Everyday Happiness - Finding Harmony and Bliss Katie Jefcoat

Sometimes you need to listen to the quiet voice inside of you.  And sometimes that voice gets so loud you can’t ignore it. It’s time for a pivot.  I’ll explain in today's episode.   
 
Transcript:
 
Welcome to Everyday Happiness, I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and this is our very last daily podcast episode.  We’re delivered 668 episodes in almost two years, never missing a day.  The team has been more incredible than I ever imagined. It takes a group effort and Chelsey, Blessy, Richelle, Jeimy, and Jeff are a 5-star team and make all of the magic happen behind the scenes.   
 
Now, before we get into the why and the way forward.  The podcast episodes will still be live and you can listen to them at any time.  You can search key topics on my website, or start from the beginning on your favorite podcast player. 
 
We started this during covid, at a time when we were all at home. I had created space.  I was obsessed with this new creative outlet. 
 
I heard someone say, “don’t be afraid to quit the things that are no longer working for you in your business or your life”.  For me, this was a thoughtful decision because this is working for my business.  But it wasn’t working for my life to have a daily podcast.  Instead, the vehicle is changing, it’s a pivot to a bi-monthly email instead of a daily podcast. I think it’s the happiest email in your inbox.  
 
Scientists sometimes use the term Identity Foreclosure. Meaning, it can be so hard to leave behind something that you think is so closely tied to your identity.  I am a podcast host.  I have a daily micro-podcast.  What I realized through some quiet time with my thoughts and conversations with my bestie, Jenna, was that podcasting is the vehicle.  And the vehicle can pivot.  This vehicle is pivoting to email. 
 
I love happiness.  That isn’t changing.  The way I show up for the people that I am blessed to have join the email community is with quality content, inspiration, and a behind the scenes peek into life.  
 
Have you ever felt like you had too many irons in the fire or too many demands on your time? I often say there is a mental bandwidth to saying “yes”.  I am feeling the need to zone in on my kids, my husband, the people I love so deeply, and that feels right - right now. This season will change.  They always do.  Living in my word of the year - CARE, I am choosing to care for my body, my mental bandwidth and the friends and family that I love. I am living my priorities and choosing social connection, which we all know, is the cornerstone to fulfilled happiness.   
 
Let’s face it, we are all on this path of life. We are all in a different season. We can be busy and balanced if we are living our priorities. I am still busy.  And, I am living my motto of Intentional Margins.  I have consulting work that brings me incredible purpose, satisfaction and fulfillment.  I am a rep for Rodan + Fields, which brings me great joy to not only have the best skin and hair of my life as I age, but also to help others.  
 
I invite you to join us in our email community. Life is heavy enough, we shouldn’t have to search for happiness.  Get the happiest email in your inbox, delivered with a smile only twice a month right now. https://www.katiejefcoat.com/email No spam.  Just happiness. 
 
What I am seeking comfort in, is that I am choosing to put my foot on the break, but I know where the gas is and how to accelerate when the time is right. And that feels good. 
 
I invite you to reflect on how you could use that break pedal in your own life.  What could you say “no” to that would allow you space to flourish? 
 
Until next time, whenever that is, you can always connect with me, in our email community, join at www.katiejefcoat.com, on social @katiejefcoat and remember, kindness is contagious.   I know that our small acts of kindness make an impact and that continues to inspire me to do this wor

Happiness is not one size fits all.  We get to do it our way,not the way of the experts.  There is no right or wrong way.  This is one of my biggest takeaways from writing 668 daily happiness podcast episodes. Tune in to learn more. 
 
 
Transcript:
 
Welcome to Everyday Happiness, I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and as we close out this podcast, we invite you to join our happy mail email community, where you’ll continue to get happiness and kindness content delivered straight to your inbox.  We think it’s the happiest email in your inbox. You can join at www.katiejefcoat.com 
 
Today, I share one of my biggest takeaways from writing 668 daily happiness podcasts. Happiness is not one size fits all.  We get to do it our way, not the way of the experts.  There is no right or wrong way.  
 
Yes, I can give you a long list of things that "may" work scientifically to improve your habits for happiness, and I will throw some ideas your way in a minute. However, if you are not in that head space, you will feel unproductive, discouraged, and even less happy than you were before when they inevitably fail.  
 
I am a firm believer that we have to do what works for us, and there is no one size fits all solution.  If you hear a guru telling you the five things to do without any discussion of what works for you, they are just throwing spaghetti at the wall.  We must actively participate in the quest to boost our happiness. 
 
So how does one find what works best for them?
 
I often think about how people make chicken soup as an excellent comparison to building habits for a happiness routine. In chicken soup, some add rice; some add noodles. Some add corn, and some add peas. Some use stock broth from the store; some make it from scratch. There is no “right” way to make chicken soup; everyone simply makes the version they enjoy best. You certainly aren’t going to force yourself to eat a chicken soup recipe you hate merely because someone told you it was the “right” way to do it!
 
We have to apply the same concept to happiness habits. If writing in a gratitude journal makes you dread it, but you think you need to do it because everyone says it will make you happy - it won't. That's crazy!
 
Instead, trying out different happiness habits (like ingredients) to see which ones you like the most and which actually work for you would be better. Then you can combine them to create a meaningful, impactful happiness routine you enjoy! 
 
Some ingredient ideas include: 
 
#1: Practicing Gratitude
#2: Performing Random Acts of Kindness
#3: Getting Out to Exercise
#4: Building Social Bonds
#5: Letting Go of Unnecessary Drama
#6: Being Kind to Our Bodies
#7: Creating Intentional Margins®
 
I have a whole list of ideas on my January 2023 blog at www.katiejefcoat.com/blog - I will also link in the show notes. 
 
I also want to remind you that this happiness habit soup that you are making changes as you need it to.  Maybe you are in a space where a gratitude journal feels right.  And maybe next season, you will send cards in the mail instead.   
 
I highly encourage you to try out a variety of habits to see which flavor suits your taste before building your soup. If one doesn’t work, throw it out and try something new! Remember, your habits for happiness are about you and only you. Try to skip comparing yourself to others or thinking someone else’s soup is “better.” Focus on you, your happiness, and your life! 
 
The insight is simple.  Do you, boo.  Happiness is not one size fits all.  We get to do it our way.  And that is the best, perfect, most aligned way.  
 
So today, remember, kindness is contagious.  Go out and spread some kindness today. 
 
Life is heavy enough, we shouldn’t have to search for happiness.  Get the exclusive happiness; email, delivered with a smile twice a month to your inbox. https://www.katiejefcoat.com/email 
 
And, let’s connect on social at @everydayh

Who we spend time with is the most influential decision we can make to influence our happiness. This is one of my biggest takeaways from writing 668 daily happiness podcast episodes. Tune in to learn more. 
 
Transcript:
 
Welcome to Everyday Happiness, I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and as we close out this podcast, we invite you to join our happy mail email community, where you’ll continue to get happiness and kindness content delivered straight to your inbox.  We think it’s the happiest email in your inbox. You can join at www.katiejefcoat.com 
 
Today, I share one of my biggest takeaways from writing 668 daily happiness podcasts. The most influential decision we can make to determine our happiness is who we spend time with. 
 
Social connection is the cornerstone of happiness and life longevity. So, of course, this has to be one of my biggest takeaways. 
 
Science indicates that people mispredict their own happiness when engaging in social connection.   So, you might think a random social connection at the coffee shop won’t make you happier, but your intuition is just wrong about that most of the time.  And this can be a smile, exchanging pleasantries; it doesn’t have to be this big thing.   
 
But even more interesting is that your intuition is wrong if you think it doesn’t increase the effect of the other person’s happiness too.  We think we’re annoying, or the person will think I’m a weirdo for chatting them up in line, but the science indicates that’s just another way our brains, our intuition, are just playing tricks on us and getting it wrong. 
 
If we want to improve on the happiness scale, the research is overwhelmingly clear, one of the best and easiest ways is to improve social connection.  Be present in real life, talk to a stranger, call a friend you haven’t talked to in a while. 
 
Social Psychologist Nick Epley says, "Social connection can be almost anything, from making eye contact with another person, or smiling at another person to being in a long term romantic relationship with somebody. And it turns out that social connection across this entire spectrum tends to be pretty darn good for people.”
 
What is really fascinating about Epley’s work is that he’s looked at these tiny micro-connections, even with strangers, that can happen on the daily which can be as small as when people smile at one another.   
 
You could be excited to hear this and be thinking this is so easy for you; you will start right away..  
 
But for others, it seems easier to grab the remote to Netflix and Binge.  If you are more of an introvert, I will invite you to take one step.  Make a phone call to someone you enjoy, but it’s been way too long since you’ve talked on the phone or seen them in real life.  Listen to the voice on the other side of the line.  Be present and intentional in that conversation. You will quickly feel those bursts of happiness. 
 
The insight is simple today.  Social connection matters when it comes to happiness in the human species.  We were not designed to walk through life alone, and when we choose those social connections wisely, our happiness is magnified. 
 
Remember, kindness is contagious.  
 
Life is heavy enough; we shouldn’t have to search for happiness.  Get the exclusive happiness email, delivered with a smile twice a month to your inbox. https://www.katiejefcoat.com/email 
 
And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram
 
Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

How we THINK about time matters. It’s less about the amount of time we have and more about how we process the concept of time that leads to greater happiness.  This is one of my biggest takeaways from writing 668 daily happiness podcast episodes. Tune in to learn more. 
 
Transcript:
 
Welcome to Everyday Happiness, I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and as we close out this podcast, we invite you to join our happy mail email community, where you’ll continue to get happiness and kindness content delivered straight to your inbox.  We think it’s the happiest email in your inbox. You can join at www.katiejefcoat.com 
 
Today, I share one of my biggest takeaways from writing 668 daily happiness podcasts, and that is how we think about time and how it influences our happiness. 
 
The way I have always thought about time has dramatically affected my happiness. Until recently, I didn’t even know it! 
 
As a backstory, and if you have listened to my podcast (especially episodes 38 or 39), you know that sleep is one of my highest priorities, and I get a lot of it. I get my rest, no matter what. In reflection, I think it’s made me think about time in a way that I believe there is always enough time in the day for sleep, a solid 9 hours, no matter what. I am not time famished because I indulge in this ritual of sleep - which many people cut to “get more done.” When you think there is not enough time in the day, it stresses you out - you are less “happy.” However, there is a difference between time affluence and time poverty.
 
Time is such an exciting concept. We think about it in the sense of being present (mindfulness - this moment in time) and productivity (how much I can get done in an allotted amount of time). 
How do we subjectively trick our brains into thinking we have more than enough time when we’re running on the hamster wheel of to-do’s, and the list gets longer every day? I get it. That’s the million-dollar question, right?
Let’s dig into time affluence v. time poverty, so we know our guardrails for this discussion.
Time Affluence isn’t about the amount of time you have. It’s the subjective sense that you have time. This is excellent news. This means we can HACK time affluence without objectively giving ourselves more time. Plus, you don’t need to clear the calendar to feel like you have more time.I heard that 80% of Americans say they are time-poor - too many things to do and not enough time to do them. When you are in time poverty, it feels like you are wearing the busy badge. It steals our joy because we feel so pulled to continue doing the next thing, and we feel defeated because so much hasn't been done. Usually, time poverty is caused by constant connection to technology, and even when we have leisure, it’s fragmented by checking email, social media, or the ding of the incoming text message.  It’s the mindset that there is never enough time.  The to-do list is too long.  The commitments on the calendar are too overwhelming. It looks like going to a museum or event with your kids and constantly checking your phone. Time poverty is a goal conflict. You want to be present with your kids, but your mind is always running to the other things that might be on your phone, drawing you away from being present. This is where I think you can have a tangible impact on your happiness because you can change how you think about your tasks and time.
 
I go into a lot of detail in my March 2023 blog about Time Affluence.  I’ll post a link in the show notes, or you can head over to www.Katiejefcoat.com/blog. 
 
The gist of it is that part of happiness, gratitude, appreciation, joy, contentment, whatever you want to call it, is the reflection and identification of the time when you felt joy, meaning, or satisfaction in the day; all of those feelings contribute to our happiness.   
 
Time affluence can be magic. It can be the first step to unlocking your happiness boost because it

Good news!  We have some control over our happiness, and we know how to boost it. Listen in today as we discuss the definition of happiness and what scientists think about how much DNA matters. This is one of my biggest takeaways from writing 668 daily happiness podcast episodes. Tune in to learn more. 
 
 
Transcript:
 
Welcome to Everyday Happiness, I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and as we close out this podcast, we invite you to join our happy mail email community, where you’ll continue to get happiness and kindness content delivered straight to your inbox.  We think it’s the happiest email in your inbox. You can join at www.katiejefcoat.com 
 
Today, I share one of my biggest takeaways from writing 668 daily happiness podcasts.  It’s the definition of happiness and where we can get the biggest impact for our effort to boost our happiness. 
 
So many of us think we'll be happy when we work hard and achieve success.  But the fact is, that will never work. Our brains are designed to move the goalpost to the next thing. If fulfilled happiness is on the other side of achievement, we’ve already lost because we will never get there.  
 
Now, you get the job promotion, and you feel happy - for a moment.  But soon, your big job promotion is just your job.  That fancy new car, the new car smell has worn off, and it’s just your car.  Scientists call this the hedonic treadmill, always trying to achieve the next best thing.  
 
Most scientists agree that happiness is really a two-pronged definition.  The first prong is happiness in emotions. The second prong is satisfaction and purpose. You need both prongs to be fulfilled to achieve well-rounded happiness.
 
Emotions, such as joy, contentment, love, and other positive feelings like peace, gratitude, satisfaction, pleasure, inspiration, hope, curiosity, and love, fall into this first prong. In her 2007 book The How of Happiness, Sonja Lyubomirsky describes happiness as "the experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combined with a sense that one's life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile."  These emotions stem from the positive experiences we have in life.
The second prong has two parts.  Purpose and satisfaction. 
 
Purpose is how you feel when you are doing the thing you love. This can be academic research, your work, building a business, being involved in the community, being a parent, and more.
 
Arthur Brooks says that long-lasting happiness comes from human connection and productive work. He found in his scientific research that it was overwhelmingly clear that a “productive human endeavor creates a sense of purpose in life.”
 
Satisfaction is appreciating what you have more than pining for what you want.
Many of us think we will be more satisfied, happier even, if we get more of what we want. However, the scientific theory of hedonic adaptation tells us that we get comfortable with what we have, and we always want more. Satisfaction is elusive and doesn’t last with that mentality; it’s like running on a treadmill and never getting to the destination. So, it's basically impossible to "get more" and be happier long term. This is why the gurus tell you that gratitude is so important to achieve happiness.  It is bringing you back to the here and now.  
 
Satisfaction is not a function of what you have; it's actually an equation of what you HAVE and what you WANT. Think of it like a fraction: the top is what you have, and the bottom is what you want.  So you want to appreciate what you have more than pine for what you want.
This all seems easy enough, but I was curious, how much is actually in our control? 
 
Arthur Brooks says that happiness is 50% genetic, 25% circumstantial, and 25% in your control.  
 
Sojyna Lyubomirsky has similar findings.  Although it’s never a neat and tidy pie chart, experts agree that we humans have some control over our happiness and it’s not all left up to DNA or chance.  The r

Our brains will always be mistaken about how happy something will make us in the future. As humans, we almost always mispredict the duration of how good or bad a feeling will be. This is one of my biggest takeaways from writing 668 daily happiness podcast episodes. Tune in to learn more. 
 
Transcript:
 
Welcome to Everyday Happiness, I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and as we close out this podcast, we invite you to join our happy mail email community, where you’ll continue to get happiness and kindness content delivered straight to your inbox.  We think it’s the happiest email in your inbox. You can join at www.katiejefcoat.com 
 
Today, I share one of my biggest takeaways from writing 668 daily happiness podcasts.  It starts with a lecture from Yale professor Dr. Laurie Santos who introduces the work of researchers and professors Tim Wilson at the University of Virginia, and Dan Gilbert at Harvard.  They coined this fantastic term called MISWANTING. The definition of this is “this act of being mistaken about what and how much you're going to like these things in the future.” The problem is that our brains deliver to us this idea that we want certain things, but we are often wrong about it. We are constantly miswanting.
 
So why does this miswanting occur, and what can we do about it?  Well, the researchers seem to think that just being aware of our biases is the way to counterbalance miswanting.  It can be as simple as wanting a doughnut.  I want a fried dough ball with sugary frosting, it will taste good, and it will make me happy.  I eat the doughnut, and although it tastes delightful at the moment, now, I am no longer happier - the feeling didn’t last.  I miswanted. 
 
This all comes down to the perils of us humans predicting our future feelings, and people specifically mispredict the duration of how good or bad a feeling will be.  
 
This means that our intuition, and our minds, are playing tricks on us and making us think things that are just false.  We see this with algebra problems, vision exercises - which table is longer - on social media.  We think it’s one thing, but the fact is, it’s definitely the other. 
 
You think that if you walk out of your house and get hit by a car, you will be unhappy for the rest of your life.  But that’s also just not true. 
 
You think that if you are in school and you get better grades than you expect, you will be happier.  You think that if you win the lottery, all of your worries will disappear, and you will be the happiest ever.  But all of this is just not true.  It’s not how happiness works.  The data says you will go back to baseline. Scientists call this hedonic adaptation.  It’s when you get that job promotion, and you think that’s all you’ll ever need, and a few years later, you want another promotion.   
 
This is fascinating because we can see how our brain tricks us into choosing material items or goals that are just wrong.  We think the bad thing will be so much worse than it is, and we think the good thing, winning the lottery, will be so much better than it is.  We humans get it wrong - almost all of the time.
 
We also know that our mind compares our wants against reference points instead of absolutes, and then, our minds have this terrible tendency to get used to stuff, and we don’t even realize it.  But, the good news is that if we are intentional, we can overcome these human biases. 
 
When we think about the ways we try to make ourselves happy, Dr. Santos says the first way is to not invest in awesome material stuff.  Even if we think it’s the coolest thing.  The new car just becomes the car.  Being aware of it is half the battle. We get used “stuff” and over time, there just isn’t that much happiness to derive from it. 
 
On the flip side, forget about the stuff and, instead, consider investing in experiences. Experiences don’t stick around, we don’t have time to adapt to them.