Honey & Hot Sauce Chiara Brown

While pretty privilege is absolutely a thing, it sets us up for absolute failure in many aspects in life. So I came across a video where a girl was ranting in her car about how she saw this gorgeous man and immediately assumed he didn’t like black girls just because he was handsome. I’d say that is a pretty boy problem, to be honest, but that’s beside the point.

What I’m trying to illustrate is that a lot of pretty girls learn early in childhood that they can’t be told no because they are just “too cute to say no to.” And that messes us up in the future when we get into the real world.

The real world will teach us quickly that no matter how attractive you are, you are not everyone’s type. And sometimes, that’s hard to grasp if we’re not used to it or prepared for reality. Some people are not into light skin, some people are not into brown skin, some people are not into hazel eyes, and some people are not into slanted eyes. Some people don’t like thin, some people don’t like tall. Everyone has a preference. And some people don’t care about looks at all if the vibe is not there or the personality and conversation doesn’t mesh with theirs. We are so quick to get upset when we find out that we’re not someone’s type.

Hi guys! Thank you all so much for tuning in to the Honey & Hot Sauce Podcast, a place where my friends and I talk about life, dreams, work and relationships. I incorporate honey and hot sauce into my outlook on everyday endeavors. Some sweet, some spicy. Some things need to be said, and some things are just enjoyable. I am your host Chiara. I’m sheltered, but I got a lot to say, and I’m so happy you’re here.

We are still on the topic of Pretty Girl Problems, and you may have noticed that Pretty Girl Problem No. 3 was actually high-jacked, and I made it to be about colorism instead of today’s topic. So today’s topic is Pretty Girl Problem No. 4: Reverse Bullying, Just Because You are Pretty. Exhibit A: Elle Woods, ahem, and myself, and my sister Danielle. Like, I’m already sensitive as it is, I don’t need people trying to come for me based on how I look. I said before, in Pretty Girl Problem No. 1 that I know I’m pretty, and I stand by that, but what I don’t like is when people act like I am automatically dumb, mean, or a slut because of it.

In the movies Legally Blonde 1 and 2, Elle Woods constantly dealt with people assuming she was dumb and mean, simply because she was pretty and lived in her pretty girl energy. She obviously wasn’t the only pretty girl in the movies, but she was the one who embraced it, with vibrantly-colored clothing, French manicures, and sparkles. And I totally understand the stigma of the mean “popular girl.” It is very real, and it has affected many people in their youth, including myself. However, don’t assume that because a woman looks similar to the one who hurt you, that she is the one who hurt you. She is not, and she probably has no idea that you are walking around holding grudges from high school.

While we’re talking about high school, I remember in high school that I was part of the school’s newspaper. It was not exactly one of the clubs that many “popular” kids were a part of. There were a lot of IB students—International Baccalaureate, aka uber smart kids.

The IB kids had a stigma, that they were really smart but not necessarily sexy. Meanwhile, I’m a new kid who came straight out of homeschool and was not as popular as I might have looked. I distinctly remember one of the IB girls assuming I was going to be mean to her, so she felt the need to beat me to the punch by trying to insult my intelligence and just being overall RUDE for no reason. When I brushed it off and showed her, nicely, that I knew what I was talking, about, she shut right up and left me alone. Side note: I was a beast in journalism to the point that the teacher always asked me if I was plagiarizing …pshhh, noooo Ms. McMillian, it was straight off the dome every time!

Also, apparently when there is more than one pretty girl in the room, people subconsciously feel like they have to compete. Like literally, I’ve seen girls get excommunicated from a group of friends just because she was getting in shape or because some guy had a crush on her, that apparently another girl in the group had a crush on. It’s not anyone’s fault, but everyone wants to blame the girl who is embracing her pretty girl energy.

I’ve seen friends get sabotaged. I knew a girl who was having a party and she told one of our other friends that it was a pajama party, but it wasn’t. It turned out to be a very Legally Blonde moment; the one where Elle was invited to a party and they told her it was a costume party and she came in the bunny costume. My friend came in footie pajamas and it wasn’t even a pajama party. Because the other friend told her it was. There was literally no reason to do that.

It’s crazy that people will assume you to be a threat, even when you are not thinking about them in that way at all. Just because the dude I like likes you, now I hate you. It’s not our fault! Get your man, sis!

Soooo I hijacked this episode because of Chris Brown. Listen to see what I'm saying, psh.

Right now, we are talking about Pretty Girl Problems. In my last episode, I talked about Pretty Girl Problem No. 1: being told you are ugly just because you’re pretty. Today we are talking about Pretty Girl Problem No. 2: When people assume you are a thot, just because you are pretty. Exhibit A, Lori Harvey. Before you make your argument, I know. I know she dated a lot of people, and she dated both Sean Combs and his son. But for real. Hear me out. It really doesn’t make her a thot. And also, we don’t know if dating them meant sex with them. We are really not in her bed, and we don’t know her personally. Like, has she ever told you that she had sex with them all? She never told me that … we really just think that everyone is the same, huh?

And when former Miss USA Deshauna Barber commented on a post on Instagram last year saying that not everyone is having sex just because they are dating, people dragged her and tried to say she was crazy. But she was right. It may not be common, but it is definitely realistic, and again, we have no idea because we are not there. The amount of people Lori has dated is really none of our business … but since we’re here. What if she did have sex with each of them? That makes her a thot?? She’s for the streets now? Boosie said we need to “stop giving the credit to the beautiful women, and give it to the bachelors who ‘run through them’.” Which means stop giving her the glory of dating them and give them the glory of dating her and not marrying her, or in his words, “run through her” and not marry her.  Wow, guy. You are really encouraging sexism and misogyny like blatantly here. First of all, the fact that Lori is getting quote/unquote “glory” for dating them is already a sign of progress when it comes to women’s rights, feminism, and especially female sexual liberation, and he is trying to take us backwards by saying that we have to take away her glory. Do you realize how long it took for women to even receive that kind of glory? Back in Bible days, a woman would be stoned to death just for getting married if there was no blood on the sheets to prove she just lost her virginity. Like seriously. A woman would get married, and yes, they had to hang the bed sheets up outside to show the blood to random people just to prove that her hymen was recently broken by her husband. Yes, they were all in your business like that. And if there was no blood, she would get stoned and embarrassed, humiliated, etc. We really came from ground zero, and Boosie is here talking about Lori doesn’t deserve marriage except with a simp.

This just makes Boosie sound maaaaaaaaaaaad butthurt lol. I’m just saying. Why, when he was asked about his take on her dating Michael B. Jordan, did he have sooooo many opinions and have to sound so invested and sooooo upset about it?? I personally think it’s because he couldn’t get her. He wanted to talk so much about how she is not wife material, and he wants a good girl, as though she is “easy,” but he seems like he wanted to be one of the people to “run through her,” and found out he couldn’t. That’s why he’s trying to create this narrative that she is easy. No sir. She is confident and she is doing what she wants to do. Maybe she doesn’t want to be married. She had the chance and she broke it off. Maybe she is breaking off these relationships. Maybe this is what she wants. She is young, and she has the right to stay or go as she chooses.

Today starts the series Pretty Girl Problems. What are they, you ask? They are the issues that women deal with simply because they are considered, by most standards, to be attractive. Now, the first disclaimer that I want to make right here, right now, before the cancel police try to come and say I’m discriminating, is that I’m going by my own personal experiences (yes I’m pretty, and it’s okay to know that) I’m going by the experiences of my friends, who are also pretty, and I’m going by events from celebrities that people label as attractive, etc. I’m not saying that “unattractive” women don’t deal with these things, but my overall point is that when it is understood that a woman is attractive, which is subjective, there has been a link between it and unfair treatment. There has been a link between it and a quest to take away her self confidence in some way. There are tons of stories about the underdog being treated unfairly, but because of this, society has created an idea that because you are pretty, your life must be easy, and that’s not true. Many girls grow up thinking they are not pretty, simply because they are, so at the end of the day, it’s about your view of yourself. So I want to expose these things, and hopefully bring enough awareness to them so that we can fix it and there will be no more pretty girl problems.

This brings me to Pretty Girl Problem No. 1: Being Told You are Ugly, Simply Because You Are Pretty.

Why is that even a thing? And I mean it starts early, in childhood. Why are grownups feeling the need to tell a young girl that she’s not cute, or that she’s straight up ugly? And why is it considered an appropriate joke to tell a kid? I *know someone who literally broke up with a guy because he had to make it a point to tell her daughter, who is beautiful by the way, that she was a “lil ugly butt.” To him, it was not serious, but she was 4 years old and still learning about herself. And when the mother addressed it and asked him not to do it again, ofc he did it again, I guess to prove a point. she had to make decisions to protect her and she dipped. But she is not the only child who has been told she was ugly for no reason. People do it all the time. That in no way means it should be acceptable though. Jealous kids tell each other that because kids are just mean in general. And as they grow up, teenagers tell each other that. Then when we become adults, we body shame each other. It’s all the same thing—a need to bring a person “down a notch” if they are “too confident” or just looking like they are enjoying life. Why is it necessary? Why are you worried about telling someone else whether they are accepted by you or not? Why should they even care?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to say that a pretty girl should be able to use her image as a weapon to hurt another person. I am in no way endorsing bullying; what I am doing is exposing reverse-bullying. You know, calling someone a “Plastic,” and stuff like that. Just let people live their lives, and you do what you are happy doing. If you are happy doing your hair and makeup every day, then do that. If you like to wear heels every day, then do that. If you like to dress up, then do that, and don’t let someone tell you you are doing too much. Be team too much and wear it proudly. And if you are not team too much, stop turning your nose up at a girl who is or who wants to look and smell her best, or present herself in a way that makes her happy because she isn’t a tomboy. If she wants to sparkle, let her sparkle.

A person’s attitude, the way they treat people; those things can make a person ugly, but there is beauty in literally everyone. Am I being dismissive? Idk. But I hope I made someone think about this. Thanks for listening.

Hi guys! Thank you all so much for tuning in to the Honey & Hot Sauce Podcast, a place where my friends and I talk about life, dreams, work and relationships. I incorporate honey and hot sauce into my outlook on everyday endeavors. Some sweet, some spicy. Some things need to be said, and some things are just enjoyable. I am your host Chiara, and I’m so happy you’re here.

Today I want to talk about DMX. I have my brother here, because he’s older than I am, and he knows a lot more about DMX than I do. Reminder, I grew up sheltered. My brother, not so much. 

First, rest in peace/rest in power to DMX. A lot of people know by now that he passed away yesterday from a heart attack. I am choosing not to address whether the heart attack was caused by drugs or the COVID vaccine. The point is that DMX was such an icon in the hip hop industry, and his music helped a lot of people get through some tough times. We lost a legend.

I don’t know a ton of his songs, but I know a lot of hooks to some hits like “Y’all Gone Make Me Lose My Mind,” “Stop, Drop,” (the Ruff Ryders’ Anthem), I know “X Gone Give It to Ya,” and a few others. He could get any function lit af lol. And I will never forget his poem on a talk show when he talked about the industry. Sheeeeesh it was deep. And he prayed in all of his albums. 

Last year we also had a whole social media challenge from his song “What These B****es Want”. You know, the one with Brenda, Latisha, Linda, Inez, and Alicia. Ayesha, Tina, Nina, Zina, Gina, Malena, Katrina etc. about THREE KIMS ... I got the words wrong, but you know what I'm talking about lol.

There will never be another DMX. We are so grateful that we could be impacted by his sound and his talent. Prayers go out for his family and his kids.