Reimagining Love

Dr. Alexandra Solomon
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Reimagining Love

Reimagining Love with Dr. Alexandra Solomon is your destination for profound, enlightening discussions about love, family, intimacy, and everything in between—a podcast that gives us the opportunity to reimagine ourselves, our relationships, and our world. Hosted by renowned clinical psychologist, professor, and award-winning author Dr. Alexandra Solomon, featuring conversations with notable guests from the worlds of therapy, academia, and pop culture.

  1. 5 DAYS AGO

    Bedroom Conversations: Why Great Sex Starts With Great Communication with Vanessa & Xander Marin

    On today’s episode of Reimagining Love, Vanessa & Xander Marin join Dr. Alexandra for a frank and compassionate conversation about sex—specifically, sex in long-term relationships. It’s normal for couples to fall into a rut in the bedroom, ranging from sex feeling kind of “meh,” to long periods without any intimacy at all. These ebbs and flows are part of being in a long-term relationship or marriage, and the good news is, there are actions you can take to chart a new course with your partner and to get excited about each other again. Vanessa and Xander are a couple who have been creating that very roadmap for folks, through their amazing online courses, their podcast, Pillow Talks, and their New York Times-bestselling book, Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life. Vanessa is a sex therapist with 20 years of experience who has been featured in outlets like O, The Oprah Magazine, Harper’s Bazaar, Vogue, and Goop, and she has written for The New York Times, Allure, and Lifehacker. And Xander? Well, he is a “regular dude” who left his corporate job to join Vanessa in this work. Together they blend clinical wisdom, humor, openness, and their own personal stories to normalize talking about our sex lives and to offer techniques for improving yours. You are going to hear about their personal experience with couple therapy and how they landed on the agreement, “If it matters to one of us, it matters to both of us.” They share so many juicy insights about sex, from desire discrepancy to initiation to their amazing acronym “P.L.E.A.S.E.,” which you’ll learn in this conversation. This episode will give you the confidence to shift the way you and your partner talk about sex and couple therapy, as well as anything else you might be stuck on. Relevant Links: Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life by Vanessa & Xander Marin Vanessa & Xander’s website: https://vmtherapy.com/https://vmtherapy.com/ Vanessa & Xander’s courses & challenges: https://vmtherapy.com/holiday-gift-guide-2024 Vanessa & Xander’s podcast, Pillow Talks: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/pillow-talks/id1569466131

    1 hr

  2. DEC 10

    Family of Origin Roles Series: The Easy One (From Accommodation to Authenticity)

    Today’s episode is part of a solo series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles (a.k.a. FOO roles). Tune in on the first two Tuesdays of each month to learn about how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messages about love, connection, and worthiness as a result. Check out the introductory episode of the series if you missed it last month! We’re taking a look at “The Easy One” role in today’s episode. If you were the kid who could always “go with the flow” in your family, this might be you. As a child, you didn’t express a lot of needs (even though you had them, as we all do!), and that may have been a relief to the Big People in your system, because their attention was needed elsewhere. As an adult, you may identify as a people-pleaser, always attuning yourself to the people around you, wondering how you can make them comfortable or happy. You may believe you’re only worthy to the degree that you’re accommodating others. Does this sound like you, or someone you love? Listen to the episode to learn more about this role and how The Easy One can embark on their healing journey. Visit www.masterclass.com/alexandrasolomon to check out the class I co-taught with Ryan Holiday and other experts about the wisdom of ancient philosophy and how it can help us improve communication, resilience, and relationships. Relevant links: Take the Family of Origin Roles Quiz Reimagining Love: “Tending to ‘Little You’ & Exploring Your Family of Origin” Dr. Alexandra’s Psychotherapy Networker Article Resources about power exchange / kink: From Michelle Herzog’s Center for Modern Relationships: Article Part I, Article Part II Pleasure Mechanics: Courses Pleasure Mechanics: Podcast episode Dipsea: “How to explore light bondage play with your trusted partner” by Toni Sicola (2021) Pillow Talk Podcast (Vanessa + Xander Marin): How To Spice It Up In the Bedroom: Exploring Kink For Beginners TIME Article: “Why I Kept My Kinks a Secret” by R.O. Kwon (2024) British GQ: “A dominatrix gives a beginners guide to kink” by Daisy Schofield (2024) Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter Submit a Listener Question Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter Submit a Listener Question

    57 min

  3. DEC 3

    Family of Origin Roles Series: The Perfect One (From Performance to Presence)

    Today’s episode is part of a new solo series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles (aka FOO roles). Tune in on the first two Tuesdays of each month to learn about how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messages about love, connection, and worthiness as a result. Check out the introductory episode of the series if you missed it last month! Up first in Dr. Alexandra’s exploration of family roles is “The Perfect One.” If you were the superstar kid in your family, known for bringing home good grades and accolades, this might be you. As an adult, perhaps you seek validation and affirmation of your worthiness through tangible accomplishments. You may believe you’re only as good and worthy of love as your job title, latest career win, parenting flex, or fitness milestone. Does this sound like you, or someone you love? Listen to the episode to learn more about this role and how The Perfect One can embark on their healing journey. Visit www.masterclass.com/alexandrasolomon to check out the class I co-taught with Ryan Holiday and other experts about the wisdom of ancient philosophy and how it can help us improve communication, resilience, and relationships. Relevant links: Take the Family of Origin Roles Quiz Reimagining Love: “Tending to ‘Little You’ & Exploring Your Family of Origin” Dr. Alexandra’s Psychotherapy Networker Article Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter Submit a Listener Question

    49 min

  4. NOV 26

    How to Stress-Proof Your Relationship: Strategies for Busy Lives with Elizabeth Earnshaw

    We all know that when we’re stressed, we’re not our best selves. But what happens when this stress threatens to erode our most important relationships, and we feel powerless to change the dynamic? Returning guest Elizabeth Earnshaw joins Dr. Solomon to address this pressing yet common issue. Liz is a licensed family and marriage therapist, Certified Gottman Therapist, AAMFT Approved Supervisor, and founder of A Better Life Therapy. She’s known for her popular Instagram account @lizlistens, is the author of I Want This to Work, and has been featured in the New York Times, USA Today, The Washington Post, and more. Her newest book, ‘Til Stress Do Us Part: How to Heal the #1 Issue in Our Relationships, is an empowering guide to stress-proofing your relationship. While we may initially believe it’s our relationships that are the cause of our stress, Liz says that it’s often the other way around: that “the unprecedented collective stress we all face today is the cause of many relationship challenges couples are experiencing.” In this episodes, you'll hear Liz’s deeply empathetic re-frame of this issue. Liz and Dr. Alexandra discuss why our partner often gets the “worst” version of us, how we can understand different types or “buckets” of stressors, and the small but mighty changes we can make that will serve our relationships for the long haul. They also focus on the pressures of parenthood and what makes this moment particularly challenging for parents. Finally, they answer a question from a listener in Idaho named Amber about how to move forward after a rift in a friendship. Relevant Links: Liz’s book: 'Til Stress Do Us Part: How to Heal the #1 Issue in Our Relationships Liz’s website and Instagram Parents Under Pressure: The U.S. Surgeon General Advisory on the Mental Health and Well-Being of Parents (2024) Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy’s essay in The New York Times Opinion section, August 2024: Surgeon General: Parents Are at Their Wits’ End. We Can Do Better. Order Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every Day Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter Submit a Listener Question

    57 min

  5. NOV 12

    What Role Did You Play in Your Family of Origin? (Re-release)

    Today’s episode is the first of a new solo episode series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles. Tune in on the first two Tuesdays of each month to learn about how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messaging about love, connection, and worthiness as a result. To start off this series, we’re revisiting this in-depth solo episode, in which Dr. Alexandra explains the six common roles we might have played in our original family systems. Through understanding our past, we can see how these roles continue to show up in our relationships today and use that knowledge as a powerful Relational Self-Awareness tool. In December, we’ll begin releasing role-specific episodes for each of the six roles, starting with “The Perfect One,” so be sure to catch that conversation next month. Visit www.masterclass.com/alexandrasolomon to check out the class I contributed to with Ryan Holiday and other experts about the wisdom of ancient philosophy and how it can help us improve communication, resilience, and relationships. Relevant links: Take the Family of Origin Roles Quiz Reimagining Love: “Tending to “Little You” & Exploring Your Family of Origin” Dr. Alexandra’s Psychotherapy Networker Article Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter Submit a Listener Question

    1h 7m

  6. OCT 29

    Finding "The Self": Exploring Internal Family Systems Therapy with Dr. Richard Schwartz

    Have you ever felt like different parts of yourself were competing for attention and power? Maybe you have aspects of your personality that you’re proud of, and others that you’d rather keep hidden from the world—the ones that tend to rear their heads in your not-so-shining moments. According to Internal Family Systems Therapy, a framework developed by today’s guest, Dr. Richard Schwartz, we are all made up of sub-personalities or “parts.” IFS posits that by investigating and understanding where each of those parts come from and how they are dictating our current behavior, we can better understand our unique mental world and determine how to make change to support our healing and improve our relationships. Dr. Alexandra talks with Dr. Dick about how IFS has the potential to help individuals understand themselves, strengthen their romantic relationships, or even navigate the dating world. They also explore a question from a listener in Toronto who wants to feel more deeply understood in conversations with her boyfriend. IFS is a theoretical framework that has helped many folks, but as always, Dr. Alexandra encourages you to see what resonates with you in this conversation and what might be helpful to bring into your own processes of self-discovery and healing, and to your relationships. Links: IFS Institute: ifs-institute.com Intimacy From The Inside Out: https://ifs-institute.com/store/116 No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model by Richard Schwartz, Ph.D.: https://bookshop.org/p/books/no-bad-parts-healing-trauma-and-restoring-wholeness-with-the-internal-family-systems-model-richard-schwartz/16396062?ean=9781683646686 You Are the One You've Been Waiting for: Applying Internal Family Systems to Intimate Relationships by Richard Schwartz, Ph.D.: https://bookshop.org/p/books/you-are-the-one-you-ve-been-waiting-for-applying-internal-family-systems-to-intimate-relationships-richard-schwartz/18790456?ean=9781683643623 Story on IFS from NPR’s Morning Edition: https://www.npr.org/sections/shots-health-news/2024/10/25/nx-s1-5055753/parts-work-therapy-internal-family-systems-anxiety#:~:text=At%20the%20center%20of%20IFS,his%20book%20No%20Bad%20Parts.

    1h 3m

  7. OCT 15

    High-Functioning Codependency: From Managing to Loving with Terri Cole

    What would your reaction be if someone asked if you’re codependent? If “Certainly not!” is your immediate response, this episode invites you to look a little deeper. While we often turn to a single definition of codependency—enabling another person in a situation that is damaging or dangerous, such as addiction—Terri Cole‘s new book, Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency, expands on this traditional and insufficient definition to include those who are QUOTE “overly invested in the feelings of the people in our lives to the detriment of our own internal peace.”END QUOTE Terri is a licensed psychotherapist, empowerment coach, and recovering high-functioning codependent. In therapy sessions with her highly capable patients, Terri noticed a lot of pushback when she would suggest that they might be codependent. However, when she clarified her updated definition, they immediately recognized these traits in themselves and could begin recovering from these detrimental behaviors. It is likely that you recognize these traits in yourself or someone close to you, so I hope that you will come away enlightened and empowered from Terri’s explanation of the clues that highlight these traits, the heavy cost to both the individual and their loved ones, and how we can all be of service to others without adopting problematic patterns. We also unpack a thoughtful question from a listener in Nova Scotia Canada about rebuilding a damaged relationship with her four adult children.

    56 min

  8. OCT 1

    Facing Estrangement? Ask Yourself These Questions

    The decision to cut off a family member is a difficult one. Estrangement is an attempt to solve a painful, systemic relationship problem. This monumental move should be deeply considered, and my collectivist approach to therapy encourages being curious about and striving to understand how the different contexts our family members—epsecially those with a generational divide—grew up and live within can impact how we show up in our relationships. Without, of course, ever dismissing the very real trauma that can precede an estrangement. In this in-depth solo episode, I explore the dynamics of cut-offs, including what both the official research and my recent social media survey have to say. Then, I offer three relational self-awareness questions for folks on both sides of the estrangement experience: those considering cutting off a family member and those who are about to be or have been cut off. These questions aim to support compassionate dialogue that increases both party’s chances of finding a solution. Whether you are the estranger or the estranged, it is my hope that this conversation will leave you with some tools and a perspective you may not have considered, one that takes each person’s lived experience into consideration and opens up the possibility of finding a middle ground between an unhealthy status quo and walking away.

    1h 12m
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4.8
out of 5
32 Ratings

About

Reimagining Love with Dr. Alexandra Solomon is your destination for profound, enlightening discussions about love, family, intimacy, and everything in between—a podcast that gives us the opportunity to reimagine ourselves, our relationships, and our world. Hosted by renowned clinical psychologist, professor, and award-winning author Dr. Alexandra Solomon, featuring conversations with notable guests from the worlds of therapy, academia, and pop culture.

Information

  • Creator
    Dr. Alexandra Solomon
  • Years Active
    2021 - 2024
  • Episodes
    151
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2021-2024 Alexandra Solomon, LLC
  • Show Website
    Reimagining Love

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