Asking For A Friend Catriona Boffard

Here we are again – the end of another wonderful season of Asking for a Friend. Yet again, I’m in awe of the experts and guests I’ve had the privilege of speaking to and thrilled with the topics I’ve been able to share with you.

This season I’ve wanted to cover a range of topics that we need to be speaking more about, understanding better and particularly, a lot of topics I wish we would normalise and share more openly on.

In this season’s final episode, I answer the following questions:

1) I get super wet. Sometimes I get shy about it. Is it normal? I know men love it but I worry.

2) I never want sex anymore, what can I do to change this?

3) Are sex toys degrading towards men?

4) I struggle with pain during sex. I can use tampons and worked with a physio to manage this on my own but as soon as a man comes near me, I freak out. Why can’t I get over this?

5) I want to become a sexologist… how do I do this? I’m in my first year at university studying.

I can’t wait for some very exciting content coming your way soon. Keep an eye out for what’s next on Asking for a Friend.

This week’s episode is sponsored by & Bam. Erectile Dysfunction can be awkward to talk about, and this makes it hard to treat. &BAM connects you with a doctor and, if suitable, ships prescription treatment plans discreetly to your door. Stop whispering erectile dysfunction at the pharmacy counter.

Forget everything you think you know about sexual desire and listen up! What you've heard or been taught about sexual desire is most likely all wrong... and my guest and our conversation this week are here to change your experience of sex for the better!

If there’s someone to learn from about the science of sexual desire, it’s Dr Kristen Mark. She’s a prolific researcher and academic, who’s published and taught extensively on the topic, among other areas in the field of sexual health. She is a behavioural health scientist with an academic background in psychology and public health, and a research interest in sexuality and romantic relationships. She is a professor at the University of Minnesota Medical School and the Director of Education in the Institute for Sexual and Gender Health, within the Department of Family Medicine and Community Health. She is also an Affiliate Research Faculty member at the Kinsey Institute. She is a widely published author and speaker, and is a wealth of knowledge on the topic of sexual desire!

In this episode, Kristen and I delve into the truth of sexual desire; one which is pretty far from what we get taught, get told or see on screens. Understanding that differences in desire is normal between partners could in fact protect for your relationship!

Check out more of Kristen’s work here: http://www.kristenmark.com

This week’s episode is sponsored by My Sexual Health – Credible Sexual Health Providers. Mysexualhealth.co.za is an online destination where you can find or become a Credible Sexual Health Provider.

The My Sexual Health Sexology Starter Pack includes 20 (yes, TWENTY!) value-packed sexual health courses that will transform the way you support your patient’s sexual health needs. Check out this episode for a major discount to the Sexology Training Club.

I really wish this topic got more airtime, both in general conversations and in the media. And yet, there’s still so much resistance to opening up discussions around sexual pleasure and disability, particularly in healthcare settings and from healthcare providers to their patients.
When someone is learning to navigate a disability, the topic of sex and more specifically, pleasure, are repeatedly left out of the conversation, often leaving people feeling like this part of themselves is something that should cease to exist.

My guest today, Makgosi Letimile, completely challenges this narrative and practice. As a disabled woman, mom, sex worker and someone who reviews sex toys, she has refocused her work on promoting pleasure and sexual curiosity for disabled people, in spite of the rigid narrative. Through her own exploration, she has discovered how pleasure can be used not only as a means to enhance her sexual wellbeing, but also as a therapeutic tool to regain bodily function.

You can follow Makgosi on Instagram: @wheelsntoys

This week’s episode is sponsored by My Sexual Health – Credible Sexual Health Providers. Mysexualhealth.co.za is an online destination where you can find or become a Credible Sexual Health Provider. Check out the episode for a discount on the Sexology Training Club.

While South Africa has some of the more progressive sexual, gender and reproductive health rights globally, and particularly in Africa, we still need the systems that should support those who are gender diverse to catch up.

This week I’m speaking to two experts in this field, Elliot Kotze and Ronald Addinall. Both work in the field of mental health and have specialised in gender-affirming healthcare, and both share with me their own journeys around their gender identity. This is a particularly beautiful, honest and authentic conversation that I think is a must-listen no matter what your knowledge on the subject or who you identify as. my guests also share with me some invaluable advice for parents to help them understand and navigate gender identity.

Ronald Addinall identifies as a Queer, Masculine of Centre, Gender Non-Binary human who is a clinical social worker, sexologist, activist and highly regarded academic. Elliott Kotze is a counselling psychologist and researcher with extensive experience in gender-affirming healthcare and queer sexual health. His work broadly focuses on improving the quality of life of queer and gender diverse folks through the strategic implementation of community-driven interventions. They are both based in Cape Town.

This week’s episode is sponsored by My Sexual Health – Credible Sexual Health Providers. Mysexualhealth.co.za is an online destination where you can find or become a Credible Sexual Health Provider.
The My Sexual Health Sexology Starter Pack includes 20 (yes, TWENTY!) value-packed sexual health courses that will transform the way you support your patient’s sexual health needs.

Check out the episode for an incredible discount for this training bundle

If you think that kink is ’50 shades of grey’, think again. In this episode, my guest and I delve deep into what kink actually is, how to practice it and how it can even be a therapeutic practice. In my opinion, what we see in mainstream media doesn’t do kink justice as it’s far more nuanced. It involves expert communication, trust, vulnerability, and ultimately revolves around play.

My guest for this episode is Avri Spilka, a clinical psychologist specialising in sexuality in Johannesburg, who is also the president of the Southern African Sexual Health Association (SASHA). She’s highly experienced in helping clients navigate kink and helping people achieve a satisfying and rewarding sex life. I’ve known Avri for many years and respect her work and approach to sex positivity immensely.

This episode really will expand your view of kink and may even stir some curiosity within you!

For more about Avri, visit her website: https://avrispilka.co.za

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Why is it that the idea of non-monogamy makes so many people uncomfortable, and yet monogamy is actually not what human beings started out practicing millennia ago?

My guest today is Jonathan Bosworth (he/him/his), a counselling psychologist in Johannesburg, working in private practice, and at the Wits Reproductive Health and HIV Institute (Wits RHI) Trans Health Centre. He cofounded and facilitates: groups for mental healthcare professionals working with sexual orientation, gender identity and expression, and sexual characteristics (SOGIESC), and non-monogamies; a support group for parents and caregiver of gender diverse youth; and support space for educators working with gender diversity. He has special interests in identity and relationships (how we relate to ourselves and others).

Jonathan has presented formally on the subject of consensual non-monogamy (CNM) and I knew when I attend that presentation that I wanted to learn more from him. I so often get people asking me if monogamy is ‘normal’ and to that I answer, socially it seems to be but it’s not the only normal. This deep-dive into varied types of relationship dynamics is enlightening and fascinating, and hopefully answers a lot of questions that people may have about relationships.

You can connect with Jonathan here: http://www.thejoburgpsychologist.co.za

This week's episode is sponsored by My Sexual Health – Credible Sexual Health Providers. Mysexualhealth.co.za is an online destination where you can find or become a Credible Sexual Health Provider. Tune in to the episode for a discount on the Sexology Training Club and become a credible sexual health provider.