Episode 116: Healing Your Heart: Attachment Styles, Trauma, and Building Secure Connections

In this week’s episode of the #MoneyMagic Podcast, Vangile sits down with Valerie Rubin, a trauma-informed coach, as a guest to discuss trauma and its impact on relationships and attachment styles.

Valerie introduces herself as a passionate individual dedicated to helping people feel safe in their bodies and heal anxious attachment styles for healthier relationships. She explains that anxious attachment often results from inconsistent emotional support from caregivers during childhood, leading individuals to become hyper-vigilant and people-pleasing in relationships. 

Valerie emphasizes the importance of self-soothing and self-care to manage relationship anxiety and build more secure connections.

The conversation delves into the characteristics of anxious attachment, such as chronic anxiety, codependency, and fear of abandonment. Valerie notes that people with anxious attachment lean on external validation and struggle with trust issues. She also explains that these behaviors are symptoms of deeper wounds rather than fixed identities, suggesting that healing is possible through recognizing and integrating these parts.

Valerie elaborates on how these dynamics can lead to patterns like people-pleasing, which can attract emotionally unavailable partners. The discussion highlights the importance of acknowledging one's needs and setting boundaries to foster healthy relationships while addressing the fear of abandonment that often accompanies anxious attachment.

Contact Valerie:
https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

This is another insightful episode. 

Tune in. 

During this episode, you will learn about:

[02:08]: Introduction to Valerie Rubin

[03:04]: Valerie begins discussing trauma and attachment styles

[05:19]: Symptoms of an anxious attachment style

[07:05]: How attachment styles are formed in childhood

[08:11]: The difference between anxious and avoidant attachment styles

[10:01]: How childhood experiences influence attachment styles

[13:12]: How attachment styles affect adult relationships

[20:12]: Question about managing anxious attachment while dating

[25:09]: Valerie provides a meditation exercise for healing abandonment anxiety.

[27:43]: Avoidant attachment style and its formation.

[37:13]: The link between attachment styles and financial behavior.

[45:40]: Healing pelvic floor issues and their connection to attachment styles

[47:45]: The connection between pelvic health and receiving

[51:48]: Communication in intimate relationships

[56:03]: Information on how to connect with Valerie Rubin

 Notable Quotes

1. "If we don't learn how to self-soothe and take care of ourselves and feel safe in our own bodies, then it's going to be harder to maintain relationships and have healthy relationships."
2. "We are wired to seek out what is familiar."
3. "We aren't here to settle. We aren't here for emotionally unavailable hot and cold relationships."
4. "If I don't reject myself, no one else can reject me."
5. "Our mindset doesn't matter. Our nervous system does."
6. "When you're connected to your body, you become unstoppable."

Additional money trauma resources:

One on One Coaching: https://www.wealthy-money.com/coaching 

Money Magic course: https://www.wealthy-money.com/moneymagic 

7 Day Tapping into Ancestral Money Wisdom Training: https://wealthy-money.com/training

Let’s connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vangilemakwakwa/