On Attachment

Stephanie Rigg
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Join relationship coach Stephanie Rigg in On Attachment, where she delves deep into all things attachment theory, love, relationships & intimacy - sharing her wisdom and experience to help you start making real changes in your life & relationships. 

  1. #247: Is It Your Anxious Attachment... or the Wrong Relationship?

    2 HR AGO

    #247: Is It Your Anxious Attachment... or the Wrong Relationship?

    In today’s episode, we’re unpacking one of the most common (and confusing) questions for people with anxious attachment: is it me, or is there something genuinely not right in this relationship? When you’re used to second-guessing yourself, it can be incredibly hard to know whether your fears and insecurities are coming from your own patterns—or from dynamics that would leave anyone feeling unsafe or unsettled. In this episode, I explore why this question is so difficult to answer, the role of self-doubt and emotional invalidation, and how to find a more grounded, balanced perspective. I also share some clear examples of behaviours that are likely to create insecurity in any relationship, regardless of your attachment style. We cover: Why “is it me or them?” is such a common source of ruminationThe role of self-doubt and self-invalidation in anxious attachmentThe middle ground between dismissing your feelings and being led by themWhy relationship dynamics are almost always co-createdExamples of behaviours that are objectively difficult to build a secure relationship aroundHow inconsistency and unpredictability activate anxious attachment patternsThe importance of zooming out and looking at the big pictureWhen anxiety is a signal of deeper relational misalignmentResources Free training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment & Feel Secure in Life and Love

    15 min
  2. #246: When Is It a Good Idea to Be Friends with an Ex? (Ask Steph)

    5 DAYS AGO

    #246: When Is It a Good Idea to Be Friends with an Ex? (Ask Steph)

    In today’s Ask Steph episode, we’re exploring a common question: is it ever a good idea to be friends with an ex? While staying connected can sometimes feel comforting after a breakup, it’s not always supportive of healing or moving forward. In this episode, I share some key considerations to help you assess whether a friendship is a good idea, or whether it might be keeping you stuck in old patterns, attachment, or hope. We discuss: Why the desire to stay friends after a breakup is so commonWhen friendship with an ex can work—and when it’s likely to be harmfulSigns you might still be emotionally attached or holding onto hopeThe role of boundaries, space, and healing after a breakupHow to assess whether a friendship is aligned with your long-term wellbeing👉🏼 Register for my free breakup training here

    9 min
  3. #245: Should Anxiously Attached People Just Avoid Avoidants?

    31 MAR

    #245: Should Anxiously Attached People Just Avoid Avoidants?

    In today’s episode, I’m unpacking why I don’t give the common advice for anxiously attached people to simply avoid avoidant partners. While it might seem like a straightforward way to protect yourself from painful relationship dynamics, this approach is often overly simplistic — and can actually reinforce the very patterns you’re trying to move away from. We explore the nuance that often gets lost in attachment conversations, including why not all avoidant individuals are the same, and how reducing people to labels can limit your capacity to form meaningful, healthy connections. I also share a more grounded and empowering approach to dating — one that centres discernment, self-trust, and clarity around what you truly want and need in a relationship. Explore my website + free resources here.

    10 min
  4. #244: I Healed My Anxious Attachment… So Why Don’t I Want a Relationship Anymore? (Ask Steph)

    26 MAR

    #244: I Healed My Anxious Attachment… So Why Don’t I Want a Relationship Anymore? (Ask Steph)

    In this Ask Steph episode, I’m responding to a question I hear more often than you might expect. Someone has done a lot of work on their anxious attachment patterns, they feel more grounded and secure, and now they find themselves with very little interest in dating or relationships. I talk about how this can sometimes be a natural pendulum swing. When you have spent a long time orienting around other people, trying to be chosen, accommodating, and overextending yourself, it makes sense that there would be a period of pulling back. For many people, that space allows for a real sense of peace, self-expression, and reconnection with who they are outside of a relationship. At the same time, I explore how this experience can come from different places. For some, it reflects genuine contentment in their single life. For others, there may still be a protective element underneath it, particularly if being in a relationship has historically meant losing themselves. This episode is about understanding what is actually driving that shift, so you can move forward in a way that is aligned with what you truly want, rather than simply reacting to your past patterns.

    7 min
  5. #243: How to Create Healthy, Balanced Relationships with Nedra Glover Tawwab

    24 MAR

    #243: How to Create Healthy, Balanced Relationships with Nedra Glover Tawwab

    In this episode, I’m joined by therapist, bestselling author, and boundaries expert Nedra Glover Tawwab for a powerful conversation on what it really means to have healthy dependency in our relationships. So many of us find ourselves swinging between two extremes — overgiving, people-pleasing, and losing ourselves in others… or shutting down, becoming hyper-independent, and struggling to let anyone in. But what does the middle ground actually look like? Together, we explore the spectrum between codependency and hyper-independence, and how both patterns — while protective — can ultimately leave us feeling disconnected and unfulfilled. This conversation goes beyond romantic relationships. We talk about friendships, family, community, and the importance of having a diverse support system rather than expecting one person to meet all of our needs. We also unpack: Why “healthy dependency” isn’t a weakness, but a fundamental human needHow codependency and hyper-independence develop as adaptationsThe role of boundaries in creating sustainable, respectful relationshipsWhy over-focusing on the why behind someone’s behaviour can keep us stuckHow to stop over-functioning in relationships and recalibrate your energyThe importance of having multiple sources of connection and supportWhy doing the “uncomfortable thing” is often the path to secure relationshipsNedra shares practical, grounded insights on how to move away from extremes and towards more balanced, flexible, and connected ways of relating. If you’ve ever struggled with asking for help, felt resentful in relationships, or found yourself stuck in the same relational patterns, this episode will give you a clear and compassionate framework for doing things differently. Connect with Nedra Glover Tawwab: InstagramWebsitePurchase her new book, The Balancing Act

    44 min
  6. #242: When Does Self-Improvement Become Self-Sabotage? (Ask Steph)

    19 MAR

    #242: When Does Self-Improvement Become Self-Sabotage? (Ask Steph)

    In this Ask Steph episode, I respond to a listener question about the fine line between personal growth and the endless pursuit of self-improvement. While healing, reflection, and growth are powerful tools, they can sometimes become another way we reinforce the belief that something about us is fundamentally wrong or needs fixing. When that happens, self-development can quietly turn into a hamster wheel driven by shame, perfectionism, or a sense of inadequacy. In this episode, I explore how to recognise when the pursuit of growth is useful and worthwhile —and when it might actually be keeping you stuck. I also share some reflections on why the deeper goal of healing work isn’t to endlessly optimise ourselves, but to become more grounded, peaceful, and at home within who we already are. Links stephanierigg.com instagram.com/stephanie__rigg

    7 min
  7. #241: How to Date from Self-Worth

    17 MAR

    #241: How to Date from Self-Worth

    Modern dating can be tough. Between apps, ghosting, and the uncertainty that often comes with meeting strangers outside our social circles, the whole process can be seriously activating — and all the more so for those with anxious attachment patterns. In this episode, I share three key mindset shifts to help you approach dating from a place of self-worth rather than scarcity, pessimism, or the need to be chosen. When you date from a grounded place, the focus shifts from seeking approval to assessing alignment—and that change alone can transform your experience of dating. In this episode, I cover: Why modern dating can be particularly challenging for people with anxious attachmentThe importance of getting clear on your non-negotiables and deal breakers before you start datingWhy tolerating situationships and ambiguous connections keeps you stuckThe difference between scanning for red flags and looking for green flagsHow fear-based dating advice can increase anxiety and erode self-trustWhy cultivating your own vitality and wellbeing changes the energy you bring to datingHow shifting from “please choose me” to “are we aligned?” creates healthier connectionsWhy it’s sometimes wise to take a break from dating apps if the process feels draining Links Free resources on my website hereRead my blog hereFollow me on Instagram here

    18 min
  8. #240: The #1 Thing to Focus On to Heal Anxious Attachment (Ask Steph)

    12 MAR

    #240: The #1 Thing to Focus On to Heal Anxious Attachment (Ask Steph)

    In today’s Ask Steph episode, I’m answering the listener question: If you were only going to focus on one thing to start healing anxious attachment, what would it be? While there are many layers to this work, the single place I’d start is building self-worth outside of a relationship. For many anxiously attached people, relationships become the primary place where we seek security, validation, and a sense of worth. But when our wellbeing is tied so tightly to another person, it can leave us feeling anxious, reactive, and out of control. In this episode, I talk about why shifting your focus back onto yourself — your growth, your agency, and your sense of self — can be one of the most powerful first steps in healing anxious attachment. Join the waitlist for the Healing Anxious Attachment Birthday Sale here: https://stephanierigg.com/haa-anniversary-sale-waitlist

    7 min
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5
out of 5
179 Ratings

About

Join relationship coach Stephanie Rigg in On Attachment, where she delves deep into all things attachment theory, love, relationships & intimacy - sharing her wisdom and experience to help you start making real changes in your life & relationships. 

Information

  • Creator
    Stephanie Rigg
  • Years Active
    2022 - 2026
  • Episodes
    247
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Stephanie Rigg
  • Show Website
    On Attachment

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