The Zachary Stockill Podcast

Zachary Stockill
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The Zachary Stockill Podcast

Zachary Stockill is an award-winning Canadian researcher, author, YouTuber, and podcaster. His work has been featured by BBC News, BBC Radio 4, HuffPost, The Art of Charm, and many other popular podcasts and publications. Zachary has been acknowledged as a leading authority on dealing with jealousy in relationships. In 2013, he published the guidebook Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy: A Guide to Getting Over Your Partner's Past and Finding Peace, and founded RetroactiveJealousy.com, the most visited site on the internet concerning retroactive jealousy. He is also the creator and host of "Get Over Your Partner's Past Fast" and "The Overcoming Jealousy Blueprint," online video courses in personal development available via RetroactiveJealousy.com. He is also the creator and host of Humans in Love: A Podcast for Curious People, available worldwide via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and more. Follow Zachary on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram @zfstockill. To learn more about Zachary's online courses, books, and one-on-one coaching, please visit RetroactiveJealousy.com.

  1. 2 DAYS AGO

    Your Beliefs And Retroactive Jealousy: Time to Change?

    In today’s video, I discuss how your beliefs and retroactive jealousy are connected and what you can do to address them. Read or watch below to learn more about how your beliefs and retroactive jealousy may be affecting your relationship. Zachary Stockill: Recently, a viewer of my channel asked me an interesting philosophical question that I had to share with you: “Will my retroactive jealousy go away if my beliefs don’t change?” So, in today’s video, I’ll try to answer that. I’m Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve been helping people worldwide overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships. If you’d like to work with me one-on-one, please click here. For the people here for the first time, the term ‘retroactive jealousy’ refers to unwanted, intrusive thoughts, often obsessive curiosity, and what I like to call “mental movies” about a partner’s past relationships and/or sexual history. You might experience just one of these issues or all of them, but that’s essentially what retroactive jealousy is. So, will retroactive jealousy go away if your beliefs don’t change? The short answer is: if your beliefs are causing your retroactive jealousy, then no, it probably won’t go away entirely. If you don’t at least challenge some of those beliefs, retroactive jealousy may persist. As long-time viewers of this channel know, I usually break retroactive jealousy down into three categories. On one end, there’s relatively minor, what I might call “normal,” everyday retroactive jealousy—like when people feel uncomfortable hearing about their husband’s ex-wife. Or, for example, feeling like, “I don’t need to know details about your relationship with your boyfriend.” It’s the kind of thing many people can relate to—not extreme or over the top, just a minor annoyance that pops up occasionally. Many people deal with this. The second type is what I call “values-based retroactive jealousy.” This is where there may actually be some clear red flags in someone’s past or some real incompatibilities that deserve attention. In other words, there might be a rational basis for your retroactive jealousy—this feeling might not be entirely irrational. Finally, Type 3 is more like OCD, where the jealousy is largely irrational. You’re thinking about it constantly and having intrusive thoughts all the time, yet in your calm moments, you know there’s no real concern or doubts about your partner’s values. You might not be thrilled about your partner’s past, but you just can’t stop thinking about it. This question about values relates to what I call Type 2 Retroactive Jealousy or values-based retroactive jealousy. Many people comment on this channel, saying things like, “My girlfriend’s a terrible person” or “She did all these awful things, and I can’t accept it… so how do I save the relationship?” Or, for instance, “My husband’s a serial cheater, I don’t trust him at all,

    9 min

  2. 25 FEB

    How To Escape The Red Pill: Watch This

    In today’s video, I discuss how to escape the red pill and why it’s important to find balance in your perspective on relationships Read or watch below to learn more about how to escape the red pill. Zachary Stockill: Recently on my TikTok account, I got an interesting question from one of my viewers: “How do I escape from the red pill world?” In today’s video, I’ll do my best to answer that. My name is Zachary Stockill and since 2013, and I’ve been helping men and women from around the world overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships. If you’d like to work with me one-on-one or want more information about my work, please click here. Before we dive into how to escape the red pill world, it’s important to first understand what the red pill world actually is. It’s a bit tricky to pin down and describe, but I’ll do my best. When people use the term “red pill” in this context, they’re referring to a part of the internet where many men are trying to understand dating and women, often relying on evolutionary psychology. They also draw what we might call politically incorrect conclusions about what men and women want from dating and how the sexes should deal with each other. These views often have an edgy, politically incorrect tone when it comes to relationships and dating. And to be clear, I’m not saying it’s all wrong. Absolutely not. There’s a lot of wisdom there, and many perspectives that guys could benefit from. However, I think it’s fair to say that spending too much time on that part of the internet can become pretty toxic. It’s undeniable that the red pill world attracts a lot of angry men. It could be guys who’ve been through a bad divorce, are in the middle of a custody battle with their ex or soon-to-be ex-wife, or maybe they’ve had a string of bad dating experiences over the years. Naturally, this can lead to a lot of bitterness, resentment, and confusion. And so, they come across the red pill world, believing they’ve found the answers they’ve been searching for. They also find a lot of sympathetic voices—other men telling them, in many cases, what they want to hear. These are often uncomfortable truths that resonate with their needs as wounded men. To some extent, I understand the appeal. I think it’s a world many men could benefit from being somewhat familiar with, but if you spend too much time there, especially for a long period, it can become pretty toxic. So, how do you escape the red pill world? First, I’d say, remember that all-consuming ideologies are dangerous—at least in my view. Any teacher, philosophy, book, or person who claims to have all the answers on a certain topic is someone you should probably avoid. Even though I’ve gained some recognition in my small corner of the internet dea...

    12 min

  3. 18 FEB

    Concerns About Your Partner's Past: What to Do

    In today’s video, I discuss concerns about your partner’s past and how to manage these feelings for a healthier relationship. Read or watch below to learn more about concerns about your partner’s past and how to overcome them. Zachary Stockill: Does this sound familiar? You meet someone interesting, go on a few dates, and as you grow closer, you start opening up to each other. Then, all of a sudden, you learn a few things about their past that raise some concerns. If you have any worries about your partner’s past relationships or dating history, this video is for you. Today, I’m going to share five tips for letting go of any concerns you may have about your partner’s past. My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, and I’ve helped thousands of people from all over the world overcome worries about their partner’s history and conquer retroactive jealousy. If you’re interested in working with me one-on-one or want more information about my work, please visit this link. For those who are new here, the term retroactive jealousy refers to unwanted, intrusive thoughts. It often involves obsessive curiosity or what I call ‘mental movies’ about a partner’s past relationships or sexual history. It can feel like a living nightmare—I know because I’ve experienced it myself. As a survivor of retroactive jealousy, I believe I’m especially qualified to speak on this topic. As I mentioned earlier, I’ve worked with thousands of people to help them navigate this issue. Sometimes, retroactive jealousy can be somewhat irrational, almost like a form of OCD. It doesn’t quite make sense to have such intense emotional reactions to your partner’s past. You find yourself unable to stop thinking about it, and it may be due to a biochemical imbalance, meaning there’s really nothing to worry about. However, in some cases, there might be real reasons for concern. For example, if you and your partner don’t share the same values, it can make things more complicated. No matter which situation you relate to, today I’d like to share five tips for letting go of worries about your partner’s past. My number one tip is to consider the evidence you have of your partner’s character right now, in the present. As I always say, when judging someone’s character, their recent past is most revealing. It offers a better indication of their future behavior than their distant or ‘ancient’ past. Sometimes, when I’m on coaching calls, clients express concern about things that happened decades ago. This occurs especially with men, but also with women. Now, occasionally, there is a reason to be concerned about events from that long ago, especially if someone was dishonest about their past or something similar. I completely understand that. Your wife’s character over the past 5 or 10 years provides a much clearer idea...

    11 min

  4. 11 FEB

    "Do NOT Want Details About Her Past... Still Retroactive Jealousy?"

    In today’s video, I address a viewer question: “I do not want details about her past… Is this still considered retroactive jealousy?” Read or watch below to learn more about handling feeling like you do not want details about her past, and how to manage retroactive jealousy. Zachary Stockill: If you’ve been following me for a while and watching my videos on Retroactive Jealousy, you’re probably familiar with how I often talk about obsessive curiosity as one of the common symptoms. This usually involves an intense curiosity about a partner’s past relationships or dating and sexual history. Many people dealing with retroactive jealousy reach out, saying, “I don’t relate to that at all… “I don’t want to know anything about my partner’s past.” “I wish they’d stop talking about it, and I wish I didn’t know what I already do. Is this still retroactive jealousy?” In today’s video, I’m going to address these concerns and provide an answer to that question. My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve helped thousands of men and women from around the world overcome retroactive jealousy, find greater peace of mind, and improve their relationships. If you’re interested in working with me one-on-one or want more information about my products and services, please click this link. My usual definition of retroactive jealousy includes three main symptoms: unwanted intrusive thoughts, obsessive curiosity, and what I call ‘mental movies’ about a partner’s past relationships or sexual and dating history. These mental movies are vivid visualizations, often involving your partner in various sexual scenarios. However, when I talk about retroactive jealousy, I don’t mean that you need to experience all three symptoms to be considered a sufferer. Many people deal with just one of these symptoms, but it’s still retroactive jealousy. It’s still the same issue, and the path to finding peace remains the same. Some people may experience two of these symptoms, like intrusive thoughts and obsessive curiosity, but not the mental movies. That’s still retroactive jealousy. Even if you’re struggling with intrusive thoughts about your partner’s past but have no curiosity about it, and you wish they wouldn’t talk about it or that you didn’t know what you already do, my answer is yes—that is still definitely retroactive jealousy. In my coaching practice, I’ve worked with over one thousand people through email, phone, or video consultations, and many of them face similar challenges. They don’t want to know anything about their partner’s past and wish they could erase what they already know—like putting a chip in their brain, similar to the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (a great movie if you haven’t seen it). They wish they didn’t know what they know and definitely don’t...

    7 min

  5. 4 FEB

    Dead Bedrooms And Retroactive Jealousy: Here's My Take

    In today’s video, I’m going to talk about dead bedrooms and retroactive jealousy. Read or watch below to discover how dead bedrooms and retroactive jealousy can impact relationships and discover tips to overcome these challenges. Zachary Stockill: Here’s a comment I regularly receive from viewers of my channel and readers of my blog: “Zach, I’m struggling with retroactive jealousy because my partner had a lot of sexual experiences in their past, and now I’m finding it hard to deal with because we don’t have much of a sex life today…” “What is the connection between dead bedrooms and retroactive jealousy?” In today’s video, I’ll try to answer that question. My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve been helping men and women from around the world overcome retroactive jealousy and strengthen their relationships. If you’d like to work with me one-on-one or learn more about my work, please visit this link. For those of you who are here for the first time, retroactive jealousy refers to having intrusive thoughts, often obsessive curiosity, and what I call ‘mental movies’ about a partner’s past relationships or sexual history. You might experience all of these symptoms or just one. Generally speaking, we still refer to this as retroactive jealousy. Many people struggling with retroactive jealousy are fixated on the fact that their partner had an active sex life in the past, while things are less exciting now—they’re experiencing a less frequent sex life. The first thing I would say is that, of course, I understand. I can completely understand being in a relationship and feeling hurt, wounded, jealous, or even angry that your partner may have had a very active sex life when they were single or in a past relationship… and now, it feels like their attraction and desire are lacking. Although I haven’t experienced this personally, I can put myself in someone else’s shoes and see how it would be frustrating and hurtful. The main thing I would say is to remember that life is made up of different seasons. I don’t say this to suggest that you should simply accept that this is a season in your partner’s life where you won’t have any sex. I’m not necessarily saying you should do that. But as we all know, desire can rise and fall over time, especially as we move into our later adult years with more and more stress. There are kids, mortgages, and bills that need to be paid. Sometimes, there are physical issues as well. So keep in mind that you might be taking your partner’s lack of desire personally, and maybe, to some extent, it is about you—which we’ll discuss in a moment—but it’s likely not entirely about you. Don’t make it all about yourself, because it almost certainly isn’t. That being said, it can be helpful to reflect on what you’re contributing to create an environment that might boost y...

    9 min

  6. 28 JAN

    AVOID This Retroactive Jealousy Blunder

    In today’s video, I discuss how to avoid a common retroactive jealousy blunder. Read or watch below to learn more about how to avoid this common retroactive jealousy blunder . Zachary Stockill: If you’re struggling with retroactive jealousy, it’s likely you’re making some important mistakes. In today’s free video, I’ll share four tips to help you avoid one of the biggest pitfalls of retroactive jealousy. I’m Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve helped thousands of people around the world overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships. If you’re interested in working with me or want more information about what I do, please visit this link. For those who are new here, retroactive jealousy refers to unwanted, intrusive thoughts, often involving obsessive curiosity and what I call ‘mental movies’ about your partner’s past relationships or sexual history. One of the most common mistakes many people with retroactive jealousy make is asking countless questions about their partner’s past. This often includes seeking reassurance and wanting to confirm that they’re the best person their partner has ever been with. It can also involve asking for very detailed, sometimes even sexual, information about their partner’s past or specific people they were involved with. This goes far beyond the typical ‘getting to know you’ questions couples usually ask when they first meet, like ‘What was your ex like? What kind of relationships have you been in..?” This often involves digging into the finer details of their partner’s past relationships or sexual history. As I often say on this channel, in my products, and during my coaching calls, asking for more and more details about your partner’s past is not the way to overcome retroactive jealousy. I always say to ask your deal-breaker questions. For example, one might be, ‘Have you ever had kids?’ If that’s a deal breaker for you, you’re entitled to that information because it’s important, and you’re prepared to walk away depending on the answer. That’s a deal-breaker issue, so it’s okay to ask about that. But if you’re trying to overcome retroactive jealousy by asking for every little detail about your partner’s past, that is not the solution. In fact, it will likely make things worse by adding fuel to the fire. You’re giving your subconscious more details to create mental movies, and each question and answer leads to even more questions, creating a never-ending cycle. When you get an answer that makes you feel good, that feeling might last for an hour, a couple of hours, a day, or maybe even a week. But sooner or later, more questions will come up. More thoughts will enter your mind,

    10 min

  7. 21 JAN

    My Strangest Retroactive Jealousy Advice Is...

    In today’s video, I’m going to share my strangest retroactive jealousy advice. Read or watch below to learn more about my strangest retroactive jealousy advice… Zachary Stockill: One of the reasons I’ve been working on the topic of retroactive jealousy for over a decade is that the subject never ceases to surprise me. The people I meet through my work also offer new and unexpected insights. My work gives me the chance to learn so much about people, psychology, and human nature. On that note, today, I want to discuss a common mistake people make with retroactive jealousy, which may surprise you. My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve been helping men and women from around the world overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships. If you’d like to learn more about my work or work with me one-on-one, please visit this link. If you’re new to the term, retroactive jealousy refers to unwanted, intrusive thoughts, often driven by obsessive curiosity. I also refer to these as “mental movies” about a partner’s past relationships or their sexual and dating history. In many cases, retroactive jealousy can develop into a true obsession. For those dealing with it, their partner’s past can dominate their thoughts, turning into a real fixation. And when I say obsession, I mean it. I can speak from personal experience on this issue. Many years ago, in my early 20s, and even to some extent in my late teens, I struggled with retroactive jealousy in my own life. For me, it truly became an obsession. For several years, my partner’s past was the first thing I thought about when I woke up. It was also the last thing on my mind before I went to sleep. Many nights, I had trouble sleeping because I was dealing with retroactive jealousy. I also found myself asking my partner endless questions, trying to gather every detail about her past. I would search for her exes on social media and spend hours googling, doing what I thought was research, and trying to find more information. My partner’s past consumed me, and unfortunately, retroactive jealousy works the same way for many others who struggle with it. Maybe “most” is an overstatement, but let’s just say that for many retroactive jealousy sufferers, their partner’s past becomes a real obsession. What really surprised me when I started this work was how quickly it gained interest. Just to give you some background, back in 2013, over a decade ago, I published my first book, Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy.I launched my blog, retroactivejealousy.com, and started a YouTube channel shortly after. I was an early adopter of YouTube, and I’ve been working on this topic for a long time. Over the years,

    8 min

  8. 14 JAN

    How to STOP One Vicious Cycle Of Retroactive Jealousy

    In today’s video, I’m going to talk about one vicious cycle of retroactive jealousy and how it can impact relationships. Read or watch below to learn more about the vicious cycle of retroactive jealousy. Zachary Stockill: One common mistake many people with retroactive jealousy make is asking their partner a lot of questions about their past relationships and experiences. As a regular viewer, you’re likely aware that I believe asking your partner about their past is a mistake. In this video, I’ll share three helpful tips on breaking this habit. My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve been helping men and women from all over the world overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships. If you’d like more information about my work or want to work with me one-on-one, please visit this link. For those here for the first time, the term ‘retroactive jealousy‘ refers to unwanted, intrusive thoughts, often obsessive curiosity, and what I call ‘mental movies’ about your partner’s past relationships or dating/sexual history. I am a former sufferer of retroactive jealousy. I’ve been free of it for a very long time now. However, when I was struggling with this bizarre issue, I made one of the worst mistakes you can make for many reasons: I asked my then-girlfriend a million questions about her past. I am still ashamed to admit that today. When I think about how I used to act, the questions I would ask, and the way I behaved, I am not proud of it. Needless to say, it did not help the relationship; it made things much worse. It caused my then-partner a lot of pain and did not solve my retroactive jealousy. I can promise you that. Over the years, I’ve received thousands of emails from retroactive jealousy sufferers around the world. And when I say thousands, I mean thousands. Not one person has ever told me, ‘You know what, Zach, I sat my partner down and asked her four million questions about her past, and that solved my issue.’ That has not happened even once in my entire decade-plus of doing this work. So, all this is to say, if you want to ask your partner eight million questions about their past to solve this problem, stop. It’s not going to work. The solution is far deeper than that. But of course, if you’re asking your partner eight million questions about their past, or even just a lot of questions, you might wonder, how do I stop? I remember it very well because this can be a difficult habit to break. Sometimes, you get an answer that makes you feel good or boosts your ego, and you think, ‘Oh, well, that solved the problem.’ Or maybe you ask them about something relatively important to you, like, ‘Did you do X?’ or ‘Did you do this?’ or whatever. They give you the answer you think you want,

    11 min
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About

Zachary Stockill is an award-winning Canadian researcher, author, YouTuber, and podcaster. His work has been featured by BBC News, BBC Radio 4, HuffPost, The Art of Charm, and many other popular podcasts and publications. Zachary has been acknowledged as a leading authority on dealing with jealousy in relationships. In 2013, he published the guidebook Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy: A Guide to Getting Over Your Partner's Past and Finding Peace, and founded RetroactiveJealousy.com, the most visited site on the internet concerning retroactive jealousy. He is also the creator and host of "Get Over Your Partner's Past Fast" and "The Overcoming Jealousy Blueprint," online video courses in personal development available via RetroactiveJealousy.com. He is also the creator and host of Humans in Love: A Podcast for Curious People, available worldwide via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and more. Follow Zachary on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram @zfstockill. To learn more about Zachary's online courses, books, and one-on-one coaching, please visit RetroactiveJealousy.com.

Information

  • Creator
    Zachary Stockill
  • Years Active
    2021 - 2025
  • Episodes
    300
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2013-2021 Humans in Love OÜ, RetroactiveJealousy.com. All Rights Reserved.
  • Show Website
    The Zachary Stockill Podcast

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