129. Behind the Looking Glass: Vaishnavi Sundar on Trans Widows + Women's Issues in India and Beyond

In this episode, I have the privilege of speaking with Vaishnavi Sundar, a self-taught filmmaker and advocate for women's rights, about her groundbreaking documentary, Behind the Looking Glass. This film delves into the often-overlooked experiences of women whose male partners “transition,” shedding light on the emotional turmoil and coercive control they face. Why is it that these women, often silenced and marginalized, feel compelled to redefine their identities in the shadow of their partners?

Vaishnavi shares powerful insights into the dynamics of narcissism and gaslighting that permeate these relationships. How do societal expectations and gender ideology contribute to the erasure of these women's voices? As we explore the metaphor of the "looking glass," we uncover the disturbing reality of men who, in their quest for self-identity, leave their partners feeling like mere ghosts of their former selves.

What happens when these women finally muster the courage to leave? What challenges do they face in reclaiming their autonomy and identity? Join us as we navigate these complex questions and hear the poignant stories of resilience and hope from those who have endured this unique form of domestic violence. You won't want to miss this eye-opening conversation that challenges the narratives surrounding gender identity and the often-unseen victims of this movement.

Watch Behind the Looking Glass on YouTube.

Vaishnavi Sundar is a writer and a self-taught filmmaker from Chennai, India. Through her films, she advocates for the rights of women and girls worldwide. She founded Lime Soda Films about a decade ago with the aim of highlighting themes of social justice, women’s empowerment and education. She is the Founder of Women Making Films (WMF) – a platform for female filmmakers to collaborate and create works of art, and has the privilege to host the work of members from more than 20 countries. Follow her on X @Vaishax.

 00:00 Start

[00:02:08] Trans widows and their experiences.

[00:04:03] Narcissism and gender ideology.

[00:09:13] Women's experiences in relationships.

[00:12:19] Marital struggles and gender ideology.

[00:18:59] Women's voices in transitions.

[00:20:25] Questions about gender identity.

[00:24:17] Prenuptial agreements and women's rights.

[00:30:14] Emotional boundaries in relationships.

[00:32:25] Disgust in gender identity changes.

[00:39:08] Protective instinct in abuse situations.

[00:42:57] Defining identity beyond trauma.

[00:46:16] Supporting trans widows and families.

[00:51:46] Support for women in distress.

[00:52:17] Reassurance for women in abuse.

[00:55:48] Radical love and understanding.

[01:01:44] Transitioning and identity complexities.

[01:04:03] Identity and self-perception struggles.

[01:09:08] Creative career shift in India.

[01:11:23] Filmmaking as a personal outlet.

[01:17:21] Workplace sexual harassment in India.

[01:19:35] Gender ideology and women's safety.

[01:24:09] Pornography's impact on society.

[01:29:58] Women's struggles in a multicultural society.

[01:31:20] Domestic violence and helplessness.

[01:35:54] Women's rights in rural India.

[01:39:50] Anger as creative fuel.

[01:43:59] Compassion and anger connection.

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