17/10/2023 • SUBSCRIBERS ONLY

Confabulation Nation: Where Your Mind Makes It Up As It Goes

In this premium episode, Tony delves deep into the complex world of memory, confabulation, and how our minds construct our personal realities. He starts the discussion by exploring the two types of memory: implicit and explicit. Implicit memory, he explains, shapes our emotional tendencies, expectations, and general outlook on life. It's like the backdrop of a movie set, always there but not always noticed. Tony also discusses how our brains are like directors, editing and reconstructing memories to fit the narrative we want or need. He uses the metaphor of "mental mingling neural machinery" to describe how our brains efficiently use neural "real estate" to rebuild key features of memories while simulating the missing details.The episode then shifts gears to discuss the concept of confabulation, particularly in the context of emotionally immature or narcissistic individuals. Tony explains how confabulation serves as a defense mechanism, allowing people to create false narratives that align with their desired self-image. This often leads to inconsistencies and contradictions, making interactions with such individuals challenging. He emphasizes the importance of practicing differentiation to maintain emotional balance when dealing with confabulators. The episode also touches on the phenomenon of disputed memories, as evidenced by twin studies, and how conversations and emotional states can influence these memories. Tony concludes by highlighting the importance of mindfulness and intentional recall in shifting our focus towards more positive experiences, thereby enriching our emotional landscape.

28 min

27/09/2023 • SUBSCRIBERS ONLY

Narrative Navigations: From Rumors to Real Talk

Navigating the murky waters of a relationship with a narcissistic individual can be both harrowing and mentally exhausting. In this episode of "Waking Up to Narcissism Premium QandA Episode," we delve into the profound reflections shared by one individual who braved the challenges of a toxic long-term marriage, grappling with diminished self-worth and emotional erosion. As they recount their quest for professional help and a renewed sense of self, the episode underscores the importance of personal safety, privacy, and cutting through the web of misinformation often spun by mutual acquaintances. By emphasizing the dangers of gaslighting, this episode seeks to educate its listeners on the manipulative tactics narcissists employ, urging the value of disengaging from unproductive narratives and finding solace in validation and shared experiences. Meanwhile, the heartfelt email from our listener poignantly captures the trials of setting emotional boundaries, revealing the intricate dynamics of a relationship marred by addiction, emotional abuse, and the challenges of confronting a narcissistic partner. At the heart of this episode is the message of self-empowerment. By advocating for strong support systems, the importance of legal guidance in tumultuous separations, and the strength in seeking therapeutic avenues, this podcast aims to provide a beacon of hope for those ensnared in the narcissistic web. Beyond the despair lies humor, healing, and a community ready to uplift and guide. Through shared stories like these, we're reminded that while the journey may be challenging, no one walks it alone.

32 min

30/08/2023 • SUBSCRIBERS ONLY

Gaslight, Golden Child, and Growth: Understanding Narcissism vs Emotional Immaturity

In this bonus episode of the "Waking Up to Narcissism Premium QandA Podcast," host Tony Overbay, LMFT (host of the award-winning Virtual Couch podcast), dives deep into the core differences between narcissism and emotional immaturity. Sparked by a heartfelt letter from a listener, Tony breaks down the rare instances of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and contrasts it with the more common issue of emotional immaturity. He elaborates on the diagnostic criteria for NPD, the significance of whole object relations, and object constancy in maintaining emotional bonds. Highlighting an article by Eleanor Greenberg, the episode further discusses the truth behind NPD and shares coping strategies.The episode unveils the intricate dynamics of narcissistic family systems, shedding light on the control, lack of boundaries, and roles like the 'golden child' and 'scapegoat.' Tony offers insights into the complexity of these relationships, emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries and seeking self-care. The episode is a valuable guide for anyone eager to grasp the nuances of narcissism, emotional immaturity, and the impact of both on relationships and self-perception.Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism QandA - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384Find all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchGo to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

39 min

13/06/2023 • SUBSCRIBERS ONLY

Ego-lution: Navigating Emotional Maturity on the Path to Self-Respect

Today's show notes are provided entirely by...robots! Artificial intelligence, AI...In the latest episode of "Waking up to Narcissism," Tony goes into detail about the importance of emotional maturity and how it relates to narcissism. He begins by discussing the concepts of whole object relations and object constancy, which are crucial to understanding emotional immaturity. Whole object relations refer to the ability to see people as complex individuals with both strengths and flaws. Object constancy, on the other hand, is the ability to maintain an emotional connection despite negative actions or behaviors.Unfortunately, many emotionally immature or narcissistic individuals struggle with both whole-object relations and object constancy. They tend to see themselves and others in black-and-white terms and can't handle flaws or failures. The host stresses the importance of developing a healthy ego, which comes from balanced self-esteem based on real-life challenges and accomplishments. A healthy ego leads to prioritizing one's well-being, making decisions that align with one's genuine self-interest, and cultivating authentic self-respect.The development of a healthy ego is essential for emotional maturity, and this requires discovering what one is good at and what hard work looks like for them. Unfortunately, many people grew up feeling like being good at something and confident is prideful or egotistical, which squelches their talents and abilities. Emotional maturity also involves maintaining emotional connections with others, even in frustrating situations, as it provides an opportunity for growth.Many people find themselves in emotionally abusive relationships with emotionally immature individuals, such as spouses, parents, siblings, bosses, or religious institutions. Leaving such relationships can be difficult and requires planning, with the speaker suggesting having a safety plan in place, identifying a safe place to go, and seeking support from a trusted friend or therapist. It's also important to understand the legal process involved and to get multiple opinions from attorneys.One aspect of leaving an emotionally abusive relationship that the host focuses on is communicating with children in the context of a divorce. He advises against speaking negatively about the other parent but encourages validating children's experiences and emotions. He emphasizes the importance of approaching conversations with curiosity and positivity rather than becoming a martyr in front of the children. He also cautions against emotionally immature or manipulative parents dictating the narrative and encourages developing a healthy sense of self in children.In conclusion, developing emotional maturity is essential for achieving a healthy and fulfilling life. By seeing people as complex individuals with both strengths and flaws, maintaining emotional connections despite negative actions or behaviors, and developing a healthy ego based on real-life challenges and accomplishments, individuals can cultivate authentic self-respect and make decisions that align with their genuine self-interest. If stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship, seek support from a trusted friend or therapist, understand the legal process, and prioritize your safety and well-being. Communicate positively and curiously with children during a divorce, validate their experiences and emotions, and empower them to develop a healthy sense of self. By striving for emotional maturity, individuals can lead a happier and more fulfilling life.

36 min

10/05/2023

The Silent Treatment, Emotional Immaturity vs. Narcissism and Rebuilding Trust

In this episode, we delve into the topic of The Silent Treatment and how it can be a tool used by both emotionally immature individuals and narcissists in their relationships. We discuss the difference between emotional immaturity and narcissism, and how these traits can impact a relationship, including the ability to rebuild trust after a period of emotional distance. Tony shares insights on how to recognize the warning signs of emotional immaturity and narcissism, and offers practical tips for rebuilding trust in a relationship after experiencing the silent treatment. If you're looking to gain a better understanding of how emotional immaturity and narcissism can impact your relationships, and want to learn how to rebuild trust after experiencing the silent treatment.

22 min

25/04/2023 • SUBSCRIBERS ONLY

Information Overload, The Tale of Two Narcissists and "Narcissism or Legitimate Communication Problem?"

Tony answers questions about what to do when learning about narcissism and emotional immaturity can become overwhelming? He also breaks down a pattern of behavior that brings into question "is this narcissism or does he have a point?" And Tony answers the question, "is it possible for two narcissists to be together or is it always just one person in the relationship?" Please send your questions to contact@tonyoverbay.com

30 min

10/04/2023 • SUBSCRIBERS ONLY

Boundary Setting and Much Ado About Nothing Much (aka Kids Spill Things)

Tony answers listeners' questions about setting boundaries and how to "hold the line" when the narcissist in your life wants to argue about seemingly small or insignificant things. He shares his opinions on the phrase "agree to disagree," and he references Dan Neuharth, Ph.D., LMFT's excellent article "7 Ways to Set Boundaries with Narcissists," https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/narcissism-demystified/202006/7-ways-set-boundaries-narcissists

24 min

03/04/2023 • SUBSCRIBERS ONLY

Does Narcissism Get Worse Over Time, How to Communicate, and the Possibility for Change!

Today Tony answers listener questions about communication and the possibility of change, and he spends the majority of time based on this listener question: "Is it possible a narcissist gets worse with time? When we first started dating, he wasn't anywhere close to how mean he acts toward me as he is now. We have been married for a long time. He claims I made him the way he is today because I am such a horrible wife, mother, and person." Submit your questions through the contact form at http://tonyoverbay.com or email Tony at contact@tonyoverbay.comAnd follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel for a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast "Murder on the Couch," where True Crime meets therapy, co-hosted with his daughter Sydney. You can watch a pre-release clip here https://youtu.be/-RkRq8SrQy0Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism QandA - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

32 min

28/03/2023 • SUBSCRIBERS ONLY

Nature or Nurture - The Origin Story of the Narcissist

Tony answers one of the most asked questions of all time...Is the narcissist created from the nurturing of them by their parents in childhood or by their very nature, their genetics, is narcissism in one's DNA? You can submit your questions, or share your stories, through Tony's website at http://tonyoverbay.com or email him at contact@tonyoverbay.comAnd follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel for a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast "Murder on the Couch," where True Crime meets therapy, co-hosted with his daughter Sydney. You can watch a pre-release clip here https://youtu.be/-RkRq8SrQy0Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism QandA - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

31 min

03/03/2023 • SUBSCRIBERS ONLY

Talking to the Kids - Validation vs Throwing Your Narcissistic Partner Under the Bus

Tony answers a listener's question about when and how to talk to the kids about their parent's narcissism/narcissistic traits/emotional immaturity. There is a distinct difference between throwing a spouse under the proverbial bus versus validating an adult or younger child's feelings. Often when a parent covers for the more narcissistic parent, the message conveyed to the child is that their feelings are wrong and to overlook destructive behaviors in the name of not making anyone uncomfortable. You can submit your questions, or share your stories, through Tony's website at http://tonyoverbay.com or email him at contact@tonyoverbay.com

45 min

23/01/2023

Introducing Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - A Premium Podcast

Based on the overwhelming amount of feedback from the "Waking Up to Narcissism" podcast, particularly in the form of questions, Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist, answers listener questions specifically related to narcissism, narcissistic traits and tendencies, and emotional immaturity in relationships. A percentage of the proceeds of the podcast will go toward helping people in narcissistic or severe emotionally immature relationships receive help in the form of counseling, legal and moving costs, and providing additional tools to help people rediscover their self-worth, and learn how to successfully find their voice, their sense of purpose and understand that everybody has the right to their own opinion, experience and goals out of life.

19 min

Waking Up To Narcissism Q&A

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Episodes

Confabulation Nation: Where Your Mind Makes It Up As It Goes

Narrative Navigations: From Rumors to Real Talk

Gaslight, Golden Child, and Growth: Understanding Narcissism vs Emotional Immaturity

Ego-lution: Navigating Emotional Maturity on the Path to Self-Respect

The Silent Treatment, Emotional Immaturity vs. Narcissism and Rebuilding Trust

Information Overload, The Tale of Two Narcissists and "Narcissism or Legitimate Communication Problem?"

Boundary Setting and Much Ado About Nothing Much (aka Kids Spill Things)

Does Narcissism Get Worse Over Time, How to Communicate, and the Possibility for Change!

Nature or Nurture - The Origin Story of the Narcissist

Talking to the Kids - Validation vs Throwing Your Narcissistic Partner Under the Bus

Introducing Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - A Premium Podcast

Trailer

Introducing Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - A Premium Podcast

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