Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

Jen Lumanlan
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Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

Parenting is hard…but does it have to be this hard? Wouldn’t it be better if your kids would stop pressing your buttons quite as often, and if there was a little more of you to go around (with maybe even some left over for yourself)? On the Your Parenting Mojo podcast, Jen Lumanlan M.S., M.Ed explores academic research on parenting and child development. But she doesn’t just tell you the results of the latest study - she interviews researchers at the top of their fields, and puts current information in the context of the decades of work that have come before it. An average episode reviews ~30 peer-reviewed sources, and analyzes how the research fits into our culture and values - she does all the work, so you don’t have to! Jen is the author of Parenting Beyond Power: How to Use Connection & Collaboration to Transform Your Family - and the World (Sasquatch/Penguin Random House). The podcast draws on the ideas from the book to give you practical, realistic strategies to get beyond today’s whack-a-mole of issues. Your Parenting Mojo also offers workshops and memberships to give you more support in implementing the ideas you hear on the show. The single idea that underlies all of the episodes is that our behavior is our best attempt to meet our needs. Your Parenting Mojo will help you to see through the confusing messages your child’s behavior is sending so you can parent with confidence: You’ll go from: “I don’t want to yell at you!” to “I’ve got a plan.” New episodes are released every other week - there's content for parents who have a baby on the way through kids of middle school age. Start listening now by exploring the rich library of episodes on meltdowns, sibling conflicts, parental burnout, screen time, eating vegetables, communication with your child - and your partner… and much much more!

  1. HÁ 2 DIAS

    230: Do all babies have Wonder Weeks? Here’s what the research says

    The Science of Why Babies Cry More and What Parents Need to Know You may have noticed that your baby sometimes seems calm and relaxed…and then goes through a ‘fussy’ phase, where they seem to cry no matter what you do.  Do these fussy phases happen on a predictable schedule?  Is it predictable for all babies…and for all parents? In this episode, we dive into the research behind the theory of the Wonder Weeks, as described in the books and app. This popular concept suggests that all babies experience predictable periods of fussiness in preparation for going through developmental ‘leaps,’ but the science behind it may be much more limited than you expect. We break down the available research, explain why babies might cry more at certain stages, and help parents understand the truth about these so-called Wonder Weeks.   What topics do we cover? How Wonder Weeks became a popular theory What actual research says about baby crying phases Ways to support your baby during fussy times, whether or not Wonder Weeks apply   By the end, you’ll feel more informed about why babies cry and have a clearer idea of whether Wonder Weeks is a useful tool for understanding your baby’s needs. If you’re expecting a baby or have a child under the age of one, you’re likely feeling a mix of excitement and overwhelm. The Right From The Start course is designed to give you the tools and confidence you need to navigate those early months with ease. Whether it’s sleep, feeding, play, or your baby’s development, this course offers evidence-based guidance that helps you understand your baby’s needs during key stages, including those fussy "Wonder Weeks" moments. In the Right From The Start course, you’ll learn exactly how to support your baby during these challenging times, and how to create a secure, loving environment that nurtures their growth at every stage.   What you’ll get from Right From The Start: Practical advice for sleep, feeding, and developmental milestones—especially during those Wonder Weeks! Insights into how your baby’s brain develops, and what’s really going on during those early (and sometimes challenging) months. Tools for managing routine activities like diapering, dressing, and communication, with strategies that align with your baby’s natural development.Beyond the knowledge, you’ll also gain access to a supportive community of parents who are navigating the same challenges, so you never have to feel alone.   Ready to get started? Click the image below to learn more about Right From The Start and get notified when enrollment reopens. Prepare for a smoother, more confident journey through your baby’s first year!   Episodes Mentioned: SYPM 016: Getting it right from the start with a new baby  Episode 138: Most of What You Know About Attachment is Probably Wrong Episode 72: What is RIE? Episode 084: The science of RIE Episode 173: Why we shouldn’t read the Your X-Year-Old child books anymore Episode 137: Psychological Flexibility through ACT with Dr. Diana Hill a...

    1h4min

  2. 12 DE NOV.

    229: Raising kids in divisive times: Where do we go after the 2024 election?

    Chances are, if you're thinking of listening to this podcast episode, the 2024 election didn't go the way you hoped it would.   A lot of people are feeling scared right now. I've heard some people wanting to fight, while others want to hunker down. I've had both of those feelings myself over the last few weeks.   I don't usually wade into current events. My brain needs time to process and digest and preferably take in a lot of peer-reviewed research before I can decide what I think.   I tried to do something different in this episode: I did read a lot, but I only took notes and then spoke mostly extemporaneously. And now you've seen the length of this episode you'll know why I don't do that very often.   In this episode we will help you answer questions like: How do our values shape political views and actions?   How can we make sense of the way that liberals and conservatives prioritize different values?   Is it possible that liberals haven't been truly honest about how we live our values?   What kinds of actions can we take to create true belonging so we don't have to grasp at power?   How can we create true belonging in our families, to live our values honestly and completely?   I hope you find this thought-provoking and useful as we all start to think about the ways we can move forward - and keep everyone safe.   These are the graphs mentioned on this episode: Episodes Mentioned: 179: I Never Thought of It That Way with Mónica Guzmán and Lulu   114: How to stop ‘Othering’ and instead ‘Build Belonging’   221: How to advocate for the schools our children deserve with Allyson Criner Brown & Cassie Gardener Manjikian   Books mentioned in this episode: (Affiliate links) Parenting Beyond Power: How to Use Connection and Collaboration to Transform Your Family - and the World, by Jen Lumanlan   Belonging without Othering, by John A. Powell and Stephen Menendian   Schedule your own Red/Blue conversation through Braver Angels   Jump to highlights:   03:50...

    1h32min

  3. 6 DE NOV.

    Parenting Through Menopause - Discover Your Wild Power! | Ep228

    Today, we’re diving into a topic that many parents may face but rarely talk about openly: navigating menopause while raising young kids. If you’ve been wondering how to balance parenting with the changes menopause brings, this episode is for you. In our first interview on Menstrual Cycle Awareness, we explored how menstruation impacts our lives. Today, we’re thrilled to welcome back our wonderful guests, Alexandra Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer, for a second interview focusing on menopause. Alexandra Pope, Co-Founder of Red School and Co-Author of Wild Power and Wise Power, is a pioneer in menstruality education and awareness. With over 30 years of experience, Alexandra believes that each stage of the menstrual journey—from the first period to menopause and beyond—holds a unique power. Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer, also Co-Founder of Red School and Co-Author of Wild Power and Wise Power, is a psychotherapist and menstrual cycle educator. She is passionate about helping people understand and honor their natural rhythms, using menstrual cycle awareness as a tool for self-care and empowerment. In this conversation, they’ll share their insights on embracing menopause as a time of empowerment rather than something to simply endure. They introduce us to their concept of “Wild Power,” a strength that arises from understanding and honoring your body’s natural rhythms through every stage of life. Why Menopause Matters in Parenting When we have kids a bit on the 'later' side, we may find ourselves dealing with perimenopause - when our body prepares for menopause - as we're raising young children. This experience can bring challenges, like feeling more tired or dealing with mood changes, but it also offers us new ways to grow and find our inner strength. Alexandra and Sjanie show us how we can be more understanding and open with ourselves and others as we go through this time of change. What You'll Learn in This Episode: What is Menopause? Alexandra and Sjanie explain what menopause and perimenopause are and how these natural changes affect us physically and emotionally; The Wild Power Within: Discover how your unique energy can be a guiding force in both your personal life and in parenting; Tools to Support Yourself: Simple ways to be kinder to yourself, balance rest with activity, and embrace each phase with a sense of discovery; Reconnecting with Yourself: Learn how you can stay grounded and connected to your inner self as you navigate the ups and downs of menopause.   Listen in to this powerful conversation that might just change the way you think about parenting—and about yourself.   Alexandra and Sjanie’s books (Affiliate Links): Wild power: Discover the magic of your menstrual cycle and awaken the feminine path to power Wise power: Discover the liberating power of menopause to awaken authority, purpose and belonging   Episodes mentioned: 222: How to cultivate Menstrual Cycle Awareness 216: Am I in Perimenopause? with Dr. Louise Newson   Jump to highlights: 00:03 Introducing today’s episode and featured guests 00:52 Understanding menopause and it's stages 03:02 Introduction to menopause terminology: perimenopause,...

    57min

  4. 21 DE OUT.

    227: Where emotions come from (and why it matters) Part 2

    In our last conversation with Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett [Where emotions come from (and why it matters) Part 1] a couple of weeks ago we looked at her theory of where emotions originate. This has important implications for things like: How our 'body budgets' affect our feelings How we make meaning from our feelings so our internal experience makes sense That we don't always understand other people's feelings very well! The introduction to the theory plus the conversation plus the take-home messages would have made for an unwieldy episode, so I split it in half. Today we conclude the conversation with Dr. Barrett and I also offer some thoughts about things I think are really important from across the two episodes, including: What we can do with the information our feelings give us How long we should support children in feeling their feelings (given that they don't always mean what we think they mean!) and when we should help them move on Some tools we can use to re-regulate in difficult moments with our kids   Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett's Books (Affiliate Links) How Emotions are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain   Other episodes mentioned 129: The physical reasons you yell at your kids   Jump to Highlights 00:59 Introducing today’s episode and featured guests 05:01 People in chaotic or uncertain situations, like poverty or neurodivergence, face greater challenges due to the increased stress on their body budgets. 18:02 Understanding and managing personal needs as a parent, along with emotional flexibility, can lead to more effective responses to children. 23:46 Parents need to balance their own feelings with their children's by asking if their kids want empathy or help. They should remember that every interaction is a chance to teach kids how to manage their emotions. 31:07 Parents can view their empathy for their children as a sign of competence, balancing their own needs with their child's emotions. 34:22 Jen draws conclusions from Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett’s research on emotions, highlighting how parents can use this understanding to empower their children in navigating feelings and enhancing emotional literacy.   References Barrett, L. F., Adolphs, R., Marsella, S., Martinez, A. M., & Pollak, S. D. (2019). Emotional expressions reconsidered: Challenges to inferring emotion from human facial movements. Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 20, 1–68. Barrett, L.F. (2012). Emotions are real. Emotion 12(3), 413-429. span style="font-weight:...

    48min

  5. 7 DE OUT.

    226: Where emotions come from (and why it matters) Part 1

    Have you ever wondered where our emotions come from? Do you think that if you look at a person’s face, you can have a pretty good idea of how they’re feeling? But at the same time, do your child’s feelings seem mysterious to you, like you can’t figure them out? Listener Akiko introduced me to Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett's theory of where our emotions come from, and I found it fascinating. It presents compelling evidence that the ways we've thought about emotions up to now may be entirely wrong. We might think we can match a specific arrangement of facial features (like a scowl) with a particular emotion (like anger), but not everyone scowls when they're angry and people also scowl when they aren't angry. We tend to infer characteristics about our child from things like their tone, so we might hear a 'snarky' tone and think: "My child doesn't respect me," when actually they're feeling hurt because their need for consideration hasn't been met. And sometimes there isn't a deep psychological reason why they're having big emotions...sometimes it's a challenge in balancing what Dr. Barrett calls their 'body budget' (and some of our big emotions come from challenges in balancing our body budgets as well). Dr. Barrett is the author of over 275 peer-reviewed articles on the topic of emotions and is among the top 0.1% of cited scientists in the world, so it was a real honor to speak with her about how our emotions are made...and what this means for: How we make meaning out of our emotions (which is critical to understanding the trauma we've experienced) How we talk with kids about emotions ("You hit Johnny and now he's feeling sad" might not be the best way to do this); What to do with big emotional expressions that seem to 'come out of nowhere' - which actually happens fairly rarely. This episode opens with me defining Dr. Barrett's theory of emotions so we didn't have to waste 20 minutes of our precious hour together to do that. I also wanted to share my thoughts on the implications of these ideas for our families and the episode would have been too long so I split it in half. In this episode you'll hear the introduction to the theory, half of the conversation with Dr. Barrett, and my thoughts on what we've heard so far. In an upcoming episode we'll hear the second half of the interview as well as my overarching take-aways from across the two episodes. And just a reminder that if you're having your own big emotional reactions in response to your child's difficult (but age-appropriate) behavior, there are real reasons for that. We discuss meaning-making in the conversation with Dr. Barrett: in the Taming Your Triggers workshop we focus heavily on making meaning out of your experience. Whether you've experienced trauma and need help seeing the connections between your experiences and your triggered feelings towards your children, or if you need help with your body budgeting today, in Taming Your Triggers we'll help you to: Feel triggered less often; Find ways to meet your needs - and your child's needs - on a much more regular basis; Learn how to repair effectively with your child on the (far fewer!) occasions when things didn't go the way you would have hoped. Click the image below to learn more and  join the waitlist!   Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett's book (Affiliate Links) How Emotions Are Made Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain   Jump to Highlights 00:53 Introducing today’s topic and guests 04:16 span...

    53min

  6. 30 DE SET.

    225: How to stop shaming your child

    I know it can be really (really) difficult to bridge the gap between being the kind of parent we want to be, and the kind of parent we're able to be in the moments when our kids do things we find difficult. We might know that we want our kids to receive a message of unconditional love and acceptance, but when they do something like hitting their sibling and we respond: "Why would you DO that?!", or handle them roughly, or even spank them, that the message they are receiving may not be one of unconditional love and acceptance. Parent Jody joined the Parenting Membership and in the moments when he was able to stay regulated, the new tools helped him to navigate his kids' behavior more effectively. But when he got triggered by something like sibling hitting (because seeing a child get hit is triggering when you were hit as a child), then he would default back to what he called "autopilot parenting," and he would yell at his kids, shame them, and spank them - just like his parents had done to him. So he signed up for the Taming Your Triggers workshop, and in just a few weeks, Jody started to share his 'wins.' 🚗 There was the time he was able to create a pause when his kids started fighting in the back seat instead of exploding at them. 🛁 He was able to identify his needs, and his children's needs when they were throwing water out of the bath all over the floor, and find a strategy that met both of their needs. 🧸 And then there was the time when his son had smuggled four of his bedtime toys under his school uniform to the car, and Jody immediately saw that his wife was having a hard time because she didn't want the toys to be dirty, and she also didn't want the bedtime shit-show that was going to happen if the toys were still in the wash. His initial attempt to help his wife fell flat, and she angrily said: "Don't talk to me like a child!". He regrouped, and the phrase he used to defuse the situation deeply touched many of us in the Taming Your Triggers community when he shared it with us. He found a way to meet THREE people's needs in that situation, and was justifiably proud of himself. 🎉 If you want your kids to experience unconditional love and acceptance but you don't know how to make that happen in the difficult moments, I'd so love to work with you in the Taming Your Triggers workshop. I know it's risky to put yourself out there and admit that you're having a hard time. There's always the concern that these tools might work for Jody, and still not work for you - you might have some failing that means you can't use the tools, even if they work for other parents. You might also worry that the tools won't work for your neurodivergent/sensitive/etc. kid. I totally get those concerns. And...at the end of the day, we're all people - and all people have needs. I can help you heal from the hurts you've experienced and get your needs met more of the time, and then you'll feel triggered less often. I'm so confident about this that I guarantee it - if you aren't happy with your experience in the workshop for any reason, at any time, we'll give you 100% of your money back. (Plus we have multiple pricing options to make it affordable in the first place). 🎁 And as an extra bonus for you: Jody will be a peer coach in the Taming Your Triggers workshop this time around - because sometimes the person you learn from most effectively is the person who was standing where you are right now just a year ago. Join the waitlist now to get notified when doors reopen. Click the banner to learn more.     Jump to Highlights 00:45  Introducing today’s guest 01:28. Jody shifted from "Always tired" to "Actively seeking rest" after years of exhaustion from raising four

    52min

  7. 23 DE SET.

    224: How to heal your Mom Rage

    There are several books available on mom rage by now.  They tend to follow a predictable formula: a journalist interviews a bunch of parents and makes sweeping pronouncements about how anger-inducing it is to be a Mom, interspersed with anecdotes about terrible things they’ve said and done to their children. They usually end with a call for free childcare, universal parental leave, and more support for Moms’ mental health.  (Yes to all of those things, obviously.) There are far fewer books that try to make connections between our experiences and why it’s happening, and that actually make practical suggestions for concrete practices we can try to cope with our rage more effectively right now - along with a sense of hope that we could actually make these policy changes happen in our lifetimes. Minna Dubin’s book Mom Rage (which I found out about because our local Berkeley newspaper covered both of our books when they were published!) does all of those things. I read it and liked it and started recommending it when relevant topics came up on coaching calls in the Parenting Membership, and parent Katie fell in love with it. Katie didn’t even think the term ‘mom rage’ applied to her - but when she read the descriptions of raging moms, she found herself (mentally) shouting: “YES!  That’s ME!”. I’m so grateful that both Minna and Katie could join me for this deep conversation on where Mom Rage comes from, and what we can do about it. We’ll do some shame-busting work together so you can know that you aren’t alone in experiencing rage, and that you don’t have to be alone in addressing it either. If you experience Mom Rage and know you need help, I’d love to see you in the Taming Your Triggers workshop. Here’s what previous participants have said about doing this work with me: Now I have a plan and support structure, and I've learned really helpful tools to change the way I talk with my children in these difficult moments.                                                                                                 - M.M. The workshop gave me very clear steps to take toward being the mother I aspire to be by helping me heal my own hurt.                                                                                                 - K.D. I have seen here some shifts thankfully in the slowing down and welcoming the feelings of all people...and figuring out a way to kind of move through the conflict together instead of this is the way we're going to do it.                                                                                                 - Liann   Click the banner to learn more and join the waitlist.     Minna Dubin's Book (Affiliate Link) Mom Rage: The Everyday Crisis of Modern Motherhood Jump to Highlights 00:52. Introducing today’s episode and featured guests 03:19. The "PR team" represents societal expectations of motherhood, pressuring mothers to meet unrealistic standards alone. 13:59. Society's pressures and high expectations for mothers can lead to feelings of anger and unworthiness. 22:07 Mothers frequently feel isolated and overwhelmed as they prioritize their children's needs over their own, which can result in feelings of anger and frustration. 32:52 Motherhood brings big changes and societal pressures, making support from other moms essential. 39:32 We tend to judge ourselves and other parents, but noticing this can help us be kinder, since everyone is dealing with their own struggles. 44:11 It's important for moms to talk openly about their moments of rage to feel less shame and more support 55:04 It’s important for parents to identify their...

    1h9min

  8. 16 DE SET.

    Q&A#6: Am I damaging my child?

    Today's episode comes from listener who submitted an emotional voicemail on the Ask Jen a Question button on the Your Parenting Mojo homepage, which boils down to: Am I damaging my child? The messages you can leave are limited to two minutes in length, so we get just a taste of what the parent is struggling with: a difficult relationship with their neurodivergent son, because he triggers the parent and then the parent feels triggered again by the guilt and shame that some of the challenges the son is facing might be the parent's fault. In this episode I walk though neuropsychologist R. Douglas Fields' LIFEMORTS framework of rage triggers - because if we understand the kinds of things that trigger us, we can avoid some of those triggers entirely and then see the rest of them coming and resource ourselves before they arrive. I link these rage triggers with broader social issues that we may be carrying in the backs of our minds without even realizing it, and the energy it takes to constantly manage our thoughts about these issues is energy we don't have to spend meeting our children's needs - or our needs. I also offer a set of three steps you can use to help you navigate triggering situations with your children more effectively. If you see that your relationship with your child isn't where you want it to be because you: Speak to them in a tone or using words that you would never let other people use with your child... Are rougher with their bodies than you know you should be when you feel frustrated... Feel guilt and/or shame about how they're experiencing your words and actions, even though your intentions are never to hurt them... ...the Taming Your Triggers workshop will help you. Join the waitlist now. Click the banner to learn more.     Other episodes mentioned 207: How to not be a permissive parent 224: How to heal your Mom Rage (coming up)     Jump to Highlights 00:58 Introducing today’s topic 01:17 Listener recorded question 02:55 Jen empathizes with the parent's stress and dual triggers of misbehavior and self-judgment, acknowledges potential trauma or neurodivergence, validates their experience. 18:26 Understand your triggers by exploring nine categories (LIFEMORTS): life or limb, insult, family, environment, mate, order in society, resources, tribe, and stopped, as outlined by Dr. R. Douglas Fields. 34:02 Mom rage, deeply intertwined with systemic gender and racial inequalities, reflects broader societal issues and significantly impacts women's health and parenting. 46:06 Intergenerational trauma affects all communities, passing down violence and its impacts through generations. 46:55 Three ways to support parents dealing with their own trauma and its impact on their children.

    1h2min
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Parenting is hard…but does it have to be this hard? Wouldn’t it be better if your kids would stop pressing your buttons quite as often, and if there was a little more of you to go around (with maybe even some left over for yourself)? On the Your Parenting Mojo podcast, Jen Lumanlan M.S., M.Ed explores academic research on parenting and child development. But she doesn’t just tell you the results of the latest study - she interviews researchers at the top of their fields, and puts current information in the context of the decades of work that have come before it. An average episode reviews ~30 peer-reviewed sources, and analyzes how the research fits into our culture and values - she does all the work, so you don’t have to! Jen is the author of Parenting Beyond Power: How to Use Connection & Collaboration to Transform Your Family - and the World (Sasquatch/Penguin Random House). The podcast draws on the ideas from the book to give you practical, realistic strategies to get beyond today’s whack-a-mole of issues. Your Parenting Mojo also offers workshops and memberships to give you more support in implementing the ideas you hear on the show. The single idea that underlies all of the episodes is that our behavior is our best attempt to meet our needs. Your Parenting Mojo will help you to see through the confusing messages your child’s behavior is sending so you can parent with confidence: You’ll go from: “I don’t want to yell at you!” to “I’ve got a plan.” New episodes are released every other week - there's content for parents who have a baby on the way through kids of middle school age. Start listening now by exploring the rich library of episodes on meltdowns, sibling conflicts, parental burnout, screen time, eating vegetables, communication with your child - and your partner… and much much more!

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