We are both experienced relational therapists and trainers in the Emotionally Focused Therapy model. Our mission is to create content to support and challenge therapists' growth in addressing relational distress from an attachment perspective.
PsychEd in the EFT Process
In this episode, we talk about the role of psychoeducation in the EFT process.
The Social Experience of Being an Ethnic Minority: Impact on Attachment Style
In this podcast, we take time to explore the role of social experiences on attachment styles. We look at the possible fears and strategies within each attachment style and how they make sense from a personal and societal perspective.
Working Cross Culturally
Attachment and emotions are universal, but social factors impact the formation and expression of both. We are in the midst of an exciting time in EFT where there are intentional and active conversations amongst the various ethnic and cultural groups about what EFT looks like in their context. In this episode, we discuss what we are hearing from our colleagues as we join them in this learning journey.
Trust the Process
I (James) asked our colleague Elana Katz for the pivotal moment when the EFT process clicked for her. She thought for a moment and then leaned in with a question that really resonated with me, "James, do you trust the process"? I thought about the times when I was following the EFT map, and I allowed my client's reactivity and defenses to shift my focus from the present moment distress. I also thought about the times I stayed with the live emotional process and hit pay dirt.
The path to change in EFT requires the therapist to work towards places where clients are the most fortified in relational pain and distrust. Along the road, there are blockades and reactivity that can make therapists want to reverse course and find a path that is not as treacherous. However, the years of EFT research and process study have proven that is the path towards transformative change in emotional and relational distress. To stay the treatment course therapist must truly trust the process. In this episode, Ryan and I talk about trusting the process.
Breaking Down Enactments
Breaking Down Enactments
The focus of this episode is to help...
Participants learn how to utilize enactments in counseling.
Identify the critical points in using enactments as an experiential tool in counseling.
Participants will be able to evaluate their own clinical use of this intervention.
Is it organized and alive in the client?
Assess their experience of reaching/sharing.
Bring the therapist fully into the moment.
Load it with clear simple language that conveys the attachment-related emotions, longings, vulnerability.
Be ready for blocks.
Permission for protection/hesitance
Return to enactment
You may have to slice it thinner.
After the Enactment
Read the traffic lights. (partner's ability to respond)Red: Stop-Something completely blocking the partner from being able to respond
Yellow: Caution-There is a slight bit of mistrust or confusion. May not be able to respond fully.
Green: Go for Bonding Moment-They see it, feel it, and want to bring comfort to it.
Check for a shift in body markers.
The 5 Most Predictable Places Where Your Session Could Go Bad
In this episode, we take time to talk about the five most likely places where your next session could go bad. We all do them from time to time, but we want to help you improve in each of these areas.
In the sessions after you have completed your assessment, start with the last leading-edge point from the last session.
Example: Last time we met this is what the cycle looked like. Here is what you did well, and here is where you got stuck. Is your relationship in the same place or is it different?
Going for protection when they need you to organize their protection.
It’s a mistake to go for longings when a couple is reactive. Attune with them where they are in their protection to help them open up their attachment channel.
You need to resonate with the reactive energy and protection to meet its function, so it won’t be needed as much.
Going for longing is right—just don’t get ahead of them.
Allowing the reactivity and blocks to change your focus.
We are always focused on titrated amounts of corrective emotional experiences.
Don’t throw your map out of the window when the storm of the reactive cycle comes.
Meet them in reactivity with your map. Don’t let the cycle drive the session to the same painful places they always experience.
Hoping tracking the cycle will change things.
“Cognitive work sets the table, but new experiences are the food.”
Tracking the cycle is a massive reframe of the attachment view of the reactivity in their relationship.
What part of the pain never gets talked about in a way that is clear, and/or gets responded to with empathy and comfort?
Multiple misses around enactments.
Not doing enough of them.
Not getting them clear.
The Best EFT Podcast
I have learned so much from this podcast and my cases have significantly improved thanks to the topics(e.g., attachment dillemma, focus, and blocks) and nuances of EFT interventions discussed in these episodes. There are several episodes that I listened to multiple times and took notes before reviewing my own cases. Thank you James and Ryan!!!