing Ultimatums29:57 Concluding Thoughts on Discomfort and Growth

    • 31 min
    Death By a Thousand Cuts VII - The Rise of the Emotionally Mature!

    Death By a Thousand Cuts VII - The Rise of the Emotionally Mature!

    In the 7th installment of the "Death by a Thousand Cuts" series, Tony Overbay, LMFT, presents a compelling crossover episode between The Virtual Couch and Waking Up to Narcissism. This episode delves into the complex journey of healing and empowerment for individuals who have survived relationships characterized by emotional immaturity, narcissism, and controlling behavior. Through a blend of personal narratives and expert analysis, Tony shares the nuanced and significant harm inflicted by the 'Death by a Thousand Cuts' phenomenon—a metaphor highlighting the cumulative effect of repeated emotional injuries from narcissistic and emotionally immature partners.Addressing key issues such as emotional abuse, coercive control, financial abuse, sexual abuse within the relationship, manipulation, boundaries vs. ultimatums, and the critical need for self-validation, Tony provides listeners with practical coping strategies. These strategies underscore the importance of self-reflection, seeking professional guidance, and engaging with supportive communities as vital steps in shedding the lingering effects of controlling relationships.This episode aims to reassure listeners that they are not isolated in their experiences of unhealthy relationships. It also serves as a resource for those seeking to support family members entangled in abusive dynamics, offering insight into effective ways to provide meaningful support beyond mere words of encouragement. Tony seeks to empower listeners to recognize their inherent worth and foster healthy, mature connections by advocating for relationships grounded in respect and empathy.00:00 Welcome to the Crossover Episode: Unpacking Narcissism and Emotional Immaturity00:37 Why Today's Episode Matters: Exploring 'Death by a Thousand Cuts'01:58 Moving Week and Virtual Client Opportunities03:58 Understanding Emotional Cuts and Their Impact05:58 The Challenge of Seeking Validation and Understanding09:24 Creating Supportive Spaces for Emotional Growth12:36 Diving into Real-Life Stories of Emotional Immaturity23:49 The Frustrating Dynamics of Emotional Immaturity in Relationships33:57 Navigating the Complexities of Emotional Immaturity and Narcissism34:54 The Emotional Toll of Unvalidated Feelings36:07 Navigating Emotional Safety in Relationships36:19 The Subtle Manipulations of Emotional Abuse37:00 Parenting Amidst Emotional Manipulation38:29 Understanding the Impact of Emotional Abuse Through Stories46:33 The Role of Pornography in Emotionally Immature Relationships01:00:43 Financial Control and Emotional Abuse01:07:45 Finding Healing and Empowerment

    • 1 hr 15 min
    Part 2 - From Grandiose to Vulnerable With a Touch of Emotional Immaturity - Exploring Attachment Styles

    Part 2 - From Grandiose to Vulnerable With a Touch of Emotional Immaturity - Exploring Attachment Styles

    Part 2 of Tony’s dive into how narcissism and emotional immaturity contribute to the different attachment styles that we show up with in adulthood. Continuing to read from the article “Nar...

    • 1 hr 2 min

Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5
6 Ratings

6 Ratings

Aussie rambler ,

The Ramblin’ Man :)

Love the fact that Tony rambles, waffles, gets side tracked, goes on tangents, uses analogies. Makes him come across as real and authentic.

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