The Breakup Theory The Breakup Theory

This episode was slightly delayed by the amazing work students around the world have been doing in the encampments! In today’s episode, Caroline and Shuli hit the mailbag again to respond to listener’s relationship problems! They talk about three situations: the first deals with breaking up with Christianity, Mormonism in particular, and what spiritual remains we can hold on to. The second is about having a rich girlfriend who isn’t out to her family. And the last is a return to the triad situation from the last agony letters episode. The listener responded with more details and raised a new question about being in a relationship with someone who is just starting to explore their queerness. What do the straights owe us? What do we owe them?
Thank you to everyone who shared their stories. We really love doing these episodes, so please keep writing in. As always, we have an online submission form at https://form.jotform.com/thebreakuptheory/stories and a phone line at ‪(917) 426-6548. Please write and call us, we can’t wait to hear from you!
And finally, you can support the project and Shuli's other work by subscribing at https://www.patreon.com/thebreakuptheory. If you have some extra money, you can sign up for $5/month, though nothing is paywalled. On the patreon, Shuli regularly posts both short and long written pieces, along with episodes and other audio. You can also rate and follow us wherever you get your podcasts, and of courses share with your friends and exes.
And now for your letters!

Content warning: we talk about sexual assault and rape, though not in detail.
On today’s show, I talk with my dear friend Girl Cock about the breaking up of Femboys Against Fascism. We had previously spoken about the group on an episode of The Final Straw Radio in May of 2023. The group was formed to counter anti-migrant rallies taking place in Liverpool. However, the group decided that it was better to end itself than to continue just for the sake of it, allowing the former members to pursue new actions. We use this breakup to get into deeper conversation, including the continuity of fascism into transphobia and assault and groups protecting themselves over listening to victims or holding anyone accountable. We talk about failures of the left, trans separatism and self defense, the use of violence, and the respectability politics marginalized or oppressed people are asked to do. At the end we discuss adult supremacy as well. I think this conversation is provocative and generative. Girl Cock is eloquent and speaks of her own experiences organizing, and she has a keen sense of autonomy and contributes a great deal to our understanding of breaking up. I hope you like it! At the end of the episode, I’ve included two Femboys Against Fascism songs as a treat!
Remember we have set up an online submission form at https://form.jotform.com/thebreakuptheory/stories and a phone line at ‪(917) 426-6548, for you to share your break up stories. We will record regular episodes discussing your situation and sharing our political and personal perspectives. Our first episode got a lot of great feedback, so I’m excited to keep growing this project.
You can support this podcast and my writing at https://www.patreon.com/thebreakuptheory
I really appreciate the support! Also feel free to share and rate and follow us on any podcast platform. 

Welcome to the Breakup Theory Agony Letters. This is our first episode where we respond to listener submissions over phone and through our online form. We talk through four submissions in today’s episode, all dealing with different issues. The first letter deals with a relationship going long distance and poly at the same time. That starts at 3:44. The second call deals with a confusing break up in a triad. You can jump there at 24:00. The third submission asks about breaking up with organizing groups and movements and embracing despair. That starts at 46:45. And a content warning for the final submission, there is mention of stalking and sexual assault and childhood sexual assault. This was a delicate submission, dealing with a classmate who is pushing boundaries and our listener’s attempts to navigate how to feel and be safe. That response begins at 1:04:10.
In all of our discussions, we try to approach each situation through different angles to imagine all the different permutations of response and feeling. We always want to validate our listeners’ feelings and experience foremost, while trying to offer perspectives that might help you in the process of breaking up. We hope the people who submitted their stories find these reflections helpful—and feel free to update us and continue the conversation. I also hope this will be generative for other listeners in their own situations, since these stories touch on conflicts and experiences that many of us share.
We plan for this to be a regular series of our podcast, so please submit your stories! Our phone lines are open at (917) 426-6548, our encrypted submission form is still live at https://form.jotform.com/thebreakuptheory/stories! Can’t wait to hear from you. Now enjoy the show!
As always you can support us and follow us at https://www.patreon.com/thebreakuptheory
You can also rate us and follow us on any podcasting app, and tell your friends.

On today’s show, I talk with one of my favorite people, Jamie Theophilos, a dear friend and comrade. Jamie teaches and studies the politics of digital technology and is a long time organizer, anarchist, as well as video editor/videographer, graphic designer, and motion graphics artist. Jamie also has an essay, “Ways of Seeing: Radical Queerness,” in the book I co-edited, Surviving the Future: Abolitionist Queer Strategies with PM Press.    
Jamie and I planned today’s conversation around an essay that Jamie shared with me called, “Rethinking Repair,” by Steven J. Jackson, coming from the academic field of science and technology studies. Jamie knew that I had been working on a project around anarchism and breaking up, and this essay proposes a theory of relation (specifically to technology) through the idea of breakdown, which emphasizes care and repair. Our conversation tries uses this perspective to interrogate our relationship to the technology that plays a large role in our lives, and which can seem so totalizing and nefarious. How do we relate to the tools we have to create spaces for our flourishing and solidarity right now? We try to avoid any kind of purism or binary thinking, to address what we have in front of us, and what we can do with it. 

In this episode, Shuli talks with the wonderful carla joy bergman, a transdisciplinary artist who collaborates with humans and more than human friends. she co-wrote Joyful Militancy and edited Trust Kids! She formerly made the podcast Grounded Futures with her son Uilliam, as well as the On Belonging audio series with Jamie-leigh Gonzalez.
The conversation ranges through the beginning and ending of groups and projects, the necessity of intergenerational organizing, the joys and pains of breaking up with family and loved ones, how we create space together, and the relationship between anarchism, nihilism, and the leftist movements. 
To check out more of carla’s work you can go to their website joyculcarla.com
Carla has a new podcast project about to launch, which you can find at https://walkingwithchange.captivate.fm/
Special announcement!!! 
The Breakup Theory is launching a new project, where we ask you, our listeners, to share your stories of breaking up, conflict with friends and lovers, and any other relationship trouble that you’d like feedback on. One of the main ideas of this podcast was to create a space where queers and anarchists and abolitionists can talk about how their politics and their personal lives entwine. We have set up an online submission form at https://form.jotform.com/thebreakuptheory/stories and a phone line at ‪(917) 426-6548. We will keep the submissions anonymous and won’t use any information you don’t want to share. You can leave a message or write in, and Caroline, River and Shuli will share your story on the podcast along with a discussion about the issues you raise. We are excited to hear what’s going on in your world and help you all break up with what’s limiting you!
 

In this episode, Shuli talks with Conner Habib, author of the novel Hawk Mountain and host of the podcast Against Everyone with Conner Habib. The discussion goes into many different places, with certan themes about the connection between relationships and politics running throughout. We start this discussion talking about “breaking up with the state,” an idea Conner discussed on a couple of his podcast episodes and that was influential in Shuli's thinking about the crossover of relationships and politics. The conversation uses both personal and political perspectives to think about the dynamics of the failing state, its fascist grasps at power, what protest can do, how we respond to harm and conflict, and more. Hope you like it!
You can find Conner and his podcast at: patreon.com/connerhabib
You can buy Hawk Mountain here: https://bookshop.org/a/4714/9781324064862