What She Wishes You Knew podcast Podcast Series

19/05/2020

She's Been Through Trauma, How Do I Help? - Part 1 Connie A Baker

For the full Show Notes for this episode, visit http://kathleenmpeters.com/podcast-blog/ In this two-episode special we get to learn from Trauma Recovery Specialist, Connie A Baker. Connie is a practicing Licensed Professional Counselor, Religious Abuse Recovery Specialist, Masters Level University Instructor, Seminar and Conference Speaker, author of Traumatized By Religious Abuse: Courage, Hope, and Freedom For Survivors. In this episode we tackle the definitions of Trauma and PTSD, our theories of why people give unsolicited advice to survivors, the triggers survivors may experience and suggestions of what to do if you get triggered. DSM-5 Diagnostic Criteria for PTSD Connie's Trauma Story Netflix Show: Unbelievable Connect with Connie: https://connieabaker.com/ Facebook Group: Overcoming Religious Abuse: https://www.facebook.com/groups/ORACommunity/ Facebook page: Connie A Baker MA LPC https://www.facebook.com/ReligiousAbuseRecovery/ Book: Traumatized By Religious Abuse: Courage, Hope, and Freedom for Survivors Beyond Survival - Subscription Group Instagram: @connie_a_baker Connect with Kathleen Facebook: @WhatSheWishesPodcast Instagram: @speakerkathleenmpeters Email: kathleen@whatshewishesyouknew.com Kathleen’s Workbook –Embrace You: A Guide to Uncovering the Real You Bonus (Interview After the Interview) Episode: Become a $2/month Patreon Member and get access to all the bonus episodes where my guests shares the WHY to her Big Reveals. Patreon Information Newsletter & Free Empathy Cards To download your own digital Empathy Cards, go to kathleenmpeters.com , scroll to the bottom of page, and sign up for my newsletter. And no I promise to not flood your inbox. Yes, I do intend to send at least one email a month FILLED to the BRIM with all sorts of goodies that will help you to listen and love well.

1h 21m

21/01/2020

She Came Out as LGBTQ+, How Do I Love Her Well? -Shelby Forsythia

What happens when a daughter comes out as queer to her Christian Parents and then soon after her mom dies? How does she deal with grief of never getting to finish the rumble of her sexual identity with her mom? For the full Show Notes for this episode, visit https://kathleenmpeters.com/ I'm delighted to have interviewed Shelby Forsythia about the grief of not only losing her mom at the young age of 21, but also the grief of never getting to finish a conversation that has left her rumbling with feelings of unacceptance. Shelby is the author of Permission to Grieve and podcast host of Coming Back: Conversations on Life After Loss. After the unexpected death of her mother in 2013, she became a “student of grief” and set out on a lifetime mission to explore the oft-misunderstood human experience of loss. Through her book, weekly podcasts, and one-on-one grief guidance, she helps grieving people find direction, get support, and cultivate radical self-compassion after devastating loss.

1h 46m

06/01/2020

She's Not Happy She's Pregnant, How Do I Love Her Well? - Courtney Patterson

What happens when a couple decides they don't want to have children and then they get pregnant? Anger, anxiety, grief, and faking that you're happy is all a part of my guest Courtney Renee Patterson's story. Courtney Patterson is a writer of the blog The Unplanned Tiny Hand, a 9th Grade English teacher in Arkansas, a wife and a mom. She started The Unplanned Tiny Hand as a way to help new moms navigate the ups and downs of motherhood, from pregnancy to balancing work and her new role as a mom. She shares all the tips and tricks she’s learned through trial and error on her blog. Don’t forget to check it out after the show at The Unplanned Tiny Hand For more complete Show Notes including all the links mentioned in this episode: https://kathleenmpeters.com/podcast-blog/

1h 45m

24/12/2019

Working Mom, Is She Less Than In The Church? - NJ Rongner

What if Baby Jesus went to Daycare because Mary was a working mom? Are we sending the message to the Working Mom that the Stay-at-Home Mom is the one raising her kids in the most 'biblical' way? Is the working mom treated differently in the Church? Come join the conversation as I chat with working mom NJ Rongner who gives me (a mom who stayed home for nearly 20 years) an inside scoop and tells me what she wishes we knew about being a working mom in the Church. NJ Rongner is a full time working mom who wants you to know that if you work and love Jesus, there is nothing wrong with you. On her podcast, Working Christian Mom, she equips and inspires the everyday working mom to press on because her work matters. NJ loves the beach, cinnamon tea and living in beautiful New England with her husband and their two children. She also runs the Facebook groups Working Christian Mom, Christianpreneur, and works as a Marketing Coach with Clickfunnels. What I loved about talking with NJ is that "working" has taken all sorts of forms for her; she has worked outside the home, inside the home, for other companies, and for herself. She also had the dream of being a Stay-at-Home-Mom until it actually happened and she found herself struggling to like it as much as she thought she would. NJ shares with us that inside the Church just as the Stay-at-Home mom is hailed and affirmed as doing what's best for her family, the Working Mom often feels invisible and at times is told implicitly she is not doing things the godly way. Connect with NJ: Website- workingchristianmom.com Facebook - Working Christian Mom Christianpreneur Connect with Kathleen Facebook: @WhatSheWishesPodcast Instagram: @speakerkathleenmpeters Email: kathleen@whatshewishesyouknew.com Kathleen's Workbook -Embrace You: A Guide to Uncovering the Real You Bonus (Interview After the Interview) Episode: Become a $2/month patreon member and get access to all the bonus episodes where my guests shares the WHY to her Big Reveals. Patreon Information Wanna Become a Patreon Member? Click here => Patreon Information Newsletter & Free Digital Empathy Cards To download your own Empathy Cards, go to kathleenmpeters.com , scroll to the bottom of page, and sign up for my newsletter.

1h 42m

17/12/2019

She's a Foster Parent, How Do I Support Her? -Jillian Goble

What is it like to be a foster care provider? Often we think about the heartache that must come with returning a child to their biological parent... Jillana Goble shares with us the grief and the hope. If you are a foster parent, my hope is you will feel seen in this upcoming episode. If you love someone who is a foster parent, I hope you will walk away with practical ways you can support them. Jillana Goble has been a foster mom, biological mom, and adoptive mom—in that order—since 2003. She is a connector and a collaborator who has walked an unlikely path in creating unprecedented relationship with the children who have walked through her front door, their biological families, and with the Oregon Department of Human Services Child Welfare. She founded Embrace Oregon, which is the catalyst for Every Child Oregon, a robust engagement model bridging the community and foster care. Jillana holds a Masters Degree in Teaching. She is a sought after speaker on various topics around foster care, government/community partnership, adoption, special needs, grief, and hope. She continues to mentor and walk alongside countless foster parents navigating this journey. Jillana and her husband, Luke, got married in 2000. They have two biological daughters and two sons that they fostered and later adopted. They were also reunited with their first son in foster care after over a decade apart. They are joyfully called “Auntie” & “Papa” by another child in foster care who has lived with them twice. When not engaging with her family, Jillana enjoys drinking coffee with friends—half filled with cream—at neighborhood coffee shops. Her favorite things include leaning in to engage others’ real deal stories, walking her sweet yet stubborn labradoodle around her city block, and reading in the tub way too late at night. 00:23:22 Why Jillana started Embrace Oregon - Every Child *00:28:05 The Welcome Boxes - a loving gift given to a child who is being processed into the DHS system 00:29:57 What got her first interest in being a foster parent started in Guatemala - this caused her and her husband Luke to ask, "Where are the vulnerable children here (the US)?" 00:32:35 Their first experience in fostering 00:33:52 What happened in Guatemala that caused her and Luke to ask this question 00:35:50 After having biological children and moving to Oregon, what started as purely an informational call ends in fostering a baby who is now her 11 year adopted son 00:36:48 Jillana's relationship with her 11 year old son's biological mom - the most transformational relationship she's ever been a part of 00:38:25 Battling the image of foster parents rescuing a child- Jillana's book - it feels like the manual of everything you should know before you foster 00:39:35 The grief of fostering Heavier things in lighter moments - disclosures the children may make 00:46:03 "Signing up for foster care is an invitation to raise your hand and invite heartbreak and suffering into your life." - 00:45:54 Jillana's personal experiences with grief Returning a child to biological mama's Rehabilitation Center - a feeling that maybe she was losing her ability to hope for a healthy outcome 00:54:07 Fostering is about holding things loosely - hope, expectations of what you would want to happen, what you think should happen, biological parents, foster children 00:56:05 What about the grief of getting attached to this child with the possibility of them returning to their biological parents? 00:59:41 These kids did nothing wrong - they did not cause their situation the word "foster" can be equated with negative words--- Jillana on purpose says children in foster care instead 01:04:00 The most common reasons children enter into the foster care system is physical abuse, sexual abuse, psychological abuse, neglect, domestic violence, incarceration of parent, a parent's drug and alcohol abuse, and untreating of mental illness

1h 55m

03/12/2019

Her Son Has an Addiction, What Do I Say? Part 2 - Jessica McCurdy

What is it like to plan your living son's funeral? What is it like to grieve a loved one who hasn't died? In Part 2 of my interview with Jessica McCurdy, we talk about about how culture sees addiction: moral failure vs disease. Jessica gives us an incredible word picture of this disease - how it is a miracle when a person is staying out of active addiction, and how we can change our language to better honor those coping with this disease and its effects. She also explains that active addiction is about grief; you are not only losing the person but also experiences they will never have with their loved one. Show Notes 00:08:00 *00:59:00 me: this is a disease – how are we seeing this as a culture: moral failure, a choice, deficit in character : 00:09:00 Cancer, MS, Lupus – “they are a survivor or a warrior”, Cancer – we feel bad with no moral failure, addiction moral failure because they have to put something in our body – the addiction starts before anything is put into the body – Addiction is in the disease model The first choice was an actual “choice” 00:13:00 admitting they are powerless against that drug – affects the survival part of the brain – 00:15:00 She calls Camron a survivor – it’s a miracle that someone stays clean – breathing underwater 00:16:00 Active Addiction – Changing our language – if there is not a cure then he will always be an addict – she will not support him during this time 00:18:00 Symptoms of addiction lying, manipulating, cheating, stealing, commiting crimes – symptoms of cancer treatment nausea, lethargy, taste of copper 00:19:00 Her fears to tell us what she wishes we knew – She felt very alone – not many parents speak up about what’s going on because of the shame 00:22:22 in AL-Anon she could pray he would die – mourning a living person 00:23:17 grief groups in church turned her away – she didn’t want to grieve alone 00:24:20 you don’t know where you belong in the church – she wanted hope from the church – 00:25:00 She started to miss church all the time because she would cry – her current church are comfortable with tears – the old church system didn’t have a culture that made it safe to be in pain 00:29:20 Kathleen: the culture of church needs to be changed – we watch what happens to others in pain and decide whether church is safe in our pain 00:30:35 What she wishes we knew about the grief – "what would feel good to you?" 00:33:00 we’re grieving like we lost someone – she lost graduation, proms, football, The loss is repeated over & over – they are in fear all the time (PTSD) – they are warriors/fighters 00:35:00 what could we practically do and what should we not do: Hurtful Words to Stay Away From “What drugs is he using?” – the path & consequence could be the same – “Is it just alcohol?” “Addiction is such a stronghold. Just trust God.” “He’ll be okay. He’ll find his way. He has a good mama.” – this feeds into her codependency – addiction is not either good or bad, it’s a disease “Is he doing good now?” “Oh really, Camron doesn’t seem like that type of kid?" “You’re so strong; you’ll get through this.” “Camron is a good kid; he’ll come out the other side." 00:44:40 “My son is going to die before I do.” – this is a real possibility – she’s already planned his funeral Helpful Words to Say "I’m so sorry. My heart hurts for your mama’s heart." "I wish I could take away all this pain for you." "I’m crying with you. How can I be here for you?" "This must be so devastating." "How can I love you through this?" - Jessica's favorite 00:49:00 How is Camron doing now? 00:52:55 Big Reveal PLEASE REMEMBER: Supporting a Friend who has a Loved One battling Active Addiction and/or Recovery Your friend is going to be going through a lot of loss and it w

1h 10m

19/11/2019

Her Son Has an Addiction, What Do I Say?

What is it like to walk alongside your 13 year old son while he battles addiction and recovery? This is Part 1 of a two part series where Jessica McCurdy shares her deeply raw and authentic story of loving her now 20 year old son, Camron through some incredibly dark times. My Guest: Jessica McCurdy Jessica is a growth seeking, passionate, highly motivated, people person, unmarried, faith-filled, encourager, and mostly single mom. She spends her days working as an office manager at a physical therapy clinic, and just recently returned to community college part time to study Alcohol & Drug Counseling. She is active in her church, attends all the women’s faith events she can, volunteers with sober girls in recovery, exercises regularly, runs, hikes with her rescue pitbull, and enjoys quality time with her best girlfriends. SHOW NOTES The Weed Scare & How It All Began 23:20 His first attempt to buy it 26:20 Their move to different area of town Freshman year – Revealed he had tried weed in his best friend’s parents’ garage (the dad’s medical marijuana) 33:08 Sophomore year his grades went down and he started skipping school and lying about it 34:00 He runs away to use with a bunch of friends 11 Days of Using 36:00 How she discovers he has run away 37:30 She makes the police report – had to remember what he was wearing 38:40 Camron calls and tells her he’s not coming home – the feeling of anger, terror, and powerlessness - the was the beginning of getting used to this feeling of powerlessness 41:00 Everyday he would call to check in 41:48 Her daily routine for the next 11 days to find him 41:27 Always check your kids phones & be in touch with your kid's friends' parents 43:48 This is when shame settled in – questioning her own parenting- “What kind of a home do you have that your kid is running away?" 45:55 Kathleen: Isn't this a part of parenting? Don't we all tend to see our kids’ behavior as a reflection of our parenting? Any yet we don’t know what’s going on the inside of each other’s homes. It may not have anything to do with our parenting. 49:00 More of her shame – this is why parents don’t get help – they go through it alone 50:00 Codependency/enabling settles in here – “We are one.” - what he does is a direct reflection of me. 51:15 Her healing with Camron to become intra-dependent – Your actions do not change how I am feeling. -You can feel empathy for them but it's not like your whole day will be ruined by their actions 52:55 How she figures out he’s using while gone – her Private Investigating work 54:50 She was only 6 hours behind him at one point 56:04 When you accept the addiction, you get power back – there is a solution for addiction, not a cure 57:20 Camron's drug of choice : “more” - what an addict ends with is often not what he started with; it doesn't matter what it is. The Next Step - Treatment 59:13: She researches treatment centers 1:00:50 She calls all the treatment centers – there is not a lot of help in Oregon (Oregon is the 4th worst in access to treatment) 1:02:31 He is finally found by the police 1:04:08 She picks him up and he seems sad – she starts to grieve because he is gone, his eyes are vacant- she went into action mode 1:05:10 Her plan – ultimatum “go on your own, or someone will take you to the rehab clinic” 1:06:10 the “transporters” come into the backyard – he says, “You’re not my mom anymore” Called his dad by his first name. – Another defining moment of shame again, “I can’t believe I'm doing this to my son.” 1:08:05 Kathleen: "My mama’s heart is breaking because he’s angry with you." – she has had to do this continually – this is not a one-time thing 1:09:12 He was in and out of rehab from age 15-18 1:10:20 it’s not The Place that brings recovery Kathleen's Wrap Up Let's talk about S

1h 31m

05/11/2019

She's Single, How Do I Love Her Well? - Nicole LeBlond #10

What's it like to be single in the church? Are we unknowingly sending the message that without a matrimony, they are not a whole person? If you are married, I think you will be surprised by what my guest Nicole LeBlond bravely shares, and based on the other women's voices recorded in this episode, she is not alone in her experiences. Prepare yourself to be enlightened and better equipped to know how to love and support the single women in your life. If you are single, my hope is you will feel seen and affirmed. My hope is our christian communities will learn how to see you as whole and valid, as is. My Guest: Nicole LeBlond Nicole was born and raised Portland, Oregon and is a pediatric nurse at Randall Children’s Hospital. Along with working with the greatest team at the best children's hospital in Portland, she participates in medical missions in Haiti – a country and people that has taken hold of her heart. She is a diehard Boston Red Sox fan and speaks fluently in movie quotes. She's a little obsessed with Disneyland – so much so, she had an Annual Pass for 2 years and is thinking it might be time to renew. She is a follower of Jesus – striving to share His grace, mercy, and love to all the peeps in her life. Show Notes: There tends to be a lumping in of never marrieds with divorced and widowed women even though the experiences are quite different. The church struggles to know what do with single people. Nicole has felt as a single woman there was something wrong with her because she didn't really fit anywhere in the church. She has found Women's Ministry Events to be isolating - events seem to focus on a woman's purpose is to be a wife and a mother. Separating the Singles out (dividing them by age or gender) is injuring & feels like the church is telling her she doesn't have any worth, like she doesn't have anything to offer the rest of the church. Singles Need Us to Be Their Community Nicole enjoys hanging out with married people - being a part of a family is a beautiful picture of community. She needs the church to rally around her and tell her, "We'll be your family!" Even though she doesn't have kids herself, she does have something to offer us. "I don't have to have kids to be able to listen to you talk about your child, 'I'm struggling with X and I don't know what to do,' but you know what I can do? I can pray. I can go to the Father for you maybe in a way that someone else can't because I see it in another way." "Everyone is a valid member of our community." We have a unique opportunity to do life together. Paul and the Bible: "Singleness is a gift" This not a gift to the single person, but is a gift to the church Because there may be more freedom in their schedule to serve others in the church, singles are then a gift to the church How being single does not feel like a gift -the loneliness -grieving not having a family with children -romance shows can be poke the bruised places The message she got that you can earn a husband - Marriage is a Reward or You are not Christian enough "You're not married yet because your husband isn't ready. Once he's hit whatever benchmark that God has for him, he'll be ready and you can be married. Or "You haven't met that benchmark that God has for you therefore when you meet that, you'll be ready for marriage." What Not to Say You have to just to stop looking, and then he'll show up. You just haven't met him yet. Some people weren't meant to be married. (can give the message that there is something wrong with her) The American Culture says getting married and having children is just what you do What to Say & Do "Man, I'm sorry." Engage them where they're at, not waiting for them to get married -ask them to lead Bible Studies -ask them to open up their homes to host small groups -not treating her as a tag-along but as a member who has something to offer -invite her to events or t

1h 31m

What She Wishes You Knew podcast

She's Been Through Trauma, How Do I Help? - Part 1 Connie A Baker

She Came Out as LGBTQ+, How Do I Love Her Well? -Shelby Forsythia

She's Not Happy She's Pregnant, How Do I Love Her Well? - Courtney Patterson

Working Mom, Is She Less Than In The Church? - NJ Rongner

She's a Foster Parent, How Do I Support Her? -Jillian Goble

Her Son Has an Addiction, What Do I Say? Part 2 - Jessica McCurdy

Her Son Has an Addiction, What Do I Say?

She's Single, How Do I Love Her Well? - Nicole LeBlond #10

Trailer

Welcome and Introduction

About

Information

What She Wishes You Knew podcast

Episodes

She's Been Through Trauma, How Do I Help? - Part 1 Connie A Baker

She Came Out as LGBTQ+, How Do I Love Her Well? -Shelby Forsythia

She's Not Happy She's Pregnant, How Do I Love Her Well? - Courtney Patterson

Working Mom, Is She Less Than In The Church? - NJ Rongner

She's a Foster Parent, How Do I Support Her? -Jillian Goble

Her Son Has an Addiction, What Do I Say? Part 2 - Jessica McCurdy

Her Son Has an Addiction, What Do I Say?

She's Single, How Do I Love Her Well? - Nicole LeBlond #10

Trailer

Welcome and Introduction

About

Information