Regulated & Relational Attachment & Trauma Network, Inc.

In this Episode, Julie interviews Joe Brummer and Marg Thorsborne about their new book, Becoming a Trauma-Informed Restorative Educator. 

Both Joe and Marg have years of experience and are experts in the field of restorative justice.

Marg talks about how we can move away from punishment and the harm of behaviorism, and encourages us to look at how to build lagging skills and view behaviors through a lens of can’t vs won’t. She says that punishment doesn’t have the capacity to teach a skill that is missing.

Joe tells us that restorative justice is a community-building program vs. discipline program and goes on to say that RJ is any practice that builds, maintains, and repairs relationships. It’s going upstream and creating a school climate that doesn’t create negative behaviors - when we focus on relationships and see the value of every student because they aren’t disposable.

It’s a way of being that says to the student, “We will love you, we will help you clean up your mess, and repair your mistakes”. Accountability is there. There are consequences, And it requires system change because the system helps them make the change. It’s a paradigm shift.

Marg reminds us that we are wired to be connected and redemption is important for our healing. 

Listen in as Julie interviews Marg and Joe and dives into the why behind their new book that will lead to a systems change starting with the creation of restorative educators. 

Pre-order this book now - released June 21, 2024: 

Jessica Kingsley Publishing

Amazon

In this episode, Julie and Ginger welcome Ingrid Cockhren into the studio to discuss parenting in today’s society…or, as Dr. Gabor Mate calls it, Horticulture on the Moon.  

Dr. Gabor Mate, a renowned expert, brings a unique perspective to the table. He points out that Western society has taught us to ignore our parenting instincts. He cites indigenous parenting practices as examples, which were more likely to meet the infant’s needs while supporting the mother and family with the community. We echo his sentiments. Our current culture often makes raising children a challenging task, akin to cultivating plants on the moon.

Ingrid Cockhren, M.Ed., is a seasoned professional with a career spanning two decades. Her expertise in stress, trauma, and human development has allowed her to transform her research and knowledge into trauma-informed and healing-centered solutions for communities, workplaces, and organizations. Her diverse roles in juvenile justice, family counseling, early childhood education, professional development and training, and community education further underline her comprehensive understanding of the subject. 

Ingrid states, “As long as we continue to focus on individual wants and desires and not the collective public good, then we will continue to have struggles, and our society pushes for those individual wants and desires. We are mainly driven by consumerism and capitalism and the pursuit of individual liberty and happiness.  These are our founding principles, but what is required when we have children is the village, the collective. This is in opposition to the values that go along with our society. As long as we continue down this path of putting the individual's wants and desires ahead of the collective good then we will continue to have environments that are not conducive to parenting."

You can find more from Ingrid here

https://cockhrenconsulting.com/

In his book, The Myth of Normal, Dr. Gabor Mate points out that all children have 4 irreducible needs:  


a sense of security
trust in the world
interrelationships with others
connection to your authentic emotions…

And the way that they get these needs met is the availability of an attuned, non-stressed and emotionally reliable caregiver.  The more stressed or distracted the caregiver, then the shakier the emotional architecture of the child’s mind will be.

And that’s the crux of it all…how do we set up parents and families to be able to be those attuned, non-stressed and emotionally available caregivers? 

Julie and Ginger want to share this message from Dr. Mate and talk about how it aligns with so much of what ATN believes about Attachment being the Antidote, but also about how we have to advocate for what families need in today’s society.

 

We highly recommend The Myth of Normal by Gabor Mate, MD and Daniel Mate

In this episode, Julie and Ginger talk with Rabbi Heather Altman about Attachment, Yoga, and Somatic Experiencing. She is a trauma specialist and a parent coach. She specializes in disruptive behavior in families. Her goal is to help her clients experience more comfort, more calm, and more compassion in their lives. She helps families develop deeper connections between the parents and children. Isn’t that what we all want.

AND … she is mother of triplets!!!!

Heather says that “We need to find some level of OKness. Pleasure and joy are a goal, but OKness is actually OK.”

Listen in to learn more about somatic experiencing. Find out what it is and how Heather combines that with yoga.

In this episode Julie and Ginger talk about the 3Es of trauma. SAMHSA, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration of the US government, coined the term “the 3Es” and this has become core to the definition of trauma. The 3Es is a very basic concept but, while it is very basic, it isn’t simple. To determine if something is traumatizing, we can’t judge based on whether we think the event should be traumatizing. It is very individualized.



SAMHSA says, “Individual trauma results from an event, series of events or set of circumstances, that is experienced by an individual as physically or emotionally harmful or life-threatening, and that has a lasting adverse effect on the individual’s functioning and mental, physical, social, emotional, or spiritual wellbeing.”



The 3Es are: Event, Experience, and Effect.



Events happen and that doesn’t mean it is traumatizing. Not everyone present at the event is traumatized. It depends on how you experience the event and how it affects your life. It is truly individualized.



Listen in as Julie and Ginger talk about what makes an event more likely to be traumatizing and how this can be mitigated.



Remember – Your trauma is not my trauma! And, no one gets to pick their trauma. It is truly the nervous system’s response.

In this episode, Julie and Ginger invite Robyn Gobbel into the studio. Robyn loves cultivating deep, resonant connections with anyone who is up for it, and especially loves teaching anyone who will listen how to harness the power of neuroscience so they can cultivate deep, resonant connections, too. Robyn says, “Really, what would change in the world if we could all see, be with, feel, and deeply know each other…and ourselves. I think everything would change!”

Before the COVID-19 pandemic, Robyn was a therapist for almost 20 years, specializing in complex trauma, attachment, and adoption. Now, she creates communities and educational experiences grounded in regulation, connection, and felt safety for parents and professionals all over the world. Robyn is an author, podcast host and parenting coach.

Robyn’s approach is based in neuroscience. She takes that complex topic and brings it to a level where parents can grasp it. Once we understand neuroscience, we can really begin to trust our intuitions. Neuroscience helps us stop applying band aids to behaviors. Instead, we can comprehend what is going on underneath the behaviors. This changes our approach.

Listen in as Robyn talks about specific behaviors, such as lying. That a big one! She breaks down the difference between normal lying and abnormal lying. And then she talks about what is really going on beneath the lying. She says that it all boils down to felt safety, connectedness and regulation.

For more information about Robyn, go to her website at RobynGobbel.com. There you can find a lot of free resources. To order her book, Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors, go to ATN’s Bookshop at https://bookshop.org/p/books/raising-kids-with-big-baffling-behaviors-brain-body-sensory-strategies-that-really-work-robyn-gobbel/19679331?aid=22880&ean=9781839974281&listref=resources-for-parents-912ec909-948a-4642-aa54-957538d26cb8.