Coaching for Leaders Dave Stachowiak

Jeff Wetzler: Ask

Jeff Wetzler is co-CEO of Transcend, a nationally recognized innovation organization, and an expert in learning and human potential. His experience spans 25+ years in business and education, as a management consultant to top corporations, a learning facilitator for leaders, and as Chief Learning Officer at Teach For America.



He is a member of the Aspen Global Leadership Network and is an Edmund Hillary Fellow. Jeff is the author of Ask: Tap Into the Hidden Wisdom of People Around You for Unexpected Breakthroughs in Leadership and Life*.



Leaders are not the only people who need to have difficult conversations in the workplace. Yet, leaders set the tone for how much people are willing and able to talk about hard things. In this episode, Jeff and I discuss how leaders can make it easier for those important conversations to happen.

Key Points



In one study of managers, most people admitted to remaining silent with their bosses and nearly 75% said colleagues also felt uncomfortable speaking up.

Meet people on their own turf. Others are more likely to speak up if they are in a setting that’s more comfortable for them.

Leaders should consider shifting timing and/or medium to one that’s of the preference for the person who doesn’t have power.

Explain why you’re asking about a topic and your intention for a conversation at the start. Providing context prevents people from having to guess at your agenda.

Set a mutual agenda for a conversation by asking a question like, “In addition to this, what else should be part of our conversation today?”

Establish a tone for open communicating by radiating resilience. Words like these might help: “If I were in your shoes, I might be feeling frustrated or even resentful. If that’s how you’re feeling, I would understand completely. Please don’t hold back.”



Resources Mentioned



Ask: Tap Into the Hidden Wisdom of People Around You for Unexpected Breakthroughs in Leadership and Life* by Jeff Wetzler



Interview Notes

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

Related Episodes



How to Ask Better Questions, with David Marquet (episode 454)

The Way Out of Major Conflict, with Amanda Ripley (episode 529)

How to Grow From Your Errors, with Amy Edmondson (episode 663)



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Elaine Lin Hering: Unlearning Silence

Elaine Lin Hering is a facilitator, speaker, and writer who helps people build skills in communication, collaboration, and conflict management. She is a former Managing Partner of Triad Consulting Group and Lecturer on Law at Harvard Law School, specializing in dispute resolution, mediation, and negotiation. She is the author of Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Your Talent, and Live More Fully.



Those of us who have struggled to speak up have been told, “Just be more confident,” or, “Say this to get started.” As Elaine and I discuss in this conversation, there’s a larger context at play…and great power for both leaders and the people they lead, in unlearning silence.

Key Points



Start with why. For change to actually happen, find something that matters more than the old behavior.

What seems obvious to us isn’t always obvious to others. Connecting the dots for others demonstrates the meaning you’re making.

Beginning a thought with, “From where I sit…” provides a entry point for what you need to say while also acknowledging different perspectives from others.

Most people want to be helpful, but don’t always know how. Tell them how they can be helpful in the moment.

Resistance is part of the process of influencing others. While it doesn’t feel good in the moment, it’s often the catalyst for creating movement.



Resources Mentioned



Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Your Talent, and Live More Fully* by Elaine Lin Hering



Interview Notes

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

Related Episodes



How to Speak Up, with Connson Locke (episode 546)

End Imposter Syndrome in Your Organization, with Jodi-Ann Burey (episode 556)

The Mindset Leaders Need to Address Burnout, with Christina Maslach (episode 608)



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Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. To accelerate your learning, uncover more inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.

Sohee Jun

Sohee Jun is a leadership coach for female executives, leaders, founders, and entrepreneurs. She is also a TEDx speaker, Forbes Coaches Council member, keynote speaker, leadership development expert, and author. With over twenty years in the corporate world, she has worked with Fortune 500 companies, including those in the entertainment, production, and media sectors such as Netflix, Fox, and Disney.



In 2020, Sohee released her first book, Mommytracked: How to Take Authentic Risks and Find Success on Your Terms, with the goal of helping ambitious women tap into their inner core throughout the different phases of their lives. She's now the author of a second book, The Inner Game: Secrets of High-Achieving Women for Navigating Work, Life, and Mindset*.



In a world where still too few women are represented in senior leadership roles, many of us want to do whatever we can to support high-achieving women. In this conversation, Sohee and I explore what her research and experience indicates that leaders can do to better support women in their careers.

Key Points



Leaders can support both women and men by framing the larger “why” or North Star. Providing context helps a point of focus to emerge.

Do it afraid. Provide support to work through fearful situations with success.

When supporting women in building confidence, help them recognize what they’ve already achieved.

Normalize the discussion about financial literacy. Opening the door to dialogue around salary negotiation helps equalize the salary gap.

One question can set the tone for better work and life integration. Leaders can proactively ask about boundaries.



Resources Mentioned



The Inner Game: Secrets of High-Achieving Women for Navigating Work, Life, and Mindset* by Sohee Jun



Interview Notes

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

Related Episodes



How to Prioritize, with Christy Wright (episode 545)

How to Protect Your Confidence, with Nate Zinsser (episode 573)

The Path Towards Your Next Promotion, with Adam Bryant (episode 653)



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Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. To accelerate your learning, uncover more inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.

Michael McQueen: Mindstuck

Michael McQueen has spent the past two decades helping organizations and leaders win the battle for relevance. He specializes in helping clients navigate uncertainty and stay one step ahead of change.



Michael is a bestselling author of nine books and a familiar face on the international conference circuit, having shared the stage with the likes of Bill Gates, Dr. John C. Maxwell, and Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak. Having formerly been named Australia’s Keynote Speaker of the Year, he has been inducted into the Professional Speakers Hall of Fame. He is the author of Mindstuck: Mastering the Art of Changing Minds*.



There’s a lot of evidence that our minds would rather feel right than be right. How then, do you influence someone when they are really convinced of their position? In this conversation, Michael and I discuss the initial steps that help in changing people’s minds.

Key Points



Our tendency is to convince to the inquiring mind, but we’ll do better if we speak to the instinctive mind first.

Help others lessen loss and maintain dignity by preserving titles, language, and symbols in things that are new.

Instead of trying making an argument, ask a question that allows the other person to listen to themselves.

Ask questions that clarify points of resistance or misunderstanding.

Speak like you’re right, listen like you’re wrong.



Resources Mentioned



Mindstuck: Mastering the Art of Changing Minds* by Michael McQueen



Interview Notes

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

Related Episodes



The Way to Influence Executives, with Nancy Duarte (episode 450)

Four Habits That Derail Listening, with Oscar Trimboli (episode 500)

Three Practices for Thriving in Negotiations, with William Ury (episode 669)



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Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. To accelerate your learning, uncover more inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.

Lauren Wesley Wilson: What Do You Need?

Lauren Wesley Wilson is a leading thought leader on media relations, diversity and inclusion, and crisis communications. At 25, she became the founder and CEO of ColorComm Corporation. Prior to that, Lauren worked as a communications strategist at a prestigious crisis communications firm in Washington, D.C.



Lauren has been featured in The Washington Post, Forbes, and People, as well as on MSNBC and CNBC, and more. She has been recognized by PR Week’s 50 Most Powerful in PR, Ad Age’s Women to Watch, and New York Women in Communications. She is the author of What Do You Need?: How Women of Color Can Take Ownership of Their Careers to Accelerate Their Path to Success*.



Many of us wish to be good allies in the workplace, especially to those who are underrepresented. Yet, what we assume that means isn’t always what’s most wanted or needed. In this conversation, Lauren and I discuss what leaders and peers can do to be better allies.

Key Points



Instead of asking “How can I help?” consider, “What do you need?” That’s more likely to generate specific actions.

Women of color feel like they are putting in tons of work into relationships with the majority culture, but it often feels unreciprocated.

White folks think of allyship as speaking out against discrimination. Women of color say it’s way more critical to advocate for new opportunities.

Tie allyship to economic goals: conference attendance, nominations for recognition, inclusion on high-profile committees, and position/promotion considerations.

Make invitations to people of color to be at the table. This contributes more substantially than proclamations of support.

When you make a mistake, apologize, own it, and move on. Don’t tell a story to explain yourself.



Resources Mentioned



What Do You Need?: How Women of Color Can Take Ownership of Their Careers to Accelerate Their Path to Success* by Lauren Wesley Wilson



Interview Notes

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

Related Episodes



The Way Managers Can be Champions for Justice, with Minda Harts (episode 552)

End Imposter Syndrome in Your Organization, with Jodi-Ann Burey (episode 556)

How to Respond Better When Challenged, with Dolly Chugh (episode 615)



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Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. To accelerate your learning, uncover more inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.

Ethan Mollick: Co-Intelligence

Ethan Mollick is a professor of management at Wharton, specializing in entrepreneurship and innovation. His research has been featured in various publications, including Forbes, The New York Times, and The Wall Street Journal.



Through his writing, speaking, and teaching, Ethan has become one of the most prominent and provocative explainers of AI, focusing on the practical aspects of how these new tools for thought can transform our world. He's the author of the popular One Useful Thing Substack and also the author of the book, Co-Intelligence: Living and Working with AI*.



Whether you’ve used it or not, you’ve heard that AI will transform how we work. Given how quickly the technology is changing, how do you start and, if you’ve started already, what’s the way to use it well? In this conversation, Ethan and I discuss the principles for using AI, even as the technology changes.

Key Points



GPT-4 is already passing the bar examination in the 90th percentile, acing AP exams, and even passing the Certified Sommelier Examination.

Always invite AI to the table. It’s may be helpful, frustrating, or useless — but understanding how it works will help you appreciate how it may help or threaten you.

Being the “human in the loop” will help you catch where AI isn’t accurate or helpful. Zeroing in on areas where you are already an expert will help you appreciate where AI is useful and where its limitation emerge.

Treat AI like a person, but tell it what kind of person it is. It’s helpful to think of AI like an alien person rather than a machine.

Assume this is the worst AI you will ever use. Embracing that reality will help you stay open to possibilities on how you use AI do your work better.



Resources Mentioned



Co-Intelligence: Living and Working with AI by Ethan Mollick



Interview Notes

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

Related Episodes



How to Build an Invincible Company, with Alex Osterwalder (episode 470)

Doing Better Than Zero Sum-Thinking, with Renée Mauborgne (episode 641)

How to Begin Leading Through Continuous Change, with David Rogers (episode 649)



Discover More

Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. To accelerate your learning, uncover more inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.