Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast

4.7 (18)
HEALTH & FITNESS
UPDATED WEEKLY

Nikki Kinzer and Pete Wright offer support, life management strategies, and time and technology tips, dedicated to anyone looking to take control while living with ADHD.

3 DAYS AGO

Love, Attention, and the Invisible Chasm of ADHD with Jonathan Hassall

Imagine two people standing on opposite sides of a canyon. One, tethered to the rhythms of neurotypical expectation—cause and effect, action and consequence—a world in which forgotten keys are just that: forgotten keys. The other, moving through a landscape of impulsivity, of fractured attention, of a thousand micro-failures that feel, at times, like an existential indictment. They love each other. They try to reach across the chasm. But the bridge they need is invisible. This week on The ADHD Podcast, Pete Wright and Nikki Kinzer embark on a three-part exploration into ADHD and relationships. Their guide this first week: Jonathan Hassall, an ADHD and executive function coach with a background in psychiatric nursing and ADHD research. Jonathan has spent years decoding the paradoxes that arise when ADHD meets the relentless machinery of relationships. Why do partners of those with ADHD feel unheard? Why does an innocuous comment about condiments over lunch spiral into a silent war? Why do people with ADHD sometimes feel like perpetual disappointments in the eyes of those they love? And is there a way—a real, tangible way—to undo the corrosive misunderstandings that accumulate over years, even decades? Jonathan argues that the real problem isn’t ADHD itself. It’s adaptation—or rather, the failure to adapt. The rules of engagement in relationships often assume a kind of neurological symmetry that simply doesn’t exist when one or both partners have ADHD. And when partners misinterpret behavior—when forgetfulness looks like indifference, when emotional reactivity looks like hostility—the result is a slow erosion of trust. But what if there were another way? A way to recalibrate, to assume goodwill, to dismantle the myths and rebuild a foundation not on correction, but on understanding? From the science of emotional regulation to the power of a single moment of grace, Pete, Nikki, and Jonathan dissect the anatomy of ADHD relationships and ask the most fundamental question of all: What does it take to be truly seen? Links & Resources: Jonathan’s book: Decoding DoingLearn more about Jonathan Hassall’s work at ConnectADHD CoachingJoin the ADHD community on Discord: TakeControlADHD.com/discordSupport the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to The ADHD Podcast (01:00) - Support the Show on Discord, Socials and Patreon! (01:58) - Introducing Jonathan Hassall (02:54) - ADHD & Relationships ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

1h 4m
27 FEB

How ADHD Shapes Our Connections: A Primer on Love, Friendship, and Communication

ADHD doesn’t just complicate relationships—it shapes them. From romantic partnerships to friendships, family dynamics, and workplace interactions, the traits of inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity ripple across every connection. Romantic relationships often bear the brunt, with ADHD symptoms leading to miscommunication, frustration, and even intimacy challenges. Couples may struggle with mismatched libidos, impulsive behaviors, or emotional dysregulation, but understanding ADHD’s role can transform these struggles into opportunities for deeper connection. Family and professional relationships, too, are affected. ADHD parents often wrestle with providing structure or consistent discipline, creating chaotic home environments that strain relationships with children and partners. At work, impulsivity, time management issues, and difficulty following through on commitments can complicate team dynamics and career growth. Socially, the ADHD brain’s challenges with focus and emotional regulation can lead to feelings of rejection or isolation, making it harder to build and sustain friendships. The science behind these struggles lies in the ADHD brain itself. Impaired dopamine regulation impacts empathy, social cognition, and emotional recognition, all of which play critical roles in relationships. Comorbid conditions like anxiety, depression, or substance use disorders further complicate matters, while genetic factors often ripple across generations, creating patterns of behavior that shape family and social dynamics. But the good news? With the right diagnosis, treatment, and tools, ADHDers can overcome these challenges and thrive in their relationships. In this episode, Nikki Kinzer and Pete Wright explore the intersection of ADHD and relationships, unpacking the science, the stories, and the strategies that foster connection. From structured communication techniques to empathy-building exercises, they offer actionable advice to help ADHDers and their loved ones navigate challenges and unlock the unique strengths ADHD brings to relationships. Whether you’re navigating romance, family life, or professional interactions, this episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to better understand ADHD’s role in human connection. Links & Notes Support the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (02:29) - ADHD Relationships ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

25 min
20 FEB

The Hidden Storm of ADHD: Emotional Dysregulation & RSD

Emotional dysregulation is one of ADHD’s most disruptive yet overlooked symptoms. It’s not just a passing mood or a fleeting frustration. For those with ADHD, emotions can spiral into sudden waves of intensity—anger, hurt, joy, or anxiety—seemingly out of nowhere. This week, Nikki and Pete explore the science and strategies behind this turbulent experience, offering insights to help listeners navigate its challenges. At its core, emotional dysregulation is the brain’s difficulty managing emotions effectively. The overactive amygdala—the emotional alarm center—reacts strongly, while the underactive prefrontal cortex struggles to rein it in. When dopamine levels are low, the prefrontal cortex can’t regulate the amygdala, resulting in overwhelming emotional reactions. These aren’t just limited to anger or sadness; moments of extreme joy, excitement, or frustration can also feel uncontainable. And then we have our dear friend, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), a particularly painful form of emotional dysregulation. RSD amplifies the sting of perceived rejection or criticism to an intense, often unbearable level. These emotional wounds, though short-lived, can ripple through relationships, self-esteem, and productivity. Many people find themselves stuck in cycles of avoidance, self-doubt, and shame, all of which undermine their ability to connect with others and move forward in their lives. But there is hope. It turns out there are actually actionable strategies to manage emotional dysregulation, from mindfulness practices and therapy to building awareness of emotional triggers. Simple steps, like labeling emotions, taking deep breaths, or stepping away to reset, can make a real difference. For some, professional help, whether through coaching, medication, or therapy, provides essential tools to regain emotional balance and build resilience. This episode sheds light on a hidden aspect of ADHD that affects everything from relationships to self-esteem. It’s a reminder that while emotional dysregulation is challenging, it’s also manageable with the right tools, support, and understanding. Links & Notes ADDitude: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and Emotional DysregulationBeyond BookSmart: ADHD and Emotional DysregulationEmotion dysregulation and right pars orbitalis constitute a neuropsychological pathway to attention deficit hyperactivity disorderUncovering the Roots and Evolution of Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria - Neurodivergent InsightsRejection Sensitive Dysphoria and ADHD with Dr. William Dodson — Take Control ADHDSupport the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (01:16) - Support the Show: Become a Patron at patreon.com/theadhdpodcast (03:07) - Emotional Dysregulation (14:06) - The RSD Connection (19:33) - So... what do you do? ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

28 min
13 FEB

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions: Why ADHD Turns Choices Into Mazes

Why is making a decision sometimes the hardest thing in the world? For those with ADHD, the labyrinth of choices can feel impossibly complex. Each twist and turn demands attention and energy—resources that are already stretched thin. This week Nikki and Pete peel back the layers of decision-making through the ADHD lens, unraveling why such a seemingly simple act can feel like scaling a mountain. At the heart of it lies one of ADHD’s most challenging riddles: the executive functions. These are the mental tools we use to plan, prioritize, organize, and remember, but for those with ADHD, these tools often feel dull or misplaced. Enter the paradox of choice. Too many options? Paralysis. Too much time? Overthinking. Too little time? Impulsivity. Each scenario is riddled with traps. Decision-making with ADHD is an art, not a science. It’s messy, it’s nonlinear, and it requires flexibility and self-compassion. Join Nikki and Pete as they navigate this intricate process, offering insights, stories, and strategies to help you make decisions that feel right—without the second-guessing, the self-doubt, or the endless spiral of overthinking. Links & Notes Support the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (01:42) - Become a Patron • Support the Show! (02:44) - Decisions, Decisions, Decisions! (25:40) - This is the How-To Part ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

41 min
6 FEB

Shifting Gears: ADHD-Powered Problem Solving

What happens when life throws you off course? The meeting runs late, the pipes freeze, or the day crumbles before it even begins. For most people, problem-solving is instinctive. For those with ADHD, however, it’s a far more complex process—one filled with creativity, frustration, and unpredictability. This week, Nikki and Pete explore the unique challenges and strengths of ADHD-powered problem-solving. The ADHD brain can shine in adversity, using creativity and hyperfocus to tackle unconventional problems. But it also struggles with all-or-nothing thinking, freezing under pressure, emotional overwhelm, and the need for more time to process situations. Nikki and Pete offer practical strategies to navigate these challenges. Start by clearly identifying the problem without spiraling into blame or “what-ifs.” Ask yourself: Is this my problem to solve? Often, the stress you carry isn’t yours to fix. Once you know the answer, reframe and readjust—communicate, prioritize, and take action, no matter how small. The episode also emphasizes mindset shifts. Acceptance isn’t giving up; it’s understanding that plans change and perfection is unattainable. Letting go of unnecessary blame and giving yourself grace are keys to moving forward. Nikki and Pete share insights from Dr. Edward Hallowell and discuss the importance of pausing to regulate emotions before tackling problems. Finally, they highlight the power of talking it out. Verbal processing can help you hear your thoughts, shift your perspective, and uncover solutions you didn’t see before. This is just the beginning. Next week, Nikki and Pete will dive into decision-making, showing you how to choose wisely, even in chaos. For now, this episode is your guide to shifting gears, embracing your ADHD brain, and solving problems with creativity and resilience. Links & Notes CrazyBusy by Dr. Edward Hallowell, The ADHD Serenity Prayer, Google BooksSupport the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (01:06) - Support the Show: Become a Patron! (02:22) - Problem-Solving (21:44) - This quote is from CrazyBusy by Dr. Hallowell. We found it after the fact. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

26 min
30 JAN

Anthony's Way—The Road to Kindness with Tony and Cassi Bellezza

WARNING: This episode contains discussions of youth bullying and suicide. What does it mean to transform heartbreak into hope? For Tony and Cassi Bellezza, the loss of their son Anthony was not the end of his story—it was the beginning of a mission. Anthony, a vibrant and compassionate child who lived with ADHD, inspired those around him with his unique ability to see the world through a lens of kindness. But his journey wasn’t without challenges: navigating school accommodations, transitioning between educational systems, facing bullying, and finding outlets for his passions. In this episode of The ADHD Podcast, hosts Nikki Kinzer and Pete Wright sit down with Tony and Cassi to explore the roots of Anthony’s Way - The Road to Kindness, the non-profit they founded to honor their son. They discuss how Anthony’s struggle—and his empathy—became the foundation for a program designed to help children and teens with ADHD not just survive, but thrive. From the challenges of private school 504 plans to the life-changing impact of extracurricular activities, Tony and Cassi share personal stories of advocacy, resilience, and the profound importance of kindness. They also dive into the organization’s innovative Holistic Care Model, their Kindness Scholarship program, and the transformative power of community support. This is a conversation about ADHD, yes—but it’s also about legacy. It’s about how one family took their pain and turned it into a movement. And it’s a reminder that kindness isn’t just a value—it’s a roadmap to something greater. Links & Notes Learn more about Anthony’s Way - The Road to KindnessSign up for the Road to Kindness EventSecond Annual Walk for Kindness: FebruarySupport the organizationSupport the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (02:31) - Anthony's Way—The Road to Kindness ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

35 min
23 JAN

The Language of Limitation

We’ve all been there, haven’t we? Stuck. Not physically stuck, mind you, but mentally ensnared. Trapped in a linguistic labyrinth of our own making. For those of us navigating the intricate pathways of ADHD, this feeling of confinement can be particularly acute. It's a subtle trap, often disguised in the seemingly innocuous words we use – words like "just" and "only." These linguistic termites, seemingly insignificant on their own, can gnaw at the foundations of our self-worth, leaving us feeling perpetually inadequate. Think about it. How often have you dismissed your accomplishments with a self-deprecating "Oh, it was just a small project"? Or downplayed your efforts with an apologetic "I only managed to get half of it done"? These seemingly harmless qualifiers, these verbal tics, are more potent than they appear. They're the building blocks of what Nikki and Pete call out as the "Language of Limitation." In this episode of The ADHD Podcast, they explore the hidden architecture of this linguistic prison. They explore how these self-limiting phrases, often echoes of childhood pronouncements and internalized criticisms, shape our perceptions and perpetuate a cycle of negative self-talk. It's an exploration of the power of language – how the words we use, both internally and externally, can either liberate or confine us. The pull apart the mechanics of reframing with strategies to dismantle the limiting narratives we’ve constructed around ourselves. They explore the art of mindful communication, offering techniques to navigate the often-treacherous terrain of social interactions. Language is a tool, and like any tool, it can be used to build or to destroy. Join Nikki and Pete as they illuminate the path toward linguistic liberation, one "just" and "only" at a time. It's a journey worth taking. Links & Notes Support the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (02:21) - Join the Community! (03:25) - The Language of Limitation (22:01) - Structured Journaling ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

29 min
16 JAN

Celebrating What We Do

What if, instead of chasing perfection, we celebrated progress? What if the courage it takes to live with ADHD wasn’t just acknowledged but honored? This week on The ADHD Podcast, Nikki Kinzer and Pete Wright (Nikki and Pete) challenge us to pause, reflect, and rewrite the stories we tell ourselves. This isn’t about doing more or trying harder—it’s about recognizing the monumental effort ADHDers put into simply existing in a world that often misunderstands them. Here’s the truth: ADHD is not a character flaw. It’s not your fault. It’s real, complex, and challenging. Yet, too often, those with ADHD dismiss their victories, minimize their strengths, and shoulder blame that isn’t theirs. Nikki and Pete remind us that this cycle of self-criticism—those loud should statements and limiting beliefs—isn’t helping. Living with ADHD takes courage, adaptability, and resilience. But ADHDers rarely give themselves credit for what they do accomplish. This episode is a rallying cry to celebrate just that—everything you’ve already done, no matter how small it seems. Because: Progress, not perfection, is what matters.Resting counts.Lowering expectations isn’t giving up—it’s being realistic and kind.Asking for help shows wisdom, not weakness.And above all, ADHD is something you have, not who you are. This isn’t about celebrating accomplishments. It’s about rejecting perfectionism, reframing expectations, and creating a mindset that allows you to thrive. ADHD doesn’t define you, but it does shape how you live—and that’s something to honor. So pause. Recognize your efforts. Celebrate what you do. You’ve got this. Links & Notes Support the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (03:06) - Celebrating What We Do ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

24 min

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TRAILER

Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast

New season, new trailer! For you new listeners just checking us out, welcome! We're thrilled to have you! Join the Community: https://takecontroladhd.com/discordPinterest, Instagram, Facebook: @takecontroladhd ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

S29

•

1 min

4.7

out of 5

18 Ratings

Wonderful podcast!

07/10/2020

BatKnitting

I found this podcast after I started to suspect I had ADHD and just before I was diagnosed this year. This warm, very human, intelligent podcast has helped me so much. I keep returning to old episodes again and again - especially ‘Starting Small’ - I have taken this mantra from you into daily life and it helps keep me shipping! The content is brilliant - Pete and Nikki clearly strive to make it as useful, applicable and real as possible. Thank you both!!!
Awesome podcast!

28/07/2019

Beckybumlord

This podcast gives so much useful and informative tips and advice with some great guests. I’m a 24 year old student from UK, recently diagnosed with inattentive type ADD. This podcast has helped me to start to get to grips with how to deal with it. So thank you! The only thing I’d say is although most of the info is for the hyperactive type and is mostly transferable, more episodes on the inattentive type would be hugely appreciated! For me, I still get just as many distractions and the inability to focus and my brain feels as if it’s running at 1000mph, but for me it is much more internal. I’m constantly “lost in thought” in a never ending unmanageable thought spiral, but from the outside it looks like there’s no cogs turning at all. I’ve been told I’m “slow” or have an “air-head” but in fact it’s quite the opposite. Thoughts are racing so much that it’s so hard to keep up with what’s going on around me. I’m actually really intelligent and have always got good grades at school so it’s embarrassing for people to think I’m “slow” or “dim”. The shame that comes along with this condition is immense. I realised you released an episode on the inattentive type on Tuesday last week so I will definitely give that a listen but more would be appreciated. Thanks guys!
I love this!

17/07/2019

Isabelleoc

Essential listening for anyone with ADHD. This podcast re-centres me, calms me and reminds me that struggling with aspects of ADHD doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. Always something useful to take away from this.
Excellent

22/02/2019

Why's that?

Compassionate, humorous, informative, interesting, practical, educational, excellent. Feels like I’m listening to friends. Thank you.

Nikki Kinzer and Pete Wright offer support, life management strategies, and time and technology tips, dedicated to anyone looking to take control while living with ADHD.