Over It And On With It Christine Hassler

Dr. Florence Comite is a clinician-scientist and innovator in the field of precision medicine. She is world-renowned for her expertise in predicting, preventing, and reversing chronic disease and the disorders associated with aging.
She is a true disruptor of the status quo, a “doctorpreneur” with a bold mission--to eliminate chronic disease in the world. She has begun by helping her clients lengthen their healthspans to match their lifespans at the Center, which has not expanded to offices in Palo Alto and Miami Beach.
And now she is applying her research to a virtual medicine app called Groq Health , which is bringing access to the transformative power of personal precision medicine and AI to everyone’s smartphone.

This coaching call is about breaking the cycle of being in unhealthy relationships, specifically with emotionally unavailable or narcissistic people. Today’s caller, Behnaz, feels guilty, exhausted, and angry when dealing with her family and longs for deeper connections. She asks Christine for guidance on how to break the cycle and release her anger.
 
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode429].
 
We all have encountered someone with either narcissism or at least narcissistic tendencies, emotional unavailability, and gaslighting. It can be a frustrating and maddening place to be. It almost makes us feel crazy because we feel we are not being heard, we are not being seen, and it is frustrating.
 
Why empaths are so attracted to narcissists is because, on a subconscious level, we see that they don't have access to love. We can feel it. We think our love will somehow awaken the love in them but it just doesn’t work that way. We just end up giving away our power, and our heart, and we end up collapsing our boundaries.
 
It can be hard when we are a loving person, and we have a pattern of engaging with people who are not in touch with the love inside themselves. It’s exhausting.
 
If you know you have been gaslit before, be aware that you may either shut down completely and not talk at all or go into over-talking and over-explaining. It’s not bad or wrong. It’s just a natural reaction to being gaslit. Part of healing from being gaslit is finding our authentic self-expression, not coming from justification or defending, knowing exactly what we need to say and how much we need to say.
 
On some level, some of us do sign up to be generational pattern breakers. It’s the only way the consciousness of the planet evolves.
 
Spring 2024 will bring a new 10-week, Live, Inner Child Program from Christine and Stefanos. More information is coming soon.
 
Christine wants to hear from you! She is considering making some changes to the show, and she wants your feedback. Go to ChristineHassler.com/survey to answer a few questions about the podcast, and if you include your name and email, you will be entered into a raffle to win a 30-minute coaching session with Christine.
 
Behnaz’s Question:
Behnaz’s self-esteem is not where she wants it to be and she struggles to find her voice around narcissists. She wants guidance on how to release her anger and break the pattern.
 
Behnaz’s Key Insights and Ahas:
Adults gaslit her when she was a child.
She holds back her thoughts around narcissists.
She feels she has boundaries.
She has internalized anger she is unable to express.
She is exhausted.
She speaks up for herself but is resentful when nothing changes.
She tries to connect with emotionally unavailable people.
She wanted a deeper connection with her parents.
She yearns to love and connect with people.
Her soul signed up to be a generational pattern breaker.
She feels guilty about cutting off a relationship with her aunt.
She is a joyful person.
She is creating a family of friends.
She feels alone.
 
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Grieve the relationship she didn’t have with her family.
Accept that she chose her family to learn through contrast.
Get in touch with her anger.
Accept that she cannot change anyone.
Know it is OK to step away from unhealthy relationships.
Honor who she is and come into alignment with it.
 
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassl

This is the perfect episode to listen to as the holidays are upon us - my guest, Talia Fox, and I talk about how to have healthier, more conscious relationships with ourselves and others. 
Talia Fox is the CEO of KUSI Global, Inc. She holds an M.Ed. in counseling psychology from Howard University and she is a Harvard University Fellow. An inspirational leader in every sense of the word, Talia is often referred to as the Jedi of Inspiration by her clients. With over two decades of experience in transforming thousands of executives from all sectors, she has become a visionary for leadership and legacy building.
Her extensive background in psychology and education has given her the tools she needs to assist leaders in developing successful strategies for complex missions, ranging from defense systems to healthcare initiatives. 
As CEO of KUSI Global, Inc., Talia helps organizations like the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission, Harvard University, Transunion, the National Institutes of Health, Howard University, and the U.S. Departments of Defense and Veterans Affairs maximize human potential by leveraging strategic intelligence and helps individuals and organizations foster connected cultures and promote conscious equity.

This coaching call is about getting out of the loop of needing reassurance. Today’s caller, Michele, does not feel safe in relationships and asks her partner for constant reassurance. If you have jealousy, worry, or anxiety in relationships or situations, you will find value in today’s episode.
 
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode428].
 
There are times when we have insecurity or concerns in relationships. During those times, it is reasonable to go to our partner and ask for reassurance. That is within the range of a healthy relationship. But when we find ourselves in a perpetual loop of needing reassurance constantly in order to feel relief and love, it is because we don’t feel safe.
 
When we really feel love, it is beautiful and amazing and it is also terrifying. We have to acknowledge that it is risky and there will be things about it that will scare us. But when we recognize the risk and fear, if we greet the scared part of us with compassion and love, we can stop the fear from running the show. When we see the loop for what it is and take self-honoring actions, we take ourselves off the hamster wheel and stop abandoning ourselves.
 
Breaking the loop is a huge act of self-love and self-care. It’s never our partner’s job to heal us, but they can have an active role in understanding our wounding and being compassionate and patient with us as we heal.
 
Christine wants to hear from you! She is considering making some changes to the show, and she wants your feedback. Go to ChristineHassler.com/survey to answer a few questions about the podcast, and if you include your name and email, you will be entered into a raffle to win a 30-minute coaching session with Christine.
 
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Are you in a safe situation, relationship, or career but you’re afraid you’re going to lose it?
As a child, were marriage and relationships not modeled to you in a great way?
Do you need constant reassurance or otherwise, you feel unsettled?
Do you judge that part of you that needs constant reassurance?
 
Michele’s Question:
Michele asks for guidance on how to stop needing reassurance in her new relationship.
 
Michele’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She has a compulsive need for reassurance.
She doesn’t feel safe in relationships.
She fears abandonment.
She was blindsided by her ex’s infidelity.
She’s been jealous in her relationships.
As a child, she didn’t have good models of relationship.
Her brother left home at a young age.
She feels a deep connection with her new partner.
Her partner reassures her often.
She gets frustrated with herself about her need for reassurance.
 She fears she will manifest the ending of a relationship.
She believes she should have outgrown her fear by now.
 
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Have compassion when the part of her that needs control comes up.
Ask herself if her fear is substantiated.
Recognizing when she is in a loop will help break the cycle.
Draw a diagram of her cycle of fear with exit routes.
Be gentle with the scared parts of herself.
Enjoy her relationship.
 
Takeaway:
Draw out a diagram of what perpetuates your cycle of fear and give yourself exit routes.
 
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Christine on Facebook
Expectation Hangover,

I talk quite a bit on the show about how important it is to release our anger in a healthy way. In today's episode I walk you through how to do one of my favorite and most empowering exercises - an anger burn! 
 
If you aren't quite ready for an anger burn, then starting by writing f*** you letters is a great way to process anger. You can listen to the episode I did about that here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/over-it-and-on-with-it/id1050321415?i=1000620283017

This coaching call is about giving ourselves the time to be where we are, even if we don’t like it. Today’s caller, Maria, has suffered recent losses. It is causing past grief to surface. She asks Christine for guidance on how to tone down her hyper-vigilance and move through the grief she is experiencing.
 
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode427].
 
Many of us get our idea of what a mother is based on our mother, the media, or other things that are so far off from what a mother actually is. A mother is not a martyr, not someone who sacrifices everything, has no life, or no sense of herself. It is also not abandoning a child, either physically or emotionally, because she’s so caught up in her own trauma.
 
A mother is being a loving, nurturing model of what a healthy nervous system looks like, what nurturing looks like, what unconditional love looks like, what acceptance looks like, what boundaries look like, and what soothing looks like.
 
When we are in a phase in life where we are still working out subconscious patterns and wounding, it is impossible to see red flags. If you are beating yourself up for red flags you didn’t see in situations, especially partnerships, please forgive yourself. You had to be in those relationships to wake up! Remember, we are naturally attracted to our dysfunction. We are naturally attracted to people who remind us of the parents who didn’t give us what we wanted.
 
Please forgive yourself. You can see the red flags now because you have done work. You couldn’t see them before. Give yourself a break. Self-beat has no place in healing. Give yourself that mothering or parental nurturing love that you so deserve. Sometimes it is not time to do the “work.” The work is nurturing, regulating, and resourcing ourselves.
 
Christine wants to hear from you! She is considering making some changes to the show, and she wants your feedback. Go to ChristineHassler.com/survey to answer a few questions about the podcast, and if you include your name and email, you will be entered into a raffle to win a 30-minute coaching session with Christine.
 
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Have you recently gone through loss and grief that have triggered other loss or grief?
Are you in a phase of overwhelm by how much you feel you have to process?
Did you not have the childhood or the parent you deeply desired?
Have you ignored red flags in relationships only now, in hindsight, they are clear as day?
 
Maria’s Question:
Maria has experienced a lot of loss recently and is looking for guidance on how to move through the grief.
 
Maria’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She feels emotionally malnourished.
Her recent pregnancy and relationship losses are bringing up past grief.
She feels unsafe and hyper-vigilant.
She feels challenged to express herself or to be joyful.
Her mother passed away three years ago.
Her mother was emotionally unavailable and detached.
She feels overwhelmed, and her sense of self is out of balance.
Memories of her childhood feelings are surfacing and mixing with her grief.
She wanted intimacy from her mother and her relationships.
She longs for connection.
She did not have the ability to discern red flags.
She is consciously single now.
She is a doula who has a deep connection to motherhood.
 
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Have compassion and awareness for the season of life she is in now.
Know that her soul baby is holding space for her to be ready for a beautiful, healthy relationship.
Give herself the love and the nurturing she wanted from her parents.
Allow herself to be resourced.
 
Sponsor:
Caraway Cookware — Caraway products are toxicity-free, beautiful, and easy to clean and use. The cookware and bakeware sets have a chemical-free slick coating. The new stainless steel cookware set is a must-have. To take advantage of a limited-time offer for listeners of this po