The Unlock Lab Tosca DiMatteo

In this episode I explain why it’s important to rip up the old playbooks of what the process is for looking for what’s next. Traditional thinking says – dust off that resume PRONTO. Not so fast my friends, I want you to get your head and heart right before you dive into updating your resume. This is because when we are in the pursuit of what’s next, we often have to process and clear the path we have recently been on – or in some cases go back way further. This enables you to get your mojo and your confidence back for going after what you want next. Tune in for inspiration and practical tips on what to do first. And don’t worry – we will get into my hot resume tips in my very next episode.

 

Action Items When Looking For Your Next Role:


DO NOT touch your resume until you can find a glimmer of excitement and how
Take the time to process and clear what is still feeling crappy from your career journey
Assess if there is a disconnect between how you feel about yourself and how you present yourself externally to the world
Take a BREAK – as long as you possible can to ground back into the REAL you and avoid burnout
Put together your support team and system
Consider what advice you would give your best friend if they were in your situation
Take a look at your environment and make some adjustments that align with where you are going and who you want to be in that journey
Choose what feels good and fun
 

Quotables:

(5:20) "If your confidence is in the crapper, if you're feeling not enough, if you're feeling frustrated, or if you're feeling like what you're looking for isn't going to exist or doesn't exist, or you're just feeling negative and pessimistic about things, then if you touch your resume when you're in that energy, it's not going to serve you. The resume is not actually the most important thing in the process of career transformation. What's most important is that you are energetically in a great place, that you feel good about yourself and your experience and what you bring to the table. Because once you feel that way, once you've stepped into the narrative that serves you, once you've looked back and said, what do I need to clear and done that work? And you look back and say, what have I learned from the things that maybe didn't go well or didn't go the way that I wanted it to? Once you're able to do that, then the resume is a reflection of your truth and how you actually feel about yourself.

 

(13:14) When you're ready to take the next step in your career, my recommendation is for you to take a look at your environment and make some adjustments. So it kind of goes back to this idea of what's the energy that you're in and when you're ready for a new chapter. Taking a look at your space is really helpful to say, okay, how do I want to signal to myself that I'm ready for change and I'm ready for this next step? It could be a few different things. It might be your office space. It might be somewhere in your home.

 

(17:39) “If it feels heavy and daunting to look at your resume and to make adjustments, don't do it. Wait until you're in a space where you can find a little bit of excitement to tell your story, a little bit of excitement to look at what's next. We are conditioned to believe that we have to things, that we have to do things even when we're in a crappy mood or whatever. And that's not true. I think that you will be way more productive and way more effective if you first honor that you want to get your mind and your heart right.”



Tosca’s Links and Resources:

Tosca’s Website

Get in Touch with Tosca

Submit your question for Tosca to answer on her ALL ACCESS episode



Giving Flowers To:

Theme music by: Adrian DiMatteo

Podcast audio edited by: Landis Podcast Editing  

I’m thrilled for this episode where I interview burnout expert Cait Donovan. Cait spent years researching the topic and carved out her own path towards recovery. Cait sheds light on burnout warning signs, from physical exhaustion to a lack of fulfillment at work. We discuss the intersection of mental well-being and physical health, and the dangers of overriding our body's signals. Cait shares insights into entrepreneurs' unique challenges, the fine balance between helping others and setting boundaries and the importance of self-care. Our conversation journeys through understanding the body mind connection and the value of listening to one's internal signals to prevent and recover from burnout. With practical wisdom and heartfelt advice, Cait's expertise offers invaluable insights and the roadmap to navigate the intricacies of burnout.



Introducing Cait:

Cait Donovan is a Keynote speaker, one of New York City’s leading burnout experts, host of “Fried – The Burnout Podcast,” author of the book "The Bouncebackability Factor", and an acupuncturist with a master’s degree in Chinese medicine. Her creative burnout recovery solutions have been featured on podcasts and online magazines such as “Forbes”, “NPR,” and “The New York Post” and in companies such as Lululemon, and Pepsico.

 

3 Key Takeaways:


Harness the power of a Resentment Journal: Discover how acknowledging your bitter feelings can be a steppingstone to a healthier emotional state and why this tool might be more beneficial than gratitude logs for those battling burnout.
Say "NO" with grace: Learning to decline requests is essential, but doing it with kindness can preserve relationships and personal integrity. Hear Cait discuss the subtle balance between self-care and maintaining positive relationships.
Physical and emotional well-being are deeply intertwined: Tap into your body's wisdom by listening to what your aches and exhaustion are trying to tell you. Physical issues can be a manifestation of deeper emotional turmoil and vice versa.



Quotables:

(6:48)  "I did not figure out burnout by myself, because when I realized it was burnout, and I realized that regardless of the amount of knowledge I had on meditation practices and acupuncture, Chinese medicine, nutrition, lifestyle, qigong, Tai Chi, yoga practice for 18 years, the whole thing, as much as I knew about all of these things, I still ended up here. So I probably don't have the knowledge." - Cait

 

(23:13)
"Burnout is not your fault. If you got here because you missed a lot of signals. You missed a lot of signals because you were taught earlier in your life that other signals were more important and it was successful for you, therefore you repeated it. We are not going to demonize our coping mechanism around here. You did it. It helped you." - Cait

 

Cait’s Links:

Free Resource Step 1of burnout recovery: The Resentment Journal

Website: https://caitdonovan.com

Podcast: https://friedtheburnoutpodcast.com

Instagram: https://instagram.com/caitdonovanspeaks

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/caitdonovanspeaks

 

Tosca’s Links and Resources:

Tosca’s Website

Get in Touch with Tosca

Submit your question for Tosca to answer on her ALL ACCESS episode

 

Giving Flowers To:

Theme music by: Adrian DiMatteo

Podcast audio edited by: Landis Podcast Editing  

Additional Music: Tuesday by Sascha Ende
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/2992-tuesday
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Summary 

In this episode I challenge the status quo and ask the daring question—what is success, really? We can easily find ourselves chasing benchmarks set by society, or those we spend our time with, often losing ourselves in a never ending cycle of new goalposts. Tune in to discover that the true measure of success could be something entirely different. Something even BIGGER.



Episode highlights:


Unpack the dangers of a one-size-fits-all definition of success, and the self-sabotage that ensues when we chase externally imposed goals.
Life lessons learned including my transition from a finance-centered mindset to one rich in impact and personal alignment. And also a lesson in how I was measuring my relationships.
Client story showing just how profound redefining success can be.

 

🏆 3 Key Takeaways:

1.    Embrace a mindset shift: Start to define success on your own terms, prioritizing your well-being and inner peace over society's loud expectations.

2.    Measure the qualitative: Success is not just about the numbers; it's about growth, relationships, and how your work aligns with your core values.

3.    Continuous re-evaluation is crucial: As life transitions, so should your benchmarks for success. Identify what truly resonates with your identity beyond external accolades.

 

Quotables:

"This concept of really looking deeply at how you want to define success is life changing because it's waking you up to the rules and the systems and the people that you're living your life by. Because if it's not yourself, then there's an opportunity for you to live your biggest, best life yet, because you get to define what success looks like for you. And nobody else can dictate that. Not your parents, not your colleagues, not your boss, not your friends, and certainly not society at large."

 

"Defining success may mean that you're taking things day by day, and the quantitative measures may be something you push to the side. And you focus more on qualitative measures like who you're being and how you're showing up and what you're prioritizing and sticking to your prioritization list and being discerning and all these other ways that we can define success that aren't perhaps metrics that we're used to, like financial, like quantity, like all of those things."



“Redefining success is not just an act; it's a revolutionary movement towards a more authentic and satisfied self. “

 

Links and Resources:

Blog Post: The Revolutionary Act of Redefining Success

Tosca’s Website

Get in Touch with Tosca

Submit your question for Tosca to answer on her ALL ACCESS episode

Girls Inc. NYC

 

Giving Flowers To:

Theme music by: Adrian DiMatteo

Podcast audio edited by: Landis Podcast Editing  

Additional Music:
Tuesday by Sascha Ende
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/2992-tuesday
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard license

In this episode, I share my experience in facilitating an intimate conversation with my most intimidating audience to date, in a challenging environment. I wasn’t speaking with a group of CEO’s or folks in an industry I am unfamiliar with…I was speaking with teenage girls at a Girls Inc. conference in Brooklyn, New York. Tune in for a new perspective on how you can approach your own challenging audiences and overcome the anxiety or fear you may have about it.



Key tips for how to successfully connect with, engage and influence challenging or intimidating audiences:  

1. **Clear Old Fears and Past Experiences**: Acknowledge and clear any old fears or past experiences that may be creating a narrative of the audience or the situation. Doing this will enable you to approach the audience with a fresh perspective and genuine intent.



2. **Understand Your Audience**: Take the time to understand the perspective of your audience to make sure you aren’t operating on any outdated or false narratives you’ve created about them.



3. **Be Fully Present to be Adaptable**: When you’re fully present in the moment, you are more prepared to flex to what is needed – and sometimes this involves get out of the way of the group dynamics and wisdom.  



4. **Build Trust Immediately**: Being vulnerable, authentic, and honest is the fastest way to build a foundation trust. This might even involve addressing the elephant in the room.



5. **Focus on Intent Over Outcome**: Instead of focusing on the outcome, prioritize aligning with the intent you want to bring to the occasion. As you know – we can’t control how people react to us, but we can control how we show up.



6. **Trust the Impact of Your Message**: Trust that your message will reach and resonate with those it is meant for, even if the immediate feedback may be limited. Celebrate the seeds you have planted that came with your pure intent.  

 

14:50

“I know that I planted seeds into those girls. And even though I didn't get the necessarily all the feedback right of how it went or the feedback of how it landed, I trust and I know that whatever they were meant to receive, they received. And they walked out of that room with something new. And I think that for anybody who is in these situations, I don't care if you're in corporate, you're trying to influence change or you have your own business and you're putting out social media, that you have to trust that when you are aligned to yourself and you are your true self and you're your authentic self and you have good, positive, pure intentions, that what you put out in the world matters. And it will reach who it's meant to reach, and it will plant the seeds it's meant to plant."

 

18:17

“My invitation to you is whatever that challenge is that somebody has invited you to, or that you want to invite yourself to do it! Because there is the growth opportunity. There was growth in me clearing old stories and narratives and my past and clearing the way for a new experience."

 

Links and Resources:

Tosca’s Website

Get in Touch with Tosca

Submit your question for Tosca to answer on her ALL ACCESS episode

Girls Inc. NYC

 

Giving Flowers and Appreciation To:

Theme music by: Adrian DiMatteo

Podcast audio edited by: Landis Podcast Editing  

Additional Music:
Tuesday by Sascha Ende
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/2992-tuesday
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Summary

Are you the kind of person who wants to be “In the room where it happens?” In this empowering installment, I dive into the transformative concept of "creating your own table." I explore the idea that we don't always have to wait to be invited to the proverbial table of life. Instead, we have the power to craft our own spaces, conversations, and initiatives in alignment with our deepest desires. In this episode, I invite you to consider your own long-held aspirations and embrace the courage to take action, while offering practical advice on enlisting support and redefining the narratives that hold us back. Get ready to feel inspired and motivated to sow the seeds of your dreams this spring as you tune in to The Unlock Lab!



Key Moments

00:01 Reject rugged individualism, seek
support for success.

03:43 Bring people together, create, and
making changes.

09:16 Support others and ask for help - it’s
inspiring to them as well.

11:07 The power of reciprocity

14:13 You have control to create your world.

15:38 Push past your inner critic, inner
narrative and self-doubt.

17:06 Taking the action might bring you to what’s
more pertinent on your path.

16:41 Push past disappointment and fear to
honor your whisper.



Tosca Quotables

(00:01) The Myth of Rugged Individualism: "This idea of rugged individualism; ”do it all yourself” and “don't ask for help unless you're literally falling off the damn cliff”. That way of thinking doesn't serve anybody. It certainly doesn't serve you, and it doesn't serve the people that actually want to support you."



(11:07) The Power of Reciprocity: "And part of this is when you give people the opportunity to give to you, not only do you receive, but they receive, too." 



(13:39) Fuel for Change: "If you've been complaining, if you've been frustrated, if you're pissed off about the way things are, great. That is fuel."



(15:38) Embracing Creativity Despite Inner Criticism: "Take a micro step - it can make a world of difference to honoring what it is that you need to create. And if there's an inner critic coming up...remember that nobody does it the way you do it. Nobody has the specific experience you have. Your personality, how you share yourself. It matters that you bring it forth. There is a reason for you to bring it to the world."



Links and Resources:

Tosca’s Website

Get in Touch with Tosca

Submit your question for Tosca to answer on her ALL ACCESS episode

Create Your Own Table (blog post)

 

Giving Flowers To:

Theme music by: Adrian DiMatteo

Podcast audio edited by: Landis Podcast Editing  

In my first interview on The Unlock Lab podcast, I have an important conversation with business coach, Gill Moakes about what it means to invest in yourself and why it’s so important. Gill shares her personal journey from corporate to entrepreneur, and how she launched two other businesses before honoring the big dream of the work she does now. We covered topics around mindset work, fear, risk tolerance, and honoring our truth – it’s exactly the kind of conversation I love to have.

 

(3:31) Gill Moakes introduces herself

(4:42) Gill’s transition from corporate to entrepreneur

(6:28) Gill’s ah-ha moment of when she decided she wanted to play bigger

(9:23) Gill’s theory of how our self-worth sets our internal bar

(10:40) What it means to choose yourself and invest in yourself

(12:07) The relationship between risk tolerance and self-worth

(14:29) The catalyst for Gill to completely change her career

(17:07) The first step to take when you decide you want to live a happier life

(18:12) Choosing yourself starts with telling yourself the truth

(24:53) What really matters when building a business that helps people

(26:20) What mindset work really is

(29:02) How to do mindset work effectively

(31:44) The importance of looking at your money mindset and how to start that work

(34:46) The difference between a healthy money mindset and acknowledging challenging financial realities.

(34:59) Investing more in your future than in your past

(38:24) Look at the truth of your finances. If you can’t see it, you can’t manage it.

(42:14) Gill’s biggest piece of advice about investing in yourself: Do the work to understand who you really are, what you believe in and what you stand for.  

(44:08) Gills podcast: Heads Together



{27:23} Gill Moakes:
“Mindset for me is really about being open to different ways of thinking about things. There's a lot of drivel out there about claiming that reframing a belief is just telling yourself the same sentence 20 times and, and then saying you believe it. I think we all know that that doesn't quite work like that. If we can get into the habit of challenging our own thoughts, because that's really what we do when we do mindset work, is we challenge what we're thinking and we ask ourselves, is there a different way to think about this? Is there a different version of my truth that might actually serve me better? I do think that it's openness to exploring different ways and openness to the possibility that the way you've always thought about something may not be serving you. And that it's possible for you to look at that thing through a different lens without any kind of trickery or try to manipulate or fool yourself into thinking something different isn't about that. It's just about openness to alternatives.”

 

{42:20} Gill Moakes:
“Do the work to understand who you really are and what you believe in and what you stand for. What one of the things I coach clients around is really unearthing your own edge. What is it about you that makes you great at what you do? And I think it's a combination of, you know, what, what's your learned experience? What's your lived experience and what matters to you? If you can get clear on those things, then do it. Invest in yourself. Do what you need to do to become successful, whatever that means to you. Because that inner work of really understanding who you are is what will never waver. I could now pivot 10 times, but the core things about what I believe in, what I stand for and who I am, that will never change.”

 

Gill Moakes Links:

FreeMoney Mindset Workbook

Website

LinkedIn

Instagram

 

Tosca’s Links and Resources:

Tosca’s Website

Get in Touch with Tosca

Submit your question for Tosca to answer on her ALL ACCESS episode



Under the hood:

Theme music by: Adrian DiMatteo

Podcast audio edited by: Landis Podcast Editing