Imperfect Mens Club Mark Aylward & Jim Gurule

Mark opens his intro with the guys topic of choice for today- Resistance
Jim’s traveling and is in Mexico City.  He had some typical travel resistance issues and both guys ran with that and piled on
One caveat is Jim’s sound quality is diminished, but he can be heard just fine
Mark brings up the flywheel and the book Jim brought up, Steven Pressfield’s “The War Of Art”
Mark says he thinks resistance is mostly good with exception of dangerous things and that mitigating risk is a goo idea before just jumping up and pushing back on any and all resistance
Marks bring in his “pause” approach to regain objectivity and context before jumping in
Jim jumps in and refers back to the book and expands on it’s message - “The enemy of creativity is resistance”. Jim says that in his mind resistance is a sign of progress, but it’s hard to know when its progress or danger.
Jim then shares his travel story - Mexico City and the resistance from the line at the airpot to the hotel and then the Uber experience…3 different drivers and the wrong addresses. He asked himself if maybe these were signs that he should consider doing something else.  He made the best of it
Mark then tells his Fringe Festival stand-up experience. It wasn’t his vibe but he wanted to support his girlfriend. He shares that relationships bump up against resistance. Compromise and the “20 minute rule”
Jim asks Mark to talk more about “risk” and Mark shares his experience starting his own company.  He puts this in context. He brings up his “pause” technique and put’s in some additional context
Jim shares his opinion on pivoting in the face of resistance. Mark agrees and expands
Jim says timing is a big deal in life and how to tell if its the right time or not. Mark agrees
Jim speaks about decisions versus choices. What’s the difference?
Mark shares his interaction with his son about his meditation. About how he chose to react versus how he might have 10 years ago
Jim replays with his hotel noise experience and reaction. Don’t let it get into your head. And once again its about how you respond.  Jim turned it into a nice lunch and a few beers
Mark goes back to his stand-up experience from the day before and how he was able to turn it around with the help of his girlfriend and a 7 minute conversation - a new perspective
Both guys agree that resistance is everywhere, all the time and they talk a bit about the different types
Mark brings up the 5 key areas of life and the flywheel.  Resistance is in all 5 areas
Jim say traveling is an exercise in handling your response to resistance
The guys reflect on The US versus other countries. They differ a bit about this and that’s a bit interesting
Jim says it’s often challenging to find people to help with communication and how h appreciates people who can speak English as a second language
This leads to our current division and how that’s created different languages within our own language
Mark shares how appreciative people are of trying to the speak the native language of the country you’re in
Then he moves into his public speaking
They wrap it up. Jim’s going to Chicago before returning home

Mark introduces the topic of manifestation and the power of the subconscious mind.  Then he brings up the wheel and attaches manifestation to health - mental health
Jim had introduced Dr James Doty having heard him on Lewis Howe’s podcast Mark reads from the show notes to give context to what the guys are about to discuss. Mark mentions the work he’s been doing and throws it to Jim
Jim mentions that he’s been reading and studying about manifestation for years. He talks about adversity and how it’s how you react to it that matters
Jim brings up the wheel and self awareness and lays out the 5 areas of life on our wheel
He references our past and then shares Dr Doty’s past traumas and how he overcame them. Doty mentions a billionaire he met who wasn’t happy in spite of his wealth. Your success doesn’t necessarily make you happy
Mark brings up what the podcast is all about. A forum for men to talk about things they don’t normally talk about
Mark says there’s an interesting balance between fortitude and sharing emotions
He discusses his current program and the picture of him as a 5 year old - see that kid. You are still that kid
Mark then goes into the past and Jim runs with it. We need to figure out how to process the trauma from our past in order to move on
Jim brings up our vibrational influence on the world and others
Mark tells his yoga/vibrational bowls - energy reading
Jim gives context to the vibrations we can put out. That can be good or bad
Jim says happiness should not be the goal. It should be fulfillment. The distinction between happiness, pleasure, joy, service, etc…
Mark says we misuse words like happy and crazy - what do they really mean
Jim shares another point Dr Doty spoke of. We can live in the past, present or future
The present is the goal
Jim shares his dyslexia story and how it shaped his aggressive behavior. He became self aware and has worked on it successfully
Mark shares his visualization practice and some successes that have come from it. Jim compliments Mark and gives him credit for his work and consistency
Jim goes deeper into how he uses manifestation as an inventor
He tells his patent story in the context of vibrations
Mark brings back up Jim’s past, present and future comment and gets into detail about how important processing trauma is - his anger at his ex-wife and his parents “scarcity” vibe as Depression kids
Mark mentions our sage and saboteur  The sage would see the great things that came from his divorce. He the talks about worrying about what might happen in the future and how 90% of the things he worried about never happen
Jim brings up his bitter or better concept. He sees a lot of people in pain, projecting that pain in to the world   The victim mentality and the negative vibrations that creates
Jim thinks we can help shift that pain to positivity.  Marl appreciates his ability to shift people in a better direction
Both guys agree that sometimes you hold people accountable to their negativity and sometimes you don’t. You gotta pick your spots
Jim brings up politics and suggests that talking about it without using names. Not personalizing political discussion. Positive progress can be made. Self awareness comes into play again and questions are great tools to keep discussions civil
Questions are disarming and make people think. Add positive energy and it’s magical
Great leaders create hope for the future vibrationally
Jim asks Mark to remember what moments he was able to vibrate out positivity and change the outcome of a situation
Mark brings up some sports memories and Jim jumps in
Mark shares his Sept 11 work story - how he dismissed his staff for the day and shifted the emotion in the room
Jim shares a story about his friends loss and then his rugby national championship story. He played against doctors orders and raised the energy of his whole team leading to a victory
Mark remembers a Larry Bird and Willis Reed stor

Mark begins with self awareness and the flywheel of life - How we respond to things now versus when we were younger
Jim shares his thoughts on the wheel and self awareness. “We grow bitter or we grow better”
He say we work hard not to grow into the bitter old man
Jim shares his “only in San Francisco” story. Parking meters and silly parking laws. “Only in San Francisco”
Mark comments after laughing about how upside down San Francisco is right now
Jim laughs at how he responded to the crazy - over emotional
Mark gets into the laughter and jokes about San Fran being bizarro world
Mark shares his Honda driving story and how competitive he used to be
Both guys agree that conflict is more dangerous now
Mark - “I used to lose m y shit in my car”
Mark shares his car conflict - “Merry Christmas”
Mark talks about pausing and  readdressing how he responds to other drivers now
Jim reflects again on his parking ticket story
They both laugh again at “only in San Francisco”
Mark says “all this shit’s a choice”. You either make your choices or you give your choices away…and that is also a choice
Self awareness makes you happier. You don’t have control over much
Jim says being self aware allows you to calm things down. It’s a sign of good leadership
Both guys think we are moving away from woke and back toward free speech
Mark quotes Scott Galloway’s Ted talk and “Do you love Your Kids”
Jim says our future leaders need to change the narrative - Stop scaring and misleading the kids
M ark says Biden is compromised across the board
Jim says more people are liking Trump because he speaks from his heart - not scripted
Mark says the election is going to be interesting
He says we are getting distracted from root causes and distracted with propaganda
Mark says the Dems are propping up abortion because it works. And there are maybe 10 topics more important than that. Safety, economy, border, etc…
Mark uses “the river to the sea” example. What river?  What sea?
Jim had a young man change his perspective about the protests today. The young people today don’t know what they are protesting and many of the protesters are paid agitators
Our young people have been scared, misled and screwed by Covid. There anger and frustration is almost justified. They got a shit sandwich
Mark says it’s still just “other things” and they’re still just choices
Jim brings up the frat boys who raised the flag and then a go-fund me to the tune of half a mil
Mark brings up pausing in response to negative emotions
Jim shares his dinner story with some Disney related folks and how Disney is aggressively moving away from woke. The biggest box offices are pro America movies
Mark says we will continue to hear things that don’t make sense while Biden is still in office
Mark talks about the value of focus, objectivity and respect in having challenging conversations
You have to hold people accountable to what they say and do
Jim says capitalism fixes things. The market dictates what people will do eventually
Then he brings up Bud Light, Target and Planet Fitness as examples of wokeness backfiring
Mark says life is a meritocracy. Sports is life and it’s great for kids. Work ethic, consistency, respect…These messages work everywhere
Jim mentions the San Francisco government school entity that is going bankrupt. Enrollment dropped
Different testing for different races…it’s a comedy show
Florida and California are different planets. Jim says where he lives might as well be Texas or Florida
Mark says that why many laws belong down at the local level
Mark ends with self awareness, choices, how you respond to thing - you are regaining control over your happiness
Jim says if you ever go to San Fran…remember to turn your wheels

Mark introduces the topic in the context of self awareness, which then leads to self evaluation of, in this case, communication skills
He talks about generational differences, social media and a “laziness” that he sees creeping into our communication
Jim agrees and goes deeper into the generational distinction. He believes that younger people are too sensitive to words. Almost like they set booby traps for us. He feels that we are also confusing people by mixing up words and phrases. It’s ours to help them reframe positions
Jim brings up the Palestinian/Israeli conflict and the UNC “frat boys” who refuse to let the American Flag be lowered
Mark shares his feedback on “the river to the sea” and how misguided some of these young people are
Mark shares how similar he and his girlfriend are simply because they were born during the same year. He goes on to talk about the word “Oriental” and his experience with this “slur” in his yoga class
Words are getting bastardized. Jim calls hem the “thought police”
Mark brings up Jordan Peterson. How well he listens and how effective he is with his pause before responding. He also holds people accountable to his words, not their interpretation of his words
Jim brings up the difference between being nice and being kind
Jim says there are a lot of complainers out there now.  Nobody likes a complainer…they tolerate them. No one will stick around complainers long term. They tolerate and move away. Complainers want to complain without consideration of a resolution
Mark brings up the strategy of using questions to disarm. I don’t know, I’m pretty sure, I feel, I think, I know…these are very different phrases… that mean very different things
Jim likes smart people, regardless of group affiliation.  Mark adds the importance of kindness as well
Mark says try to not focus on winning or being right. Also too many people are too easily offended
Mark talks about the power and danger of groups
Jim shares a couple of stories. One about privilege. What is it and why is it important or not so much?
The second about protesting in the 60’s versus today. That today’s protesters don’t seem to know much about why they’re protesting or what they’re protesting. Jim says young people are mad because they got shit on (Covid, etc…)
Mark says we allow too much complaining.  It’s about how you respond, to what happens to you
Jim brings the flywheel back in
Mark talks about leading conversations with questions and don’t try to change minds or be “right”
Jim’s quotes “To get what you want, give people what they want”
Begin with what success looks like
Fear drives much of our behavior…Try to find out what those fears are
Be respectful
Past present and future are all factors
Be transparent and work hard to create clarity

Mark introduces the idea of moving from where you are to where you want to be. How we are tempted to stay in our comfort zone and how our focus in men. We are attempting to help men get more comfortable with being vulnerable. He goes on to lay out the possible paths of staying “comfortable” versus striving for more
Jim jumps in and brings in our flywheel and the notion that most of this comes down to self awareness.  Jim talks about listening to a recent podcast with Tim Ferris where he discusses his current place in life and how different it is from his younger days
Mark uses Jim as an example of someone who strives for more. You either choose to get better or you stay comfortable
Jim returns the compliment to Mark as being aspirational as well
Mark talks about never getting rid of fear, but continuing to try to overcome it.  Once you move into fear, things start moving forward. He suggest’s that progress I not linear
The guys are using a graphic that shows stage of growth  comfort - fear - learning -growth
They bring Tim Ferris back into the discussion and how he focuses now on quality and not quantity. People and not money
Mark brings up the Harvard Study of men and their happiness
Jim quotes Ferris “think of projects as experiments”. It’ll never be perfect…just put it out there
It’s about content, not polish. Mark shares his editing approach - simple and quick
Jim shares some more about the future of podcasting and Mark shares his point of view
Mark brings up Tim Ferris’ “Tools Of Titans” and Jim talks about how he loves to interview people
The guys disagree on the notion of defining what success looks like and then discover it’s not a disagreement, it’s a misunderstanding. After clarification - good point. Let’s agree on what success means or what words mean before we move forward
The guys go back and dig into the graphic. They are seeing it from two different vantage points and the discussion brings context. After contextualizing things the guys agree and the discussion progresses and gets interesting
Jim brings back up the previous episode and dopamine and adds that as context   Dopamine hits come from fear and excitement among the things
Mark recalls their  just put it outconversation they had about having nothing and having everything   Jim expresses some “envy” about Mark uncertain future and Mark returns the favor. Both guys share their perspectives about having everything and nothing
They move in to a discussion of risk and the notion of moving from comfort to fear and purpose and the reality that life moves back and forth The value of hanging out with interesting people and developing the ability to solve problems.
Jim goes back to the graphic.  Mark brings his faith and what he is supposed to give back. His purpose is being of service
The topic of goals comes up. Mark thinks of metrics and how he doesn’t like specific goals. Now he sets process and consistency goals. Jim likes the word ‘objectives”
Mark says goals are specific numbers and objectives are destinations. Interesting discussion
Mark says he thinks you have to have aspirations
Jim suggests that maybe it’s a mindset. He feels like he’s moved from what “he” wants and what “we” want. The guys talk about how sports and sales drove their goal driven somewhat selfish actions, which drove success, but maybe wasn’t the best way to be
Mark tells the story about his most recent coach/program and his evolution around this concept - we all have a judge of ourselves, others and circumstances. The other side is your sage. Fascinating stuff
Jim brings up a few of his experiences with some other “next level” guys - self awareness
Mark says he feels like he is reacting to both his stage in life and the circumstances around him   He feels an obligation to help.  Jim agrees. “You have an obligation to let that out”. He circles back to the graphic. It won’t be perfect, 
Civ

Mark starts off with the topics of personal responsibility, self accountability and pride and how they stem from self awareness
He talks about his older brother’s background and a story he shared with him
Mark wrote an article about the story and then thought it would make a great episode
Jim liked the article and agrees that we all fuck up.  Jim has his own story he’ll share too
Mark reminds the audience that The Imperfect Mens Club has a newsletter on LinkedIn
Mark shares his younger brother’s circumstances as the real root of this topic and explains why
Mark starts to tell the story
It’s about an F-15 pilot that his brother flew with and a situation he got himself into
It involves a mission and what happened when it was coming to an end and it was time to go home
He loses track of his fuel consumption and is faced with a few choices
The guys comment back and forth speculating about what he’s thinking and his options
Mark shares his opinion on the emotion of the moment and how the pilot’s mind was working in the decision making process
Jim offers his opinion on what might have been going on in the pilots head and the reflects on how we all have these moments and how we choose to respond
Jim begins to share his story of being the guy who picked up the phone for his buddy and his divorce
Mark shares his Will Rogers quote and how we should live our lives
Mark’s divorce story comes up and the guys go back and forth with compare and contrast
How we process big problems and the myriad of emotions.  Shame, fear, pride, apology repercussions
Mark’s dad ’s life lesson “What do you do when an engine catches on fire?”
Mark talks about what happens when bad things confront you for the first time
The guys shift to how hard, but good it is to apologize when you really f****d up
Jim brings his friend back up - he had to apologize to his daughter
Mark says it’s hard for him to apologize
Mark relates this concept to projects in business and his experience with people not sharing mistakes until it’s “to late”
They go back to the pilot story and speculate on what happened to him after he landed and what could have been
Jim reminds us from the last episode about the three calls he took from three different guys struggling with the same issue
Jim then recounts a time he was struggling with depression and made a call. He gets a little emotional recalling the story
We all get punched in the nuts - when you take one of these calls you lead with empathy
Mark says we all make these calls and we all take these calls - the power of questions…”What’s going on”
Jim brings back up his call from his friend yesterday who’s in this bad divorce
Jim digs into marriage and how it’s the only license that doesn’t renew or expire - very interesting
Jim essentially helped his friend reframe the situation. Was it a failure or a success that came to an end?
Mark says when you admit to your mistake you gain respect
Apologizing, I f****d up, I don’t know what to do…
Jim says it’s also a cleansing. It flushes out and you become a better person
When you hold on to a fuck up it eats you alive
Jim says that’s what disease is
Mark connects stress to disease
Mark reminds listeners about the IMC newsletter on LinkedIn and encourage listeners to check it out
Jim repeats the connection to LinkedIN and how LinkedIn is melding with personal and professional development
Mark agrees - this melding breeds empathetic leadership among other things - Professional you is personal you
Mark goes back and summarizes the pilot story and asks, “what happens when he goes home?”