ADHD Mums

Jane McFadden
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  • MENTAL HEALTH
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Being a mum is hard enough. Being a mum with ADHD — or raising neurodivergent kids is a whole different level. ADHD Mums is the unfiltered, science-meets-reality podcast hosted by Jane McFadden, educational neuroscientist, advocate, and mother of three. This isn’t another polished parenting show with 'ten easy tips.' It’s real stories, confessions we’re not supposed to say out loud, and the research that explains why so many of us are running on empty. Every week you’ll hear: 🎙️ Confessions — raw, anonymous truths from mums navigating rage, burnout, and survival. 🧠 Expert insights — from neuroscientists, clinicians, and policy leaders on ADHD, autism, and mental health. 💬 Advocacy in action — exposing ADHD medication shortages, NDIS red tape, and the hidden costs mothers carry. With over 1 million downloads already tuning in from across the world, the podcast has already influenced ADHD reforms in Australia, been featured in national media, and pushed politicians to answer the questions mothers are asking. If you’ve ever screamed in the car, forgotten every form until the night before, or wondered if you’re the only one falling apart — this podcast is your proof that you’re not broken, you’re just telling the truth.

  1. Why Does My Partner Keep Asking Me Questions When My Brain Is Full?

    4 HR AGO

    Why Does My Partner Keep Asking Me Questions When My Brain Is Full?

    This episode is for ADHD mums who feel their nervous system spike over questions that look harmless on the surface. The kind of questions that arrive when the brain is already full, already tracking consequences, already holding the household together. What’s commonly said is that this is about tone, patience, or communication. What actually happens is that one brain becomes the default place where uncertainty is dropped, again and again, until even small interruptions start to hurt. The moment is familiar. A partner asks about milk, school times, or whether it’s ‘okay’ to do something. The question isn’t urgent. It isn’t unreasonable. But it lands as work. Not because the mum is controlling or irritable, but because her brain is already running the system. This episode names what that interruption really costs, and why it keeps getting misread as an attitude problem instead of a capacity one. In This Episode, We Cover– How everyday questions quietly route responsibility to the same person – Why being ‘just asked’ is not neutral when one brain is already saturated – The social script that frames overload as impatience or moodiness – How certainty-seeking in one partner becomes burnout in the other – Why ADHD mums become the household search engine without consenting to the role – The cumulative cost of interruption, not the content of the question This Episode Is For You If– You snap at small questions and immediately feel guilty – You’re praised for being flexible while your capacity keeps shrinking – You notice that decisions default to you, even when others could decide – You dread interaction because it so often turns into another task – You’ve been told you’re overreacting when your body is already at its limit When this pattern stays unnamed, ADHD mums adapt quietly. They answer questions they shouldn’t have to answer. They decide things prematurely just to stop the interruption. They carry responsibility they never agreed to carry. Over time, the brain never gets to rest. It stays on duty, waiting for the next drop. What looks like a communication issue is often a structural one. When every uncertainty is routed through the same nervous system, exhaustion becomes inevitable. Naming that isn’t withdrawal. It’s a refusal to keep absorbing costs that were never meant to be individual. 📬 Listener Questions & Community Submit a Listener Question (anonymous option) If there’s something you want answered on the podcast, you can submit a question here — anonymously if you prefer. https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864 Share Feedback or Topic Requests Have a topic you’d like covered, or feedback you want to pass on? You can send it through here. https://form.jotform.com/243189306607864 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it. https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmums

    20 min
  2. 78. Grieving the Child You Imagined — While Loving the One in Front of You with Dr Vanessa LaPointe

    2 DAYS AGO

    78. Grieving the Child You Imagined — While Loving the One in Front of You with Dr Vanessa LaPointe

    There is a kind of grief that mums are not supposed to name. It could be called ungrateful.. but a lot of us feel it. So it stays private, carried quietly while life keeps moving and decisions keep getting made. This episode sits with the grief of the unlived motherhood — the version of parenting that was imagined, planned for, and socially rewarded, and then slowly dismantled by reality. Not because the mum did anything wrong, but because parenting did not arrive as promised, and the cost of adjusting was absorbed almost entirely by her. In This Episode, We Cover – Realising the life you planned no longer fits – Changing schools, routines, and priorities without calling it loss – Supporting children while privately missing your old life – Being told to be grateful while something keeps breaking – Noticing the grief surface long after the decision is made – Carrying expectations that don’t match daily reality This Episode Is For You If – Mornings don’t look how you thought they would – Your days are built around needs you didn’t anticipate – You’ve adjusted plans more times than you can count – You support your family while missing parts of yourself – You’re functioning, but something feels quietly unfinished Related Episodes You Were the Good Girl. That’s Why You’re Falling Apart Now. https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/ Curated Related Links The Orchid and the Dandelion — Thomas Boyce https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25614459-the-orchid-and-the-dandelion Dr. Vanessa LaPointe — Official Website https://drvanessalapointe.com The Unlived Life of the Parent — Carl Jung (concept reference) https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201112/the-unlived-life The Work — Byron Katie https://thework.com This isn’t weakness. This is adaptation under pressure. Mums are doing impossible things every day — and still standing.

    30 min
  3. 77. Turning the Car Around for the Hat — So It Must Be Me

    28 JAN

    77. Turning the Car Around for the Hat — So It Must Be Me

    Responsibility’s already on me. If this tips, it’ll be because I waited too long. That’s how the morning starts. There’s a clock running. Shoes half on. Bags not where they should be. One kid slowing down, another winding up. Nothing’s happened yet, but the margin’s already thin. I step in early, before anyone else thinks it’s necessary, and it gets read straight away as 'being grumpy.' In This Episode, We CoverThe internal belief that responsibility defaults inward before the day beginsHow a single morning escalation under time pressure is interpreted differently by those around youWhat it’s like to step in early and have that read as impatience or controlThe moment intervention happens before anything has officially gone wrong This Episode Is For You IfMornings feel loaded before the first decision is madeYou act early because the margin already feels thinYour responses are misread in real time by othersYou carry the sense that if it falls apart, it’s on you Related EpisodesWhy Am I Bracing for Impact When Nothing Is Wrong? (Quick Reset) https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-10-quick-reset-why-am-i-bracing-for-impact-when-nothing-is-wrong/ You Were the Good Girl. That’s Why You’re Falling Apart Now. https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/ The ADHD Myth of ‘Just Try Harder’ (Quick Reset) https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-24-quick-reset-the-adhd-myth-of-just-try-harder/ The morning doesn’t resolve. There’s no clean ending attached to it. Just the moment being seen while it’s still happening. Not as overreaction. Not as a set of steps. As regulation under load, in real time, with the clock already ticking. 📬 Listener Questions & Community Submit a Listener Question (anonymous option) If there’s something you want answered on the podcast, you can submit a question here — anonymously if you prefer. https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864 Share Feedback or Topic Requests Have a topic you’d like covered, or feedback you want to pass on? You can send it through here. https://form.jotform.com/243189306607864 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it. https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmums

    16 min
  4. 76. Always Leaving First — The Social Cost for ADHD Mums

    26 JAN

    76. Always Leaving First — The Social Cost for ADHD Mums

    You can feel it tipping before anyone else does. Everyone’s still chatting, still comfortable, and your body’s already tightening. You know if you stay, you’ll be the one dealing with what comes next. It’s that familiar moment where nothing’s happened yet, but you’re already bracing for the clean-up. In This Episode, We CoverWhat it’s like to step in early when you’re the one who ends up carrying the falloutHow being told to ‘relax’ or ‘let it play out’ misses where the cost actually landsWhy stepping in early often gets read as control from the outsideThe difference between reacting to what’s happening and knowing what usually comes nextHow early exits, early no’s, and early decisions reduce the total load This Episode Is For You IfYou’re usually the one calling it before things tipYou leave events early and feel judged for itYou’re told nothing has happened yet, but you know what comes afterYou’re the one left carrying the aftermathYou’re tired of second-guessing what you know because you’ve lived it Related EpisodesWhy Am I Bracing for Impact When Nothing Is Wrong? (Quick Reset) https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-10-quick-reset-why-am-i-bracing-for-impact-when-nothing-is-wrong/ Surviving the Mental Load of the School Year https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-63-surviving-the-mental-load-of-the-school-year/ When You Can’t Relax Even When It’s Quiet https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/ You Were the Good Girl. That’s Why You’re Falling Apart Now. https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/ The ADHD Myth of ‘Just Try Harder’ (Quick Reset) https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-24-quick-reset-the-adhd-myth-of-just-try-harder/ This isn’t about being better at sitting with uncertainty. It’s about exposure. Some people only experience the moment. Others are the ones who absorb what comes after. Leaving early doesn’t look necessary when you’re not the one managing the fallout. What looks like overreaction from one place is actually load reduction from another. You’re not creating problems too soon. You’re carrying the cost so it doesn’t land later. 📬 Listener Questions &...

    11 min
  5. 75. I Was Fine Until No One Replied

    21 JAN

    75. I Was Fine Until No One Replied

    This episode sits in a very specific moment: when nothing has technically happened, but your whole system reacts as if something has gone wrong. A message goes unanswered. A reply takes longer than expected. A conversation pauses.And suddenly, silence feels loaded. In this episode, Jane explores why those moments don’t register as neutral. They register as danger. Not because you’re dramatic or overthinking — but because past experiences have taught your system that silence can mean rejection, conflict, or loss of safety. The panic that shows up isn’t reactive. It’s predictive. And the relief that floods in when the reply finally comes? That’s not embarrassing. It’s data. Evidence that your system misfired a protective alarm — not that something is wrong with you. This is a recognition episode, not an explanation. It doesn’t teach you how to stop spiralling. It names why the spiral happens — and lets that understanding do the calming. In This EpisodeWhy silence is experienced as threat, not informationHow past social pain trains the brain to predict danger earlyWhy panic is terrible at writing messagesThe relief that comes when nothing was actually wrong — and what it provesHow overprotection develops from lived experience, not weaknessWhy this reaction is about safety, not self-control This Episode Is For You IfUnanswered messages make your whole body braceSilence feels heavier than wordsYou rewrite texts that didn’t need fixingRelief after a reply is followed by self-doubt or shameYou want recognition, not advice Best Related EpisodesThese episodes deepen the same patterns of silence, rejection sensitivity, and misread threat. An RSD Story: Taking My Own Advice A personal lived experience of rejection sensitivity and shame loops. 👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/an-rsd-story-taking-my-own-advice-s1-ep9/ Why Am I Bracing for Impact When Nothing Is Wrong? (Quick Reset) How the system predicts danger before there’s evidence. 👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-10-quick-reset-why-am-i-bracing-for-impact-when-nothing-is-wrong/ When You Can’t Relax Even When It’s Quiet — What Your Body Is Doing and Why Hypervigilance and waiting for the social ‘drop’. 👉 a href="https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/"...

    14 min
  6. 74. You’re Not That Mum (Back to School Edition)

    19 JAN

    74. You’re Not That Mum (Back to School Edition)

    If you’re standing at the edge of a new school year already feeling tight, alert, or on edge — this episode is for you. Not because you’re anxious. Not because you’re controlling. And not because you’re ‘that mum’. In this episode, Jane unpacks what actually happens for many mums as school resumes — especially those parenting neurodivergent children. The pressure to stay ahead. To manage outcomes. To prevent last year from repeating itself. What often gets misunderstood is this: that tension isn’t about wanting control.It’s about knowing what’s at stake. This episode explores the difference between regulation through behaviour and regulation through relationship — and why mums so often find themselves translating between systems that don’t speak the same language. Jane reflects honestly on her own controlling reactions, not as a flaw, but as a signal of care under pressure. The result is an episode that offers relief, recognition, and permission — not resolution. This is not a ‘back to school readiness’ episode. It’s an emotional exhale before the year begins. In This Episode, We CoverWhy the start of the school year activates so much nervous system stressHow last year gets carried forward in the bodyThe difference between caring, control, and influenceWhy mums are often labelled ‘that mum’ when they’re actually translating systemsRegulation through relationship vs regulation through behaviourHow fear of repetition drives over-functioningWhy letting go of control isn’t the same as giving upPermission to choose influence where control isn’t possible This Episode Is For You IfYou feel braced heading into the school yearYou’re worried about becoming ‘that mum’You’re carrying last year’s stress into this oneYou’ve had to advocate repeatedly for your childYou feel responsible for making the system workYou want relief and clarity, not another checklist 🔗 Related EpisodesThese episodes sit in the same school-season and systems-translation lane, and deepen the themes explored here. Surviving the Mental Load of the School Year Why mums carry the system stress, not just the logistics 👉 a href="https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-63-surviving-the-mental-load-of-the-school-year/" rel="noopener noreferrer"...

    15 min
  7. 73. Being Judged for Choosing Understanding Over Punishment

    14 JAN

    73. Being Judged for Choosing Understanding Over Punishment

    If you’ve ever been told you’re ‘too soft’ or that your child just needs firmer discipline — this episode is for you. Not because you need to learn how to parent better. But because the judgement itself is the problem. In this episode, Jane unpacks one of the most exhausting myths ADHD parents face: that challenging behaviour is a discipline failure rather than a regulation issue. When children melt down, struggle to comply, or can’t do today what they managed yesterday, the adult world often reads this as defiance, manipulation, or laziness. Parents are then pressured to punish harder — even when punishment clearly isn’t helping. This episode stands between you and that pressure. Jane explains why ADHD is not a behaviour to 'manage', why punishment backfires for dysregulated nervous systems, and why fluctuating capacity is not inconsistency or bad parenting. Most importantly, it names the quiet shame parents carry when they’re blamed for something that was never a moral failure to begin with. This is not a debate about discipline styles. It’s a defence of parents who are paying attention. In This Episode, We CoverWhy being told to ‘be firmer’ feels personal — and why it causes so much damageThe myth that punishment teaches self-regulation (and what it actually teaches instead)Why ADHD is not a behaviour problem but a developmental delay in regulationHow shame undermines self-esteem and worsens behaviour over timeWhy ‘they did it yesterday’ is a misunderstanding of fluctuating capacityHow inconsistent capacity gets misread as manipulationWhy punishment often increases defiance and emotional dysregulationThe difference between obedience and safetyWhy connection builds skills in the long term — even when it’s harder in the short termHow to hold boundaries without turning distress into a moral failure This Episode Is For You IfYou’re constantly being judged for choosing understanding over punishmentFamily members question your parenting or dismiss ADHDYou feel blamed when discipline doesn’t ‘work’Your child copes one day and falls apart the nextYou’re exhausted from explaining yourself over and overYou know punishment isn’t helping — but feel pressured anyway 🔗 Explore More From This EpisodeThese episodes deepen the themes discussed here and support the same values-driven approach. 🎧Referenced in This EpisodeThe ADHD Myth of ‘Just Try Harder’ (Quick Reset) Why pressure backfires, and how shame and guilt shape behaviour and self-esteem a...

    14 min
  8. 72. You’re Not Behind — You Learned to Carry Responsibility Too Early

    12 JAN

    72. You’re Not Behind — You Learned to Carry Responsibility Too Early

    You’re not behind.And you’re not failing at life. If you wake up already tired — before anything has even happened — this episode explains why. Not in a ‘here’s what to do’ way. In a ‘nothing is wrong with you’ way. In this episode, Jane names the invisible thing that keeps so many mums feeling behind, rushed, and quietly panicked even on calm days: carrying responsibility before it’s required. It’s why the phone ringing makes your body brace. Why waiting doesn’t feel like rest. Why you feel like you’re about to get in trouble — even when everything is fine. This isn’t anxiety. It isn’t disorganisation. And it isn’t you being dramatic. It’s what happens when your nervous system learned, very early on, that missing things had consequences — so it stayed alert just in case. This episode is about the mum who feels behind before she’s started… and the relief of realising she’s not behind at all — she just started carrying it too early. In This Episode, We Cover:Why you can feel exhausted even when nothing has gone wrongThe ‘I must have forgotten something’ feeling — and where it comes fromWhy your body braces when the phone ringsWhat it means to live in ‘standby mode’How responsibility can show up before it’s actually requiredWhy urgency feels real even when it isn’tThe difference between being behind and being earlyThe quiet permission to stop obeying the rush This Episode Is For You If:You feel behind before the day even beginsYour body is always waiting for something to go wrongYou apologise or explain yourself before anyone asksQuiet days still feel heavy and tenseRest doesn’t feel like restYou want relief — not another strategy 🎧 Quick Resets (Short, Bingeable Support)Quick Reset: Mum hack meal planning for when you’re already burnt outhttps://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-43-quick-reset-mum-hack-meal-planning-for-when-youre-already-burnt-out/Quick Reset: Self-care feels nice. Self-regulation keeps you alive.a href="https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-53-quick-reset-self-care-feels-nice-self-regulation-keeps-you-alive/" rel="noopener noreferrer"...

    7 min
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About

Being a mum is hard enough. Being a mum with ADHD — or raising neurodivergent kids is a whole different level. ADHD Mums is the unfiltered, science-meets-reality podcast hosted by Jane McFadden, educational neuroscientist, advocate, and mother of three. This isn’t another polished parenting show with 'ten easy tips.' It’s real stories, confessions we’re not supposed to say out loud, and the research that explains why so many of us are running on empty. Every week you’ll hear: 🎙️ Confessions — raw, anonymous truths from mums navigating rage, burnout, and survival. 🧠 Expert insights — from neuroscientists, clinicians, and policy leaders on ADHD, autism, and mental health. 💬 Advocacy in action — exposing ADHD medication shortages, NDIS red tape, and the hidden costs mothers carry. With over 1 million downloads already tuning in from across the world, the podcast has already influenced ADHD reforms in Australia, been featured in national media, and pushed politicians to answer the questions mothers are asking. If you’ve ever screamed in the car, forgotten every form until the night before, or wondered if you’re the only one falling apart — this podcast is your proof that you’re not broken, you’re just telling the truth.

Information

  • Creator
    Jane McFadden
  • Years Active
    2023 - 2026
  • Episodes
    245
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2025 Jane McFadden
  • Show Website
    ADHD Mums
  • Provider

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