The Anxious To Secure PODCAST

Jula - The Anxious To Secure Coach
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The Anxious To Secure PODCAST

Welcome to Anxious to Secure - the podcast for anyone who feels anxious in love and wants to feel calm, confident, and connected. If you’re chasing an emotionally unavailable (Avoidant) partner… If you’re attaching out of fear, not love… Your relationship is running on survival mode. (I’ve been there - and it can change.) 🤍 I’m Jula: an anxious attachment coach + certified life coach. In just 6 months, I became a more secure version of myself 🫳🏻🎤 Now I help you stop overthinking every text and feel safe, even when your partner pulls away. If you’re tired of the doubt, panic, and never feeling enough: this is for you. Let’s get you into your Secure Era. 🖤

  1. قبل يومين

    63: The Body Keeps the Score Summary + Anxious Attachment: Healing Your Nervous System

    Have you ever thought… “I know my partner loves me, so why do I still spiral over a delayed text?” “Why does my body feel like it’s under attack - even when nothing’s wrong?” Or why can't I feel calm when Im telling myself to calm down?   In this episode, I’m sharing something that changed the way I see my own anxiety..and my body.    The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk helped me finally connect the dots between my silent migraines, my chronic overthinking in relationships, and the deep survival patterns wired into my nervous system.   I’ll share: ✣ The birthday moment where my migraines got so bad I couldn’t even see the candles ..:( ✣ Why trauma isn’t just a big event — it’s what your body remembers ✣ 10 key takeaways from the book that explain exactly how anxious attachment shows up in your body ✣ What to do when your body panics, even if your partner hasn't done anything wrong Because if you’ve ever: ➞ Felt abandoned over a slow reply ➞ Gone from “I’m fine” to “They’re leaving me” in 0.2 seconds ➞ Experienced anxiety that shows up as pain, stomach issues, tension, or emotional flooding... Then this episode will be for you!   Want more support? Attachment Library   YOUTUBE:  @theanxioustosecurecoach   📱 Text + Talk Coaching Private voice + text support to help you in those anxious moments...when you’re hurt, spiraling, or feeling unseen. Flexible. Affordable. Safe. A monthly subscription. https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textandtalk   🎯 Mini-Courses To stop overthinking your relatonship or manage text anxiety. https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach#collection-7296bbea-c006-4a7c-bd46-2e21b9f64fca   🌱 Anxious to Secure Coaching This is the full transformation.. with bi-weekly calls + support in-between. https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach#collection-c2462624-55df-4b4d-a2e0-c24816d724b4     CHAPTERS: 00:00 Introduction to Healing Anxious Attachment 03:19 How Anxious Attachment Impacts your Body Long-term 04:48 10 Lessons of The Body Keeps the Score + Anxious Attachment 04:56 Lesson 01 07:08 Lesson 02 08:19 Lesson 03 09:50 Lesson 04 10:48 Lesson 05 12:09 Lesson 06 13:37 Lesson 07 18:53 Lesson 08 21:33 Lesson 09 23:36 Lesson 10

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  2. قبل ٣ أيام

    62: Q+A Series 3: Can anxious and avoidant relationships work? How to break the anxious avoidant cycle

    I remember one night… I was crying. Not loudly. Just quietly. Silently. And he didn’t even look up.  I didn’t need him to fix it. I just needed him to care. To ask. To hold me. To see me. But instead.. I felt invisible. Like I was too sensitive… or just not enough to be comforted. That moment? It stuck with me. Not because of what he did — but because of the old wound it reopened. If you’ve ever felt that ache  like your partner’s emotional distance confirms a fear you’ve carried your whole life… This episode is for you. 🖤 Today on the Anxious Secure Podcast, I’m unpacking one of the most triggering, magnetic, and misunderstood dynamics in love: the anxious-avoidant relationship. We’re diving into: Can an anxious-avoidant relationship really work? Why do they attract each other in the first place? How does the anxious partner mirror avoidance from childhood?   What you’ll learn: Why your partner pulling away hurts way more than it “should” How your nervous system is reliving childhood experiences — not just reacting to today Why the avoidant pulls back when you need closeness most How your needs might feel threatening to someone who never learned emotional intimacy And what happens when YOU stop taking their distance as proof that you’re too much    I’d love to hear from you: Have you ever felt that moment... needing comfort and getting silence instead? Share it under the YouTube video. You are so not alone, babe. 🖤   Want more support? Attachment Library   YOUTUBE:  @theanxioustosecurecoach   📱 Text + Talk Coaching Private voice + text support to help you in those anxious moments...when you’re hurt, spiraling, or feeling unseen. Flexible. Affordable. Safe. A monthly subscription. https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textandtalk   🎯 Mini-Courses To stop overthinking your relatonship or manage text anxiety. https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach#collection-7296bbea-c006-4a7c-bd46-2e21b9f64fca   🌱 Anxious to Secure Coaching This is the full transformation.. with bi-weekly calls + support in-between. https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach#collection-c2462624-55df-4b4d-a2e0-c24816d724b4     CHAPTERS: 00:00 Understanding Anxious-Avoidant Dynamics 01:06 Can an anxious-avoidant relationship REALLY work? 04:15 What made the biggest difference in breaking this pattern, the Anxious-Avoidant trap? 15:55 Why do they attract each other in the first place - the anxious and avoidant? 20:11 What's the first thing you can recommend, for Anyone with an anxious attachment can try today?   DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.   Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

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  3. ٣ يوليو

    61:Q+A Series: How I healed my Anxious attachment & Why its Easier than you think Part 02

    3min FREE Attachment Style QUIZ: https://themarriagecoach.outgrow.us/attachmentstyle3mquiz   🖤  Attachment LIBRARY: FREE Attachment LIBRARY (worksheets, prompts, quizzes and more)  https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach   🖤  1:1 Support + Courses: https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach   I used to think healing anxious attachment would take YEARS. Therapy forever. Reading every book. Never quite getting “there.” But what if I told you it can actually happen faster? Like… within months.. not decades. In this episode, I’m sharing the exact method I used to go from crying in parks 🌧 to becoming secure, empowered, and finally SAFE in my own body and relationships. It didn’t happen by luck. I created a repeatable framework that I now use with all my clients: The 4R Method ➞ Release. Rewire. Reconnect. Reflect.    🖤 You’ll hear the behind-the-scenes of my healing process - from spirals and shutdowns… to building confidence, emotional safety, and actual freedom in love. And I’ll answer the BIG questions I get asked all the time: ✶ How did you actually go from anxious to secure? ✶ What was the one belief you had to let go of to heal? ✶ What did you replace it with instead? ✶ What do most people get wrong about anxious attachment? ✶ Can you really become secure - even if it’s felt hard for YEARS? This is your reminder: 💭 you are not your past patterns 💭 your brain can change 💭 and yes - secure love is possible for YOU You don’t need to fix yourself to be loved. You just need to meet yourself in a new way 🤍 Let’s dive in 🖤   CHAPTERS: 00:00 Anxious Attachment Q+A PART 2 00:51 How did you go from anxious to secure? 12:01 What is one belief you had to let go of to heal? 17:50 What did you replace this belief with? 21:16 What do people get wrong about an anxious attachment style? 28:09 What is one myth you hear all the time?   DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.   Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

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  4. ١ يوليو

    60: Q+A Series: How attachment theory changed my relationship + life: From breakdown to Breakthrough Part 01

    🖤   3min FREE Attachment Style QUIZ: https://themarriagecoach.outgrow.us/attachmentstyle3mquiz   🖤  Attachment LIBRARY: FREE Attachment LIBRARY (worksheets, prompts, quizzes and more)  https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach   🖤  1:1 Support + Courses: https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach   I once threw a remote across the room. 😮‍💨 I’m not proud of it..BUT I also don’t shame that version of me anymore. Back then, I didn’t know how to handle conflict. I didn’t know how to self-soothe. I didn’t know that what was happening in my nervous system wasn’t “crazy,” it was ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT running the show. In this super vulnerable episode, I take you deep inside my relationship journey… the intense arguments, the emotional shutdowns, and the moment I was literally crying in the grass at a London park thinking, “we can’t keep doing this… but breaking up also feels impossible.” I also share how discovering attachment theory changed everything — my patterns, my health, my thoughts, and eventually, my career. This is not just about becoming secure with a partner. It’s about becoming secure within yourself 🖤   In this episode, I share: ✶ The shift that helped me and my partner stop spiraling after fights ✶ What I believed about myself when I felt “too much” or “not enough” ✶ Why my body was also begging me to heal (yes, migraines + chronic stress) ✶ How I stopped needing constant reassurance + started self-validating ✶ The real reason anxious attachment feels SO intense (it’s not just about your partner)   This episode is your reminder that you’re not alone. And you're not broken. You're just running old patterns. And patterns can be re-written.. thought by thought, action by action.✨   CHAPTERS: 00:00 Introduction to Jula's Journey to Being an Anxious Attachment Relationship Coach 00:45 What inspired you to become a relationship coach? 14:44 Was there a moment when it all clicked? 23:08 What was your LOWEST point in love? 27:56 What did you believe about yourself back then? 31:28 How did us discovering attachment theory shift your life? 40:02 What was your biggest "OMG this is ME" moment about Attachment theory?? 43:23 What helped most when you felt stuck?     DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.   Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

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  5. ٢٦ يونيو

    59: the ONE thing you're doing WRONG if you have an anxious attachment (and what works better with the avoidant partner)

    If you’re anxiously attached and feel like you’re RUINING every good relationship... this episode might just be your wake-up call  🖤 Do you chase closeness when your partner pulls away? 🖤 Do you try to FIX the disconnection… by doing MORE? 🖤 Do you spiral in your head wondering “Did I say something wrong?” 🖤 Are you exhausted from overgiving, overthinking, and over performing… and STILL feeling unsafe in love?   You're not crazy. You're not too much. But your nervous system thinks you’re in danger—and it’s running the show. In this episode, I’m sharing: ✣ the #1 MISTAKE most anxious attachers make (without even realizing it) ✣ why “doing more” actually pushes love away ✣ the invisible FIGHT MODE pattern that’s draining your nervous system ✣ how to finally feel SAFE without chasing or fixing everything ✣ 4 quick steps to get out of the spiral and back into your power and to create more connection with your avoidant attached partner   Here’s a story I’ve never shared like this before… Back when I lived in London, I had this one tiny habit that changed everything… I stopped running for the bus. Like—I saw it coming… and I LET it go. Why? Because my whole body was in panic mode 24/7. My brain thought every moment was urgent. So I was teaching my nervous system a new truth: ✨ We’re not in danger. ✨ We don’t have to rush. ✨ We’re safe to slow down. That’s how healing starts. Not just with knowing the patterns—but with retraining your body to feel safe in love 💭💋🖤   Listen to today’s episode of the anxious to secure podcast if you're tired of feeling like you're “too much” or like you always have to work for love. Let’s shift out of overgiving and into inner safety, one breath at a time ✨🖤   🖤  Attachment LIBRARY: FREE Attachment LIBRARY (worksheets, prompts, quizzes and more)  https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach   🖤  1:1 Support + Courses: https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach   🖤   3min FREE Attachment Style QUIZ: https://themarriagecoach.outgrow.us/attachmentstyle3mquiz   CHAPTERS: 00:00 Are you doing THIS wrong too?? UPS... 01:23 THE BIG MISTAKE 03:53 What happens in your body? 05:25 The Cycle of Fight or Flight or Freeze 06:54 How it impact ALL other areas of life 09:45 The root cause 10:18 Why your body thinks we are living in CAVES 11:25 The HOW.... 17:19 Remember this 18:33 Quick RESETS: Regulating Emotions and Building Safety   DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.   Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

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  6. ٢٤ يونيو

    58: Anxious Attachment Q+A: How to Stop Overthinking and Ruining a Good Relationship - 4 Steps

    Attachment Style QUIZ – Take the 3-min quiz to be 100% sure you're Anxiously Attached: 3 MIN QUIZ Anxious ArcheTYPE QUIZ – Discover which of the 4 archetypes you are and how you manage your stress and anxiety ✅ Anxious to Secure Checklist – Signs you're becoming securely attached   Are you with someone GOOD…but you can’t stop overthinking, spiraling, or self-sabotaging? You’re not broken. You’re just operating from anxious attachment... and it’s exhausting. In this video, I’ll walk you through 4 simple but powerful steps to stop overthinking, feel calmer in love, and actually enjoy a GOOD relationship (without pushing them away 💛)   🖤 How to break the reassurance loop 🖤 What’s really behind your fears 🖤 The shift from “Is it safe?” ➞ “I can handle it” 🖤 Journal prompts + mindset hacks that work   🎙 Real talk. No fluff. No shame… Let's break the anxious patterns that keep you stuck…and build safety from the inside out.   00:00 Today's Q+A: Spiraling when I don't hear back even though she reassures me. 01:35 Understanding what's happening with your Body when triggered 02:52 Why this “waiting spiral” hits so hard... 05:52 Why the Trigger is not about the PRESENT moment, about your partner 08:26 MICRO-EXAMPLES of past roots 10:56 Coaching Questions (to connect to YOUR story) 12:43 What To Do Going Forward 15:11 Why logic alone isn’t enough... 16:13 The 4R METHOD Your New Action Plan 17:14 ✶ 01 RELEASE the emotion 22:19 Question you can ask yourself 23:05 ✶ 02 REWIRE your beliefs 25:00 ✶ 03 RECONNECT with yourself 29:31 ✶ 04 REFLECT on your shadow 31:11 MINI ACTION PLAN To create emotional safety 35:21 How to Work with me or Free Resources   COURSES ON OFFER (beta round) 🖤 How to Stop OVERTHINKING Your Relationship in 4 Steps (With Your Avoidant Partner) https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/overthinkingcourse   OFFERS: 🖤📱 ON SALE: "Stop Obsessing Over Texts in 21 Days or Less"  https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textanxiety     🖤 Attachment LIBRARY (Free resources, Courses, 1:1 Support) https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach   DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.   Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

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  7. ١٩ يونيو

    57: How to soothe your ANXIETY with 💛✨the 3 Course DOPAMINE Menu (30+ ideas))

    Here are Dopamine Menu Ideas That ACTUALLY Work For Anxious Attachment ✨💛 Your dopamine menu is EVERYTHING if you have an anxious attachment style  Why? Because it helps you stop chasing those quick emotional hits from your partner. You’ll stop needing constant texting, reassurance, or obsessing over every little thing 💭📱 Even that urge to stalk your ex online? 👀✨ It starts to fade. In this episode of Anxious to Secure, Jula breaks down how to build your OWN ✨slow dopamine menu✨ to help you feel more SECURE from the inside out 🛟💛 If you’ve ever felt glued to your phone waiting for a reply... Or replayed a convo on a loop in your head... This episode is for YOU 🖤 So what’s a dopamine menu anyway? You’ve probably seen the trend on IG or TikTok — usually it’s about boosting energy or focus 💡💃 But here’s what no one is talking about  Dopamine menus can actually help soothe your nervous system 💛✨ and shift anxious attachment patterns for GOOD  This episode dives into: ✨ the science of dopamine ✨ how it fuels those emotional rollercoasters ✨ how to REWIRE your brain with grounding, secure habits You’ll learn how to swap fast dopamine spikes (like texting, scrolling, or binging) for small, SAFE, meaningful moments that actually calm your system 🧘🏼‍♀️📓 You’ll walk away with a 3-part dopamine menu you can start using TODAY  From:  -tiny starter habits that gently wake up your brain  -to main meals that boost your dopamine through connection + creativity  -to dessert-style rewards that help you feel satisfied + SAFE 💛✨ This isn’t just a cute Pinterest trend — This is about retraining your brain to stop chasing CHAOS ✖️ and start choosing ✨CALM, CLARITY + CONNECTION✨ Perfect for anyone who: ✶ feels like silence from a partner sends them into a spiral ⛈ ✶ constantly checks messages, stalks profiles, or replays convos 📱 ✶ uses food, social, or distractions to numb the anxiety 🍫 ✶ wants to feel EMOTIONALLY SAFE + in control again  Let’s rewrite the way your brain experiences LOVE, connection, and calm  One tiny dopamine habit at a time  CHAPTERS: 00:00 What is the Dopamine Menu trend? 02:01 QUICK dopamine - aka fast and dirty dopamine 05:01 Slow dopamine - aka clean, real dopamine 08:09 Why dopamine MATTERS for anxious attachment 09:33 Why YOU need a dopamine menu for anxious attachment - The REAL tiny moments 12:05 Your 3 Course Anxious Attachment Dopamine Menu 14:20 Your Dopamine Starter Menu 18:26 MAIN Dopamine Course Menu 24:00 Your Dessert Dopamine Menu 27:37 Remember     🖤 Attachment LIBRARY: FREE Attachment LIBRARY https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach 🖤 1:1 Support + Courses: https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach 🖤 3min FREE Attachment Style QUIZ: https://themarriagecoach.outgrow.us/attachmentstyle3mquiz   DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns. Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

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  8. ١٧ يونيو

    56. (15 STEPS) How to Fix an Anxious-Avoidant Relationship - the pyramid method

    Are you stuck on the anxious‑avoidant relationship rollercoaster? Feeling like every conversation ends in confusion, distance, or chasing? In this episode of the Anxious to Secure podcast, you'll learn how to fix an Anxious‑Avoidant Relationship in 15 Steps. I’m breaking down a powerful 15‑step pyramid framework from the five BIGGEST mistakes that keep you stuck, all the way up to the ONE core change that transforms your connection.    Here’s what I’m walking you through in this episode: 📍 A quick story of me and my avoidant partner in a tiny London flat… both of us triggered, stuck in our patterns ... and what finally helped things shift. 📍 The 5 emotional blocks that keep you stuck at the bottom... like believing this is just who I am or pretending you don’t care (when you definitely do). 📍 The 4 things that feel like healing but kinda... aren’t... like trying to be perfect, holding it all in, rehearsing the “right” words, or testing if they care. 📍 The 3 tools that help, but don’t fully move the needle... like leaning on secure friends, calming your nervous system, or setting boundaries (but still feeling anxious inside). 📍 The 2 shifts that actually change your attachment... learning to trust yourself and rewiring those sneaky beliefs like I have to be chill or I’ll be too much. 📍 And the ONE thing at the top that changes everything... stepping into your secure self (not just acting it, actually becoming it).   This episode is perfect for anxious‑avoidant partners ready to: Stop overthinking, people‑pleasing, chasing Rewire your nervous system and your beliefs Build emotional self‑trust and real boundaries Finally move from anxious attachment to secure love   Expect curiosity‑sparking questions, a touch of real‑life storytelling, and actionable steps you can start using today.   🖤  Attachment LIBRARY: FREE Attachment LIBRARY (worksheets, prompts, quizzes and more)  https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach   🖤  1:1 Support + Courses: https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach   🖤   3min FREE Attachment Style QUIZ: https://themarriagecoach.outgrow.us/attachmentstyle3mquiz   ♥️  YOUTUBE:  (4 ways How to DETACH emotionally) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLi57Sgd3nE&t=1567s   🚩Avoidant OR Just Not Into You? 🚩How do you know if an Avoidant likes You https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhIX4kMBYrU&t=1202s&list=PLkaamihHgLaG0GI37seXdVADSfx8hv-La   DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.   Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

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Welcome to Anxious to Secure - the podcast for anyone who feels anxious in love and wants to feel calm, confident, and connected. If you’re chasing an emotionally unavailable (Avoidant) partner… If you’re attaching out of fear, not love… Your relationship is running on survival mode. (I’ve been there - and it can change.) 🤍 I’m Jula: an anxious attachment coach + certified life coach. In just 6 months, I became a more secure version of myself 🫳🏻🎤 Now I help you stop overthinking every text and feel safe, even when your partner pulls away. If you’re tired of the doubt, panic, and never feeling enough: this is for you. Let’s get you into your Secure Era. 🖤

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    Jula - The Anxious To Secure Coach
  • سنوات النشاط
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  • موقع البرنامج على الويب
    The Anxious To Secure PODCAST

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