Taking a Walk with Resiliency Ashley Jordan

Content Advisory: Explicit language. If you find that PTSD is affecting your personal relationships and that conventional clinical help alone is too far of a stretch, take a moment to listen to the strategies employed by survivors of PTSD discussed here. Happy listening! Featuring Special Guest Frank “Dismount 6” Estrada, Army Combat-Veteran, and host of a podcast series about military life entitled, “Dismount!” Brought to you by Media Sheep, LLC. Visit our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCaynstZHOjZhMqjd1TqJ9mA

Are you self-sabotaging? How much of the happiness equation is your choice? Where do you draw the line between appeasement and compromise? What’s my responsibility in achieving my dreams? Listen to find out the answers!

Summary:
On this episode of Taking a Walk with Resiliency, Ashley talks listeners through some of the implications of our culture of instant gratification and not being willing to let the grief process run its natural course. There is an element of narcissism in this “emotional drive-thru” culture that permeates social media – and consequently society as a whole – where it is assumed that all people grieve like you grieve and everyone should be able to quickly get over their loss and get back to engaging with their friends’ statuses.
This expectation is not fair and it creates an unhealthy system of emotional processing, especially for an emotion as deep and painful as grief. Far be it from us to judge how others handle their grief or to project our own opinions of how they should be behaving in the aftermath of the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a job, a dream, or anything deeply personal. Everyone grieves differently, and the most important thing is for us to empathize with their pain and support them as they work through their process.
Pointing out to someone who has just experienced a loss that death is a part of life is not helpful at all, and could even be hurtful. However, this inevitability can be helpful for you to recognize and comprehend as you consider how you are living. Are you taking things or people for granted? How do you want to be remembered? How could you have a bigger impact? What do you need to say to those who mean so much to you? What do they need to hear?

Topics Covered in this Episode:
•Taking your life back
•“Emotional drive-thrus”
•Grief and loss
•Natural process of grieving
•Showing empathy and understanding for others
•Being mindful of what you say
•Intentionally living every moment

Key Quotes:
•“Everyone deserves a ‘hello’ and a ‘goodbye.’”
•“We live in a world full of instant gratification.”
•“The reality is: when you lose someone you love, there is going to be a natural process for healing.”
•“Pain is pain.”
•“Everybody experiences life in their own way.”
•“Death in and of itself means that what once was no longer is.”
•“Death does not feel natural.”
•“Love and pride do not fit in the same sentence.”
•“Stop sweating the small stuff.”

Summary:
On this episode of Taking a Walk with Resiliency, our topic is actions speak louder than words and this adage’s role in the trust building process. Right off the bat, Ashley points out a huge cognitive distortion that so many people are prone to buying into: trust should be given, not earned. This idea of “innocent until proven guilty” may work in the legal system, but it does not translate to personal relationships. True trust must be developed over time through the mutual investment of both people, so that they both have skin in the game. If you get something for free, you have no reason to treasure and take care of it. You aren’t going to put it on a prominent shelf to be displayed for all to see. But if you work hard for something and commit a lot of time and resources into caring for it, you will cherish it always.
In law enforcement, officers are taught to trust no one because human nature is so unpredictable. Assuming anything about a person puts you in a dangerous position. People tend to go through life with their own version of the truth, both objective and subjective, based on their lifetime of experiences and beliefs. It doesn’t help that Hollywood portrays relationships inaccurately, depicting love as something that is always easy and never goes through adversity. But quite the opposite is true. In fact, there are countless examples of relationships in the Bible that were broken or weakened because of the actions of one or both of the people, but those relationships were often redeemed and served a greater purpose.
One practical way to build trust and gauge your progress in relationships is to determine set points for yourself to reach. Just as someone would establish milestones for themselves along their weight loss journey, ensuring that they reach their goals and then maintain their progress, the same thought process can translate to relationships. Recognize where you want to be, and when you get there, trust the process to keep you there.

Topics Covered in this Episode:
•Cognitive distortion
•Different ways that people give and receive love
•Defining set points for your goals
•Live life to the fullest
•Continually changing and growing

Key Quotes:
•“In the process of earning someone’s trust, there is the fear they will violate it.”
•“When we drop our guard, we often are disappointed by our expectations.”
•“We often confuse loyalty with trust.”
•“When actions speak louder than words, they either build trust or take away from it.”
•“The more comfortable your relationship is, the more likely you are to not grow in it.”
•“Change the way you look at being uncomfortable.”

Links:
The Five Love Languages: https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts/dp/080241270X/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1555981081&sr=8

Welcome to the inaugural episode of the Taking a Walk with Resiliency podcast! We are so glad you have found us and hope this episode will provide you with a new perspective and the encouragement you need to step forward in your own resiliency.

Throughout this episode, our host, Ashley Jordan, intertwines lessons and difficulties from her own experiences with the defining moments that provided her with the purpose and clarity that led her where she is today. As a result of the episodes of trauma and addictions that she endured during her childhood and adolescence, Ashley joined the military at age 17, one year before the tragic events of September 11th shook America. During her time in the military, she learned a lot about herself and the world, and she eventually became a member of the Military Police. As a civilian, she started working as a law enforcement officer and then a corrections officer in Georgia, where her perspective of the difficulties that so many people experience began as traumas in their family of origin.
Her thoughts and perspectives gleaned from so many difficult experiences and observations culminated in her realization that she wanted to do everything she could to prevent tragedies and traumas before they even occur, rather than dealing with the aftermath. Ashley went back to school again to get her Masters in Clinical Psychology with a specialization in Marriage and Family Therapy. She found that she had a knack for relating to people with unconditional positive regard, which affirmed for her that she was right where she needed to be to make a difference.

A steady theme throughout all of these chapters in Ashley’s life was her faith in God and her belief that her purpose on earth is to trust where He leads her by accepting change and continually learning to be resilient. She believes that God knows the end from the beginning and the best way to go about life is to have the character to rise above her circumstances and pray often. Ashley speaks from experience when she says that someone will need your counsel and guidance based on what you have gone through sometime down the road.

When the load you are feeling seems unbearable, take life one moment at a time. Go for a walk and take a deep breath every time you start to feel bad. Celebrate the miracle of being alive and breathing, and reach out to someone you trust for help or just to talk. Do not give up because you get so much stronger and resilient by staying in the fight.

Topics Covered in this Episode:
•Trauma rooted in the family of origin
•Gaining new perspectives
•Learning tenacity and coping skills
•Finding purpose through faith
•Overcoming addictions
•Expectations lead to anxiety and depression

Key Quotes:

•“My hope with this channel and this podcast is that you can listen in to real situations, real experiences, and know that you’re dealing with people who…are just people.”

•“I learned at a young age that you can’t have peace without war.”

•“Nothing that’s worth having is going to be easy.”

•“It’s the default for people to think that people who have it together have had it easy.”

•“When you’ve experienced trauma as a child, you want to grow up to be the hero that protects people and steps up to give others what you never had.”

•“I decided that I needed to be on the other side of tragedy and hopefully prevent it.”

•“Passion must be your driving force.”

•“At the heart of every broken person is a trauma or tragedy that has been rooted in their family of origin.”

•“My life is not my own.”

•“We have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable because it is in that discomfort that you grow the most.”

•“There’s always going to be more than what meets the eye.”

•“Would I still be here right now if I wasn’t meant to...