Choosing a Trustee: Why Naming Your Kid May Be a Mistake — Marguerite Lorenz Short answer: Naming your child as trustee, executor, or agent under your power of attorney is the default choice for most American families — and it is frequently the wrong one. In this episode of Wealth Actually, host Frazer Rice talks with California Licensed Professional Fiduciary and Master Certified Independent Trustee Marguerite Lorenz about why roughly two-thirds of American adults still have no estate plan, why the job of a trustee is far more intimate and technical than families expect, and how to decide between a family trustee, a bank or trust company, and an independent professional trustee. https://youtu.be/56bzuORe8YI Episode Overview: Who Will Actually Run Your Plan? Most estate planning conversations stop at the documents. Marguerite Lorenz argues the documents are the easy part. The hard part is staffing — deciding who steps in when you can no longer make new decisions, and whether that person can absorb the technical, financial, and emotional weight of the job. Lorenz has served as trustee, executor, agent under power of attorney for finance, and agent for health care for hundreds of families since 2003. She is the author of three books — Luck or Control? The Life-Improving Power of Estate Planning, How to Be a Successful 90-Year-Old, and the newly updated Ethics for Trustees 2.0 — and she is Vice-Chair of the Independent Trustee Alliance. Her framing line, and the one that should stick with every listener: “If you don’t get your estate plan done, you’re suing your family. You’re making them go to court. And who would want to make anyone else go to court?” — Marguerite Lorenz This is the second time Marguerite has joined the show. Her first appearance covered the mechanics of individual trusteeship: EP.75 — Individual Trusteeship with Marguerite Lorenz. Key Takeaways •Only about a third of American adults have any written estate plan — and Lorenz argues half of those plans would not actually function when needed. •Professionals are barely better than the public. When Lorenz polls rooms of attorneys, CPAs, and financial advisors, roughly one-third raise their hands for a complete, up-to-date, ready-to-go plan. •The trustee role is intimate, not administrative. A trustee sees your paperwork, your bills, your medications, and your bedroom. “Who is going to be the first person in your bedroom when you are no longer able to make new decisions?” •Incapacity, not death, is the long tail. Many people live for five or six years unable to make new decisions. The trustee’s job often runs during your lifetime, not just after it. •A professional trustee can be temporary. Lorenz recounts stepping in for a client during cancer treatment, providing a full accounting, and stepping back down when he recovered — then serving again after his death. Would your child step back down? •Estate planning is about preferences, not predictions. “Our power in estate planning is not prediction, it’s setting our preferences” — and preferences can only be set while you are competent. •Quality of life belongs in the plan. Not just tax, legal, and financial terms — but how you want to live, where you want to live, and what small things matter (for Lorenz, an international selection of dark chocolate). •Digital assets are now a core trustee problem. Phones, social accounts, and daily transactions all require someone with access and authority. •A will does nothing while you are alive. “The will doesn’t operate at all if you go to the hospital and you haven’t granted authority to anyone.” •Cost is usually overestimated. Both an estate plan and an independent professional trustee typically cost far less than probate court. •Revisit every five years. Calendar a five-year check-in with your attorney to review law changes, marriages, divorces, births, and deaths. Chapters and Timestamps •[00:00] Cold open: “If you don’t get your estate plan done, you’re suing your family.” •[00:32] Welcome back — introducing Marguerite Lorenz, California trustee and author •[01:14] Luck or Control? — why fear keeps families from finishing an estate plan •[02:22] What a full-time trustee actually sees: trustee, executor, agent for finance, agent for health care •[03:49] Why families default to naming a child — and where that breaks down •[05:00] The skill set nobody screens for: negotiation, calm, empathy, and grief •[05:40] Case study: serving as temporary trustee through a client’s cancer treatment — and stepping back down •[07:51] Why even attorneys need their own attorney: nobody is objective about their own circumstances •[09:09] The five-year estate plan check-in as a life milestone •[09:39] How to Be a Successful 90-Year-Old — living well to the very end •[10:20] The “black box” problem: privacy, dignity, and care in your own home •[11:54] Preferences over predictions — planning for your future vulnerable self •[13:40] Rewriting an advance health care directive after hundreds of hospital bedsides •[16:13] The statistics: only a third of adults — and only a third of professionals — are actually ready •[17:47] Frazer’s challenge to advisors: you can’t advise well if you aren’t practicing what you preach •[18:22] The first question in Luck or Control?: “Hey professional, do you have your estate plan done?” •[19:21] Ethics for Trustees 2.0 — what’s new in the updated audio and PDF edition •[20:27] Family trustee vs. bank trustee vs. independent professional trustee •[21:52] The looming crisis: the great wealth transfer, incapacity, and digital assets •[24:54] Documenting the “why” behind hard trustee decisions •[25:23] Probate courts overrun, bioethics committees, and next-of-kin defaults •[26:54] Where to find the books, the podcast, and the Independent Trustee Alliance directory About the Guest: Marguerite Lorenz, MCIT, CLPF Marguerite Lorenz is a California Licensed Professional Fiduciary (CLPF #319) and a Master Certified Independent Trustee (MCIT). She has served as Trustee, Executor, Agent for Finance, and Agent for Health Care for more than 200 families since 2003 as managing partner of Lorenz Private Trustees. Marguerite is Vice-Chair of the Board of the Independent Trustee Alliance, past Chair of the California Professional Fiduciaries Bureau Advisory Committee, and host of the Plan For This podcast. She is the author of Luck or Control? The Life-Improving Power of Estate Planning, How to Be a Successful 90-Year-Old, and Ethics for Trustees 2.0. About the Host: Frazer Rice Frazer Rice is the author of Wealth, Actually: Intelligent Decision-Making for the 1% and host of the Wealth Actually podcast, where he interviews experts, entrepreneurs, and commentators on preserving assets and enjoying wealth. Resources and Links Mentioned •PlanForThis.com — Marguerite’s books, the Plan For This podcast, and a free First Steps toolkit. Ethics for Trustees 2.0 is now exclusive to this site (audio + PDF bundled with purchase). •TrusteeAlliance.com — the Independent Trustee Alliance directory for locating certified independent trustees by state. •Marguerite Lorenz on LinkedIn •California Professional Fiduciaries Bureau — state licensing for professional fiduciaries •Related episode: EP.75 — Individual Trusteeship with Marguerite Lorenz •Related episode: What If You Are Named in a Will or Trust? Frequently Asked Questions Should I name my child as trustee? Not automatically. A child understands the family but may lack the technical skill to handle tax, legal, financial, and medical decisions — and may be grieving or in conflict with siblings at the exact moment judgment is required. Marguerite Lorenz notes that a trustee must be a good negotiator, stay calm under pressure, set aside personal feelings, and enforce rules the grantor set. She also raises a test most families never consider: if you recover, would your child voluntarily step back down and hand you a full accounting? What is the difference between a family trustee, a corporate trustee, and an independent trustee? A family trustee is a relative or friend serving in a personal capacity, usually unpaid and untrained. A corporate trustee is a bank or trust company with institutional infrastructure, minimum account sizes, and staff turnover. An independent professional trustee is a licensed or certified individual — like a California Licensed Professional Fiduciary — who serves full-time, carries a succession plan, and can often be engaged at a lower cost than families expect. The Independent Trustee Alliance maintains a national directory of independent trustees. What does a trustee actually do while I am still alive? A trustee acting during incapacity manages assets, accounts for every dollar, handles taxation, pays bills, coordinates care, and increasingly manages digital assets such as phone-based transactions and social media accounts. Lorenz emphasizes that many people live for five or six years unable to make new decisions, so the trustee’s lifetime role is often longer and more demanding than the post-death administration. How often should I update my estate plan? Roughly every five years, or sooner after a major life event such as marriage, divorce, birth, death, a liquidity event, or a change in tax law. Lorenz recommends putting a five-year reminder in your phone to call your attorney and ask what has changed in the law and in your life. What happens if I go to the hospital without an estate plan? The hospital and its bioethics committee will do the best they can and will look for next of kin to make decisions for you — potentially people with whom you have never discussed your personal