7 On Sundays™ Podcast STEPHANIE BOYE & DR. CHEZ LEEBY

What happens when trauma is not addressed and healed in a family? Often, untreated wounds and patterns of dysfunction, consciously or unconsciously, are repeated and carried forth within families as “intergenerational trauma.” 
While the concept of Intergenerational trauma may be a new idea to some, others live it firsthand. 
We learn much more from our forebears than language and favorite family recipes. We learn and experience imprinted paradigms for communication, relationship functioning, mental health coping strategies, and self esteem. Unfortunately, in many cases, parents model ineffective and unhealthy coping because of addiction, abuse, stress, rage and conflict in marriages and families. Children watch how a parent handles mistreatment from a partner and overwhelm. If a parent’s conflict resolution skills, self worth, therapeutic resources, and support are limited, this has an impact on all the family members.  
Today’s guest, Lilith, lived in a home with an abusive step-father and a mother attracted to emotionally unavailable and violent men. Thankfully, Lillith had a loving grandmother who helped raise her. However, her grandmother was a child of the foster care system and likely had her own unhealed emotional scars.. 
What is the fallout of this upbringing? For Lilith, the traumas run deep and her emotional struggles are at times, debilitating. But…she is determined to raise her young son differently.  Dr. Chez shares powerful, transformative tools to help Lilith begin the long journey of looking at and working through her intergenerational and individual traumas.
 
RESOURCES
If you or a loved one are in an abusive relationship, please call your local police or
The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 
 *988 the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
 
TIMESTAMPS
00:00 Content Warning and Introduction
01:21 Navigating Difficult Relationships and Self-Advocacy
07:38 Lilith's Journey: How Childhood Trauma Follows Us
18:01 Healing and Reprogramming Trauma
26:41 Generational Patterns and the Path to Healing
31:00 Exploring the Roots of Relationship Struggles
32:25 Addressing the Impact of Sexual Abuse
34:29 The Power of Words and Self-Expression
36:39 Empowerment Through Setting Boundaries and  Self-Nurturing Strategies
39:08 The Role of Parenthood in Personal Healing
48:25 Sharing to Heal: The Power of Community Support
56:19 Concluding Thoughts: Never Give Up
 

Would you be able to spot the signs of a person with Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD)? What does dating a sociopath (someone with ASPD) look like? 
ASPD is a serious mental health condition characterized by a pattern of deceit. These individuals use their intelligence and charm to manipulate and exploit people and partners. While statistics report that only 1-4% of the population is diagnosed with ASPD, it appears that these numbers are higher. The reported numbers are lower because these individuals are very resistant to therapy and many never receive a formal diagnosis. To be diagnosed with ASPD, an individual must demonstrates a continuous pattern of behaviors with three or more of the following: persistent violation of social norms and laws, deceit, impulsivity, reckless disregard for the safety of self and others, aggression and hostility, consistent irresponsibility, and lack of remorse (DSM-5-TR). 
According to David J. Lieberman, “A sociopath has no real sense of self, so they struggle with maintaining the impression that they create and project to the world. They are already wearing a mask, and dishonesty is another mask on top of that. This means that when they lie, they might sound like a caricature of an honest person rather than a genuinely honest person.” 
So how would someone be able to spot an individual with ASPD in the wild world of dating?  
Today, we are talking to Riley.  As a college freshman, Riley had the misfortune to stumble across a sociopath and date him for several months. Tune in to hear how easily these individuals can become part of your inner circle and how difficult it is to process and heal from the mistrust and manipulation. 
Riley’s story could happen to anyone and according to the police in her college town, these situations are more common than we think. If you think you may be in a relationship with someone with ASPD, please reach out for help immediately. You are not alone!
RESOURCES
Call your local police or National Centers for Victims of Crime (NCVC) 1-800-FYI-CALL
if you suspect that you have been the victim of crimes 
The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 
The National Dating Abuse Helpline 1-866-331-9474
A service of Love is Respect,  this national, 24-hour resource is specifically designed for teens and young adults. The Helpline is accessible by phone or online chat and offers real-time, one-on-one support from peer advocates trained to offer support, information, and advocacy to those involved in dating abuse relationships as well as concerned friends, parents, teachers, clergy, law enforcement, and service providers.
Love is Respect
A collaboration between Break the Cycle and the National Dating Abuse Helpline, this web resource provides  information and resources on dating violence and healthy dating attitudes and relationships for youth. The site includes an overview of the issue (e.g., early warning signs, types of abuse, the cycle of abuse), quizzes for teens to determine whether they are experiencing or inflicting abuse, a live chat feature that connects youth with a peer advocate 24/7, videos, a blog, and more. In addition to the live chat, Love is Respect connects youth to the National Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474 or 1-866-331-8453. Youth can also reach out for help by texting “loveis” to 22522.
TIMESTAMPS
00:00 Welcome to Seven on Sundays: Navigating Young Adult Challenges
00:47 Meet the Hosts: Candid Conversations on Tough Topics
01:31 Introducing Riley’s Story
06:13 Riley's Story: The Heartbreaking Tale of Deception
15:35 Things Weren’t Adding Up
19:45 The Shocking Discovery: Unveiling a Double Life
24:25 Analyzing the Deception: Red Flags and Reflections
27:45 Unpacking the Red Flags: A Closer Look at the Lies
31:02 The Psychology Behind Grandiose Lies
33:12 Having Everyone Fooled
35:09 The Aftermath: Confrontation, Closure, and Moving On
39:34 Learning fro

For some parents and grandparents today, their high school relationships were “sweet” and innocent. While this was not the case for everyone in previous generations, today, the dating landscape has dramatically shifted. In current culture, many girls' ideas of relationships are informed by rom-coms at a time while their male counterparts are watching porn. Relationship and sexual expectations couldn’t be further apart.
If you listen to pop culture’s take on pornography you will hear, “Porn is absolutely not problematic” and sometimes even described as “healthy.”  Cultural narratives insist, "Everyone watches porn and if you don’t like it, you are the one with the problem.” 
With easy access and early exposure most young people have seen and many habituate pornography. Young men are more than twice as likely than young women to habituate porn.  So how does it impact relationships? Can pornography destroy a relationship? How does porn affect you and/or your partner’s mental health and attitudes about sex? Has your partner insisted you watch porn? 
What role does porn have in changing intimate relationships and sexual expectations?  How does your partner feel about themselves when you watch porn?  Is everything as “peachy” as the media and the porn industry would have you believe? 
In today’s 7 On Sundays episode, you will hear from Nicole. She shares how pornography changed her sexual relationship with her first and long-term boyfriend and made her feel like she was never enough!
RESOURCES:
If you or someone you love is struggling with porn addiction please find a certified sex therapist.
https://www.aasect.org/referral-directory 
Book: The Porn Trap by Wendy & Larry Maltz
 
TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 Introduction: A Warning for Mature Audiences
00:51 Nicole's Story: The Impact of Porn on Relationships
04:21 The Unhealthy Dynamics of Nicole's Relationship
09:19 The Role That Porn Played in Nicole’s relationship
12:17 The Mental Health Impact of Dating a Porn Addict
16:44 Can You be a Porn Addict
21:52 The Pressure to become a Porn Star
25:21 Exploring the Depths of Consent and Coercion
30:04 Reflecting on Relationship Dynamics Beyond the Bedroom
32:20 The Cultural Normalization of Pornography and Its Effects
35:40 The Quest for True Connection Beyond Physical Attraction
38:07 Career Aspirations and Moving Forward Post-Breakup
40:03 Addressing the Challenges of Porn-Induced Expectations in Relationships
54:23 The Journey Towards Healing and Self-Advocacy
56:25 Final Thoughts and Resources for Further Understanding

What messages are we getting about sexual hookups from a male POV?
“It’s just part of the college experience.”  Or, “it’s no big deal.” 
Culture, including songs and media, glorifies and normalizes hookups. Parents may say, “just don’t do it.”  But…when it seems like everyone else is going for it, we may say to ourselves “why not?”  Are the gendered ideas about hookups still relevant? 
Today’s 7 On Sundays guests, John and Dave (chosen pseudonyms), are both freshmen from different parts of the country. While they do not speak for their entire gender or generation, their insight and perspectives might surprise you. 
 
TIMESTAMPS
[00:01:26] Intro of two young college men sharing their thoughts on dating and hookup culture
[00:04:07] Dave and John talk about hookup culture today and its definition
[00:06:11] The stigma and societal expectations of hookup culture
[00:08:20] The desire to choose relationships over hookups
[00:09:26] Societal pressure on young men to engage in hookup culture
[00:11:33] Self-actualization and young men's views of relationships
[00:14:01] The potential judgment towards girls based on their sexual behavior
[00:21:14] Entitlement and expectations associated with buying drinks for someone
[00:31:06] The importance of young people discussing tough topics
[00:33:02] Respect and expectations in hookups
[00:35:32] Consent and the potential consequences of not obtaining clear consent
[00:47:40] The influence of social media on hookup culture and perceptions of girls
[00:54:18] Fear of rejection and having confidence in dating
[01:05:50] Playing the game of relationships in the digital age

How does a young woman get trafficked by her boyfriend? Most people think it could never happen to them. In today’s 7 On Sundays Podcast episode, Linsey shares her story of gradual and escalating grooming at the hand's her boyfriend, who then became her husband and eventually, her trafficker. This story shares how isolation, secrecy, shame, and fear kept Linsey from leaving. She lost all independence and outside support. Linsey shares the complicated nature of these relationships, especially when there are children. 
What are the long-term impacts of living with (and trying to love) a trafficker?    
Many people hope that over time, a toxic relationship will get better. They believe that their partner will change. Like Linsey, many fear leaving, because of shame, possible judgment, loss of home, income, transportation, and lifestyle. Linsey made the brave steps for her freedom and today, she educates and champions survivors of human trafficking. Finally, Linsey shares how she found forgiveness and how that has become an essential component to her healing journey. 
 
RESOURCES
If you suspect someone is the victim of human trafficking Call the National Human Trafficking Hotline, a national 24-hour, toll-free, multilingual anti-trafficking hotline. Call 1-888-373-7888 to report a tip; connect with anti-trafficking services in your area; or request training and technical assistance, general information, or specific anti-trafficking resources.
 
TIMESTAMPS
[00:03:01] Linsey shares her story of trafficking
[00:08:34] Introduction to pornography
[00:10:18] The slow progression of manipulation
[00:14:22] Swinging and exploitation
[00:18:28] Linsey’s Invisibility in her family
[00:22:31] Losing her virginity and parental reaction
[00:26:30] The importance of being seen
[00:30:32] Healing and navigating traumas
[00:35:05] The power of shame
[00:39:14] How abusers use shame as a manipulation tool
[00:42:20] Forgiveness and self-worth
[00:45:43] Trafficking as cult indoctrination
[00:47:20] Taking back her voice
[00:52:42] Society's desensitization to sexual and abusive behaviors
[00:55:28] Listening to your internal dialogue
[00:59:57] The impact of manipulative factors and isolation
[01:06:50] The power parents' words and children's perception
 

How do women really feel about their vaginas(vulvas)?
A pornified culture says “vaginas” (correct term is “vulvas”), need to look a certain way to not evoke mockery and shame. Whether girls watch porn or not, today they know exactly what their vulvas “should” look like.  No surprise it is almost never “porn perfect”. 
What happens psychologically when your vulva is something you view with disgust? How does it hurt your self image? Your self esteem?  How does it change what intimacy looks like for you?
On today’s episode of 7 On Sundays™ we talk to Teddy. Teddy shares her hatred of her vulva. It holds so much shame. She refuses to undress in front of others despite feeling confident in other areas of her life. 
We need to take a collective breath, and see this cultural phenomenon for what it is…incredibly unhealthy and damaging based on cultural and normative lies around body image. And we need to understand it's nefarious origins are in the most unhealthy of places, pornography.
In today, 7onSundays episode, Teddy is trying to take a “second look” at her most hated body part.
RESOURCES:
An Instagram that shares the wide ranging variation of vulvas
Instagram: The Vulva Gallery: @the.vulva.gallery
An Instagram that shares the wide ranging variation of human bodies
The Body Diversity Gallery: @thebodydiversitygallery
Amazing books about women's bodies :
Come As You Are - by Emily Nagoski, PhD
Becoming Cliterate - Dr. Laurie Mintz
 
SHOW TIMESTAMPS
00:00 Welcome to Seven on Sundays: A Candid Discussion on Sensitive Topics
01:31 Introducing the Topic: Genital Shaming and Dysmorphia
02:50 The Importance of Proper Terminology and Early Education
08:10 Teddy's Courageous Conversation: A Deep Dive into Insecurities
13:12 Understanding and Accepting Body Diversity
21:56 The Journey Towards Self-Love and Acceptance
32:31 Confronting Societal Standards of Perfection
33:11 Personal Journey to Self-Acceptance
34:43 Addressing Genital Shame and Cultural Narratives
38:47 The Role of Education and Parental Guidance in Body Positivity
47:2 5 Challenging Harmful Trends and Embracing Natural Beauty
49:31 The Power of Positive Self-Talk and Supportive Relationships
56:05 Wrapping Up