the10ninety Mason Sawyer/ Sam Josie

June 12, 2019, Colin Campbell was driving with his wife Gail, 17-year-old daughter Ruby, and 14-year-old son Hart. They were hit by a drunk driver. Ruby and Hart were killed, Colin and Gail survived. 
Colin and his wife Gail are an inspiration to me. Colin wrote a book “Finding the Words”. It is my favorite book and it’s not close. It has impacted me greatly. 
We are posting this episode on the 5 year anniversary of Ruby and Harts death. 🖤🖤
Growth in Grief page 266 [Finding the words]
“It is hard for me to talk about anything positive in connection with Ruby and Hart's deaths. I bristle whenever anyone suggests that there is some opportunity for personal growth or deeper understanding as a result of grieving. I don't want to be better for having lost my children. I find the idea repulsive.
And yet it is undeniable that growth can occur after any new ex-perience, especially the most challenging ones. There are good things that have happened to me in the years since they were killed. I have grown as a person. I am stronger, wiser, fiercer, and more empathetic.
I have a deeper understanding of what it means to love someone else.
It helps to acknowledge and embrace the positive changes that now enrich me. With so much despondency in my life, I can use all the positivity I can get.”
-Colin Campbell

Thank you to all our listeners, you guys sent in some questions and we answerd as many as we could. 
"Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it."
-Charles R. Swindo
 
 

I chat with my therapist Matt and his wife Brindy. Matt is great at what he does and we connected a lot in therapy. I hope to be a grief therapist one day (if that's even a thing) because of Matt. Matt is really smart and knows a lot of big words in his field but it was how he opened up to me in our therapy sessions about his personal life that helped me so much. It wasn't so much what he said but how well he listened to me and allowed me to feel heard. I think a lot of people, when they see others hurting, want to remove the hurt. Matt was the first therapist that made me feel ok to be completely miserable and angry and sad. In therapy with Matt, I didnt feel like we had expectations or boxes to check. It was more about just allowing myself to feel miserable and to cry about it and to try and talk about it for the first time. Once I felt heard and justified to feel those emotions, it was easier for me to try to understand them and work with them.  I now consider Matt and his wife Brindy good friends of mine. We are putting on a event together, July 27th, in honor of my Family and with a desire to help other people deal with grief and other struggles that life provides. 

In this episode I talk with my sister in law Keshia, and my niece Faith about Rider for his birthday. Happy Birthday Rider, we love and miss you so much. 

Shame and guilt are emotions that we all have. We all feel bad for some things we have done or haven't done. It is part of the human experience. I think that is why jesus told those dudes who were trying to stone that lady to death to only throw a stone if you have no shame or guilt. "He without sin" (shame and guilt) cast the first stone. 
We have created a culture where we don't talk about shame and guilt, ever. Even though it impacts us all greatly in our day to day life. 
Chad drove under the influence as an 18 year old kid, got into a car crash and paralyzed one of his best friends. 
Years later, Chad was moving along with life again. Got married, had a family and was doing well despite the guilt he had. Then one day as his family was getting ready for a family vacation he was backing out of the driveway and didnt know his 2 year old daughter Natalie was riding her bike. He accidently hit her, they rushed her to the hospital and then were told that she was gone. 
In a world full of people who don't want to talk about shame and guilt, I am proud of Chad for being willing to talk about his. Hearing his story has helped me a lot and I know it will help many of our listeners. As bad as the guilt and shame must be for Chad, he still had one quesiton to answer. What am I going to do about it? 

Jen and her Husband Chad were getting ready for a family vacation when Chad accidentely backed over their daughter Natalie in the driveway. Your life can and most likely will be shattered in an instant one day. What will remain is how you choose to handle it. We appreciate Jen having the courage to tell her story and share how she is handling her grief. 
Natalie, you sound amazing. Please go find Riggins and Franki and Rider if you haven't already. They would love to play and watch Frozen with you.