256 episodes

The Save Your Sanity podcast offers episodes filled with the expert insights, validation, strategies, and support you need to recognize, manage, and recover from relationships with the relentlessly difficult, toxic--and often disturbing--people that host Dr. Rhoberta Shaler calls Hijackals®. 
She offers invaluable help to stop the second-guessing, undermining, and crazy-making traits, patterns, and cycles you have encountered in relationships with folks like those. Understand the ways, whys, and hows that verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and spiritual abuse affect you over time. Whether the Hijackal is a partner, parent, ex, or colleague, what you will learn here will strengthen and empower you to step up, speak up, and stand up for yourself in healthy, assertive ways.
Many Hijackals have behaviors that are considered the same as those who are diagnosed as narcissists, borderlines, psychopaths, sociopaths, and histrionic personality disorder. These insights will help you to make the changes--and good decisions--to move from pain to power, and that's exactly what you want to do! Listen now. 
Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships Dr. Rhoberta Shaler

    • Society & Culture

The Save Your Sanity podcast offers episodes filled with the expert insights, validation, strategies, and support you need to recognize, manage, and recover from relationships with the relentlessly difficult, toxic--and often disturbing--people that host Dr. Rhoberta Shaler calls Hijackals®. 
She offers invaluable help to stop the second-guessing, undermining, and crazy-making traits, patterns, and cycles you have encountered in relationships with folks like those. Understand the ways, whys, and hows that verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and spiritual abuse affect you over time. Whether the Hijackal is a partner, parent, ex, or colleague, what you will learn here will strengthen and empower you to step up, speak up, and stand up for yourself in healthy, assertive ways.
Many Hijackals have behaviors that are considered the same as those who are diagnosed as narcissists, borderlines, psychopaths, sociopaths, and histrionic personality disorder. These insights will help you to make the changes--and good decisions--to move from pain to power, and that's exactly what you want to do! Listen now. 
Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

    How Narcissistic Parents Damage Their Children - Part 1

    How Narcissistic Parents Damage Their Children - Part 1

    Learn about the effects the "upside down parenting" of narcissists and other Hijackals can have on your adult life and relationships. Great insights to help you make positive changes, and life easier. First, though, you have to see it clearly to understand what really happened to you.
    Listen in to further understand the impact having a Hijackal parent makes. As a child, you have no experience and the inborn understanding that you need your parents to survive. With a Hijackal parent, things go sideways in the first two years of your life, and stay warped, slipped, and damaging throughout. IMPORTANT to recognize the facts in today's episode to better understand why you do, think, and feel as you do in your adult life and relationships.
    HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:
    What tractability isHow tractaiblity leads to the "upside down parenting"A main big difference between healthy and unhealthy parentingThree big issues Hijackal and other narcissistic parents create for youHow having emotionally unavailable parents affects you
    Have you recognized the issues a Hijackal parent left you with? . I'm here to help.
    Let's talk soon.
    Rhoberta
    Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97
    FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...
    WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com
    PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com
    FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor
    TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler
    LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler
    INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler
    PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler
    CLUBHOUSE: @drshaler
    YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp
    -------------------------------------------------------------
    I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!
    If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,
    join my Community Circle now.
    Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!
    WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community 
    #narcissistblackmail #narcissisticblackmail #hijackalemotionalblackmail #emotionalblackmail #endingemotionalblackmail #nomoreemotionalblackmail
    #codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered
    Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.

    See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

    • 36 min
    How Hijackals Succeed at Emotional Blackmail

    How Hijackals Succeed at Emotional Blackmail

    Hijackals are good at emotional blackmail. They are experts at the "Gotcha!" And, they constantly use it to their advantage. Learn more about the components of that blackmail and how to counteract them. Then, Hijackals fail to succeed at using it against you effectively!
    Learn what you can do to respond in empowering ways when narcissistic, borderline, or anti-social folks try to control you using emotional blackmail. This episode will help you understand how that emotional blackmail shows up, what its desired result is, and how to say no to it.
    Healthier people aren't looking to control you. They care what you want, think, feel, and need. Hijackals don't. So, you need strategies for working within yourself and with the Hijackal to stop the emotional blackmail.
    Emotional blackmail according to Dr. Susan Forward: "when people close to us threaten, directly or indirectly punish us, when we don't do what they want." Does that sound familiar? You can stop it. Listen in.
    HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:
    The connection between blackmail and emotional blackmailDr. Susan Forward's book, Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate YouHow a pattern of emotional blackmail is established and maintainedBetter strategies than compliance when a narcissistic person uses emotional blackmailResponding to emotional blackmail purposefully to emerge empowered
    Want strategies and support to withstand emotional blackmail. I'm here to help.
    Let's talk soon.
    Rhoberta
    Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97
    FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...
    WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com
    PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com
    FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor
    TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler
    LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler
    INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler
    PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler
    CLUBHOUSE: @drshaler
    YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp
    -------------------------------------------------------------
    I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!
    If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,
    join my Community Circle now.
    Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!
    WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community 
    #narcissistblackmail #narcissisticblackmail #hijackalemotionalblackmail #emotionalblackmail #endingemotionalblackmail #nomoreemotionalblackmail
    #codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered
    Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.

    See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

    • 34 min
    Reading the Shifting Scary Eyes of Hijackals As They Try to Control You

    Reading the Shifting Scary Eyes of Hijackals As They Try to Control You

    Yes, Hijackal's eyes are not the windows to their souls as much as windows into their fears and desires to control. It's real. You're not imagining it. You can feel safer with the insights in this episode.
    Research shows that humans notice faces first. Generally, that is what attracts us.
    Eyes tell you so much, if you interpret their messages accurately. When dealing with Hijackals--narcissistic, borderline, anti-social, and histrionic folks, you MUST get the messages clearly or you'll be damaged, emotionally, if not physically. That's why this episode is particularly important.
    Healthy people want to read healthier things into peoples' expressions. You must not do that when you're with Hijackals. You have to believe what is written on their faces or you will be in trouble. Misinterpreting the messages in their eyes can be dangerous. Not believing those messages? More dangerous.
    Rage eyes. Vacant eyes, Dead eyes, Black Eyes, Psychopathic Stares. Do you know the difference? Do you know what they indicate? Do you know how to keep yourself safer? Listen in.
    HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:
    The different ways narcissistic and psychopathic people look at youWhy it it important to recognize what a narcissist wants most from you5 different ways people with narcissistic, borderline, and anti-social tendencies look at you (None of them good!)How to respond to the different warnings in their eyes effectively
    Do you know you want to feel safer when Hijackal eyes burn a hole in you?  I'm here to help.
    Let's talk soon.
    Rhoberta
    Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97
    CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.
    FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...
    WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com
    PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com
    FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor
    TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler
    LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler
    INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler
    PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler
    CLUBHOUSE: @drshaler
    YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp
    -------------------------------------------------------------
    I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!
    If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,
    join my Community Circle now.
    Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!
    WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community 
    #eyesofnarcissist #eyesofhijackals #deadcoldeyes #rageeyes #vacanteyes #predatorystare #psychopathstare #scaryeyesofnarcissist #coldhardpsychopath
    #codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered
    #savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #emergingempowered #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest
    Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.

    See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

    • 38 min
    Beware of Introjection & Projection!

    Beware of Introjection & Projection!

    You may not know these terms but you know the undercutting feeling one produces, and the scramble the other does! Very important to recognize and say no to! Listen in.
    Hijackals--people with narcissistic, borderline, passive-aggressive, anti-social traits--play to win. Only to win. They cannot and will not tolerate blame or shame to touch them and they work hard at being two or three steps ahead of either of those at all times. This episode sheds light on two sad, and important, ways that they try to make you take responsibility for their deficits. As I said, sad!
    You may be familiar with projection. That's when the Hijackal projects their feelings or characteristics onto you, usually things they are afraid are true about themselves. Much more on that to hear.
    You may not be familiar with introjection. That;s when you unconsciously internalize and incorporate the characteristics, ideas and attitudes of other people into your own thoughts and behaviors, usualy to reduce your anxiety or fear of loss.
    Now, you can imagine what havoc these two things can create within you...but, only if you don't realize what's going on. This episode will help you clearly understand what these terms mean and how they play out. (p.s. NOT WELL!) It's important to know these distinctions so you'll be able to take charge when you see them!
    HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:
    What projection is, and its purposeWhat introjection isHow introjection can be used positively AND negatively to shape you without your awarenessHow Hijackals use projection to protect themselvesHow you might use introjection to misguidedly try to get a Hijackal to like you and treat you well (p.s. That won't happen.)
    Do you know you need to learn to turn on the teflon and avoid the projection?  I'm here to help.
    Let's talk soon.
    Rhoberta
    Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97
    CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.
    FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...
    WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com
    PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com
    FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor
    TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler
    LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler
    INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler
    PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler
    CLUBHOUSE: @drshaler
    YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp
    -------------------------------------------------------------
    I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!
    If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,
    join my Community Circle now.
    Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!
    WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community 
    #projection #introjection #hownarcissistsuseprojection #beawareofintrojection #takechargeofyourself #dontsuckuptonarcissists #dontbelikethem
    #codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered
    #savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #emergingempowered #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest
    Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.

    See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

    • 32 min
    HOW TO KEEP A HIJACKAL FROM TEARING YOU DOWN

    HOW TO KEEP A HIJACKAL FROM TEARING YOU DOWN

    Hijackals--passive-aggressive. narcissistic. anti-social folks--thrive on tearing you down. Sometimes, it's a slow picking at you. Sometimes, it's a constant beratement. Either way, you need to stop it from getting into your head and under your skin. And, if it's already there, I'll help you get it out. Listen in.
    Hijackals--my word for people who hijack relationships for their own needs and purposes, and then relentlessly scavenge them for power, status, and control--feed on having power over you. It's what gets them up in the morning! Sad.
    Hijackals thrive on tearing you down, wearing you down, and putting you down. It feeds that need for control. SO, they will say anything to you that keeps you small and makes them feel big. Nasty!

    Whether the Hijackal you have in mind is your parent, sibling, partner, or adult child, subtly or crashingly crassly, they will find numerous ways to make you feel small, worthless, and insignificant. Does this sound familiar? Some of them only do it when fearful or stressed (that can be too much of the time!) and others live in that skin 24/7.
    In this episode, I give you 9 ways to stop anyone from tearing you down. No, it has nothing to do with putting your hand over their mouth. AND, yes, it has everything to do with taking charge of yourself so that you can be Emerging Empowered!
    HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:
    What gaslighting isHow to stop believing the gaslightingStopping the manipulation of believing a narcissistic person's view of youChanging your self-talk to what is accurate, true, and positive...no matter what a Hijackal saysTaking charge of what goes on in your head and saying "No!" to power games played by narcissists and other Hijackals
    Are you willing to believe what you know to be true about you regardless of what a Hijackal tries to sell you? Great. I'm here to help.
    Let's talk soon.
    Rhoberta
    Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97
    CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.
    FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...
    WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com
    PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com
    FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor
    TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler
    LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler
    INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler
    PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler
    CLUBHOUSE: @drshaler
    YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp
    -------------------------------------------------------------
    I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!
    If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,
    join my Community Circle now.
    Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!
    WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community 
    #nogaslighting #dontgaslightyourself #putanendtoabuse #dontbedemeaned #stopthemanipulation #positiveselftalk #strengthenyourmind #
    #codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered
    #savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #emergingempowered #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest
    Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.

    See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out

    • 36 min
    HOW HIJACKALS CONFUSE YOU THROUGH COGNITIVE EMPATHY

    HOW HIJACKALS CONFUSE YOU THROUGH COGNITIVE EMPATHY

    Yet, it feels real, and you SO want it to be real. There's where the manipulation and confusion sets in. In this episode, I let you in on the secret that, much as you want it to be real, it isn't. (Did I mention that?) You need to see that clearly to keep from being hurt further!
    Empathy is defined in the Merriam-Webster dictionary this way:
    "the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner."
    Wow! That would be great, however, that's not what you get when you're in a relationship with a Hijackal--a narcissistic, anti-social, or borderline personality. They are emotional empathy deficient but usually rely on cognitive empathy. That's a darker kind of empathy that is constructed in the mind, but doesn't much touch the heart.
    Hijackals use cognitive empathy as a tool to love-bomb you, to encourage you to be vulnerable with them. Then, what do they do with those vulnerabilities? They turn them on you later like stored ammunition, or they use the information to benefit themselves in other ways. Nasty!
    HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:
    What cognitive empathy isHow cognitive empathy is different from emotional empathyWhy cognitive empathy is unsatisfying...and unsettling when you actually see it for what it isHow Hijackals use cognitive empathy to make you feel safer for a bit and why they do itWhy it's important to recognize the differences between cognitive empathy and the emotional empathy you are wanting but won't arrive
    Are you being used and confused by a Hijackal demonstrating cognitive empathy? I'm here to help.
    Let's talk soon.
    Rhoberta
    Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97
    CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.
    FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...
    WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com
    PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com
    FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor
    TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler
    LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler
    INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler
    PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler
    CLUBHOUSE: @drshaler
    YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp
    -------------------------------------------------------------
    I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!
    If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,
    join my Community Circle now.
    Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!
    WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community 
    #cognitiveempathy #emotionalempathy #lackingempathy #unsafetobevulnerable #exploitingmyvulnerabilities #hownarcissistsusecognitiveempathy #cognitiveempathycanbemanipulation #lovebombing #gettingmetotalk #pretendingtocareaboutme #pretendingtobeinterestedinme
    #codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered
    #savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #emergingempowered #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest
    Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissis

    • 26 min

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